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vendredi 17 janvier 2025

How to Mental Age Test

Sure, you know your actual age, but what about your mental age? Your mental age is how old you are emotionally and personality-wise, and it can actually be very different from your real age.

You might be a twenty-something with an old soul, or maybe you’re comfortably in your fifties but brimming with youthful energy. Or perhaps your mental age and actual age are pretty similar after all. There’s only one way to find out—take this quiz!

A little girl, young man, young woman, older woman, and older man stand in a line, leaning against a wall.

[Edit]Questions Overview

What Is My Mental Age?
Take this quiz to find out!

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1. You look out the window of your dream home—what do you see?
  1. A bustling city street full of people and dazzling lights.
  2. A field of wildflowers stretching for miles in all directions.
  3. My best friend’s house—they live right across the street!
  4. A quaint, charming neighborhood with lush grass and beautiful trees.
2. A present arrives in the mail. What do you hope it is?
  1. The brand new gaming console I've been wanting for months.
  2. A box full of all the arts and crafts supplies I could ever need.
  3. A shiny new robot vacuum for cleaning my floors.
  4. A warm, plush blanket in my favorite color.
3. It’s a Friday night and you can’t wait to…
  1. Watch that honey bee documentary my friend was raving about.
  2. Have friends over for a low-key game night.
  3. Go dancing with friends and stay out until dawn.
  4. Curl up in a chair with some tea and a new book.
4. Your alarm clock starts ringing at 7 a.m.—what do you do?
  1. Startle awake, groan, then hit snooze aggressively.
  2. I'm up before then anyway, so this wouldn’t really affect me.
  3. Turn it off, get up slowly, and say hello to the new day.
  4. Rip off the covers, jump out of bed, and run to the kitchen for breakfast.
5. On your bookshelf, you’re most likely to find…
  1. Photos of family, treasured mementos, and cute knick-knacks.
  2. Magazines, filled-up journals, and my sketchbook.
  3. Old copies of National Geographic and rows of historical fiction.
  4. My vinyl collection, some candles, and a funky thrifted lamp.
6. Your wardrobe is packed to the brim with…
  1. Comfortable basics. Tees, hoodies, and sweats are a must.
  2. Business casual attire. I like to look polished!
  3. Who knows. I just wear whatever I grab first.
  4. Whatever’s in style—I like to keep up with trends.
7. If the world could see the most used app on your phone, what would it be?
  1. TikTok
  2. YouTube
  3. Facebook
  4. Instagram
8. How would you describe your day-to-day emotional experience?
  1. Like a rollercoaster. Up, down, and all around.
  2. Like a train. Some jolts along the way, but steady overall.
  3. Like a lost ship. Swaying and unsure of which way to go.
  4. Like a carriage. Slow, predictable, and pleasant.
9. When your closest friend describes you, they probably say you’re…
  1. Wild, adventurous, and always up for a good time.
  2. Wise, contemplative, and content.
  3. Stable, accomplished, and confident.
  4. Playful, energetic, and hopeful.
10. You’re on Jeopardy and the category is “TikTok Trends”—how ready are you?
  1. I've never been more ready for anything.
  2. Cautiously optimistic, but nervous.
  3. Not ready. This is not my category.
  4. Not at all, but I'll give it my best shot.
11. You’re daydreaming. What are you thinking about?
  1. What I'm going to have for dessert later.
  2. Sandy beaches, crystal blue water, and palm trees.
  3. The ending of the riveting book I just finished.
  4. My crush.
12. Which of the following quotes speaks to you most?
  1. “Life will take you to amazing places if you have the courage to try.”
  2. “Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you.”
  3. “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.”
  4. “In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.”

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[Edit]The History of Mental Age Tests

Did you know that mental age is actually a concept that originated in the field of psychology? In 1905, French psychologist Alfred Binet co-created the first ever intelligence test. When children taking the test scored higher than most other children of the same chronological age, it was said that the high-scorers had a higher mental age than their actual age. If they scored lower, they had a lower mental age. From there, the idea of “mental age” was born!

Nowadays, mental age theory has fallen out of favor with psychologists since it’s overly simplistic and doesn’t take into account individuals’ unique skills and ways of learning. Plus, many people find the concept of mental age to be limiting. After all, people are constantly learning and developing new skills, so telling someone they have a fixed mental age of 20, for example, doesn’t feel very fair or accurate.

Instead, psychologists today aim to use more nuanced, holistic intelligence quotient (IQ) tests that factor in the background of the test taker. And IQ is no longer thought of as fixed. Basically, experts now know that intelligence is complex and multifaceted (and therefore intelligence tests need to be too!).

Unlike the psychology-based mental age tests of the past, our mental age test is just for fun and does not represent your level of intelligence. Instead, think of this test as a fun way to see how similar you are to people in different age groups based on your personality and preferences. And remember: just like your personality can change over time, so can your mental age.

