How to Roast a Delicious Turkey for Thanksgiving

Private chef Ollie George Cigliano shares her dry brine recipe for the crispiest skin

Whether you like your turkey basted or brined, white meat or dark meat, the secret to the perfect bird is in the roasting. It's easy to prepare and roast a turkey to feed your friends and family, even if you’re a new chef! Let's take you step-by-step through thawing, cleaning and seasoning, and roasting your turkey, with expert advice from private chef Ollie George Cigliano.

How to Roast a Turkey: Quick Guide

Private chef Ollie George Cigliano says to dry-brine the turkey for 1-3 days for crispy skin. Afterwards, let the turkey warm to room temperature, lay it breast-side up in a roasting pan, then cook it in the oven at for 30 minutes. After 30 minutes, lower to and cook for 20 minutes per .

Steps

Thawing Your Turkey

1. Thaw the turkey in the fridge for 24 hours for every . The USDA recommends this thawing method for cooking turkey because it’s safe and can be adjusted for any size bird. Be sure to allow for 24 hours of thawing for every of turkey.^[1]
   
   
   
   • If you’re worried about the turkey dripping as it defrosts, place it on a baking sheet to catch any water that might condense on the packaging.
   • Avoid keeping the turkey in the refrigerator for longer than 48 hours after it is completely thawed, as this can cause the meat to go bad.
2. Place the bird in water for 30 min per for same-day thawing. Keep the turkey in its original wrapper, and submerge it in a bath of cold water in the sink or a large bowl. For example, if you have a turkey, it will need to thaw for 8 hours before you can cook it!^[2]
   
   
   • To make sure the water stays cold and the turkey is at a safe temperature, replace the water every 30 minutes by draining the sink or emptying the bucket and putting in fresh, cold water.
3. Microwave the turkey for 6 min per for quick defrosting. Unwrap your turkey and place it on a microwave-safe dish. The specific instructions for defrosting will depend on the weight of the turkey and the wattage of your microwave. While the turkey is in the microwave, make sure it’s rotating, and flip it over several times while defrosting. Once the turkey is thawed, cook it immediately.^[3]
   
   
   • Normally, you can find the information for thawing a turkey in the manual of the microwave or by searching for the brand of the microwave and the phrase “thawing turkey” online.
   • If your turkey starts to cook instead of thawing, take it out of the microwave and let it rest for about 5 minutes before continuing with the thawing process.

Cleaning and Seasoning the Turkey

1. Reach into the turkey to remove the giblets. If you bought your turkey from the store, Cigliano says there's usually a package of giblets or other organs inside the turkey. Locate the cavities between the legs of the turkey and at the top of the turkey where the neck would be, don food-safe gloves (or use clean hands), and use your hand to grab and pull out everything that’s inside the bird. Cigliano suggests either throwing the giblets away or saving them to make a delicious giblet gravy for the turkey or dog treats.^[4]
   
   
2. Wipe the turkey with a dry paper towel to remove excess moisture. Sometimes, after thawing the turkey, it's moist on the outside. Grab a paper towel and blot the water off of the turkey before you season it to ensure that the seasoning sticks to the skin.^[5]
   
   
   • Any additional bacteria on the turkey will cook off during the roasting, so don’t worry about trying to get the bird completely clean.
   • Avoid running water over the turkey or using a kitchen towel to clean it, as this can spread bacteria throughout your kitchen from drips or splashes of the contaminated water.
3. Apply a dry brine for seasoned, crispy skin. For an easy dry brine, combine 3 tbsp (44.4 mL) of kosher salt, of dried herbs (i.e., rosemary, sage, and thyme), and of freshly ground black pepper. Then, says Cigliano, "season the inside [of the turkey] by sprinkling 2 tsp of the dry brine into the cavity… Rub another of the dry brine into the meat of the legs" and into the breasts. Finally, "sprinkle the remaining salt mixture all over the skin of both the breasts and the legs." For "perfectly crispy skin," refrigerate the turkey uncovered for at least 1 day, "but ideally 3 days," says Cigliano.^[6]
   
   
   • You can add extra black pepper or other seasonings to your taste!
   • This amount of dry brine is enough to cover a turkey. If yours is bigger, make more dry brine.
4. Make a wet brine instead for moister skin. For a wet brine, place the turkey in a large pot, combine of kosher salt per of turkey with of black pepper and the zest of a lemon, and fill the pot with water until the turkey is submerged.
   
