190+ Love Confessions with Text-Ready Examples

Plus, learn how to decide how & when to confess your love

Do you want to tell someone you love them, but don’t know how to say it? “I love you” can be one of the most difficult—and scary—things to say to someone you care about. But if you feel ready to share what’s in your heart, we’re here to help. We’ve put together a collection of romantic, beautiful, funny, deep, and heartfelt love confession messages, texts, and letters to help you express your feelings for that special person in your life. Plus, we spoke with relationship experts to get their best tips on how to tell someone exactly how you feel!

Steps

Romantic Love Confession Texts for Her

1. Craft a love confession that speaks of your passion for her. Dating Coach Cher Gopman says, “If you're building a relationship…[it] should be [based] on honesty and trust and being able to tell a person how you feel.”^[1] Send her a text that is honest and genuinely expresses all that you feel about her. Try one of these romantic confession messages when you’re ready to send that important love text:
   
   • “In all my life, you’re one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. I love you.🥰”
   • “I’ve waited my whole life for a woman like you. I love you.”
   • “You are a beautiful person inside and out, and I love you with all my heart and soul.”
   • “Hey, beautiful! Do you know how absolutely crazy I am about you?🤪🥸🥰”
   • “You’re my sun☀️, moon🌙, and all the stars💫. I love you with all my heart.”
   • “Sometimes I look at you and wonder how I got so lucky.🍀 I love everything you are, and everything you’ll be.”
   • “You melt my heart like cheese on pizza🍕…and I love you even more.❤️‍🔥”
   • “I never thought I could love someone as much as you, beautiful.💘”
   • “I’m head over heels in love with you.”
   • “Do you know what my favorite thing in the world is? The second word of this text. I love you.”
   • “You’re the light of my life, angel. And I will always love you.”
   • “I feel like we understand each other on an instinctive level. I love you so much.”
   • “I love you more than any word can say, but here I am doing it anyway.”
   • “I think I’m turning into a squirrel🐿️ because I’m nuts🥜🌰 about you.”
   • “My heart calls out for you because I love every part of you.”
   • “I love you. You’re my angel, but you gave me the wings to fly.”
   • “I love you because you’re the woman who has inspired me to be a better version of myself, just so I can try to deserve you.”
   • “I love you more than I love myself…and that’s a lot because I’m pretty confident.🕺”
   • “I love you to the moon and back again, my dearest one.🚀🌙🚀🌎”
   • “Hey, beautiful! You make my heart skip a beat every time I see you.💓🥵”
   • “For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to be with a woman like you. And now I don’t ever want to lose you. I love you, sweetheart.”
   • “I love you from the bottom of my soul, my sweet princess.👑”
   • “You hold the key to my heart.🗝️❤️ You complete me.”
   • “You’re my heart’s desire, angel-face. My love for you knows no bounds.”

Beautiful Love Confession Texts for Him

1. Tell him how you feel with a beautiful love note that touches his heart. When texting him about your feelings, the most important thing is to be honest and open, even though they might not be ready to say “I love you” back. Marriage and family therapist Moshe Ratson says, “In an ideal situation, express your love sincerely and without expectation. To be in such a position, you have to have the self-confidence that allows you to provide such unconditional love.”^[2] Use one of these confession texts for inspiration:
   
   • “You’re my whole world🌎, handsome, and I love you so much.❤️❤️❤️”
   • “I love you because you’re brilliant, intelligent, and wise—just talking to you makes so happy.”
   • “You’re the man I want to be with until the end of the world. I love you.”
   • “Thank you for being my knight in shining armor. I love you so much!”
   • “You are my knight in shining boxer shorts,🩳 and I love you!🤗”
   • “I never hoped that I’d meet a man as decent and kind as you, and I never expected how much my love for you would change me.”
   • “I love you more than coffee on a Monday morning. I really love coffee.☕❤️”
   • “Honey, you’re the reason I understand all the love songs. I adore you.”
   • “I love you more and more each day, handsome.”
   • “Thanks for being my personal sunshine on cloudy days.🌞 You are everything I’ve always wanted, and I love you so much.💋💋💋”
   • “We’re the best duo since peanut butter and jelly. And I love you more every day.”
   • “You make my heart sing ‘Hallelujah.’ I love you to the heavens.”
   • “You are my partner in crime.🕵️‍♀️ I should have known better, because you’ve stolen my heart.💘”
   • “Hey! Just want to take a minute to remind you that I a cherish you.”
   • “You’re my favorite person in all the world, and I love you more every single day.💗😍”
   • “I didn’t know there was a man out there with whom I had so much in common. I love you.”
   • “I’m just a smitten kitten, because I’m purr-fectly in love with you.😻😻😻”
   • “Hey there, handsome! You’re the reason for my happiness. I guess that means I love you.”
   • “You make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I think that means I love you.”
   • “It's so easy to love you."
   • “You're my favorite notification on a busy day.📱 I love you!”
   • “You’re my definition of perfect. I love everything about you.”
   • “I love you more than chocolate, pumpkin spice lattes, and sweatpants combined.”
   • “I adore you, and I can’t help but feel happy when I’m with you.😘”

Cute Love Confession Texts

1. Share your love with your sweetie with an adorable text. We all know it’s okay to get a little sappy from time to time, right? When you confess your love to someone, tell them how you feel with an adorable text that makes them feel loved. And remember to add a few super-cute emojis! Try one of these to get started:
   
   • “You + me = meant to be.”
   • “I could stare into those gorgeous eyes of yours forever. I love you.”
   • “Every time I hug you, I never want to let you go! I love you so…darned…much.”
   • “Quick thing: Do you know how much I love you?”
   • “I smile every time I think of you. I love you!”
   • “I feel safest and happiest when I’m in your arms. That’s how I know this is love.”
   • “Are you secretly Liam Neeson? I’m taken by you.”
   • “I love you because you’re my favorite distraction.”
   • “I hope you know CPR—because you take my breath away. I am so in love with you.😮‍💨😍”
   • “I love you and I wish your arms were wrapped around me.”
   • “Nobody’s perfect, but you come pretty darn close. I love you.”
   • “The perfect crime: You stole my heart. I love you.👮😉💝”
   • “You’re the hottest and smartest person in the world, and you’re all mine! I love you!”
   • “When I’m having a bad day, all you have to do is show up and everything gets brighter. I think it’s because you have my heart.”
   • “My friends are jealous of how perfect you are! Just another reason for me to love you.”
   • “I love you. I’m proud of you and proud to be yours!”
   • “With you, I finally understand what all those sappy love songs are about. I love you.🎶❤️”
   • “No one’s perfect … except you! I love you!”
   • “I’m a little bit obsessed with you! I can’t help it. I love you.”
   • “You’re too good to be true! You make my life a dream! And I don’t want to wake up because I love you that much.”
   • “You and I are the same kind of strange, and I love that about us because I love you.”
   • “I love you! You’re also my Friday night treat.🧁”
   • “Everyone has their own motivation to get up in the morning, and seeing you is mine. I love you so much.”
   • “It’s my day off and I’m spending it with the one I love most…YOU!”

