Am I a Baddie or Preppy?

Plus, expert advice on how to confront a potentially cheating partner

If you’re suspicious of your partner cheating, it’s easy enough to find out what’s really happening if they use an iPhone. You can check their device for any new dating apps, flirty messages, or suspicious browsing history, or use features like Find my iPhone to monitor their location without installing possibly illegal spy apps. We'll explain these (and more) ways to catch a cheating partner on an iPhone. Plus, we spoke with professional therapists and counselors about how to recognize cheating behaviors and talk to your partner about them.

Things You Should Know

Check your partner’s iPhone for dating apps or any suspicious dating sites in their browsing history to see if they’ve cheated.
Scroll through their texts, calls, direct messages, and pictures for anything flirty from someone you don’t recognize.
Use the Find My iPhone feature to track your partner’s location and frequently visited places. Avoid using true spy apps without your partner’s consent.

Steps

Looking for Evidence of Cheating on iPhone

Search for dating apps on their phone. Many cheaters download dating apps like Tinder or Hinge to find and connect with new people. Keep your eye out for any new apps on your partner’s phone and look into them if you suspect that they’re cheating.
- Go to the Settings app and tap on “Battery” or “Screen Time” to see if there are any hidden dating apps that your partner is using frequently.^[1]
- For a thorough search, try typing in each letter into the iPhone’s search bar to look for any dating apps that are hidden from view.
Look for calls, texts, or emails from people you don’t recognize. Scroll through your partner’s call history and messaging apps to see who they’ve been talking to recently. If your partner is repeatedly calling or texting a number you don’t recognize or sending flirty messages, then there’s a chance you’ve caught them cheating.^[2]
- Many cheaters try to delete incriminating messages, but you can recover anything deleted in the past 30 days. In the Messages app, tap “Edit” in the top-left corner and click “Show Recently Deleted.”^[3]
- If your partner starts getting random texts and calls late at night or at odd times, then it may be another red flag that they’re flirting with someone else.
Scroll through their browsing history for any suspicious websites. Some cheaters may visit sites on their iPhone’s browser instead of installing a new app. Open Safari or any other browsers they have on their phone and check the site history. If you notice any questionable sites that they frequently visit, then it could be a red flag.^[4]
- If you don’t see any history on the browser, it could be a sign that your partner recently deleted their history to cover their tracks.
- You may also try going into Settings, tapping on Safari, selecting “Advanced,” and then browsing “Website Data” for any dating or messaging sites.
- Keep in mind that cheaters may use a private browsing mode so their site history isn’t stored on their iPhone.
Check for racy pictures and videos saved on their phone. If your partner has been messaging or sexting someone else, they may keep the photos or videos in their gallery. Check through their Photos app, making sure to look in the “Recently Deleted” and “Hidden” albums for any evidence that’s not in the main gallery.
- If you don’t see the “Hidden” album, go to Settings, tap on Photos, and select the Show Hidden Album option to make the photos reappear in the app.^[5]
Track location history for any places that seem unusual. Go to Settings, click Privacy & Security, select Location Services, and scroll until you find System Services. Then, select Significant Locations and check if any places are out of the ordinary for your partner.^[6]
- If your partner has Find My iPhone turned on, view their live location using the Find My app or the iCloud website.^[7]
Monitor data for evidence that’s been uploaded to iCloud. If you share an iCloud account with your partner, check for any photos, messages, or files that have recently been uploaded. If you notice any flirty messages or pictures backed up in the cloud, then it’s a good sign that your partner is cheating and forgetting to hide the evidence.^[8]
Watch for any changes in your partner’s behavior. Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC states that if your partner is cheating, “there are some things where you see a specific change in their behavior from what has been normal.”^[9] While the signs can vary from person to person, common suspicious behaviors include:^[10]
- Taking their phone with them wherever they go
- Changing the PIN to unlock their phone
- Turning their phone away from you or acting more secretive
- Pushing you away or being quick to bother
- Shifting between different levels of intimacy
- Modifying their physical appearance^[11]
- Getting immediately defensive when you ask to see their phone^[12]

Can you install spy apps on your partner's iPhone?

No, spy apps are illegal to install and use without your partner knowing. While there are many spy apps that can remotely track calls, messages, and locations, they’re considered a breach of privacy if you secretly put them on your partner’s iPhone.

Confronting a Cheater

Address your partner calmly about your concerns. If you want to get to the bottom of your partner’s behavior, Allen Wagner, MFT, MA agrees that confronting them directly and asking for full transparency is the best option. When you have a quiet moment, sit down with your partner and tell them how you’re feeling.^[13]
- Example: “Hey, I noticed that you’ve been a lot more private with your phone lately and it’s making me feel a little unsure of the relationship. Is there something we need to talk about?”
- Example: “I noticed that you’ve been texting another guy a lot lately, and I feel a little uneasy about it. Can you tell me more about who they are?”
- According to Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC, if a partner isn’t guilty of cheating, they will usually act concerned or worried about the accusation. If they start acting defensive, then it may be a sign they’re guilty.^[14]
Listen to your partner’s side of the story. Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD says to truly listen to your partner explain themselves even if they’re saying things you don’t want to hear. Stay calm and let them speak without interruption so you have a productive conversation.^[15]
Consider couples counseling if you want to stay together. Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW says that couples therapy is a great choice “so that you have a really safe space to explore all that is going on.”^[16] Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD agrees that therapy can help someone understand why they cheated and “can go a long way towards making lasting change for the better.”^[17]
Choose to end the relationship if your trust has been broken. Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD states that “if you feel strongly that the trust is broken forever, sometimes the best thing you can do is walk away.” While the decision may be tough, getting space from your partner may be the best course of action.^[18]
- Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW says that the time apart can be an opportunity for you to grow and feel whole again. She recommends doing things that help boost your own self-esteem and make you feel better about yourself.^[19]
- So, if you don’t think you’re able to work through the infidelity, then you’re not alone. Most people who’ve been in the same situation feel the same way you do now!
Practice self-care to help you heal. Whether you decide to stay together or break up, prioritize taking care of yourself and your own well-being. Talk with your friends and family members for support, do relaxing activities like listening to your favorite songs and taking long baths, and pour yourself into your hobbies.^[20]
- Avoid blaming yourself if your partner cheats on you. Your partner made their own choices and they’re the only one at fault for betraying you.

Video

Tips

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW says that it takes time and patience to recover from cheating, so don’t try to rush into trusting your partner again. Instead, she says to really pay attention to the actions your partner takes to rebuild your trust.^[21]
Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC says that it’s normal to feel betrayed, anxious, or ashamed after a person has cheated on you. Just take as much time as you need to heal and remember that you’re worthy of a strong and loving relationship.^[22]