[Edit]Want to learn more?

[Edit]You Might Also Like

[Edit]References



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How to Make a Girl Happy when She Is Sad

It's hard to see the people that you care about feeling sad, especially when you don't know what to do to make them feel better. Thankfully, there's a lot you can do to help lift someone's spirits. If a girl that you're close to is having a difficult time, try out these tips to help her see things from a more positive perspective.

This article is based on an interview with our professional dating coach, Connell Barrett, founder of Dating Transformation.

[Edit]What to Do When Your Girlfriend Is Sad

Ask her how she’s feeling and if she’d like to talk about it. If she says no, let her know you’re there if she changes her mind. If she says yes, listen to what she tells you and offer a validating phrase like "Wow, that's a lot to deal with."

[Edit]Steps

[Edit]Text her encouraging messages throughout the day.

  1. Send some positivity her way. It may seem small, but that extra dose of hope can really help someone feel happier no matter what they're going through. Text her that you hope she's having a good day or that you can't wait to see her when you're both off from work. If you can't think of the right words, send an encouraging GIF or a YouTube clip from her favorite TV show.[1]
    Make a Girl Happy when She Is Sad Step 1.jpeg
    • If you have some extra time on your lunch break, text her, "Hey hope your day's been great so far :)"
    • Send her a motivational meme along with the message, "You can do this!"
    • Send her a GIF of a cute kitten with the caption, "Thought you might appreciate this. Can't wait to see you later today!"

[Edit]Ask questions about how she’s feeling.

  1. Give her the space to vent and process her emotions with you. Oftentimes, people who are sad just need some time to talk about their feelings in order to cheer up. Ask if she would like to talk about whatever happened that's made her sad or how she's feeling about it all now. If she says she's not ready, tell her you're always there if she changes her mind.[2]
    Make a Girl Happy when She Is Sad Step 2.jpeg
    • If you notice that she seems upset, say something like, "Hey, are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?"
    • Maybe you noticed that she was sad in class today. When you get home, text her, "Hey, just wanted you to know that I'm always here if you need anything. Is everything alright?"

[Edit]Listen to her.

  1. Make an effort to hear her perspective. Make direct eye contact, nod your head as she speaks, and reflect on what she says to develop a deeper understanding.[3] Try to limit any distractions while you talk by putting your phone away and turning off the TV.[4]
    Make a Girl Happy when She Is Sad Step 3.jpeg
    • To reflect on what she's just told you, say something like, "Man, this sounds like it's been a really upsetting experience" or "It seems to me like you've been put through a lot the past couple of days."
    • You can also ask follow-up questions to learn more about her point of view. Try, "How are you feeling about the experience now?" or "What have you been doing to get through this?"

[Edit]Validate her perspective.

  1. Knowing that your feelings are valid is a huge help in feeling better. Make an effort to empathize with her perspective in conversation, and directly express that you understand why she would be feeling so upset. Even if she's sad about something that you haven't experienced before, try to put yourself in her shoes and imagine how she may be feeling. Knowing there's someone out there that understands her will likely ease her feelings of sadness.[5]
    Make a Girl Happy when She Is Sad Step 4.jpeg
    • Use reassuring, empathetic statements, such as, "I completely understand why you would feel that way" or "That's totally valid. I'm so sorry that happened."

[Edit]Offer to help her.

  1. Ask if there’s anything that you can do to make her feel better. Your offer alone will make her feel cared for and hopefully cheer her up, and there may be specific things you can do to make her feel happy again. She may need advice or simply some time to vent.[6]
    Make a Girl Happy when She Is Sad Step 5.jpeg
    • When you notice that she's sad, say, "I'm so sorry you're feeling down right now. Is there anything I can do to help?"
    • Alternatively, text her, "I know things have been hard lately. Let me know if there's anything I can do to make things easier."
    • Avoid giving advice or trying to solve the problem before asking her first. Sometimes when people are sad, it's more helpful to just be there for them while they talk through their feelings. She might not be looking for specific solutions.[7]

[Edit]Give her a hug.

  1. If she's comfortable with it, comfort her with physical affection. When you hug someone that's upset, their body responds by producing oxytocin. This hormone can immediately make a person feel a natural high that lifts up their mood. If the girl you're with is sad, ask if she would like a hug or see if she would like your arm around her shoulder.[8]
    Make a Girl Happy when She Is Sad Step 6.jpeg
    • If she says no, respect her answer and help her feel better in alternative ways. There are so many ways to make a person feel happier, and physical affection is only one of them.

[Edit]List all the reasons that you like her.