Funny Love Confession Messages

1. Make them laugh with a humorous love note to confess your feelings. Sometimes, expressing your feelings is easier when you add a dose of humor. Plus, humor just plain makes people feel good! These messages are a great place to start:
   
   • “I’ve fallen for you…and I can’t get up. That’s how I know it’s true love.”
   • “You're just like bacon. You make everything better. And I love you almost as much.”
   • “I gotta chill and it’s gotta be with you…coz I love you!”
   • “My heart is full of emotional emojis right now. Especially,👁️❤️U!”
   • “You’ve got me eyeing you like fine print. I love you!"
   • “You're holding the remote control to my heart.”
   • “I’d like you to guest star on my Love Boat.”
   • “I’m your #1 fan! Always and forever. Cheesy but true…and I love you! Look at that! I love you so much, I rhymed!”
   • “I love you, so I plan on bugging you for a long, long time.”
   • “I love you best, so you always have dibs on my free time.”
   • “You've stolen a pizza my heart.”
   • “I love you! Let’s grow old and wrinkly together!”
   • “I’m thirsty and you’re the tall glass of water I need. I love you!”
   • “I love you so matcha.”
   • “If love is being silly, I’m the silliest person I know.”
   • “Aloe you vera much.”
   • “I love you more than a cat loves catnip.”
   • “You can’t deny that we’re a power couple, babe. And that’s why I love you.”
   • “If love is a mental disorder, then I must be out of my mind because I'm so in love with you.”
   • “If loving you was a sport, I'd have a gold medal and the world record.”
   • “I love you so much I'm stuck on you like super glue.”
   • “I love you more than coffee on a Monday morning.”
   • “I’m crazy for you, or maybe just crazy…but I still love you!”
   • “I love you more than zombies love brains.”

Heartfelt Love Confession Quotes

1. Let a famous love quote speak for you. Finding the right words can be hard. The good news is that there are some great lines from famous people, books, and movies that are already out there for you to use to help you tell them what’s in your heart. Try one of these swoon-worthy quotes for a romantic start:
   
   • “I love you—I am at rest with you—I have come home.” – Dorothy L. Sayers
   • “I love you as certain dark things are loved, secretly, between the shadow and the soul.” – Pablo Neruda
   • “My heart is and always will be yours." – Jane Austen
   • “It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a full five minutes.” – Lucille Ball
   • “i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart).” – e.e. cummings
   • “Who, being loved, is poor?” – Oscar Wilde
   • “I do love nothing in the world so well as you.” – William Shakespeare
   • “You are my heart, my life, my one and only thought.” – Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
   • “In all the world, there is no heart for me like yours. In all the world, there is no love for you like mine.” – Maya Angelou
   • “I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you.” – Paulo Coelho
   • “I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach.” – Elizabeth Barrett Browning
   • “Do I love you? My god, if your love were a grain of sand, mine would be a universe of beaches." – William Goldman
   • “I have found the one whom my soul loves.” – Song of Solomon 3:4
   • “Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.” – Emily Brontë
   • “I love her, and that’s the beginning and end of everything.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald
   • “My bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love as deep; the more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite.” – William Shakespeare
   • “I love you, not only for what you are but for what I am when I am with you." – Roy Croft
   • “I would rather spend one lifetime with you, than face all the ages of this world alone.” – J.R.R. Tolkien
   • “I have a strange feeling with regard to you. As if I had a string somewhere under my left ribs, tightly knotted to a similar string in you. And if you were to leave I'm afraid that cord of communion would snap. And I have a notion that I'd take to bleeding inwardly.” – Charlotte Brontë
   • “I love you. You annoy me more than I ever thought possible. But I want to spend every irritating minute with you.” – Iona Mink
   • “In case you ever foolishly forget: I am never not thinking of you.” – Virginia Woolf
   • “I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring out.” – Elizabeth Barrett Browning
   • “I’ve tried so many times to think of a new way to say it, and it’s still I love you.” – Zelda Fitzgerald
   • “In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you." – Jane Austen
   • “I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?” – Jean Illsley Clarke
   • “Every day I discover that I love you even more, and in this infinite universe I will love you till the world ends.” – Alicia N. Green
   • “If I know what love is, it is because of you.” – Hermann Hesse
   • “Each day I love you more, today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow.” – Rosemonde Gérard
   • “I saw that you were perfect, and so I loved you. Then I saw that you were not perfect, and I loved you even more.” – Angelita Lim

Love Confession Song Lyrics

1. Share romantic lyrics that say what you feel for them. Songwriters are the masters of finding powerful ways to confess their love. Does the one you love have a favorite romantic song? That’s a great place to start when choosing a lyric that expresses your feelings and speaks to them. If you aren’t sure what songs are their favorites, try one of these lyrics from love songs:
   
   • “My love is the evenin' breeze touchin' your skin, the gentle, sweet singin' of leaves in the wind.” – Heart, “Crazy on You”
   • “You'll be the only one. 'Cause no one can deny this love I have inside.” – Diana Ross & Lionel Richie
   • “The wonder of it all is that you just don't realize how much I love you." – Eric Clapton, “Wonderful Tonight”
   • “Wise men say only fools rush in, but I can’t help falling in love with you.” – Elvis Presley, “Can’t Help Falling in Love”
   • “All the promises we make from the cradle to the grave when all I want is you.” U2, “All I Want Is You”
   • “ Nothing that I wouldn’t do, go to the ends of the Earth for you to make you feel my love.” – Adele, “To Make You Feel My Love”
   • “Baby, I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time. And maybe I'm afraid of the way I love you.” – Paul McCartney, “Maybe I’m Amazed”
   • “I don't care if Monday's blue. Tuesday's grey and Wednesday, too. Thursday, I don't care about you. It's Friday, I'm in love.” – The Cure, “Friday I’m in Love”
   • “Come with me, my love, to the sea, the sea of love. I want to tell you just how much I love you." – Phil Philips, “Sea of Love”
   • “Wait, they don't love you like I love you.” – Yeah Yeah Yeahs, “Maps”
   • “Don't get me wrong, if I'm looking kind of dazzled. I see neon lights whenever you walk by.” – The Pretenders, “Don’t Get Me Wrong”
   • “I couldn't love you any better. I love you just the way you are.” – Billy Joel, “Just the Way You Are”
   • “I hope you don’t mind that I put down in words how wonderful life is while you’re in the world.” – Elton John, “Your Song”
   • “Baby, don't make me spell it out for you, all of the feelings that I've got for you.” Janelle Monáe, “Make Me Feel”
   • “Oh, honey, I'd walk through fire for you. Just let me adore you like it's the only thing I'll ever do.” – Harry Styles, “Adore You”
   • “My love must be a kind of blind love. I can’t see anything but you.” – The Flamingos, “I Only Have Eyes for You”
   • “You fill up my senses. Come fill me again." – John Denver, “Annie’s Song”
   • “Many, many, many nights go by. I sit at home alone, and I cry over you. What can I do? I can’t help myself when, baby, it’s you.” – The Shirelles, “Baby It’s You”
   • “Oh, you're in my blood like holy wine. You taste so bitter and so sweet. Oh, I could drink a case of you, darling, and still I'd be on my feet.” Joni Mitchell, “A Case of You”
   • “And here we are in Heaven for you are mine at last.” – Etta James, “At Last”
   • “I tell myself I don't care that much. But I feel like I die 'till I feel your touch. Only love, only love can hurt like this.” – Paloma Faith, “Only Love Can Hurt Like This”
   • “If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you.” – Led Zeppelin, “Thank You”
   • “I'm gonna love you like I've never been hurt before. I'm gonna love you like I'm indestructible.” Robyn, “Indestructible”
   • “Don’t ask me what you know is true. Don’t have to tell you I love your precious heart.” – INXS, “Never Tear Us Apart”
   • “I may not always love you, but as long as there are stars above you, you never need to doubt it. I’ll make you so sure about it.” – The Beach Boys, “God Only Knows”
   • “Oo, baby, here I am, signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours!” - Stevie Wonder, “Signed, Sealed, Delivered (I’m Yours)”
   • “I'll follow you into the park, through the jungle, through the dark. Girl, I never loved one like you.” – Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros, “Home”
   • “Before the day I met you, life was so unkind. But you're the key to my peace of mind.” – Aretha Franklin, “(You Make Me Feel Like) a Natural Woman
   • “For I love, love you so. Promise I’ll never let you go in the still of the night.” – The Five Satins, “In the Still of the Night”