   
   • As the turkey is marinating in the water and brine, place it in the refrigerator to keep the temperature at a safe level.
5. Stuff the turkey if you want a savory side dish. Stuffing is a bread mixture that can be cooked inside the turkey to absorb the juices. To make the stuffing, simply mix of scored bread, of chopped celery, and 1 chopped onion together, and use your hands to completely fill the cavity of the turkey by packing the mixture into it.^[7]
   
   
   • Be aware that stuffing will add extra cook time to the recipe. Add an extra 30 minutes to the cook time if your turkey is stuffed.
6. Truss the turkey to ensure even cooking. Trussing is the process of using twine to tie the legs and wings to the turkey. It ensures that the turkey cooks evenly on all parts. To truss the bird, secure the wings to the turkey by wrapping baker’s twine around the body of the turkey, then cross the twine under the bottom of the bird. Finally, tie the legs together.
   
   
   • You can also truss a stuffed bird to keep the stuffing from coming out of the cavity while the turkey is in the roaster.

Roasting the Turkey

1. Heat the oven to while the turkey reaches room temperature. To properly roast a turkey, keep it in the kitchen for an hour to reach room temperature before you cook it. Place it on a dish or baking sheet out of the way while you preheat the oven and prepare the rest of the kitchen for cooking the turkey.^[8]
   
   • If you’re short on time, it’s acceptable to let the turkey sit for about 30 minutes to get it close to room temperature.
2. Tuck butter and your desired seasonings under the turkey skin (optional). While you can certainly roast the turkey with just the seasonings from the dry brine, many people also like to stuff extra ingredients under the skin to give the bird more flavor. Here's Cigliano's recipe for an aromatic butter compound you may want to try:^[9]
   • 1 cup (1 stick), (227 g) of unsalted butter, softened
   • 1 tbsp (14.8 mL) minced shallots or 1 garlic clove, minced or grated.
   • 1 tbsp (14.8 mL) chopped fresh thyme or rosemary.
   • 1 tbsp (14.8 mL) minced parsley or chives.
   • fresh lemon juice.
   • Zest of one lemon or Buddha's hand
   • black pepper.
   • fine sea salt (or to your taste)
   • Combine all the above ingredients, stuff it under the turkey skin, and spread it around with your hands.
   • You can also modify Cigliano's recipe with your favorite herbs and spices, or create your own compound mixture!
3. Brush the skin of the turkey with olive oil or butter. Using a pastry brush, apply enough oil or butter to completely coat the turkey, including the insides of the wings and legs and any small crevices. Depending on the size of the turkey, you will need around of either oil or butter. You might need to slightly adjust the positioning of the turkey to get all of the skin.
   
   
   • Covering the turkey with a fat, like oil or butter, makes the skin crispy but not burnt. If you like moist skin on your turkey, apply less oil or butter.
4. Place the turkey breast-side up on the roasting rack inside the pan. Be gentle when transferring the turkey to the pan. Try to avoid moving the turkey too much as this can cause the trussing to come undone or the stuffing to spill out.
   
   
   • What side of the turkey is "breast-side up"? Check which way the legs and wings are pointing. On the "breast-side up" side, the legs and wings are pointed up. On the "breast-side down" side, the legs and wings are pointed down into the roasting pan.
   • It’s okay if the legs or side of the turkey touch the roasting pan.
5. Add foil to the pan and lower the temperature to after 30 minutes. Set a timer when the turkey is in the oven to remind you to cover it with foil after the first 30 minutes pass. Lowering the temperature and covering the turkey keeps the skin from burning and helps to cook the meat evenly.
   