  1. A little encouragement can help her tackle what's making her sad. First, think about all the reasons that you like her, and focus on more than just her looks. This could include her sense of humor, her generosity, or her knack for always picking the best restaurants. After you've thought of a good list, tell her why she's so awesome next time you see her in person, or send over a text.[9]
    Make a Girl Happy when She Is Sad Step 7.jpeg
    • Text her something like, "Hey, just thought you should know that I think you're the coolest girl in the world. You always know how to make me smile and you're the most generous person I know."

[Edit]Distract her with something funny.

  1. Make her laugh to get her mind off of what's upsetting her. Before you start cracking jokes, make sure that you think she'll be receptive. Wait until after she's vented a little or expressed that she doesn't want to talk about it. Once you get the go-ahead, tell jokes that you know that she'll like, send hilarious memes her way on Instagram, or bring over a comedy that you know she loves.[10] You can also try:[11]
    Make a Girl Happy when She Is Sad Step 8.jpeg
    • Talking about funny memories that you've shared
    • Blasting her favorite songs and dancing around until she starts laughing
    • Telling her a funny story

[Edit]Cook her some yummy food.

  1. A good meal can lift someone's spirits. Cook her favorite dish and show up at her house at dinnertime to surprise her. If you're not much of a cook, order some food from her favorite restaurant instead. Stay over for the meal so she has someone to spend time with over dinner.[12]
    Make a Girl Happy when She Is Sad Step 9.jpeg
    • If she's really upset and not feeling up to dinner, try making her a calming cup of hot tea instead.

[Edit]Give her a small gift.

  1. Bring over something small to cheer her up and show her that you care. Instead of something flashy or expensive, think of something that you know she will like. Even if it won't change what she's upset about, a gift from someone that cares about her will brighten her day.[13]
    Make a Girl Happy when She Is Sad Step 10.jpeg
    • If she likes comic books, buy a few comics or a graphic novel that you think she will enjoy. Attach a note that says something like, "Great comics always make me think of you. Hope you enjoy them!"
    • Maybe she's a big music fan. Make a playlist of uplifting tunes to help cheer her up.
    • If you're low on funds, try something small like her favorite candy bar or a mini bouquet of flowers.

[Edit]Plan an activity that you know she'll enjoy.

  1. This will help get her mind off of things for a while. Once she's talked through how she's feeling, she may need a distraction to cheer her up. Ask if she'd like to do something fun to help out with that. If she says yes, take her out to the movies for the night, go mini-golfing, or spend time at a park and enjoy a beautiful day in nature.[14]
    Make a Girl Happy when She Is Sad Step 11.jpeg
    • If you're not sure what to do, ask her if there's anything she'd like to try. Make it clear that you're open to doing anything that would make her feel happy![15]

[Edit]References

  1. ↑ https://mhanational.org/blog/10-ways-cheer-someone-right-now
  2. ↑ [v161181_b01]. 24 September 2019.
  3. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/become-a-better-listener-active-listening
  4. ↑ [v161181_b01]. 24 September 2019.
  5. ↑ [v161181_b01]. 24 September 2019.
  6. ↑ [v161181_b01]. 24 September 2019.
  7. ↑ [v161181_b01]. 24 September 2019.
  8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/201606/who-needs-hug-we-all-do
  9. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/helping-someone-with-depression.htm
  10. ↑ [v161181_b01]. 24 September 2019.
  11. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/managing-conflicts-with-humor.htm
  12. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201406/how-much-time-should-couples-spend-together
  13. ↑ https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/literally-psyched/the-psychology-behind-gift-giving-and-generosity/
  14. ↑ [v161181_b01]. 24 September 2019.
  15. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-health/benefits-of-play-for-adults.htm


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jeudi 16 janvier 2025

How to Be Outgoing

Some people are naturally outgoing, but other people have to practice to become outgoing. If you want to become outgoing, there are several strategies that you can use. Being “outgoing” involves learning how to present yourself to others, striking up conversations, and being more confident in yourself.

[Edit]Things You Should Know

  • Introduce yourself, give compliments, discuss common interests, and ask open-ended questions to become more outgoing in conversation.
  • To socialize more regularly, join clubs, invite friends over, maintain your existing friendships, and introduce your friends to other people.
  • To appear more friendly, focus on holding eye contact with others, active listening, holding great posture.