Short Love Confession Notes

1. Keep your confession short and sweet to get right to the point. You don’t need to write a long, flowery love letter if that’s not your style. Sometimes, a short message is the best way to say what you want in the most direct way. Remember, when you only use a few words, each one counts, so only choose ones that express your genuine feelings. Here are a few options and ideas to help you find the right words:
   
   • “Life is more beautiful with you in it. I love you.”
   • “Just wanted to remind you that I’m yours and always will be. I love you.”
   • “When I picture my future, you’re right there with me. I love you!”
   • “My favorite place in the world is wherever you are. I love you.”
   • “My love for you has no boundaries.”
   • “You make me feel a kind of love I didn’t know truly existed. Thank you.”
   • “I just wanted to say I love you.”
   • “With you, I feel more excited by the possibilities in front of us than ever before. I love you.”
   • “I love you. Thank you for being you.”
   • “You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. I love you.”
   • “I don’t need paradise because I found something better: My love for you.”
   • “I love you so much. Meeting you has been my greatest blessing.”
   • “You mean everything to me, and I love you so much.”
   • “You’re more valuable to me than priceless gems. I love you.”
   • “Never forget: I love you exactly the way you are. You’re amazing!”
   • “A day with you is heaven itself because I love you so much.”
   • “I love you. Every time you smile at me, the rest of the world disappears.”
   • “I love everything about you, from your wonderful mind to your kind heart.”
   • “My love for you has no limits, and it’s always growing.”
   • “I love you, so I’ll always choose you—every single day.”
   • “You are my soulmate. I love everything about you.”
   • “I don’t ever want this to end because I love you.”
   • “I’ve never felt so close to another person before. I love you.”
   • “I love you always.”
   • “Every day with you is a fairy tale. I love you.”
   • “There’s nothing and no one I love more than you.”
   • “My love for you lights up my life.”
   • “I love you. You are the center of my world.”
   • “With you, I finally know what true love is.”

Long Love Confession Messages

1. Send a long note to show them how important they are to you. Sometimes, you need more space to really get to the heart of what you’re feeling. Psychotherapist Kelli Miller says, “You are complimenting them as a person, but you're also showing them that, ‘Hey, there are possibilities here. We do have the same interests. Things could work. I do believe we are compatible.’”^[3] So, write a message as long as you like to get that across. Use one of these longer love confession messages for inspiration:
   • “Your presence is a constant reminder that true love exists, and I'm fortunate to have found it in you. I'm grateful for the way you make me feel special, the way you make me laugh until my sides hurt, and the way you make every day an adventure. You are my forever, and I love you more than words can describe.”
   • “From the moment our eyes met, I knew my life would never be the same. You swept into my world like a gentle breeze, bringing with you love, laughter, and a sense of belonging I never knew I craved. I love you with every part of my soul.”
   • “I wanted to take a moment to tell you just how much you mean to me. You are the light of my life, the one who makes everything better, and I am so grateful to have you in my heart. I love you more with each passing day.”
   • “Our souls became one when our eyes met each other. Seeing you makes me feel everything is fine. You are my best friend, my soulmate, and my lover. You mean the world to me, and I will always love you!
   • “Before you, I thought love was a concept reserved for storybooks and movies. But you've shown me that true love exists, and it's more beautiful and real than anything I could have imagined.”
   • “When life gets tough, you are my ray of sunshine, my beacon of hope. Your ability to lift my spirits with just a few words or a simple gesture never ceases to amaze me. Thank you for being the incredible person you are. I love you.”
   • “Our love story is my favorite. It's filled with laughter, joy, and endless love. From the first time we met, I knew there was something extraordinary about you. As our relationship has grown, so has my love for you. I can't wait to see where our story takes us next.”
   • “The love in my heart only continues to expand, knowing that you are here beside me throughout our journey. Each passing day strengthens our bond as I remain thankful for all the moments shared between us—moments that continually show how much you mean to me.”
   • “Did you know that you're the reason I believe in fairytales? With your arrival in my life, you've turned my ordinary existence into an extraordinary love story. You have woven magic into every fiber of my being, and I'm forever grateful for the way you make me feel alive. Thank you for lighting my soul up. I love you.”
   • “You are the most incredible person I've ever known. From the way you make strangers smile to the way you care for those in need, your heart shines brighter than a thousand suns. Being with you has taught me the true meaning of love and has opened my eyes to the beauty in this world.”

Deep Love Confession Letters

1. Write a deep love letter to share everything you’re feeling. Ratson says that deep and true love needs time to develop. But if you feel you want to say, “I love you,” after spending a short time together, go for it.^[4] So, don’t hold back if you want to write out the depth of your feelings. Check out these deep love letters can help you get started:
   
   • Dearest Love,
     I never knew how bright and beautiful life could be until I met you. Every time I see you, my heart leaps in my chest and my breath catches in my throat. I’ve never had this feeling for anyone else.
     When I think about the deep conversations we have, it makes me feel warm and cozy, like that’s what home is. It feels like we can talk about any subject, and I’ll always learn something new or see something in a different light. Every time I think of you—especially the way you look when you laugh—I can’t help but smile. You light up my life even when we aren’t together.
     Sometimes I’m so joyful, I feel like my heart will burst out of my chest with all the excitement I feel when I think about seeing you again.
     I love you with all my heart.
   • My One & Only Love,
     My heart flutters everytime you walk into the room. In my eyes, you grow more amazing, intelligent, and beautiful each time I see you. Every word you confide in me melts my heart because it means you let yourself be vulnerable with me. I’m so unbelievably honored at the way you trust me with every part of your life.
     I never imagined I’d find someone who I could be happy to spend so much time with. I look forward to spending many, many more moments with you, whether something special happens or we’re just chilling together. When I see you, I see my future.
     These words come from my heart. I’m consumed by an overwhelming desire to be with you. I think you could be my everything, and I know I want to be everything to you.
     I love you truly, madly, deeply, and forever.

How to Confess Your Love

1. Decide how and when you want to tell them how you feel. Ratson says, “There is no precise formula for when to say "I love you." You should say it whenever you feel that way, without making too many calculations about timing.”^[5] So when you feel like you’re ready to tell someone you love them, you have a few decisions to make. Will you tell them face to face, give them a letter, or send them a message? If you tell them in person, is there a special place you want to go? It’s really up to you and what you think will make the best impression on your sweetie.
   
