How to What to Talk About on a First Date

Plus, which topics you should definitely avoid on your date

While first dates are supposed to be fun, figuring out what to talk about can be a little stressful. On one hand, you want to be yourself and have a good time, but on the other, you want to make sure your date feels comfortable. To help you out, we spoke to dating and relationship experts for tips on how to have great first date conversations—from everything you should talk about, to the topics that are best to avoid.

[Edit]Great Topics to Talk About on a First Date

1. Where you grew up.
2. Your hobbies.
3. Your favorite movie/music/book.
4. What your dream vacation looks like.
5. Your ideal job.
6. Your favorite meal.
7. Something you've always wanted to try.

[Edit]Steps

[Edit]The Basics

1. Ask your date questions about their daily life as a way to break the ice. Although talking about work, family life, and daily routines aren’t exactly the most exciting topics of conversation, these subjects are a great way to get a glimpse into the life of your date. Once you are able to paint a picture of who this person is, it will help you move the conversation forward.^[1]
   
   • “What does your typical day look like at work?”
   • "What's the first thing you do when you get home after a long day?"
   • "Have you always lived in this city?"
   • ”Where did you grow up?”
   • ”Do you have any pets?”
   • ”What’s one thing you can’t leave home without?”
   • ”How many siblings do you have?”
   • According to dating coach Lisa Shield, sticking to one of these topics at a time is better than jumping from subject to subject. "Really great conversation happens when you take one topic, and then you go deeper," she says. "So somebody might say, 'Where did you grow up?' And they may say, 'I grew up in Detroit.' And you might say, 'Wow, tell me about Detroit.'^[2]

[Edit]Friends

1. Ask about your date’s friends to learn more about their social life. When you ask someone about their friend group, it reveals a lot about who they are as a person. If you’re more of an introverted homebody and your date says that they like to go out every single weekend with a huge group of friends, this can be very useful to gauge your compatibility.^[3]
   
   • “What do you typically do for fun with your friends?”
   • "My best friend and I have this annual tradition of going strawberry picking every summer. Do you and your friends have any traditions?"
   • "Would you prefer to hang out with one or two friends at a time or with a large group?"
   • ”How often do you and your friends get together?”
   • ”Which friend have you had the longest?”

[Edit]Hobbies and Interests

1. Discuss hobbies, interests, and passions to find common ground. Learning more about what your date likes is huge. It’s also the perfect way to uncover shared interests and plan future dates. For example, if you find out that your date is obsessed with hiking (and so are you!), ask them if they’d be interested in going together one day.^[4].
   
   • “I’ve recently been really getting into cross-stitching. Have you ever tried it?”
   • "I love that photo on your dating profile of you jamming out on the mandolin! How long have you been interested in music?"
   • "You mentioned before that you enjoy cooking. I'd love to hear more about your favorite dishes to prepare."
   • ”My Saturday mornings usually include stopping by the market downtown to support local businesses. Have you ever been?”
   • ”I see you’re wearing a Cowboys shirt! They’re my favorite team; would you want to catch a game sometime?”
   • ”What’s one hobby you’ve always wanted to try?”

[Edit]Preferences

1. Play a fun game of “this or that” to learn their likes and dislikes. Asking your date which option they’d choose out of two choices is an awesome way to keep the tone of the date fun and flirty. At the same time, you’re still learning more about them as a person and determining just how compatible the two of you are.
   
   • “Would you rather have Beyoncé’s talent or Jay-Z’s business mindset?”
   • "A day at the beach or in the mountains?"
   • "Are you more of a dog person or a cat person? I tend to like both!"
   • ”Are you an early bird or a night owl?”
   • ”Is vanilla or chocolate the better flavor?”
   • ”Team Edward or team Jacob and why?”