[Edit]Steps

[Edit]Mastering the Art of Conversation

  1. Start off small. No matter how obvious it may sound, it's helpful to actually realize that outgoing people didn’t go straight from the womb to parties. They had years of practice in safer environments: speaking to their siblings, joking with their classmates, and so on. You can simulate the natural way of becoming outgoing – by starting off small and proceeding incrementally. What’s a small step you can take today to do something slightly more outgoing than you used to do?
    Be Outgoing Step 1 Version 5.jpg
    • Start with people you know, or, if you are starting fresh, find a small group of people that you share an interest with. A book club, sports team or hobby group is a great place to start. Try something new with this group such as participating in a bar crawl or arranging a barbecue and let people bring friends.
  2. Say thank you in public. You might see some of the same people every day, but never acknowledge them. To become outgoing, it is important to start acknowledging the people around you more often. The next time you order a coffee or check out at the grocery store, smile at the person helping you. Make eye contact and say, "thank you." This small gesture will help you become more comfortable interacting with others, and it will probably make the other person's day a little brighter.[1]
    Be Outgoing Step 2 Version 5.jpg
    • A little compliment can also go a long way, especially in service situations. Remember that your grocery clerk or barista serves hundreds of people a day, many of whom probably either ignore them or are rude. Say something like, "Wow, thanks for getting that to me so quickly" to show your appreciation.
  3. Make eye contact. If you're in a social situation, such as at a party, try to make eye contact with the other people there. Once you've established eye contact, give the other person a friendly smile. If the other person holds your gaze, then go over to them and introduce yourself. If the person smiles back at you, then that is also a good sign.
    Be Outgoing Step 3 Version 5.jpg
    • If the person does not respond, let them go their way. There's a difference between being "outgoing" and "pushy." You don't want to force interaction on someone who isn't interested.
    • Keep in mind that this approach doesn't work well in situations where people do not expect to be approached, such as while riding public transit. Part of being outgoing is knowing when and where to approach others and when to keep to yourself.
  4. Introduce yourself. You don’t have to be a suave charmer to be friendly and outgoing. Maybe try introducing yourself by saying you’re new to the area, or offering a compliment to the other person.
    Be Outgoing Step 4 Version 5.jpg
    • Look for other “wallflowers.” You may not be comfortable jumping straight from “shy” to “social butterfly.” If you’re at a social function, try looking for other people who appear to be shy or holding back. Chances are, they feel as uncomfortable as you do. They’ll probably be happy that you made the first move to say “hello.”
    • Be friendly, but not pushy. Once you’ve introduced yourself and asked a question or two, move on if the other person seems disinterested.
  5. Ask open-ended questions. One way to be more outgoing in your conversations with others is to ask them open-ended questions. These questions invite others to respond with more than a “yes” or “no.” It’s easier to start up a chat with someone new if you invite them to share about themselves.[2] If you've already exchanged eye contact and smiles with someone, and you're close by, start off with a question. Here are some ideas:
    Be Outgoing Step 5 Version 5.jpg
    • How do you like that book/magazine?
    • What is your favorite thing to do around here?
    • Where did you find that awesome T-shirt?
  6. Give compliments. If you're interested in people, you're bound to notice little things that you like or appreciate. You can acknowledge these things with a compliment. Just make sure that your compliments are genuine. People can tell when compliments are not sincere. Think of something like:
    Be Outgoing Step 6 Version 5.jpg
    • I've read that book. Great choice!
    • I love those shoes. They go great with that skirt.
    • Is that a hazelnut latte? Nice -- that's my go-to every Monday morning.
  7. Search for a common interest. First conversations between people are all about what the two parties have in common. In order to find out what you can talk about, you may have to probe for things you have in common. If you work together or have mutual friends or have anything that links you together, it should be a bit easier. Talking about work, your mutual friend, or your common interest will open up further topics of discussion.
    Be Outgoing Step 7 Version 5.jpg
    • If this person is a stranger, you could use the situation to help you come up with something to talk about. For example, if you're in a bookstore, you could ask someone for a favorite reading recommendation. If you're both stuck in a long line, you could make a joke about it.
    • Be careful to avoid comments that sound judgmental. For example, you could say you love the person's haircut and then ask where s/he got it done. Or you could say that you've been looking for a pair of sneakers like the ones the other person's wearing, and ask where s/he got them. Avoid things that are likely to seem offensive, such as comments on the person's size, skin color, or physical attractiveness.
  8. Pay attention to what excites people. If person A is dead set on talking about thermodynamics and person B is dead set on talking about Italian coffee, then the conversation isn't going to go anywhere. One of these people has to latch on to the other person's interests. Take the initiative and be that person.
    Be Outgoing Step 8 Version 4.jpg
    • When you're making small talk, try to notice when the other person perks up. You'll be able to hear it and see it. Their face will be more expressive (and so will their voice) and you'll probably see movement in their body.
  9. Know that your flaws can turn into benefits. A common misconception is that people will like you more if you become "better." A bigger home, a faster car or a well-paid job look like great investments when it comes to making friends. The truth is there is no correlation between success and making real friends. People don’t like hanging out with those they feel subordinate to. Instead of trying to hide or kill your flaws, know that a weak paycheck, a bit of a belly, or spending too many hours watching TV only makes you more human and likable.
    Be Outgoing Step 9 Version 4.jpg
    • Take yourself less seriously. You don't have to get people to know about the new sound system you bought or that cool place you went to for a vacation. Instead, you could tell stories about funny shortcomings.
    • You don't have to stop improving, just do it for yourself instead of others.
  10. Chat up your coworkers. If you have a job, chances are you have an environment with built-in social contact if you make a little effort. Find a place where people tend to congregate, such as the break room or a coworker’s cubicle.
    Be Outgoing Step 10 Version 4.jpg
    • The water cooler isn’t the place for heated topics, like religion or politics. Instead, try engaging people by remarking on popular culture or sports. While people often have strong opinions about these subjects too, they’re a safer bet to keep it conversation-friendly.
    • Being outgoing at work can be important. By being more outgoing, people will perceive you as more friendly and positive.[3] Networking and chatting at work can also help you get the recognition at work that you deserve.
  11. End on a high note. Leave the other person wanting more. A good way to accomplish this is by leaving the door open for future interaction. Be gracious in exiting the conversation, so that the other person doesn’t feel as though you’ve ditched them.[4]
    Be Outgoing Step 11 Version 4.jpg
    • For example, if you’ve been talking about your dogs together, ask about a good local dog park. If the other person responds positively, you could invite them to bring their dog to the park too: “Have you ever been to the dog park off Baxter Road? I haven't. What would you think of going together next Saturday?” Making a specific invitation is more effective than “let’s get together sometime” because it shows that you’re not just being polite.
    • Once you’ve finished the conversation, wrap up by restating a main point you discussed. This will help the other person feel like you were listening to them. For example: “Good luck with that marathon on Sunday! I’d love to hear all about it next week.”
    • End by affirming that you enjoyed the conversation. “It was really nice talking with you” or “It was so nice to meet you” help the other person feel valued.
  12. Talk to anyone and everyone. After you become a bit more comfortable talking to people you know, try talking to new people as you go through your day. At first you might feel uncomfortable talking with people you don’t know and who you might not normally approach. But the more you approach people and get comfortable with making conversation, the easier it will become.
    Be Outgoing Step 12 Version 4.jpg