   • No matter how you choose to confess your love, try to shoot for a time and place when you can be alone. Even if the person is overjoyed, they might want to have a little one-on-one time.
   • The reality is that they may not feel the way you do…or they might not be ready to tell you they love you. A private moment gives you both space to process and express your feelings.
2. Figure out what you want to say. More than just telling them you love them, try to expand on that with reasons why you love them. Miller suggests saying something like, “I'm feeling very strongly.” And maybe you could state the reasons why, like, “I think that we have the same interests, there are a lot of things that I like about you that I also like about myself.”^[6]
   • When in doubt, just say what you’re feeling and make sure you let them know how special they are.
   • Miller adds, “I would be very honest and say, hey, I see some amazing qualities in you. I think that there could be potential here.”^[7]
3. Look into their eyes and just say what’s in your heart. When the moment comes, gaze into their eyes to show you’re sincere about what you’re about to say. Then, just say it. Ratson suggests, “Feel the moment. Be in the present and add that you know that it might be premature to say it, but you see you see great potential for the relationship to grow.”^[8]
   
   • When you’re ready to confess your love, leave it at a simple “I love you” or wax poetic about all the ways you love them. It’s really up to you.
   • Try talking about how you knew you were in love with them. Just be honest, genuine, and sincere and you can’t go wrong.
4. React in a respectful way that shows you care about them. If your sweetie says, “I love you,” back…awesome! Throw your arms around them and give them a sweet and passionate kiss. However, your love may need a minute. Miller says to just being patient. Sometimes, they don’t say “I love you” back immediately.” She adds, “It's worth a try of asking, being courageous, and saying, ‘Hey, do you want to give this a go?’”^[9]
   • Gopman says, “First of all, it's okay to tell somebody how you feel. In society, we're always scared to tell people how we’re feeling because we're scared to get hurt, but the way to truly fall in love and to be in love is to be vulnerable, and to be open to that.”^[10]
5. Check out famous love confession scenes from movies for inspiration. Still not sure how to go about confessing your love for that special someone? Then, it’s time to turn to Hollywood! Watch a few of these famous love confession scenes to see if they spark any ideas:
   
   • Notting Hill – “I’m just a girl…”
   • Jerry Maguire – “You complete me…”
   • Pride & Prejudice (2005) – “You have bewitched me…”
   • The Empire Strikes Back – “I love you…”

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References

Quick Summary

1. ↑ [v161196_b02]. 17 May 2019.
2. ↑ [v161025_b01]. 18 September 2019.
3. ↑ [v161440_b01]. 21 July 2020.
4. ↑ [v161025_b01]. 18 September 2019.
5. ↑ [v161025_b01]. 18 September 2019.
6. ↑ [v161440_b01]. 21 July 2020.
7. ↑ [v161440_b01]. 21 July 2020.
8. ↑ [v161025_b01]. 18 September 2019.
9. ↑ [v161440_b01]. 21 July 2020.
10. ↑ [v161196_b02]. 17 May 2019.

source How to of the Day https://ift.tt/Cu9aiw0

35 Characteristics of a Good Guy (That Prove He’s a Keeper)

Plus tips on how to appreciate a good man when you have one

The modern dating scene can be challenging and a common refrain is that “there are no good men left.” But is that really true? While we empathize with the plight of the situationship era, we also know that—if you know what to look for—it’s totally possible to find a good guy out there. Below, we’ll list the top qualities of good men that we’ve found through anecdotal evidence, research, and the relationship and psychology experts that we interviewed. And, if you’re a dude yourself, it’s worth reading this article to consider how you can become the best version of yourself—both for your own wellbeing and for your future partner!

Top Qualities That Make Someone a Good Guy

Relationship coach David Chambers says kindness is one of the top qualities of a good man. Good men have strong leadership skills and high self-awareness. They're empathetic, compassionate, and able to own up and apologize for their mistakes. They have a sense of purpose, strong values, and a desire to help others.

Steps

35 Qualities of a Good Man

1. He’s courageous. A man who has courage goes after what he wants, even if he feels self-doubt or fear. He’s willing to face challenges or discomfort if it means doing what’s right or what’s best for him and the people he loves. For example, he might have the courage to speak out against bullying, admit when he’s wrong, seek help when needed, or pursue a challenging goal despite obstacles.^[1]
   
2. He’s adaptable. Adaptability means being able to adjust to new circumstances with a relatively positive attitude, even if the change presents new challenges. For a man, this means that he can pick himself up and try again, even if things don’t go his way. He might need some time to adjust to his new reality, but he’ll work through his feelings and get there eventually. In a relationship, this quality is important because an adaptable partner will be more equipped to navigate life's ups and downs with their significant other, making it easier to work through problems and find solutions as a team.^[2]
3. He’s reliable and consistent. A man who’s reliable and consistent will fulfill his commitments and keep any promises he makes. His reliability extends to all facets of his life, including day-to-day tasks and lifelong commitments. By being consistently reliable, he makes it easier for his partners to trust him and build a lasting relationship with him. His partner will always know what type of behavior to expect from him and feel safe within the relationship, as opposed to a man with inconsistent, rollercoaster-like behavior.^[3]
4. He’s compassionate and kind. Unsurprisingly, one of the most important qualities of a good man (or person!) is kindness and compassion. Kindness means that a man treats people with consideration, care, and helpfulness, even when he’s not receiving anything in return. He continues to be kind even in times of stress or challenges, and he does so out of a genuine concern for the wellbeing of others.^[4]
   • Compassion, similarly, involves having empathy for someone else’s situation and genuinely wanting to offer support. When others are struggling, a good man responds with kindness and comfort.
   • A good litmus test for kindness in a person is to observe how they treat someone that they’re not obligated to treat kindly, like a waiter at a restaurant. Do they smile at the server and talk politely to them? Do they thank them for their service and leave a reasonable tip? If an issue does arise at the restaurant, do they address it with understanding or anger?
5. He’s empathetic. Similar to compassion and kindness, empathy is an important marker of emotional maturity in a man. Empathy is the ability to put oneself in the position of another person and attempt to understand how they might feel. Having this quality shows that a man can think of others before himself, and an empathetic man is more likely to make his partner feel understood, supported, and loved.^[5]
   
   • For example, let’s say that you came home from a tough day at work and told your husband or boyfriend about it. An unempathetic man might fail to ask you any follow-up questions, shrug it off, or tell you that it doesn’t seem like a big deal.
   • An empathetic man, on the other hand, would express concern and ask questions to understand the situation and how he might help—even if he doesn’t personally relate to what happened.
   • Empathy can also extend to positive situations. For example, maybe you love to watch cooking shows, but your partner has no interest in them. An empathetic partner would still sit down and sometimes watch these shows with you simply because they know they're important to you (and you should do the same for them with their interests!).
   • As marriage and family therapist Allen Wagner explains, one of the main ways “that a person can demonstrate love is their ability to be open to the other person’s thoughts…If you want to show somebody that you love them, sometimes it means understanding why certain things have a certain meaning to them and finding that beautiful, even if it’s not something that historically or subjectively you’ve found meaning in.”^[6]
6. He’s generous. Being a generous man means being willing to give freely to others without any expectation of getting something in return. Generosity can extend to the giving of money, objects, resources, time, emotional support, and more. By showing generosity to others, a man is displaying other traits like compassion and kindness. Plus, he’s making other people in his life feel valued and cared for—especially in a romantic relationship where the generosity goes both ways, and both parties benefit from mutual giving and receiving in the partnership.^[7]
7. He’s patient. You know what they say—patience is a virtue! Patience is a good quality in any person, including men. It applies to both personal and professional relationships, and it helps to maintain a sense of safety and calm in those relationships. For example, a patient person is more likely to make their friends and loved ones feel understood, while an impatient person may have those around them feel like they’re walking on eggshells.^[8]
   • This doesn’t mean that patient men can never raise issues in their relationships—they absolutely can, and that’s completely okay! However, they’re more likely to express their frustration in calm, understanding, and modulated ways that don’t worsen the situation or make others feel bad.
   • Patient men also understand that these issues don’t necessarily need immediate solutions. They’re more capable of giving things time and space, as needed, in order to land on a better solution and outcome for everyone involved.
8. He demonstrates gratitude. Being grateful means actively acknowledging and appreciating all of the positive things in one’s life. Even if there are also challenges in a man’s life, it’s important that pauses to notice the things that he does have, like his relationships, health, valuable experiences, and basic necessities like food, clean water, and housing. It’s also important for people to express gratitude for all they have even if they worked hard to get them and feel as if they earned them—lots of people have earned or deserved things that they haven’t actually gotten, and recognizing this is a great sign of character and maturity.^[9]
9. He’s faithful and honest. A man who is faithful, honest, loyal, and committed will consistently follow through on his word. He’s open about his feelings, avoids deceiving others, and supports his partner through their ups and downs. In simple terms? He says what he means, and he means what he says. This trust and transparency are fundamental to establishing a solid foundation for his relationship with others and himself.^[10]
   • The idea of faithfulness also extends to committed relationships. When a man has agreed to be exclusive with his significant other, breaking that promise and engaging in cheating or infidelity would be a sign that that man is not consistently loyal or trustworthy.
   • Keep in mind that faithfulness and infidelity doesn’t just depend on the physical—you can also emotionally cheat on a partner and have it be just as destructive.
10. He’s authentic and unafraid to be himself. A good man follows his own definition of manhood and masculinity, without feeling pressure to cave into societal pressures or the opinions of the other people in his life. He lives according to his own values and belief systems and honors his emotions and the feelings that they bring out in him. He doesn’t put on masks or pretenses to please others, and these traits allow for him to be his true self and bring people into his life who care for him exactly as he is.^[11]
    