[Edit]Favorites

1. Ask your person about their favorite things to reveal more about their personality. Whether your date loves Game of Thrones or The Office, there’s sure to be a discussion when favorites are brought up. Ask them about their favorite shows, podcasts, movies, or books to really get a grasp on their taste—which can reveal a lot about a person!^[5]
   
   • “I just finished my favorite show and need a new binge-worthy series. Have you watched anything good lately that you'd suggest?”
   • "I can't stop thinking about this book that I read recently, and I feel like you'd really enjoy it, too. Maybe check it out and we can talk about it?"
   • "What's one movie you could watch over and over again without ever getting tired of?"
   • ”What’s the best TV series of the last decade?”
   • ”What genre of movies do you tend to like?”
   • ”Celebrity crush?”
   • ”You said you enjoy Harry Potter. Which book was the best?”
   • ”I know you mentioned you like sports podcasts. Which one is your favorite?”

[Edit]Travel

1. Talk about travel to share experiences and future plans. Travel is a great date conversation because it’s the perfect way to learn about your date’s past and future. Asking them where they’ve been, where they’re going, and where they’d like to go gives you a better idea as to whether or not you guys will hit it off.
   
   • “If you could fly anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?”
   • "I noticed pictures on your Instagram from your trip to Bali last month. I'd love to hear more about it!"
   • "One of my dreams is to travel to Africa one day. Do you have any dream trips?"
   • ”Would you prefer to take a Caribbean beach cruise or backpack through Europe?”
   • ”I’ll tell you my embarrassing travel story if you tell me yours!”
   • ”Would you have more fun somewhere cold or warm?”

[Edit]Goals and Pursuits

1. Talk about the future to figure out where they’re going in life. Asking questions about their career is great, but goals and pursuits aren’t limited to employment. You can ask your date questions about personal goals, too, such as any hobbies they’d ever like to take up, where they see themselves living in the future, or how they’d like to improve or change their life.^[6]
   
   • “Do you see yourself at the same job you’re at now in 5 years?”
   • "I'm currently studying Spanish and it's a goal of mine to become fluent. Do you study any languages"
   • "I don't see myself living in this city for the rest of my life. Have you ever thought about relocating?"
   • ”I saw on your profile that your goal is to run a 5K this year. I’d love to hear more about that!”
   • ”What is your dream job?”
   • ”What would you say is one thing you’re most proud of?”

[Edit]Food

1. Talk about food as a doorway to a second date. Whether or not your first date involves any type of food, sharing more about the foods you and your date enjoy is a great “in” for a second date. For example, your date might mention that they love Italian food and your favorite restaurant is a cozy little Italian spot—this is the perfect opportunity to invite them along.
   
   • ”What’s the best restaurant you’ve tried since moving here?”
   • ”Cooking or takeout?”
   • ”What is your perfect meal?”
   • ”Do you like to cook?”
   • ”What’s your specialty when you cook?”

[Edit]Music

1. Assess their music taste to compare favorites as well as learn about new music. Music is one thing that can bring people together so naturally, it’s a great date conversation. You may find out that you and your person have all the exact same favorite groups, or you may learn about a few cool artists you’ve never heard about before. Either way, it’s a win!
   
   • ”How many playlists would you say you have in your library?”
   • ”Who is the most unknown artist you listen to?”
   • ”Which artist do you have on repeat all day long?”
   • ”What’s your most played song of the year?”
   • ”Any new albums you’d recommend?”

[Edit]What to Avoid Talking About on a First Date

1. Complaints{endbold} Whether the coffee you ordered on the date was lukewarm or your mom called you earlier that day trying to pick a fight, it’s best to keep those irritations to yourself at this stage. Complaining can give off some major negative energy, and while your date totally might not care, you don’t know them well enough yet to know how they’re going to react. Instead, keep the conversation focused on them and learning more about them.^[7]
   
2. Previous relationships{endbold} Talking about exes may allow your date to believe that these relationships are still on your mind or that you’re still carrying the weight and baggage of the past. Remember to live in the present on a first date and keep the new person as your main focus.^[8]
   
3. Religion{endbold} Religion is a big deal to many people, so it’s only natural that some of us want to make sure we’re partnering up with someone who’s beliefs align with our own. While it’s okay to mention that you practice a certain religion, grilling your date about their religious beliefs may make them super uncomfortable.^[9]
   