[Edit]Getting Out There

  1. Set specific, reasonable goals. Being outgoing is a tough goal to reach because it includes a lot of small behaviors. That is why it is a good idea to break this large goal down into smaller ones. Instead of telling yourself to be outgoing, set goals to have at least one conversation with a new person each day or to smile at five people every day.[5]
    Be Outgoing Step 13 Version 4.jpg
    • Try to make small talk (or if that's too much, just smiling) with one stranger or acquaintance every day, say "hi" to someone on the street, or ask your barista’s name. These little victories will keep you going and make you feel ready for loftier challenges.
  2. Join a club. If you aren’t sure how to approach others in social settings, try joining a club for a particular interest. This gives you the opportunity to interact, usually in small-scale settings, with others who share an interest of yours.[6]
    Be Outgoing Step 14 Version 4.jpg
    • Look for a club that encourages socializing, such as a book club or cooking class. You can ask questions and get into discussions, but the focus won’t be entirely on you. These situations can be great for shy people.
    • Shared experiences can be a powerful bonding technique. Joining a club where you’ll share experiences with others gives you a head start -- you’ll already have common ground established.[7]
  3. Invite people over. You don’t even have to leave your house to be outgoing. Invite people to come over for a movie night or dinner party. If you’re welcoming and inviting, others will be more likely to feel as though you value them (and they’re more likely to have fun).
    Be Outgoing Step 15 Version 4.jpg
    • Try creating events that will foster conversation. You could host a BYOB wine tasting, where everyone has to sip and compare notes. Or, you could hold a potluck dinner, where everyone has to bring their favorite dish of their grandmother’s (and a copy of the recipe). Having a reason to talk with each other helps a party stay lively and enjoyable (and, let’s be honest, food and wine never hurt).
  4. Master a hobby. A hobby can help you feel more in control, which may help you to be more outgoing.[8] If you master a hobby, then you may feel proud and confident as well, which can give you even more social confidence.[9]
    Be Outgoing Step 16 Version 4.jpg
    • Hobbies also give you something to chat about with new acquaintances. They often give you a way to meet new people. And they have health benefits, such as a lower risk of depression.
  5. Dress for success. The way that you dress affects the way that you feel about yourself. Dressing in a way that expresses your personality and values can help you feel confident, and that will help you be more outgoing.
    Be Outgoing Step 17 Version 4.jpg
    • If you’re a little nervous about socializing, wear something that makes you feel powerful and attractive. This will help you to carry that confidence into your interactions.[10]
    • Clothes can also be great conversation-starters. Wearing a fun tie or a statement bracelet can be a way for others to break the ice with you. You can also compliment something someone else is wearing as a way to get acquainted.
    • Be careful not to let judgments slip into these compliments, such as "That dress makes you look so thin!" That type of comment focuses on social standards of beauty rather than the person you're talking with. Instead, try something positive but nonjudgmental like "I love the design of that tie, it's so intricate" or "I've been looking for a pair of shoes like that, where did you get them?"
  6. Work on your existing friendships. Make sure to improve friendships with existing friends and the people you meet. Not only will you be more connected, but you'll be growing and gaining new experiences to share with both these groups of people.
    Be Outgoing Step 18 Version 4.jpg
    • Old friends are good practice. They can introduce you to new people or accompany you to places you would never go alone. Don't ignore them! They're probably going through similar things, too.
  7. Introduce people to each other. Part of being outgoing is helping others feel comfortable. As you become more comfortable introducing yourself, spread the love by introducing other people to each other.
    Be Outgoing Step 19 Version 4.jpg
    • Introducing people to each other helps ease social awkwardness. Think about what you know about each person -- what do they have in common? When you're talking to Janice from the yarn shop, take a moment to call out, "Hey, Steve! This is Janice. We were just talking about that new band at the Factory last night. What'd you think?"

