How to Make Him Obsessed with You

The ultimate guide to getting a guy to fall for you

If you have a new boyfriend or crush, it’s no surprise you want him to be obsessed with you—in a healthy way, of course. We're here to help you make sure he thinks of you just as often as you think of him. Keep reading for the best tips and tricks to make him obsessed with you, from increasing your self-confidence to showing him you’re interested. You’ll have him wrapped around your finger in no time.

Things You Should Know

• Make him obsessed with you by being confident. He’ll see that you’re not afraid to be yourself and want to get to know you better.
• Show genuine interest by listening and supporting him. If he knows that you like him, he’ll like you more, too.
• Be flirty. Everyone wants to feel attractive, so don’t be afraid to playfully tease him.

Steps

Make him feel special.

1. When you’re with him, give him your undivided attention. He’ll notice if you’re really paying attention to him or if you’re distracted by someone or something else. Let him see that he’s your main focus, and he’ll do whatever it takes to keep your attention, and whenever he is alone, he will feel like he needs your attention.
   

Be an active listener.

1. Great conversations require balance. Show him you care by being a great listener. Keep him engaged by showing interest, asking questions, and truly paying attention to his answers. By showing empathy and understanding, he’ll know you care about his feelings and opinions.^[1]
   

Show him how fun you are.

1. Be yourself and let loose a bit. Let your personality and energy shine, and don’t be afraid to take risks. Being open and enjoying yourself will make you more approachable. If you can have fun by yourself, he’ll see what a great time the two of you can have together.
   

Show genuine interest.

1. Don’t play hard to get. Let him know you like him! By showing interest, he’ll see that you’re looking for something genuine and you’re not just playing games. Knowing you like him will likely make him want to get to know you better.^[2]
   
   • When we know someone likes us, our brains produce a feeling of excitement. He’ll be curious about you and want to know all your likes and dislikes. He won’t be able to help himself!

Be unpredictable.

1. Keep things fresh and exciting. Don’t be afraid to try something out of the ordinary. If you introduce him to something new, he’ll definitely think of you every time he does it. Help break him out of his routine, and it will benefit you both in the long run.<r>
   
   • Take him for a drive to a place you haven’t been before or introduce him to a new band or your favorite movie. Not only will he get to know you better, but he’ll wonder what else you can introduce him to.

Find out what you have in common.

1. Discuss and participate in your common interests. While it’s important to have your own interests and hobbies, it’s also important to have things you both like to do. Having things in common will automatically make him more attracted to you, especially if these are shared values and morals.
   

Make him feel attractive.

1. Everyone wants to feel wanted, so show him how much you like him. While you can definitely tell him you’re attracted to him, it’s more important to show him through your actions. Treat him with affection, and let him know how happy he makes you. This way, he’s sure to return the favor.
   

Be vulnerable.

1. Don’t be afraid to let your guard down. If you’ve been hurt in the past, it can be hard to let people see the real you. Tell him about your fears and insecurities. Let him know how you feel about him. By showing him your vulnerability, he can see he can also open up to you. Make him feel special by allowing him to see a side of you only he can see.^[3]
   
   • Let him know how you’re feeling. Whether you’re happy, sad, or angry, don’t keep it bottled up. This way, your partner can try to help you explore and understand your emotions.
   • Being vulnerable reduces conflict. If he hurt your feelings, tell him. Use “I feel” statements to avoid sounding accusatory or escalating the situation. This way you’ll both see you can maturely handle potential conflicts and continue your relationship in a healthy manner.

Show him he can rely on you.

1. People are attracted to those who make them feel safe. Let him know he can trust you by being open and honest. Be empathetic and offer to help if he needs support. Even if he doesn’t accept it at first, he’ll see that you’re someone who wants him to feel safe and comfortable.^[4]
   

Make him smile.

1. If he’s happy around you, he’ll be more attracted to you. You want him to feel comfortable with you. Help him make the most of a bad day by making him smile. Tell him a joke or a funny story or give him a meaningful gift.^[5]
   

Be confident.

1. Don’t try to hide your personality. Practice self-confidence so he can see how incredible you are. Live authentically and don’t do things just because everyone else is. Even if you choose not to do something he’s interested in, he’ll see that you’re strong and confident, which are some of the most attractive things you can be.^[6]
   
   • Learning how to be confident can be tough, but don’t give up if you’re struggling! Sometimes you have to fake it til you make it. Start by standing up straight and holding your head high. Even if you don’t feel confident yet, others will perceive you this way and be more likely to approach you and find you attractive.
   • Remember your good qualities. If you start feeling self-conscious, switch your mindset and instead focus on all the things you like about yourself. This way, you can train yourself to think positively, and others will see the difference and want to get to know you even more.

