How to Show Emotion

If anyone has ever told you to “open up more” or “show some emotion,” you may be wondering what they really meant. It’s easy for us to get caught up in our own little worlds and hide what we’re feeling from other people. Sometimes, we don’t even realize we’re being guarded or hiding our feelings. But even if it isn’t intentional, bottling up can make it hard to connect with people, and it can lead to problems in the long run if we struggle to share or show how we’re feeling. If you can open up more to others, you’ll see how rewarding and invigorating it is to share your feelings with others!

[Edit]Steps

[Edit]Reading Your Emotions

1. Take a minute to process emotions as they come to you. Whenever you feel something, take a second to sit with what you’re feeling. Think about how you feel and let the emotion wash over you naturally. It will be a lot easier to show how you feel if you take a moment to analyze what you’re feeling.^[1]
   
   • This will make you more aware of how your feelings influence the way you think.
   • For example, if you notice that you often get frustrated at other people when you’re not in control, you can stop yourself from lashing out in an unproductive way in the future.
2. Name your emotions once you’ve sat with them for a moment. Once you’re comfortable with a feeling, give the emotion a name. Is that pit in your stomach excitement, or are you anxious about something? If you don’t feel anything particularly moving, are you bored, apathetic, or content? This process will make you more self-aware. It will also help you express what you’re feeling.^[2]
   
   • Try to avoid over-exaggerating. Did you really “hate” that business meeting, or are you concerned about the company’s direction? Did you “love” your dinner, or did you just enjoy it? Even when emotions feel really powerful, naming them accurately can reinforce your sense of self-control.
3. Keep a journal and write about your feelings every day. One way to open up emotionally to others is to start keeping a daily journal. Treat it as a special space for you to open up and be honest. Every day, jot down a paragraph or two about your day went and how your day went and how it makes you feel. This will help you track your feelings over time and put you more in tune with yourself.^[3]
   
   • Writing about your feelings every day is also therapeutic. Taking time to write through your frustrations and joys is a great way to keep your mind from running all over the place at night.
   • For example, you may write, “Today, I went to class and then grabbed lunch with Jamie. I was completely bored by class, but that’s okay. We’re covering more interesting material next week. I really like hanging out with Jamie, and we had a great meal…”
4. Use positive self-talk to remind yourself that your feelings are valuable. If you find yourself passively writing off your emotions or you get down about connecting with others, remind yourself that your feelings matter. You can do this either out loud, or in your head. Say, “I am valuable, and my feelings are valid,” or, “How I feel is important,” and give yourself a boost of positivity.^[4]
   
   • This may sound kind of cheesy, but positive self-talk is a really helpful way to open up. By saying positive things about the way you feel, you’ll alleviate the pressure you may be putting on yourself to be more open.
   • This is a really good way to combat and challenge specific negative thoughts. If you start thinking that nobody cares about how you feel, you could say, “My feelings matter to me, and they matter to other people.”
5. Be patient with yourself and celebrate the little victories. Paying a ton of attention to your feelings can be kind of exhausting! It takes effort and time to get in the habit of opening up and showing your emotions to others. Be kind to yourself and celebrate the work that you’re doing. Assessing your emotions can be hard work sometimes, so try not to be too tough on yourself!^[5]
   
   • So long as you’re honest with yourself, you’re going to get better at this. It can just take a bit of time if you’re used to always hiding the way you feel.
   • Reward yourself every once in a while. Dedicate one day a week to do something you really enjoy as a little celebration for the hard work you’re doing.
6. Go to therapy if you want help navigating and sharing your feelings. Therapy can be deeply helpful if you want to actively get better at showing your emotions.^[6] Find a therapist near you and meet with them regularly to discuss your problems and feelings. They’ll help you improve your communication, accept yourself, and show you some coping strategies to handle negative self-talk.^[7]
   
   • If you’re trying to open up and share how your feeling, consider cognitive behavioral therapy. This is a type of therapy where you focus on fixing unhelpful ways of thinking to change your behavior.^[8]
   • If you’re in a relationship and you’re working on opening up to one another, couple’s counseling is a great option.
   • There’s nothing wrong with going to therapy. There’s a huge stigma surrounding mental health, but it can be really helpful! Don’t be embarrassed about seeing a therapist.

[Edit]Opening up to Others

1. Respond honestly when close friends ask, “How are you doing?” If you’re one of those folks that always says, “I’m fine” when a good friend or family member asks you how you’re doing, stop! Instead of ignoring this little question, treat it as an opportunity to open up and share how you’re feeling. Even if you think they don’t really want to know how you feel, people do care about you and they’ll be happy to see you opening up.^[9]
   
   • For example, if your mother asks you, “How are you doing?” you may say, “You know, I’m kind of frustrated with work lately,” or, “I’m actually really great. I’m looking forward to this road trip next week.” These little interactions are a great way to open up to your loved ones.
   • If a stranger or acquaintance asks you how you’re doing, it may not be appropriate to start sharing everything on your mind. It’s a good thing to be honest with close friends and family, though!
2. Show appreciation and give people compliments to spread joy. Going out of your way to make other people feel good is a great way to show positive emotions and open up a little. Being appreciative is one of the best ways to show emotion and strengthen your relationships. It’s also just a great way to spread positivity into the world!^[10]
   