   
   • Be careful when removing the turkey from the oven! Always use oven mitts and make sure you have enough space to place the roasting pan on the counter while you cover it with foil.
6. Roast the turkey for 3 hours or until the internal temperature is . The cook time of the turkey will depend on how large it is, but the general rule is 20 minutes per . Insert a meat thermometer into the thickest part of the thigh of the turkey about 15 minutes before the end of the cook time to ensure that it’s cooked all the way through.
   
   
   • For example, if you have an unstuffed turkey, plan on cooking for about 3.5-4 hours.
   • Remember to add 30 minutes of extra cook time for a stuffed turkey.
7. Remove the turkey from the oven and let it sit for 30 minutes before carving. When the turkey comes out of the oven, it will be extremely hot. It’s not safe to carve it at this temperature, so let it cool down a bit in the pan on the counter.^[10]
   
   
   • If you’re worried about the turkey getting too cold, keep it covered with the aluminum foil while it rests.
   • You can let the turkey sit on the counter for up to an hour before carving while you make gravy or prepare other parts of your dinner!
8. Finished.
   
   

Video

Tips

• Calculate how much time you’ll need to completely roast the turkey ahead of time, so you can make sure it's cooked in time for your feast.

Warnings

• Handle knives and other sharp kitchen tools with care.
• Always wear oven mitts when handling the hot pan as it comes out of the oven.

Things You'll Need

• Baker's twine
• Roasting pan (with a rack)
• Pastry brush
• Meat thermometer
• Aluminum foil
• Food-safe gloves (optional)

Related wikiHows

• Cook Turkey Drumsticks
• Roast a Chicken
• Make Leftover Turkey and Stuffing Casserole
• Cook a Turkey

References

Quick Summary

1. ↑ https://www.foodsafety.gov/blog/2016/11/defrost-turkey.html
2. ↑ https://www.foodsafety.gov/blog/2016/11/defrost-turkey.html
3. ↑ https://www.foodsafety.gov/blog/2016/11/defrost-turkey.html
4. ↑ [v161921_b01]. 18 Oct 2021.
5. ↑ http://safefood.eu/Healthy-Eating/Food,-Diet-and-Health/Seasonal-Features/Christmas-tips-and-advice/Preparing,-stuffing-and-cooking-your-turkey.aspx
6. ↑ [v161921_b01]. 18 Oct 2021.
7. ↑ http://safefood.eu/Healthy-Eating/Food,-Diet-and-Health/Seasonal-Features/Christmas-tips-and-advice/Preparing,-stuffing-and-cooking-your-turkey.aspx
8. ↑ https://www.thekitchn.com/turkey-timing-tips-from-the-kitchn-213225
9. ↑ [v161921_b01]. 18 Oct 2021.
10. ↑ https://www.thekitchn.com/turkey-timing-tips-from-the-kitchn-213225

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How Old Are You Meant To Be Quiz

Are you a child disguised as an adult, or are you an adult disguised as a child?

Answer these five questions, and we’ll tell you what age you truly are!

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How Old Am I Meant to Be?

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1. What do you do for work?

1. I go to elementary school.
2. I go to middle school.
3. I go to high school.
4. I go to university and/or have a job.

2. What do you like to do in your free time?

1. Play lots of games.
2. Hang out with my besties.
3. Go on social media.
4. Work.

3. How many slang words do you know?

1. 1-2. I’m still learning.
2. 3-5. I use them a lot.
3. All of them! DUH!
4. What’s slang?

4. What sibling are you?

1. The youngest.
2. The middle child.
3. The oldest.
4. I’m an only child.

5. What can’t you live without?

1. Food
2. Playtime
3. My phone
4. Work

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What Does Your Age Say About You?