[Edit]Communicating With Your Body

  1. Examine your body language. Your nonverbal communication, such as body language and eye contact, can say as much about you as your actual words. The way that you hold your body sends messages about you to others.[11] People judge others as attractive, likeable, competent, trustworthy, or aggressive in a fraction of a second, so you may have only 1/10 of a second to make a first impression.[12]
    Be Outgoing Step 20 Version 4.jpg
    • For example, making yourself “smaller” by crossing your legs, hunching, holding your arms, etc., communicates that you are not comfortable in a situation. It can send a message that you don’t want to interact with others.
    • On the other hand, you can express confidence and power by opening yourself up. You don’t have to take more room than you need or intrude on others’ space, but establish space for yourself. Plant your feet firmly when you stand or sit. Stand with your chest out and shoulders back. Avoid fidgeting, pointing, or shifting your weight.[13]
    • Your body language also affects how you feel about yourself. People who use “low power” body language, such as making yourself smaller or closing yourself off by crossing your legs or arms, actually experience increased cortisol, a stress hormone related to feelings of insecurity.[14]
  2. Make eye contact. You can be more outgoing just by making eye contact with others. For example, if you look directly at a person, this is commonly interpreted as an invitation. The other person returning your gaze acts as an acceptance of that invitation.
    Be Outgoing Step 21 Version 4.jpg
    • People who make eye contact while speaking are often considered more friendly, open, and believable. Extroverts and socially confident people look more often, and for longer, at people they are speaking or interacting with.
    • Eye contact produces a feeling of connection between people, even when the eyes are in photographs or even sketched.[15]
    • Aim to maintain eye contact with the other person for about 50% of the time while you’re speaking, and for about 70% of the time while you’re listening. Hold your gaze for between 4-5 seconds before you break it again.[16]
  3. Express interest through body language cues. In addition to how you stand and sit when you’re on your own, you can communicate by using body language when interacting with others. “Open” body language communicates that you’re available and interested in the other person.[17]
    Be Outgoing Step 22 Version 4.jpg
    • Open body language includes uncrossed arms and legs, smiling, and looking up and around the room.[18]
    • Once you’ve established contact with someone, communicate your interest in them. For example, leaning in and tilting your head when they talk are ways to show that you’re engaged in the conversation and interested in the other person’s ideas.
    • Many of these body language cues work to communicate romantic attraction, but they communicate non-romantic interest too.
  4. Be an active listener. When you’re listening to someone, show them that you’re engaged in the conversation. Focus on what they’re saying. Look at them while they speak. Nodding, using brief expressions such as “uh huh” or “mm hmm,” and smiling are all ways to show that you’re following the conversation.[19]
    Be Outgoing Step 23 Version 4.jpg
    • Avoid looking over the person’s head or at another area of the room for more than a few seconds. This indicates that you’re bored or not paying attention.
    • Repeat central ideas, or use them as part of your response. For example, if you’re talking with someone new at a bar who’s been telling you about her fly-fishing hobby, mention that when you respond: “Wow, I’ve never been fly-fishing. The way you describe it makes it sound like it would be fun, though.” This lets the other person know you really were listening, rather than mentally checking your shopping list or something else.
    • Allow the other person to finish speaking before you respond.
    • As you listen, don’t be planning your response to give as soon as they’re finished. Focus on the other person’s communication.
  5. Practice your smile. People can distinguish a “real” smile from a fake smile.[20] A real smile activates the muscles around your mouth and around your eyes. This is called a “Duchenne” smile.[21]
    Be Outgoing Step 24 Version 4.jpg
    • Duchenne smiles have been shown to lower stress and produce feelings of happiness in the people who are smiling.[22]
    • Try practicing a Duchenne smile. Imagine a situation in which you want to show a positive emotion, such as joy or love. Practice smiling to communicate that in front of a mirror. Check to see whether your eyes are crinkling at the corners -- a hallmark of the “real” smile.
  6. Push yourself past your “comfort zone.” You have a natural zone of “optimal anxiety,” or “productive discomfort,” that’s just outside your normal comfort zone. When you’re in this zone, you’re more productive because you’re willing to take risks, but you’re not so far outside your “safe space” that anxiety shuts you down. [23]
    Be Outgoing Step 25 Version 4.jpg
    • For example, when you start a new job, go on a first date, or start at a new school, you probably try harder at first because the situation is new to you. This increased attention and effort improves your performance.[24]
    • Take this process slowly. Pushing yourself too far or too fast can actually damage your ability to perform because your anxiety will move past the “optimal” level to “freak-out mode.” Try small steps outside your comfort zone at first. As you become more comfortable with the risks you take to achieve extroversion, you can take bigger ones.[25]
  7. Recast "failures" as learning experiences. With risk comes the possibility that the risk won't work out for you as you'd hoped. It can be tempting to view these situations as "failures." The problem with this way of thinking is that it's totalizing. Even in what looks like the worst possible outcome, there's something you can learn from to use the next time around.[26][27]
    Be Outgoing Step 26 Version 4.jpg
    • Consider how you approached the situation. What did you plan for? Is there anything you didn't plan for? With the benefit of experience now, what do you think you could do differently next time?
    • What did you do to support your chances of success? For example, if your goal was to "socialize more," consider what actions you took. Did you go to a place where you knew a few people? Did you bring a buddy? Did you look for a place to hang out where you might find others who share interests with you? Did you expect to be a social butterfly immediately, or did you set your initial goals small and achievable? Scaffold for your success next time with the knowledge you have now.
    • Focus on what you can control. Experiencing failure may make you feel powerless, as though you will never succeed no matter what. While some things are certainly beyond your control, some aren't. Think about what you do have the power to change, and consider how you can work those things to your advantage next time.
    • You might tie their self-worth directly to your ability to perform. Learn to focus on your effort rather than its outcomes (which you may not be able to control all of the time). Practice self-compassion when you stumble. These techniques can be used as a way to do better next time.[28]