   • For example, if a coworker performs gives a really good presentation, pull them aside and tell them how great they did after the meeting is over.
   • If your spouse cooks a great dinner, really go into detail and tell them how much you loved the recipe. Say “thank you” and emphasize how much you appreciate them cooking for you.
3. Assert yourself politely if you get upset or frustrated. Some people let negative emotions build up until they reach a boiling point. To avoid this, assert yourself in the kindest way possible when you’re angry or irritated. Not only will you feel better, but you’ll solve potential conflicts without things getting out of hand.^[11]
   
   • For example, If a coworker snaps at you during a meeting, say, “I don’t appreciate you talking to me this way. I’m willing to discuss this calmly, but this isn’t called for.”
   • If a close friend keeps blowing off your dinner plans, say, “It frustrates me when you call off at the last minute and it makes me feel like you don’t value our friendship.”
4. Talk about your experiences every day with your loved ones. If you see your spouse, partner, or family every day, have a quick chat about your day went. These little check-ins are a great way to open up and get used to sharing how you feel. By openly discussing your daily experiences, you’ll find it much easier to navigate difficult times and much more rewarding to celebrate the good times.^[12]
   
   • Communication is a two-way street. Make sure that you actively listen to others when they’re telling you how they feel as well.^[13]
   • For example, instead of coming home from work and just turning the TV on, take 5-10 minutes to talk to your partner or roommate. You may say, “Wow, I had a really exhausting day at work. I was really productive, but I am totally wiped. How was your day?”
5. Allow yourself to be vulnerable by sharing unpleasant feelings. When you discuss your anxieties, fears, and concerns, you show people that you trust them. If something is bothering you, tell your partner, best friend, or family. It can be tempting to compartmentalize negative feelings, but this can make it hard to discuss painful topics in the future. It may also give the impression that you’re hiding something.^[14]
   
   • If someone you’re close to notices something is on your mind and they ask, “What’s wrong?” tell them. You may say, “Honestly, I’m really upset about the way the conversation with my brother went today. Do you mind if we talk about it for a bit?”
6. Do things you enjoy with people you love to share positive emotions. Dedicate one night a week to go out and grab dinner with your family. Take a cooking class with your partner, or go on a 20-minute walk every day. Being emotionally available and sharing how you feel is a lot easier when you have fun with the people you care about, and tough conversations are a lot easier to put into perspective when you’ve developed a positive bond.^[15]
   
   • Always show your positive emotions! Whenever you’re in a great mood, tell your partner. It can be exhausting for your partner if you’re only ever sharing the negative stuff.
7. Give gifts to demonstrate appreciation and affection. Every once in a while, buy your partner some flowers or chocolates. Offer to take your best friend out to eat, or buy a candle for that friend that loves aromatherapy. Giving gifts—even when they aren’t expensive—is a great way to remind people you care about them and show your loved ones that you appreciate them.^[16]
   
   • Think about how great you feel when someone gets you a gift out of nowhere! It’s good to give great gifts on holidays and important dates, but giving out of the blue is always a good idea.
8. Show others how you feel with your facial expressions. Smiling, grimacing, or frowning is a great way to communicate how you’re feeling without saying anything. If you tend to mask your facial expressions or try to hold them in, just let it go. Smile when you’re happy, laugh when something is funny, and frown if you’re upset.^[17]
   
   • Facial expressions are totally natural, so try not to be self-conscious about it.
   • If you don’t naturally have a lot of facial expressions, don’t force it. You may have heard that smiling can make you happy and frowning can make you sad, but there isn’t much evidence that this is true.^[18]

[Edit]Acting with Emotion

1. Master facial expressions to show feeling without over-acting. There are 7 microexpressions that most actors rely on to show emotion without dialogue. Mastering these nonverbal expressions will make it much easier to master your craft and communicate powerful feelings.^[19] These expressions include happiness, sadness, fear, anger, disgust, surprise, and contempt.^[20]
   
   • Every microexpression relies on your eyebrows, lips, and eyes. Happiness, for example, involves squinting slightly, curving your lips up, and raising your eyebrows slightly. If you’re surprised, you may raise your eyebrows high, open your eyes, and keep your mouth slightly open.
   • Practice in the mirror to come up with a unique expression for each of the major emotions. This way, you can communicate feeling through your behavior without relying on your speech.
2. Raise or lower your voice to emphasize powerful emotions. If you’re trying to convey anger or excitement, raise the volume of your voice a little bit. If you’re trying to communicate fear, nervousness, or submission, lower the volume of your voice. Practice controlling the volume of your voice when you’re going over your lines or preparing a presentation to put emphasis on your emotions and punctuate particularly important moments.^[21]
   