    • It’s important to note, however, that staying true to his own opinions and beliefs does not mean that a good man will be unkind to others who do not share those same values. A good man will still treat others respectfully even if they disagree or have different perspectives.
11. He has a good sense of humor. Men with a good sense of humor aren’t concerned about taking themselves too seriously—they can laugh at themselves and not get too upset over the little things. They may also be able to see the lighter side of different situations and bring humor to difficult situations, which can often be a nice escape and touch of levity (although it’s also important to recognize when a matter needs to be taken seriously).^[12]
    • More commonly, having a good sense of humor is interpreted as being funny. While it’s certainly not required to be a comedian to be a good man, it is important in a relationship to have a romantic partner that makes you laugh—even if you’re the only person who gets their sense of humor.
12. He has good manners. Having good manners means acting with care, consideration, politeness, and respect toward others. Someone with good manners may show “gentlemanly” and chivalrous behaviors like opening doors for others, making an effort to arrive to places on time, listening actively to others, using polite language, and refraining from interrupting others. All of these actions are signs of mannerly respect that indicate a good man.^[13]
    • However, it’s key that men are chivalrous not just toward women, and not solely because they perceive them as weak and unable to take care of themselves. Instead, good men ought to be kind and polite to everyone—regardless of gender—because they genuinely care about the feelings and wellbeing of others.^[14]
13. He’s confident but humble. A high-quality man is confident and self-assured. He recognizes his own strengths and abilities without being arrogant, and he can acknowledge his weaknesses without feeling down on himself. Even if he has insecurities, he works on developing his own self image and continues to believe that he deserves good things in life. These qualities can make him more attractive to others. In his platonic and romantic relationships, they can inspire more confidence and self-esteem in others.^[15]
14. He has strong morals. In the most basic sense, a good person knows the difference between what’s right and what’s wrong. They adhere to those morals (even when it’s difficult or inconvenient) and go out of their way to be kind to others even when they have no personal stake in the situation. For example, a good man with a good moral compass might notice that a woman in his workplace is getting talked down to by the men in the office, even though she has the same role and experience as them. He would then call out the men for their misogyny, even if he might face job insecurity or social marginalization as a result.^[16]
15. He shows strong integrity and character. To have integrity and character as a man means to consistently be honest, accountable, trustworthy, and committed to doing the right and moral thing regardless of how he might be affected by it. In other words, a good man doesn’t just say what he feels and believes to be right—he acts on what is right.
    
    • If you’re trying to determine whether someone is a good guy (or future husband material), licensed counselor Rachel Eddins recommends focusing on “concrete data, like his behaviors and actions,” not just what he says. “Ask yourself, ‘What does his behavior tell you? Does he reach out to spend time with you? Is he present when we’re together?’”^[17]
16. He’s respectful to himself and to others. A good man demonstrates both self-respect and a respectful attitude toward others. Facing inwardly, he values himself, stays true to his core beliefs, and takes responsibility for his own choices. He treats himself with love and care, even on the bad days. Extending outwardly, a respectful man values and acknowledges the inherent worth of others—regardless of their gender. He actively listens to their perspectives, treats them with courtesy, avoids any behaviors that could cause harm, and values their feelings regardless of whether he personally agrees with them.^[18]
    • As Wagner puts it, the “key ingredient of a lasting relationship has to be respect…Respect in that you understand the value of what your life would be if you didn’t have that person, what they give to you, and that you can verbalize that.”^[19]
    • “Everyone needs to know what their value is,” continues Wagner. “That’s a common thing that I see, that people feel invalidated and hyper-criticized…When a partner feels safe and respected and that they have value, that they’d be irreplaceable, you have a lot more wiggle room in being assertive.”^[20]
    • “If you don’t respect your partner or you don’t feel that they carry their weight,” warns Wagner, “the partner is going to feel that, and they’re going to be unhappy. But the other person is going to feel that too. Respect is a huge issue in a lasting relationship.”^[21]
17. He’s committed to bettering himself and his relationships. A good man doesn’t look at life as a competition to win. Instead, he prioritizes becoming the best version of himself for his own health and for his relationships. He works on improving his personal qualities, skills, and character to better embody traits of positive masculinity, like accountability, self-discipline, intellect, and emotional intelligence.^[22]
    • This dedication to self-improvement also applies to his relationships. He’s committed to making his romantic relationships last (unless there are major issues between him and his partner). He’s willing to communicate with his partner to work through conflict, identify each others’ strengths and weaknesses, and mutually commit to growing together as a couple.
    • According to a study done at the University of Texas, there’s actually no objective compatibility between couples who are happy and those who are unhappy. Instead, the study found that the couples who feel the most content and warmth in their relationships say that their dedication to making the relationship work as a team far outweighed their natural compatibility.^[23]
18. He’s willing to take initiative. Men are often taught that they’re meant to be leaders, but that doesn’t mean that every guy has to be an alpha—quite the opposite, in fact! Rather than being about dominance or power, being a true leader is about guiding and inspiring others. A man with these positive qualities can take the initiative and make decisions while still considering the needs, wishes, and feelings of those around him (including his romantic partner).^[24]
    • On a micro level, a good man in a relationship will take the initiative to plan dates, respectfully start up conversations, and take the load off of his partner when it’s needed.
    • Importantly, however, a good leader and initiator knows when to take back, delegate, and support others in taking the lead. This approach is more likely to foster equality, mutual respect, and empowerment within any kind of relationship—professional or personal.
19. He’s willing to take accountability for his actions. Taking accountability for his own actions is one of the most important traits of a high-quality man—and one of the most overlooked! To take accountability means to fully accept responsibility for his actions and the consequences that they’ve had—whether intentional or not. A good man will do this without making excuses or placing the blame on others (even when it’s uncomfortable), and he’ll do what he can to actively make amends and rectify any negative situation that he’s contributed to.^[25]
20. He doesn’t run from his problems. When a good man faces challenges in his life—especially those that he inadvertently caused—he directly confronts the problem instead of running away from or avoiding it. He knows that, however difficult, facing adversity is a way that people build character and strength. And, being able to deal with one’s mistakes is an important step toward growth and maturity.^[26]
    