[Edit]Thinking Positively, Effectively, and Confidently

  1. Challenge your inner critic. Changing your behaviors is hard, especially when what you’re trying to do doesn’t come naturally. You may hear that little voice that tells you things like “She doesn’t want to be your friend. You have nothing to add to the conversation. Anything you say will be stupid.” These thoughts are based on fear, not fact. Challenge them by reminding yourself that you have thoughts and ideas that others want to hear.[29]
    Be Outgoing Step 27 Version 4.jpg
    • See if you can find evidence for these “scripts” when they run through your mind. For example, if your coworker walks by your desk and doesn’t say hello, your automatic response might be to think, “Wow, she’s really angry with me. I wonder what I did. I knew she didn’t want to be friends with me.”
    • Challenge that thought by looking for evidence to support it; chances are, you won’t find much. Ask yourself: Has that person told you when they were angry before? If so, they’d probably have told you this time too. Have you actually done something to that person that might upset them? Is it possible they’re just having a bad day?
    • You may be naturally shy and this might cause you to overestimate how your mistakes appear to others. Keep in mind that as long as you are open, honest, and friendly, most people won’t reject you for an occasional stumble. Beating yourself up over your mistakes can mean your anxiety keeps you from learning and growing.
  2. Be outgoing on your own terms. There is nothing wrong with being an introvert and being shy. Decide what you want to change about yourself, but do it for you, not because someone else suggested you should do so.
    Be Outgoing Step 28 Version 4.jpg
    • Think about why being shy bothers you. Maybe it's just something that coming to terms with could solve. Or maybe you just want to be able to get more comfortable with talking with people around you. Being yourself as an introvert is much better than not being you and forcing extroversion.
    • Think about when you find yourself in situations that rev up your shyness. How does your body respond? What are your inclinations? Figuring out how you operate is the first step to taking charge of your reactions.
  3. Start when you can. If you wait until you feel like doing something to do it, the chances are slim that you'll actually make the changes you want to see. You can increase your self-efficacy by acting the way you want to act -- regardless of whether you believe it at first. Your expectations are often enough to make something happen. That is why faking it till you make it works.[30]
    Be Outgoing Step 29 Version 4.jpg
  4. Set realistic goals. Remember that changing yourself takes time. Set realistic goals for yourself, and don't beat yourself up if you stumble now and then. This is normal.[31]
    Be Outgoing Step 30 Version 3.jpg
    • Decide what challenges you. Realistic goals about being more outgoing might look different for you than for someone else. For example, making eye contact with one person each day might be a big victory for you. Choose goals that are realistic for you.
  5. Acknowledge that being outgoing is a skill. Even though it might seem like being outgoing comes easy for some people, that behavior was learned over time and you can learn it too.[32] By setting goals and continuing to work on being more outgoing, you can change how you react to situations and people.
    Be Outgoing Step 31.jpg
    • If you know some outgoing people, ask them questions. Were they always that way? Do they ever feel like they have to try to be outgoing? Do they have their own versions of social phobia? The answers will probably be no, yes, and yes. It's just something they've decided to take control of.
  6. Think of past successes. When you're at a party, that familiar anxiety might overtake you as you think about interacting with the other people there. You might have some negative thoughts about your ability to successfully interact with other people at the party. In this situation, think about situations where you successfully interact with people and feel comfortable. You're probably outgoing around family and friends, at least sometimes. Carry that success over to this situation.
    Be Outgoing Step 32.jpg
    • Thinking of all the times we did what we're currently afraid to do shows us that we are capable and makes us more confident.