Age is technically just a number, but your mental age can say a lot about you. Your intellectual or mental age determines your attitude, behavior, and overall personality. Your mental age affects how you make decisions, especially as you age. Those with an older mental age tend to be more mature, while those with a younger age are more playful and childish.

The average mental age today for adults is sixteen. This means that while a 40-year-old adult may look “old” on the outside, they’re still energetic, young, and playful on the inside.

Want to learn more?

For more information about mental age, check out these resources:

• https://www.jstor.org/stable/27524698
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References

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How to Take the Lead & Unleash Your Inner Dominance

Take control and become the master of your own life

If you've ever been in the presence of a truly dominant person, you know how inspiring and intimidating they can be. While not everyone was born with a dominant personality, there are things you can do to become more dominant—both in life and in bed. Read on to learn all about dominance and how you can exert more dominance, both in the bedroom and out.

Being Dominant In & Out of the Bedroom

True dominance is about discipline, confidence, and self-control. In life, stand up straight and speak clearly to appear dominant. When you see an opportunity to step up and lead, take it. In the bedroom, it's important to discuss the dynamic with your partner first. Then, decide together how this dynamic will play out.

Steps

Being Sexually Dominant

1. Discuss the dynamic with your partner. Dominance and submission is a sexual kink based on some degree of power exchange between the two partners. Typically, one partner (the submissive) gives up all or most of their power to their partner (the dominant), who then takes care of them and directs them during a sexual scene.^[1]
   
   • Some dominant and submissive relationships go beyond the bedroom, but it's usually best to experiment with power exchange in the bedroom first, then gradually expand that dynamic if it suits you.
   • It's helpful to talk about how far you and your partner want the power exchange to go. Regardless, always allow your partner to choose safe words and gestures that will stop play if things go sideways for them.
   • You'll probably also find it beneficial to read about dominance and submission practices in the kink community. Reading and discussing with your partner can help the two of you come up with ideas as well.
2. Set the protocol for your dynamic with your partner. In normal social situations, you're likely to use more formal manners in some contexts than others, and it's exactly the same way with D/s relationships! Some couples want a more formal, high-protocol dynamic, while others have something more casual.^[2]
   
   • If dominance doesn't come naturally to you but you want to be more dominant, using some high-protocol elements can help you feel more dominant. For example, you might have your partner address you as "Master."
   • You and your partner can also set rituals to get in and out of the headspace of your dynamic. For example, you might have your partner kneel before you and kiss your feet.
   • If your dynamic doesn't extend beyond the bedroom, these rituals can serve as a sort of light switch to turn the dynamic on and off.
3. Plan how the sexual scene will play out. As a dominant, make sure you have a good understanding of your partner's limits so you can plan a scene within those. Then, discuss the scene with your partner so they can help you plan for any possible issues.^[3]
   
   • For example, many D/s scenes revolve around your partner asking you for permission to do something. If they do it without permission, they would be "punished" in some way.
   • The point of these conversations is to discuss what rules are considered fair by both of you and what punishments are okay. If your partner wants to be surprised by the scene, just mention anything that might present a safety concern for them.
   • For example, if you plan to blindfold your partner, you'd want to make sure that they wouldn't accidentally hurt themselves while they couldn't see.
4. Add props or accessories to spice things up. Being dominant in bed actually has nothing to do with whips and chains—even if these kinks are pretty closely associated. But if you and your partner are interested in experimenting with bondage or kink play, go for it! Sometimes, accessories and props can help you and your partner better get into the right headspace for the dynamic.^[4]
   
   • For example, you might have your partner wear a collar while you're in a scene to symbolize that they belong to you.
   • Ultimately, you and your partner get to decide what dominance and submission means for you and what other activities it includes.
5. Familiarize yourself with any props you'll be using. This is for your partner's safety as well as your own. Make sure you're proficient at handling anything you're going to use and can anticipate how your partner will respond to it. This allows you to have more control over the scene.^[5]
   
