How to Stop Dreaming About Someone

Sometimes, when you can’t get someone off of your mind, they can even manage to find their way into your dreams. Trying to force yourself to stop thinking about the person doesn’t do much good, since dreams just kind of happen on their own. It’s better to find a way to refocus your thoughts just before you fall asleep, such as reading a book or meditating to empty your mind. If that doesn’t work, you may need to find a way to come to terms with your relationship or past experiences with the person in question in order to oust them from your dreams once and for all.

EditSteps

EditRefocusing Your Thoughts Before Bed

1. Keep yourself busy throughout the day. Make it a point to be more productive in the hours between waking up and going to bed. You might hit the gym, run all the little errands you've been putting off, or take some time to tidy up the house when you get home. Scientists believe that dreams are a way of processing daily experiences. The more you do during the course of the day, the more raw material you’ll be giving your subconscious to build dreams of another kind.^[1]
   
   • Staying active and engaged can help fill your dreams with new events, images, and themes.
   • You can’t run from your dreams, no matter how much you take on. If you’re chronically stressed or having difficulty juggling all of your various responsibilities, it probably means you’re doing too much.
2. Read a book before turning in for the night. Choose a title that you can fully invest yourself in for at least half an hour. Reading is a good way to take your mind off of the kind of thoughts you have in your waking life that might influence the content of your dreams. It essentially gives you something else to think about, which may keep you from fixating on the person who’s been sneaking into your dreams.^[2]
   
   • An added benefit of reading is that it can help you get to sleep faster if you struggle with insomnia or restlessness.^[3]
   • Reading is preferable to watching TV or playing games on your phone, since the blue light emitted by digital screens can stimulate your brain and actually make it harder to fall asleep.
3. Meditate for a few minutes to calm your mind. Take a comfortable seat on the floor, close your eyes, and relax your body as much as possible. Breathe in slowly and deeply through your nose and out of your mouth, focusing on the repetition of your breath and the sensations of sitting. The longer you sit and breathe, the more unnecessary thoughts you’ll feel melt away.^[4]
   
   • When you find your thoughts wandering to the person you’ve been dreaming about, gently steer them back towards the awareness of your body and breath.
   • This style of meditation is often termed “mindfulness meditation.” Many people find mindfulness meditation a useful practice for curbing overthinking, which can easily result in distressing dreams.
4. Use sound to guide your dreams. As you’re preparing to drift off, queue up some soft, soothing music or a recording of something you find comforting, such as a flowing stream or thunderstorm. White noise machines are another option that many people use to lull themselves to sleep gently. These sorts of audio cues may be enough to induce a more pleasant type of dream, one that doesn’t feature the person you’re trying to forget about.^[5]
   
   • Adjust the volume of whatever you’re listening to so that’s loud enough to hear but not so loud that it might make it hard to sleep or wake you up later.
   • If you’re not sure what to put on, give ASMR a shot. ASMR (“Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response”) is a type of sound therapy that uses commonplace noises like tapping, scratching, and whispering to relieve stress and promote deep, peaceful sleep. There are plenty of ASMR recordings available for free on sites like YouTube.^[6]
   • Avoid putting on anything that might trigger a mental association with the person, like their favorite album or an ambient noise track that reminds you of a trip you once took together.
5. Think about another person you have a special connection with. Studies show that one of the best ways to stop thinking about someone is to redirect your mental energy toward someone else who you feel strongly for. Recall fond memories of a partner, friend, or family member, or single out a few of their qualities that you love most. Concentrating on them could dislodge the presence of the other person in your mind as you prepare to dream.^[7]
   
   • Turning your thoughts to someone dear to you can help put you at ease anytime unwanted memories start to pop up, not just while you're trying to fall asleep.
   • This kind of visualization also serves to strengthen bonds that are already in place, improving your associations of the person and reminding you of their importance in your life.

EditConfronting the Source of Recurring Dreams

1. Come to terms with any unresolved feelings you have for the person. If the object of your dreams is someone who’s hurt or abandoned you, it’s possible that their actions have left a lasting impression on your psyche. In this case, it will be necessary to make peace with their memory before they’ll disappear from your dreams. Do your best to accept the experiences you've had with the person as part of your history and forgive them for whatever grief they’ve caused you.^[8]
   
   • Dreams that are sexual or romantic in nature could be a sign that you feel unfulfilled in your current relationship. Addressing these concerns could bring the dreams to a halt.^[9]
   • It’s not uncommon or unhealthy to have dreams about a lost loved one—it’s just part of the mourning process. These dreams will usually begin to occur less frequently as you heal.
2. Work out your issues with the person directly if you think it may help. If you feel safe doing so, it might be a good idea to try talking to the person in real life about what they did and the effect it’s had on you. See if they would be willing to sit down with you and let you get some things off your chest. A face-to-face discussion could offer you the closure you need to move on and put them behind you for good.^[10]
   
   • If you don’t feel comfortable meeting in person, pick up the phone instead. A phone call can still give you the opportunity to hear and be heard in a more personal fashion.
   • Having one last chance to talk things out can be especially helpful when you’re going through a bad breakup or getting over an unhealthy relationship.^[11]
   • If you're unable or unwilling to communicate with the person any further, another option is to write them a letter saying all the things you want to tell them. Even if you never send it, getting your pent-up frustrations off your chest can bring you a feeling of immense relief.
3. Analyze your dreams to better understand what’s causing them. Rather than being a passive participant in your dreams, try becoming an impartial observer. Remind yourself that you’re dreaming, then step back and watch what happens without letting yourself respond emotionally. When you wake up, come up with a theory about what you think the events of your dream might have meant, and be prepared to accept whatever answer you arrive at.^[12]
   
   • In order to become more engaged with your dreams, it may be necessary to experiment with lucid dreaming or similar techniques.
   • If dissecting your dreams logically doesn’t work, exercise some agency. Tell the person that you don’t want to see them anymore, or even try taking some kind of metaphorical action, such as walking away or closing a door on them.^[13]
   • Some dreams are like knots waiting to be untied—once you pull the right thread, the thing that’s been keeping you stuck may come apart.
4. Consider seeing a psychologist if the dreams persist. If your dreams are getting to the point where they’re becoming disruptive, you may feel powerless to put a stop to them on your own. A qualified counselor can help you work through difficult emotional issues and give you constructive exercises to transform the way you think. This in turn may transform the way you dream.^[14]
   
   • Look for a therapist who specializes in dream analysis or interpretation of unconscious thought patterns as part of their practice to make sure you’re getting the help you need.

EditTips

• The saying, “Time heals all wounds” may be a cliche, but that doesn’t make it any less true. If nothing else is working, just give it time. Sooner or later, the complexion of your dreams will begin to change.

EditWarnings

• While it’s possible to influence your dreams to an extent in some cases, they’re a more or less involuntary mental activity, which means there may not be anything you can do to completely control who or what appears in them.

EditReferences

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