4. Sex{endbold} Not everyone is comfortable discussing sex, especially when you’re first getting to know a person. Avoid talking about past sexual encounters, partners, and viewpoints (unless they ask you and you feel totally fine and open to sharing).^[10]
   
5. Politics{endbold} For many people, politics is a touchy subject and can turn very heavy very fast. While a lot of us are passionate about what we believe in, politics can also be very triggering, so it’s best to avoid it all together and save that conversation for when you know your date a little better.^[11]
   
6. Talking too much about yourself{endbold} Dates are nerve wracking! So, it can be easy to allow those nervous feelings to get the best of us wind up talking way too much about ourselves, but aim to focus on your date as much as you can. Ask them questions, listen attentively, and take genuine interest in what they’re saying.^[12]
   

[Edit]Tips for a Great First Date

1. Keep a list of questions handy. Before heading out on a date, you might feel totally confident and empowered, but as soon as you get there, you may get nervous. Combat this by having a list of questions prepared—this way, you won’t have to fry your brain trying to remember what you planned to ask. Keep a little piece of paper in your pocket, or have a list on your phone ready to go over when you excuse yourself to the bathroom.
   
2. Keep your tone casual and natural. As noted by dating coach Cher Gopman, "Make sure you don't take the date like it's a business interview, but you enjoy the date, you smile and you laugh, and you really get that person you're with to have fun—because the last thing someone wants at the end of the day, after working hard, is to go on a date and to feel like there's no laughter, there's no fun."^[13]
   
3. Practice active listening. There’s listening, and then there’s active listening. Active listening is when you are listening to someone and giving them physical signals that you’re invested in the conversation. This can include head nods, leaning in towards them, and following up with questions in specific regard to what they’re saying.
   
4. Focus on getting to know who they are. To genuinely get to know someone, figure out who they are as a person and don’t allow the way they look to distract you. Even if you find them very physically attractive, bringing that up too much can give off the impression that you’re only interested in looks or sex. Instead, keep the energy centered around them, their life, and their interests.
   
5. Present yourself with confidence. While you still want to make a good first impression, remember that this person needs to impress you before you go out of your way to impress them. "First and foremost, you can't fake confidence," says relationship expert Joshua Pompey. "So you're never going to be able to act confident unless you feel confident. No matter who you are in life, there's always room for improvement. Whether you're a guy or a girl, just something as simple as getting some new clothes, looking a little bit more stylish, getting the right haircut, doing what it takes to feel your most physically attractive, that's really important."^[14]
   
6. Go in with no expectations. Whether you met your date in person or online, you may go into this meeting with an image in mind of who you think they are or what you think this could lead to. But when we put too many expectations on how we want it to go, it adds pressure not only on the date, but on ourselves. Take the date for what it is, go with the flow, and most importantly, have fun!^[15]
   

[Edit]References

1. ↑ https://extension.usu.edu/hru/blog/what-to-talk-about-on-the-first-date-15-prompts
2. ↑ [v161037_b01]. 13 December 2018.
3. ↑ https://extension.usu.edu/hru/blog/what-to-talk-about-on-the-first-date-15-prompts
4. ↑ https://extension.usu.edu/hru/blog/what-to-talk-about-on-the-first-date-15-prompts
5. ↑ https://www.instyle.com/lifestyle/first-date-questions
6. ↑ https://www.instyle.com/lifestyle/first-date-questions
7. ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/first-date/
8. ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/first-date/
9. ↑ https://slowdating.com/news/the-ultimate-guide-of-what-not-to-do-on-a-first-date
10. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/modern-sex/202201/3-things-no-one-should-talk-about-on-a-first-date
11. ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/first-date/
12. ↑ https://slowdating.com/news/the-ultimate-guide-of-what-not-to-do-on-a-first-date
13. ↑ [v161196_b02]. 17 May 2019.
14. ↑ [v161182_b02]. 27 November 2019.
15. ↑ https://verilymag.com/2019/08/relationships-dating-first-date-nervous-advice-expectations

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