   • For example, if impact play is part of your scene, test the implements by hitting your own arm at different levels of intensity so you know how they feel.
   • Your personal knowledge allows you to safely escalate the intensity of the scene in a way that's pleasurable for both you and your partner.
   • If bondage is part of your scene, make sure you have whatever you need to quickly extricate your partner in an emergency.
6. Direct the action of the scene. This is ultimately what a sexual dom does, once all of the negotiating and planning is out of the way. Scenes involving dominance and submission are rarely spontaneous (especially at first) because of the potential safety issues involved.^[6]
   
   • After you and your partner have been in the dynamic for a while, you can start being more spontaneous because you'll be more familiar with each other's boundaries and preferences.
7. Respect your partner's boundaries. Even though you're in charge and in control, that doesn't mean you get to treat your partner however you want. It also doesn't mean that you can tell them to do whatever you want or punish them if they refuse. You have a power exchange, which means your partner can withdraw from that exchange at any point. They entered into that exchange because they trust you to respect their boundaries.^[7]
   
   • Typically, you'll also have a safeword in place in case something happens that neither of you anticipated in advance or your partner just gets overwhelmed in the moment.
8. Engage in aftercare following every scene. Talk to your partner about what this looks like for them, because different people have different needs. People might also have different aftercare needs depending on the type of scene.^[8]
   
   • For example, some people might want to cuddle together after a scene, while others need to get something to eat or take a shower.
   • Aftercare is super important to reinforce your emotional connection with your partner.

Being a More Dominant Person

1. Stand up straight and don't be afraid to take up space. Dominance is a social trait, meaning it's something you can only do when you're out around other people.^[9] Stand and walk with good posture and take up space. You'll exude confidence and people will take notice.
   
   • For example, when you walk into a room, you might stride to an empty chair, making brief eye contact with each person you walk past and nodding to them.
   • Always walk into a room as though you belong there, without hesitation. Wherever you are, occupy that space as though you're entitled to every bit of it.
2. Speak clearly and with confidence. Dominant people always make sure that they're heard and understood. Enunciate your words clearly and speak loudly enough that everyone who needs to hear you can hear you. Avoid up-talk or filler words that can make you sound less confident.^[10]
   • If you replace basic filler words like "um" with a phrase such as "you see," your speech will sound more intentional even though the phrase serves the same function.
   • You might also repeat back a paraphrase of what the other person said. It shows that you're listening and allows them to correct any misunderstanding while also giving you time to think about a confident response.
   • It also helps to simply pause and collect your thoughts before saying what you're going to say. This also provides space to make sure the other person has finished talking.
3. Look after your physical appearance. This doesn't mean that you have to look like a fashion model, but dominant people tend to be well-groomed and appropriately dressed for the occasion. And studies show dressing to impress gives your self-esteem a boost as well, so you'll not only look more dominant, you'll feel more dominant too.
   • While looks aren't everything when it comes to being dominant and appearances can be deceiving, you'll often get a lot further if you look the part.
   • For example, suppose your manager needs someone to make a presentation to a client at the last minute. If you came to work wearing a suit instead of jeans and a t-shirt (or had a suit on hand), you'd be ready to take the lead.
4. Step up and take charge when necessary. Research shows that people who are more dominant are also more driven to pursue power.^[11] So it stands to reason that people who frequently take on leadership roles are often seen as more dominant people.^[12]
   