   • Keep in mind, if you’re a stage actor, you need to naturally speak a little louder than you normally do to ensure that everyone can hear you. This is what people mean when they say, “Use your stage voice.”^[22]
3. Adjust the underlying meaning of dialogue with your tone. Your tone refers to the emotional quality of your voice. Changing your tone can add subtext and texture to a line of dialogue. For example, if you say “I don’t like the way you’re behaving” with an accusatory tone, it can come off as sinister. If you say it in a sing-songy, playful way, it may come off as a playful joke.^[23]
   
   • Speaking in a monotone way where you don’t change your pitch or tone at all can indicate boredom or sarcasm.
4. Change the pitch of your voice to sound more confident or excited. Pitch refers to how high or low your voice is. If you want to communicate strength or confidence, lower the pitch of your voice slightly. If you want to appear more animated or moved, raise the pitch of your voice a little bit. This is a great way to reinforce an emotion.^[24]
   
   • One way to demonstrate uncertainty is to raise your pitch towards the end of a sentence. In a normal voice, “What do we do now?” sounds like an authentic question. If you raise your voice on “now,” you’ll sound kind of helpless and unsure.
   • Your tone and pitch may not change a whole lot depending on how dramatic you want to be. If you’re giving a presentation at work, you probably want to maintain a conversational tone and a normal pitch.
5. Face the person and make eye contact to appear comfortable and open. Body language is important when it comes to communicating emotion. If you face the person you’re talking to and make eye contact, you will appear natural and convey a sense of calm.^[25] This can also make you seem receptive, friendly, and open to conversation.^[26]
   
   • This is really important when you’re interviewing for a job, trying to network, or going on a first date. If you seem closed off and you aren’t making eye contact, it can make you appear squeamish or nervous.
6. Turn away from a person and hide your hands to appear nervous. If you want to convey fear, apathy, or resentfulness, face away from the person, look down at the ground, and stuff your hands in your pockets. If you’re sitting down, cross your legs and lean slightly away from the person addressing you. This will send the subconscious message that you aren’t open to talking or comfortable with what’s going on.^[27]
   
   • This is a good way to keep someone from talking to you on the bus or pestering you at a party! People tend to pick up on these subtle hints that you aren’t approachable.
   • Fidgeting is a great alternative to hiding your hands if you’re trying to convey nervousness or act like you’re preoccupied with something.

[Edit]References

[Edit]Quick Summary

1. ↑ https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2015/11/how-to-get-better-at-expressing-emotions/416493/
2. ↑ https://smlr.rutgers.edu/content/emotional-intelligence-what-it-why-does-it-matter
3. ↑ https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?ContentID=4552&ContentTypeID=1
4. ↑ https://www.thenewsherald.com/downriver_life/2020-emotional-wellness-inventory-boosting-self-esteem/article_f5d19ee8-4dcc-11ea-9413-4fb4dc17f624.html
5. ↑ https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2015/11/how-to-get-better-at-expressing-emotions/416493/
6. ↑ https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/06/070622090727.htm
7. ↑ https://www.hvcc.edu/cct/counseling/benefits.html
8. ↑ https://www.apa.org/ptsd-guideline/patients-and-families/cognitive-behavioral
9. ↑ https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbescoachescouncil/2018/03/08/the-benefits-of-expressing-your-emotions/#95c99df4443d
10. ↑ https://www.nbcnews.com/better/lifestyle/why-compliments-make-us-feel-so-good-how-get-better-ncna1062546
11. ↑ https://delawaretoday.com/life-style/health/how-constructively-confronting-our-emotions-can-make-us-happier/
12. ↑ https://health4u.msu.edu/articles/2017-how-was-your-day
13. ↑ https://health4u.msu.edu/articles/2017-how-was-your-day
14. ↑ https://www.takingcharge.csh.umn.edu/work-communication-healthy-relationships
15. ↑ https://medium.com/swlh/emotional-availability-in-relationships-and-why-its-crucial-for-true-closeness-14d585076f1
16. ↑ https://www.nytimes.com/2007/12/11/health/11well.html
17. ↑ https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/why-do-we-use-facial-expressions/
18. ↑ https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2019/07/01/735822187/the-science-of-smiles-real-and-fake
19. ↑ https://www.apa.org/science/about/psa/2011/05/facial-expressions
20. ↑ https://www.cbc.ca/natureofthings/features/the-seven-universal-emotions-we-wear-on-our-face
21. ↑ https://www.bbc.co.uk/bitesize/guides/z3c2yrd/revision/2
22. ↑ [v160976_b04]. 22 March 2019.
23. ↑ https://www.bbc.co.uk/bitesize/guides/z3c2yrd/revision/2
24. ↑ https://www.bbc.co.uk/bitesize/guides/z3c2yrd/revision/2
25. ↑ [v160976_b04]. 22 March 2019.
26. ↑ https://www.forbes.com/sites/nickmorgan/2011/09/08/body-language-quick-takes-how-to-spot-openness/#65eabdb85b14
27. ↑ [v160976_b04]. 22 March 2019.

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