    • For example, let’s say that a man has amassed some credit card debt that he can’t afford to pay off right away. Rather than beating himself up over the mistake, ignoring the issue, or letting himself default on payments and let the interest grow uninhibited, a responsible man will make a plan to pay it back. He might create a budget or payment plan, or even work overtime or take on a temporary part-time position in order to make it work.
21. He’s detail-oriented and pays attention to the small stuff. A good guy does his best to stay on top of things and keep things organized in his life. He ensures accuracy and thoroughness in his daily tasks, and he pays close attention to minor details that others might miss. The same quality applies (and is hugely important) in his relationships (especially when it comes to winning over the person of his dreams). In a romantic relationship, it’s often the recognition of the little things that count and make another person feel seen—like putting on your partner’s favorite song or remembering their favorite soda and picking it up the next time you’re at the store.
    • Dating coach John Keegan also highlights the importance of being detail-oriented when it comes to treating a significant other right. “For example,” starts Keegan, “you could show up with small things they like, such as little chocolates if they love chocolate.”
    • “[Anything] to say, ‘Hey, before I showed up today, I thought about you,’” continues Keegan. “Just a little thing, nothing major, but that says, ‘I thought about you, and I know this makes you smile and makes you feel special.’ So look for those little things that are easy to do, that make them feel special, and that let them know what you’re thinking about.”^[27]
22. He has strong listening and communication skills. Across the board, studies on relationships (romantic and platonic) agree that active listening and communication are fundamental parts of a lasting and healthy connection.^[28] For a good man, it’s important to be a good listener, avoid interrupting others, and practice active listening habits like nodding along, making eye contact, and giving someone your full attention when they’re speaking. Someone who prefers the sound of their own voice or is convinced that they’re always right, regardless of gender, is unlikely to make for an empathetic and equal partner.
    • On the communication side, it’s important in a relationship to be able to express both positive and negative feelings. Being able to openly communicate one’s emotions and feelings is a sign of emotional availability, and it helps to form a deeper emotional connection with one’s partner.^[29]
    • Only through this type of communication can a pair effectively resolve conflicts, prevent misunderstandings, and mutually support one another.
23. He approaches conflict with peace in mind. Arguments and conflicts come up—that’s part of relationships, and it’s part of life. A good friend or partner, however, will bring up issues with the ultimate goal of resolution and mutual understanding. They’ll prioritize cooperation in a disagreement, as well as understanding and empathy, in order to find a solution that works for both parties. They’ll listen attentively and both consider and respect the other person’s perspective—even if it doesn’t align with their own.^[30]
    • This approach differs from a more aggressive tactic where one person is attempting to win or dominate the argument.
    • When it comes to how and where conflict is brought up, a good man won’t make a big confrontational scene in public. But he also won’t be afraid to stand up for himself when the time and setting are appropriate.
24. He’s willing to fight injustice when he encounters it. We know that being a good guy means having a strong moral compass, so it stands to reason that a good guy will also act on that moral compass, meaning that he’ll stand up against injustice, oppression, or abuse if he sees it. This trait could manifest as a man attending protests and engaging in other types of activism that promote causes he believes in.^[31]
    • It could also manifest in day-to-day situations where a man refuses to be a bystander, such as interceding when another guy acts out of line with a woman or other individual (even if the guy is one of his friends).
25. He’s intellectually and emotionally intelligent. There’s more than one way to be intelligent, and a study from the Hanken School of Economics in Finland has actually found that the smarter the man, the more likely he is to get married and stay married.^[32] But what does it really mean to be an intelligent man? A man with intellect and curiosity will have a genuine interest in learning new things and bringing new perspectives into conversations. He’ll be willing to grow and adapt with his partner, discovering new things about each other and navigating life’s complexities together.
    
    • Emotional intelligence is equally important in a man or partner. Emotional intelligence (or EI) is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions, as well as the emotions of the people around you. It traditionally involves self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills.^[33]
    • People with high emotional intelligence are more likely to accept responsibility, move on from mistakes, set boundaries when needed, share their feelings with others, search for mutually agreeable solutions, and hold back any judgment of others.
26. He’s self-sufficient and independent. It’s healthy to have a moderate amount of independence for any person and relationship, and it’s crucial to be able to manage one’s own life and responsibilities. Men, in particular, are often not conditioned to develop the same life skills as women—which may result in a common relationship tactic known as weaponized incompetence.^[34] In order to avoid the issues that this may cause in a relationship, it’s important for a man to be self-sufficient and to enter a relationship not out of neediness, but out of a desire to share a mutually enriching and passionate experience with another person.
    • Independence is also a highly attractive trait to potential partners, as it shows that a person has the confidence and skills to maintain their own life. In a relationship, however, it’s important to strike a healthy balance between each partner having their personal and shared lives within the relationship.^[35]
27. He’s financially responsible. Like it or not, it’s important for a man to make smart financial choices for himself and his future partner and family (if a long-term relationship is part of his goals). In order to be financially responsible, a person should have a budget or process for managing their own money in a way that provides for their best interests. Their financial planning should also involve amassing savings, if possible, in order to protect themselves and their assets.^[36]
28. He’s ambitious and works hard to achieve his goals. Ambition is a very attractive quality in a man—or person of any gender—but it can show up in a variety of ways. Fundamentally, ambition is a desire to achieve one’s goals and improve one’s life, whether that’s through finances, career, emotional intelligence, spiritual fulfillment, physical challenges, intellectual growth, or something else! This drive is attractive to others because it indicates a certain resilience in a person, as well as a forward-thinking mindset and commitment to self-improvement.^[37]
    • “Ambition shows an eagerness about life,” asserts Dr. Chloe Carmichael, a licensed psychologist specializing in relationship issues. “The opposite of ambition would be indifference, so, somebody who has ambition is somebody that is ready and willing to engage with life. And people who are ready and willing to engage with life and the world around them? That includes the people around them.”^[38]
    • Dr. Carmichael goes on to explain that you would naturally “rather be with a partner who has a zeal and excitement about the world around them and the people around them and ideas for how their own life could grow because, presumably, that would then extend to you. They could have an excitement and an energy about you, and you could potentially also benefit from their ambition.”^[39]
29. He takes care of his physical and mental health. A man who’s committed to being the best version of himself will take care to prioritize his health as much as possible. When we say health, however, we don’t mean that you have to be a gym bro to be a good man! A good man will take a holistic approach to health, meaning that he looks after his emotional, physical, and spiritual health. Usually, this means eating nutritiously, engaging in regular physical activity, reflecting spiritually, and seeing a therapist for any symptoms of anxiety or depression.^[40]
30. He has a genuine love of learning. People who seek out opportunities to learn throughout their lives are more likely to be emotionally intelligent, confident, adaptable, and mentally healthy.^[41] When a man loves to learn and has a curiosity about the world around him, he’s really making the most out of his life. He’s more likely to be open-minded, extrinsically motivated, and able to persevere through challenges—all of which are important traits in a good man.^[42]
    