   • Keep in mind that a good leader is not the same thing as a dictator. Taking charge also means taking responsibility.
5. Adopt a growth mindset. A growth mindset just means that you believe your abilities and behaviors aren't fixed for life. Rather, you can change them if you want. This mindset is crucial if you want to become more dominant—especially if dominance doesn't come naturally to you.^[13]
   • It might seem like a really basic thing but you can't really change anything about yourself without believing that it's possible!
6. Look for opportunities to exercise more control. For a dominant person, the drive for control goes hand in hand with the drive for power. The more control you have, the more power you have over various parts of the whole.^[14] Every decision that you give to make unleashes an opportunity for you to exert your control and express your dominance in the process.
   • The best part is that you can do this without even taking charge! For example, if your partner wants to remodel the living room, you might say, "Before we pick new furniture we need to paint. I'll pick out the paint and we can go from there."
7. Stand up for what is right. Being dominant means not compromising your values, which means when you see something going on that isn't in line with your values, you say something about it. This assertiveness is what sets a dominant person apart from a bully.^[15]
   • You want to be dominant, not domineering. A person who is domineering acts only for themselves, while a person who is dominant acts for the good of everyone involved.
8. Take a time-out if you get emotionally heated. Dominant people are seen as being in control—and you can't be in control if you're flying off the handle about something.^[16] When your emotions are starting to overwhelm you, excuse yourself and do some deep breathing exercises to calm down before you react to the situation.
   
   • If you seem to be in control of your emotions, people will find it easier to rely on you—especially in a crisis situation.
9. Convince rather than ask. When you ask someone for permission to do something (or to do something for you), you're giving them the upper hand because they have the power to say no. If you want to be dominant, look for ways to "make them an offer they can't refuse"—be persuasive, and don't take no for an answer!^[17]
   • If you feel intimidated by this, don't be! Sometimes people will back down the second they're challenged—and even if they don't, you're still not in any worse position than you were before.
   • At the same time, be empathetic and take other people's perspectives into account—they'll actually be more willing to go along with what you want if they feel heard.
10. Assign people tasks to get the job done. A dominant person leads, which means they're typically going to get others to do the lion's share of the work. That doesn't mean they won't roll up their sleeves and pitch in when necessary, but they also know that teamwork makes the dream work.^[18]
    • To act more dominant, simply tell people what to do, rather than asking them if they'll do something or asking generally what people are willing to do.
    • For example, if you've got a few people together to set up for a party, you might say, "Okay—Laura, set out the chairs. Mike, work on the sound system with me. The rest of you can take care of the food."
    • If someone doesn't want to do something you've told them to do, they might refuse, but that doesn't put you in any worse of a position than you were before. Often, though, people will just go along with whatever you say.
11. Act only in line with your core values. Identify your core values and then only make decisions that are consistent with those values. You'll always feel comfortable with your decisions and you'll be able to make them very quickly—which is a common ability with dominant people.^[19]
    • For example, you're offered a promotion but it would require you to move away from your hometown where all of your family lives. If family is one of your core values, you wouldn't even have to think about this—your family comes first.
12. Do what you say and say what you mean. People with dominant personalities tend to be very direct and straightforward. Because they're not worried about pleasing others, they feel free to tell it like it is—even if that honesty might upset someone. If they say they're going to do something (or not do something), others know they can count on that.^[20]
    
    • Be careful not to over-promise—make sure whatever you tell people is something that will be relatively easy for you to deliver. Over time, you'll build a reputation for being an honest and reliable person.
13. Prepare for things that could foreseeably happen. A big part of being dominant is not being caught unaware. After all, it's pretty hard to dominate in a situation you weren't prepared for. But the more you're prepared for, the more control you have. And everyone will benefit from lower stress because they know that if something happens, you're ready.^[21]
    • For example, you might book a backup indoor venue in case the event at the park gets rained out.
    • This is often as simple as having a charger handy in case someone's phone dies or having an umbrella in case it rains.
    • Look for little ways you can prepare for something that will likely happen. If something happens once, prepare so that it won't be a problem if it comes up again.
14. Take responsibility when things don't go according to plan. A dominant person wants to show that they are in control, which means they don't blame other people when things go awry. Instead, they analyze and learn from their mistakes so they can prevent a similar outcome next time.^[22]
    • Don't go overboard, though! Only take responsibility for things that were within your control to do differently.
    • There's no need to accept the blame for something that wasn't your fault or that you couldn't have reasonably done anything to prevent.
15. Celebrate your wins and learn from your losses. Dominant people tend to be really competitive and have a drive to win and be the best at whatever they do. But when they lose, they know how to look back at their performance and figure out what they need to improve on so they can come out on top next time.^[23]
    • Dominant people are authentically proud of their accomplishments and victories and openly celebrate their strengths—so don't be shy about celebrating something you did well.
16. Tackle problems head on. A dominant person isn't one to sweep something under the rug or keep kicking a can down the road—no, they're going to deal with a problem efficiently as soon as it presents itself so they don't have to deal with it anymore.^[24] Instead of ignoring a problem and hoping it will go away, be more dominant and take steps to resolve it.
    