[Edit]Video

[Edit]Tips

  • Be aware of your surroundings and live in the moment. If you're not enjoying yourself, nobody else will!
  • When people are asking you questions about your life, make sure you ask them back about their lives. It's easy to forget about, but it makes conversations go much farther.

[Edit]Help with Being Outgoing

  • Smile as often as you can. When you're by yourself or with other people. It will put you in a better mood and therefore make you more outgoing.
  • Once you feel comfortable reaching out to people, take the next step. Learn how to have a good conversation and how to be charming.
  • Don’t feel pressure to act like someone you're not. Being yourself is the best way to be confident.
  • Go up to people. If you see someone you don't know, but seems pretty cool, just say "Hi, what's your name?" and then after they respond say, "Well, I'm (insert name). Nice to meet you!" It will make them see that you are friendly and you don't mind talking to people.
  • Remember that it isn't going to be just a quick transformation from shy, introverted or quiet to outgoing. It may take days, months or even years to be at your best confidence level. Take your time. Practice being outgoing by chatting with people. It could be in the classroom or the boardroom. It doesn't make a difference.

[Edit]Related wikiHows

[Edit]References

[Edit]Quick Summary

  1. ↑ http://www.forbes.com/sites/amyanderson/2014/01/27/make-eye-contact-smile-and-say-hello/
  2. ↑ http://changingminds.org/techniques/questioning/open_closed_questions.htm
  3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cutting-edge-leadership/201110/why-extraversion-may-not-matter?collection=101164
  4. ↑ https://conversation-skills-core.com/how-to-end-conversation-positively/
  5. ↑ http://www.forbes.com/sites/lewishowes/2012/07/06/why-thinking-small-is-the-secret-to-big-success/
  6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/changepower/201103/introverts-extroverts-and-habit-change?collection=101164
  7. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/04/how-to-be-more-outgoing_n_3845174.html
  8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/kidding-ourselves/201404/how-far-well-go-feel-in-control
  9. ↑ http://www.washingtonpost.com/business/capitalbusiness/career-coach-the-value-of-hobbies/2013/05/03/ffa53f2c-b294-11e2-bbf2-a6f9e9d79e19_story.html
  10. ↑ https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0022103112000200
  11. ↑ https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are/transcript?language=en
  12. ↑ https://www.psychologicalscience.org/observer/how-many-seconds-to-a-first-impression
  13. ↑ http://changingminds.org/techniques/body/assertive_body.htm
  14. ↑ https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are#t-554799
  15. ↑ http://www.forbes.com/sites/carolkinseygoman/2014/08/21/facinating-facts-about-eye-contact/
  16. ↑ http://msue.anr.msu.edu/news/eye_contact_dont_make_these_mistakes
  17. ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/attraction/
  18. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/vanessa-van-edwards/the-body-language-of-attraction_b_3673055.html
  19. ↑ http://www.mindtools.com/CommSkll/ActiveListening.htm
  20. ↑ http://www.theguardian.com/science/2015/apr/10/psychology-empathy-distinguish-fake-genuine-smiles
  21. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/thriving101/201001/what-science-has-say-about-genuine-vs-fake-smiles
  22. ↑ http://www.psychologicalscience.org/index.php/news/releases/smiling-facilitates-stress-recovery.html
  23. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hide-and-seek/201207/can-anxiety-be-good-us
  24. ↑ https://www.wsj.com/articles/SB10001424052702303836404577474451463041994
  25. ↑ http://psychclassics.yorku.ca/Yerkes/Law/
  26. ↑ https://hbr.org/2011/04/strategies-for-learning-from-failure
  27. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/guy-winch-phd/learning-from-failure_b_4037147.html
  28. ↑ http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_help_kids_overcome_fear_of_failure
  29. ↑ http://msue.anr.msu.edu/news/abcs_of_changing_your_thoughts_and_feelings_in_order_to_change_your_behavio
  30. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-empathic-misanthrope/201109/fake-it-til-you-make-it
  31. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/notes-self/201308/how-set-goals
  32. ↑ http://www.livescience.com/16216-outgoing-shy-personality-nature-nurture.html


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