    • A man with a genuine love of learning might be found regularly reading books and articles, listening to podcasts, taking up new hobbies, or engaging in stimulating discussions with others.
31. He’s a team player. A man who’s a team player will actively participate in and contribute to group efforts. He cares more about collective success than his individual glory or recognition, and he recognizes that the success of his team is also his own success. His ego doesn’t get in the way, and he’s able to collaborate with and uplift other members of his team, regardless of gender roles or societal expectations. In romantic relationships, this quality is hugely important as it’s more likely for a team-oriented partner to focus on working with their partner toward conflict resolution rather than arguing with a “me vs. them” mentality.^[43]
32. He’s family-oriented. Being family-oriented means that a man cares about being close to his family members and supporting them as much as he can. This attitude extends to his own children, spouse, and any other family members who aren’t related by blood (including close friends or chosen family). A family-oriented man thinks carefully about the legacy he’ll leave behind in his family, as well as the legacy and traditions that were passed down to him through his ancestors.^[44]
    • Keep in mind, however, that not everyone is fortunate enough to have a positive and supportive family. In these cases, it’s understandable (and healthy) that a man does not prioritize his toxic or harmful family members. However, he still may display family-oriented traits through his children, spouse, and close friendships.
33. He has positive male role models and close friendships. A high-value man doesn’t just care about being a good man himself, but he also looks for positive male mentors and builds friendships with other high-quality and emotionally intelligent men. He seeks out role models and men that he wants to be like and that fulfill his version of healthy masculinity. If possible, he meets with them consistently and develops a mentor-mentee relationship or a tight brotherhood with these men.^[45]
34. He supports his partner’s career and achievements. It’s important for any partner in any relationship to support their significant other’s dreams, goals, work, and achievements. A good man will celebrate all of his partner’s achievements—from small wins like successfully cooking a new recipe to major life accomplishments like completing a university degree. He’ll be the first to encourage his S.O. to take a big leap to pursue their dreams, and he’ll pick up the slack at home without complaints if needed.
    • Being your partner’s biggest cheerleader (in stronger areas and weaker ones) is likely to significantly strengthen your relationship. One study found that celebrating each others’ achievements as partners leads to greater overall relationship satisfaction.^[46]
    • Unfortunately, women in heterosexual relationships are statistically more likely to feel pressured to quit their jobs, largely due to the feeling that it’s their duty to bring up their children (more so than it is their husband’s duty).^[47]
    • Even when men are supportive of their wives working while having children, they’re less likely to compromise their own work schedule or offer to help out more with the children so that their wives can progress at work.^[48]
    • In a nutshell, a quality man won’t just support his wife’s right to work if she so chooses—he’ll also make his own compromises to ensure that the couple is making equal and equitable efforts and compromises.
35. He makes an effort with his partner’s friends and family. It’s more likely for women in a heterosexual relationship to sacrifice their own social lives in order to slot into their boyfriends’ or husbands’ friend group, but the same can’t be said for men in heterosexual relationships. However, friendships are extremely significant relationships in one’s life, and, in many ways, they’re just as important as romantic relationships.^[49]
    
    • A quality man will not only make sure that his partner has time to see their friends, but he’ll also make a consistent effort to get to know them and socialize with them.
    • Similarly, it’s important for a man to make a sincere effort to get to know their partner’s family. By developing a relationship with his spouse’s family, a man is demonstrating respect for his spouse and will better be able to understand their personality and upbringing.

What does it mean to be a good man?

1. A good man has strong morals and acts with respect and empathy for others. There’s no one right way to be a good man—nor is there one right way to be a good woman or person—and everyone has flaws. Different cultural and personal perspectives may also influence what different people include in their definition of a “good man.” That being said, most people would likely characterize a good man as someone who has integrity, shows respect to others, and acts ethically when faced with different situations.^[50]
   
   • In general, “good men” (and good people) have strong moral compasses that guide their actions and interactions.
   • While this moral compass doesn’t mean they’ll make the right choice 100% of the time, they do actively work to better the world and the lives of those around them, and they take accountability for any hurt they’ve done (whether intentional or otherwise).

How to Appreciate a Good Man

1. Tell him how much you appreciate him. “Appreciation is one of the lubricants of relationships and one of the things that really helps a relationship to blossom and grow,” says relationship coach Maya Diamond.^[51] You don’t always need a grand gesture—even the simplest verbal expression of appreciation and gratitude can go a long way with your man. When he does something kind or thoughtful for you or others, make sure to verbally acknowledge it in a clear and direct way. Not only will you make your man feel more appreciated and loved, but you’re also positively reinforcing his behaviors (which is more likely to make them happen again!).
   
   • For example, if your man bought you a bouquet of your favorite flowers for no reason, you might say something like, “Thank you so much for the flowers, I love how thoughtful you are, and it makes me feel so loved that you went out of your way to do something kind for me.”
   • Clinical psychologist Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D., affirms this advice, saying that “men…want to be appreciated for what they do and they want to be respected. Women tend to focus on things they don’t like and take men on as projects to fix them up. Men don’t really respond to criticism; they respond to compliments and affirmation.”^[52]
   • “You can tell him what you do like when he does it,” continues Dr. Schewitz, “and say, ‘I’d love more of that.’ Men are naturally protectors and providers, so they want to make women happy. You just tell them how, and they’ll usually do it.”^[53]
   • Diamond also recommends giving your man “appreciation and compliments regarding things that he does, things he says, and ways in which he’s responsive to your requests. For example, saying, ‘Wow, it made me feel so special when you planned that date for me. I’m so grateful for your thoughtfulness and care in doing that.’”^[54]
2. Show him that you’re genuinely interested in his needs. If your man possesses a lot of the qualities of a good romantic partner, then it’s likely that he pays close attention to the needs of others (including yours!). However, it’s important to make sure that his needs are also being acknowledged, prioritized, and fulfilled. Maybe you noticed that the tank in his trunk is running out of gas and you fill it up. Need met! Or, maybe he had a long day at work, so you set aside time in your evening for plenty of cuddles.^[55]
   
   • Remember that showing an interest in your partner’s needs also means showing an interest in their love language. Even if your natural way of giving love is physical touch, for example, your partner’s preferred way of receiving love might be through gifts. So, you might give your partner a new shirt he’s had his eye on or write him a love letter to show your appreciation.^[56]
   • Diamond also recommends ideas like “planning a really fun date, getting him something that he’s really been wanting, or creating an experience for him—like a surprise or surprise birthday party.”^[57]
3. Give him space to have his own life and interests. As much as you might want to spend all of your time with your romantic partner, it’s important for both parties in a relationship to maintain their separate identities, hobbies, and lives. Make sure to allow your partner to have his own time to explore his interests, spend time with his friends, and engage in personal self-care practices that help him reconnect with himself.^[58]
   
   • For example, you might say something like, “Christina told me that some of the guys are having a game night on Saturday. I know we’d talked about going to a movie that night, but we already have a date night on Friday and you need time with your friends. I’ll take the kids myself this time while you have some time with them, if you want.”

In a Nutshell

1. Good men often display empathy and honesty, among other traits. Positive qualities such as these are important for any man (or person) to cultivate a good life for themselves and good relationships with others. However, it’s okay if a person doesn’t have all of the qualities associated with a good man—nobody’s perfect! The most important quality, arguably, is that a man is willing to work on himself and be the best person that he can be. This commitment to self-development and security in his own self is a great sign that a man is leading a positive and fulfilling life and that he’ll make for an excellent partner and human.
   