    • For example, if you notice your car making a funny noise, you might take it to a mechanic and get the problem fixed rather than waiting until your car breaks down.
    • Doing this also allows you more time for planning so you can be more in control. If the car repairs are more than you can afford but the mechanic says you can drive the car for another month without making the repair, that means you've got time to save money instead of having to take out a costly emergency loan.
    • This is even better if it's a problem that no one else has noticed yet—then you can really be the hero who saves the day!
17. Set and enforce firm boundaries with other people. Setting boundaries is actually an act of self-care because you're making sure people don't walk all over you. More dominant people tend to do whatever it takes to ensure that someone else isn't controlling them or taking advantage of them.^[25]
    • It's pointless to establish boundaries if you're not going to enforce them—remember that people with dominant personalities don't say something unless they mean it.
18. Stay sober in public settings. This doesn't mean that you can't have a drink every now and then, but alcohol and recreational drugs cause you to lose control, and that's the last thing a dominant person wants to do. Plus, being in control allows you to step in if others have gone too far and need help.^[26]
    • This self-control is what sets a dominant person apart from an abusive person. An abusive person often has a lack of self-control and seeks to control the people around them as a result.
    • Research shows self-control combined with grit (pursuing a goal despite setbacks) is likely to lead to success.^[27] No surprise these are also 2 traits associated with dominant personalities.
19. Decide and act quickly. People with dominant personalities don't spend a lot of time analyzing all of the possible outcomes before making a decision—they simply pick what they want and go with it. They don't doubt themselves or question their ability to make the right choice.^[28]
    • A lot of this comes from self-confidence—when you feel confident in yourself and your abilities, you don't second-guess yourself.
    • Dominant personalities also aren't afraid to take risks. They aren't afraid to go all-in on an out-of-the-box idea that has the potential to pay off big.^[29]
    • For example, you might take a risk and book a romantic getaway without consulting your partner first because you want to whisk them away.
20. Maintain a positive and optimistic outlook. People with dominant personalities look forward to the future because they know that they're in control and believe things are likely to go their way. They view setbacks as temporary and know that with hard work they'll eventually end up on top.^[30]
    
    • If you've done your homework and are prepared for any contingencies, you have reason to be optimistic—you know you can handle whatever comes your way.

Encouraging Dominance in Your Partner

1. Compliment them when they take the lead. Research shows that when you tell someone they're good at something, they make that thing a part of their identity.^[31] So if you want to encourage your partner to be more dominant in your relationship, praising them when they exhibit dominant behavior is a great place to start.
   
   • For example, you might say, "I loved the way you took over back there, you saved us a lot of hassle! You're really good at that."
   • With frequent compliments like this, your partner will start to feel more comfortable expressing more dominant behavior.
2. Give them regular feedback. Tell your partner what they're doing well and, respectfully, what they can improve on. This reinforces that it's within their control to be more dominant and that they're making progress towards that goal.^[32]
   
   • For example, if your partner often hesitates and they want to move more confidently, you might praise them each time they make a confident or decisive move.
   • This kind of praise helps your partner focus on building their strengths while improving where they can.
3. Remove roadblocks to help them become more dominant. If you see something standing in their way and you can do something about that, you'll make it that much easier for your partner to become the dominant person they've always wanted to be.^[33]
   
   • For example, if your partner wants to be more dominant about choosing a restaurant but also wants to take your preferences into account, you might write them a list of your favorite and least favorite restaurants in your city.

What does it mean to be dominant?

1. Dominant people tend to seek more power over others. Power, very generally speaking, means that you have the ability to either give or withhold things that other people need. Power is different from social rank or status, which you can get without doing anything.^[34]
   
   • Sometimes, social rank or status can come with power, but that power evaporates once you're no longer in that rank or status.
   • For example, you might have power in high school because you are a member of a varsity sports team. But after you graduate, you'll no longer have that power.
   • In contrast, you tend to hang onto power you acquire through your own dominant actions—you carry it with you regardless of your rank or status.

References

1. ↑ https://www.rewriting-the-rules.com/sex/dominant-and-submissive-relationships/
2. ↑ ​​https://www.silkenclaws.com/understanding-levels-of-protocol/
3. ↑ https://www.rewriting-the-rules.com/sex/dominant-and-submissive-relationships/
4. ↑ https://www.infinitedevotion.com/blog/d-s-is-not-always-bdsm
5. ↑ https://domsubliving.com/how-to-be-a-dominant/
6. ↑ https://domsubliving.com/how-to-be-a-dominant/
7. ↑ https://beducated.com/mag/bdsm-how-to-be-a-remarkable-dom/
8. ↑ https://domsubliving.com/how-to-be-a-dominant/
9. ↑ https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3383914/
10. ↑ https://www.aib.edu.au/blog/communication/8-powerful-tips-speaking-with-confidence-and-authority/
11. ↑ https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3383914/
12. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/close-encounters/201505/why-some-of-us-seek-dominant-partners
13. ↑ https://odi.osu.edu/scholars-edge-tips-thriving-college/developing-growth-mindset
14. ↑ https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3383914/
15. ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/assertive/art-20044644
16. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/close-encounters/201505/why-some-of-us-seek-dominant-partners
17. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/trust-yourself/202201/6-ways-deal-dominant-personality
18. ↑ https://hbr.org/2017/10/to-be-a-great-leader-you-have-to-learn-how-to-delegate-well
19. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/changepower/201811/6-ways-to-discover-and-choose-your-core-values
20. ↑ https://www.bumc.bu.edu/gms/files/2011/05/Dealing-with-a-dominant-personality-can-be-a-challenging-feat.pdf
21. ↑ https://www.ucf.edu/news/preparation-key-helping-face-whatever-may-come-way/
22. ↑ https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/stop-playing-the-blame-game-take-responsibility-in-your-relationship/
23. ↑ https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3383914/
24. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/trust-yourself/202201/6-ways-deal-dominant-personality
25. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/social-connection/setting-healthy-boundaries-in-relationships
26. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/intimacy-and-desire/201105/people-who-cant-control-themselves-try-to-control-others
27. ↑ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26855479/
28. ↑ https://www.bumc.bu.edu/gms/files/2011/05/Dealing-with-a-dominant-personality-can-be-a-challenging-feat.pdf
29. ↑ https://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/document?repid=rep1&type=pdf&doi=c72a7081f0f19c3f3b4e99c492f16ac2f8a21c92
30. ↑ https://odi.osu.edu/scholars-edge-tips-thriving-college/developing-growth-mindset
31. ↑ https://www.discovermagazine.com/mind/why-do-people-love-getting-compliments
32. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/close-encounters/201501/7-ways-you-can-help-your-partner-reach-their-goals
33. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-practice/201911/5-ways-to-help-your-partner-be-their-best-self
34. ↑ https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3383914/

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