Frequently Asked Questions About Being a Good Man

1. What is a high-quality man? The term “high-quality man” “or “high-value man” refers to a man who has positive attributes that make him attractive to and respected by the people whom he interacts with. Often, high-quality men are described as having a strong character and a sense of integrity. They’re also likely to be emotionally intelligent, reliable, responsible, and empathetic. They prioritize their own personal growth and commitment to their values, and they care deeply about respecting the perspectives of others and making meaningful contributions to their communities and relationships.^[59]
   
2. What does it mean to be a manly man? Historically, being a “manly man” means to embody traits that are stereotypically and traditionally associated with masculinity—like strength, courage, determination, decisiveness, virility, and dominance. It’s important to note, however, that while these traits are certainly not negatives, the definition of what it means to be “masculine” or “manly” has shifted as mainstream society moves away from stereotypical (and sometimes harmful) gender roles.^[60]
   
   • For example, people of any gender can be “strong,” but being a “strong man” doesn’t just mean being stoic or physically strong. In fact, many people would now classify a “strong man” as someone who’s able to express his feelings and be emotionally vulnerable.
3. Is it attractive to be a kind man? Yes, kindness is a highly attractive trait in any man or person. Many people value kindness as an important quality in their friends, partners, and anyone else that they share their life with. Studies show that women, in particular, tend to rate kindness as one of the most important traits in a long-term partner, often prioritizing it over traditional measures of attractiveness like physical appearance.^[61]
   
   • A 2019 study, for instance, surveyed over 2,700 people in several different countries and found that “kindness” was named as the top priority in a long-term partner (over physical attractiveness and financial prospects).^[62]
4. What should I look for in a husband? When you’re looking for a husband, you should first consider what values are important to you and that you want your partner to match, which may be different from what your friends or family members prioritize in their own lives or in their spouses.
   
   • For example, “if you’re somebody for whom marriage and kids are important to you,” offers Dr. Carmichael, “then you’d be looking for a romantic partner that shares those goals…Or if traveling a lot and being able to go to a new country at least once a year is important you, then you’d be looking for a partner that has an openness to adventure and to travel to other cultures.”^[63]
   • Apart from taking your personal values into consideration, you should look for general positive qualities like trustworthiness, reliability, respect, loyalty, kindness, and open communication. All of these traits are commonly recommended by psychology and relationship experts as building blocks for a strong relationship.^[64]

Video

References

1. ↑ https://www.artofmanliness.com/character/advice/developing-manly-courage/
2. ↑ https://www.estherperel.com/blog/transitioning-between-stages-of-a-relationship-practice-adaptability
3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/when-disaster-strikes-inside-disaster-psychology/202301/do-you-possess-this-trait-that
4. ↑ https://aucpp.ro/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/6.-CALIN_AUC_PP_2023_no_45_issue_2_pp_70-79.pdf
5. ↑ https://integrative-psych.org/resources/empathy-and-human-relationships
6. ↑ [v161006_b01]. 6 March 2019.
7. ↑ https://smartcouples.ifas.ufl.edu/engaged/having-fun-and-staying-close/the-role-of-kindness-compassion-generosity/
8. ↑ https://www.nu.edu/blog/seven-conflict-resolution-tips-for-couples/
9. ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/six_habits_of_highly_grateful_people
10. ↑ https://www.masterclass.com/articles/loyalty-in-a-relationship
11. ↑ https://themaneffect.com/thejourney/7-practical-ways-to-be-an-authentic-man
12. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-digitally/202209/the-importance-humor-in-long-term-relationships
13. ↑ https://www.artofmanliness.com/character/etiquette/a-mans-guide-to-etiquette/
14. ↑ https://msmagazine.com/2020/07/30/tools-of-the-patriarchy-should-chivalry-be-dead/
15. ↑ https://nbmbaa.org/confidence-vs-arrogance-understanding-the-subtle-difference/
16. ↑ https://www.choosingtherapy.com/moral-compass/
17. ↑ [v162101_b01]. 23 March 2022.
18. ↑ https://www.iom.int/sites/g/files/tmzbdl486/files/staff-welfare/the_psychology_of_respect.pdf
19. ↑ [v161006_b01]. 6 March 2019.
20. ↑ [v161006_b01]. 6 March 2019.
21. ↑ [v161006_b01]. 6 March 2019.
22. ↑ https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2014-41535-006
23. ↑ https://www.gottman.com/blog/psychology-finally-reveals-the-answer-to-finding-your-soulmate/
24. ↑ https://hbr.org/2023/12/8-essential-qualities-of-successful-leaders
25. ↑ https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/stop-playing-the-blame-game-take-responsibility-in-your-relationship/
26. ↑ https://www.lifehack.org/880738/how-to-stop-running-away-from-problems
27. ↑ [v161147_b01]. 10 June 2021.
28. ↑ https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4852543/
29. ↑ https://oscr.umich.edu/article/healthy-relationships-through-communication
30. ↑ https://sas.uaa.uw.edu/husky-experience/know-yourself/healthy-ways-to-handle-conflict/
31. ↑ https://masculinities.blogs.rice.edu/2020/03/02/why-didnt-you-do-anything-investigating-male-bystander-behavior/
32. ↑ https://harisportal.hanken.fi/en/publications/types-of-intelligence-predict-likelihood-to-get-married-and-stay-
33. ↑ https://mhanational.org/what-emotional-intelligence-and-how-does-it-apply-workplace
34. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/weaponized-incompetence
35. ↑ https://www.theknot.com/content/how-to-be-independent-in-a-relationship
36. ↑ https://orientation.wwu.edu/being-financially-responsible
37. ↑ https://extension.ucr.edu/features/kidsandambition
38. ↑ [v160987_b01]. 24 August 2023.
39. ↑ [v160987_b01]. 24 August 2023.
40. ↑ https://www.takingcharge.csh.umn.edu/what-are-holistic-practices
41. ↑ https://www.seek.com.au/career-advice/article/top-10-benefits-of-lifelong-learning
42. ↑ https://www.viacharacter.org/character-strengths/love-of-learning
43. ↑ https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/teach_teamwork_to_improve_relationships
44. ↑ https://jamesrussell.org/blogs/love-story-from-the-male-perspective--2/posts/3754773/14-reasons-why-you-should-date-a-man-who-is-family-oriented
45. ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/why_friendships_among_men_are_so_important
46. ↑ https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2006-20034-008
47. ↑ https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0002716204268552
48. ↑ https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0002716204268552
49. ↑ https://www.apa.org/monitor/2023/06/cover-story-science-friendship
50. ↑ https://goodmenproject.com/guy-talk/list-means-good-man-dg/
51. ↑ [v161051_b01]. 17 January 2019.
52. ↑ [v160997_b02]. 15 April 2019.
53. ↑ [v160997_b02]. 15 April 2019.
54. ↑ [v161051_b01]. 17 January 2019.
55. ↑ https://www.gottman.com/blog/why-you-need-to-accept-your-partners-needs/
56. ↑ https://hercampus.com/school/sfa/love-languages-and-how-to-cater-to-them/
57. ↑ [v161051_b01]. 17 January 2019.
58. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/why-men-give-up-their-identity-in-a-relationship
59. ↑ https://lovequestcoaching.com/blog/20-traits-of-a-high-value-man-1
60. ↑ https://themaneffect.com/thejourney/what-is-masculinity-thats-a-question-every-man-should-be-asking-himself
61. ↑ https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00224545.2013.768595?journalCode=vsoc20
62. ↑ https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/09/190919122506.htm
63. ↑ [v160987_b01]. 24 August 2023.
64. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/qualities-to-look-for-in-a-life-partner

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