Be flirty.

1. Flirting helps him see how interested you are. Don’t be afraid to touch him or playfully tease him now and then. Studies find men also prefer direct flirtation, so compliment him on his appearance or ask him for his number. Flirting helps keep the spark alive, and he’ll always want to come back for more.^[7]
   
   • When you want to flirt with a guy, body language is key. Start by making eye contact and smiling. Don’t cross your arms or close yourself off. Show him that you’re open to continuing the conversation.
   • So while getting touchy-feely too soon may not be the best strategy, you can still be flirty by making solid eye contact and smiling often.

Be supportive.

1. Support him through the good and the bad. Everyone needs someone to lean on during difficult times, but it’s just as important to have someone support your hobbies and interests. Make an effort to learn about his interests and offer encouragement about his work. If he knows you support his goals, he’ll want you even more.^[8]
   

Create healthy boundaries.

1. Respecting boundaries is crucial to any relationship. While you might always want to be with him, it’s healthy to have personal space. When both of you respect each other’s boundaries and take time away from each other, he’ll see that you’re independent and you support his autonomy, too.^[9]
   
   • Start by communicating. Boundaries can be physical, emotional, or financial, among others. Set healthy boundaries by letting your partner know what traits you like in a relationship, what behaviors bother you, and how much alone time you need.
   • Remember, your boundaries can change. As your relationship develops, you may find you like things you didn’t before or vice versa. Always let your partner know when you change your mind about something so you can continue to develop a healthy and respectful relationship.

Maintain independence.

1. Be your own person. While it’s nice to spend time with your partner or crush, it’s important to live your own life. Remember to spend time with your friends and do your own hobbies, and give him his own space as well. People tend to lose attraction when the novelty is gone, so take some healthy time apart to keep things interesting.^[10]
   

Surprise him.

1. Show him you care through surprise acts of kindness. This shows him you care about him and remember the little details about his life. These acts don’t have to be big and elaborate. You can pick up his favorite coffee or help him with a chore he hates. The little things add up, and he’ll see just how much you care.^[11]
   

Be honest.

1. Be authentic with your emotions. Communicate openly and honestly. If something upsets you, let him know instead of pretending everything is okay. When he does the same, listen with empathy and compassion. Being honest with him shows you respect him, and he’ll know you’re someone worth pursuing.^[12]
   

Be mysterious.

1. Keep him wanting more. While it’s important to be open in a relationship, it can be overwhelming if you lay everything out all at once. When you’re getting to know him, reveal just enough to get him interested. He’ll ask more questions and try to get to know you better. If he doesn’t know everything about you, he’ll spend his free time wondering about what mysteries you hold.
   
   • To be mysterious when first meeting someone, try holding eye contact and then looking away. This will leave him wondering if you’re interested and might get him to approach you first.

Love yourself.

1. Practicing self-love will make you even more attractive. This can look different depending on who you are and what you enjoy. Make yourself feel good by eating healthy foods, exercising, and keeping a positive mindset. If you think you look and feel good, he will too.^[13]
   

Let him help you.

1. Make him feel needed. He knows he can rely on you, so let him prove he can support you, too. If he offers to help you with something, accept. Even if it’s something you’re capable of doing on your own, this shows that he wants to spend time with you and make your life easier.
   

Video

References

Quick Summary

1. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/relationship-help.htm
2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/social-instincts/202306/the-science-of-attractiveness
3. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/trust-and-vulnerability-in-relationships#what-does-it-look-like
4. ↑ https://www.nationwidechildrens.org/family-resources-education/700childrens/2023/02/signs-of-a-supportive-partner
5. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/relationship-help.htm
6. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-you-can-be-more-confident#3
7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/social-instincts/202306/the-science-of-attractiveness
8. ↑ https://www.nationwidechildrens.org/family-resources-education/700childrens/2023/02/signs-of-a-supportive-partner
9. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/setting-healthy-boundaries-in-relationships.htm
10. ↑ https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/how-to-make-someone-fall-in-love-with-you
11. ↑ https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/how-to-make-someone-fall-in-love-with-you
12. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/relationship-help.htm
13. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/ways-to-love-yourself-more#ways-to-love-yourself

source How to of the Day https://ift.tt/eulLFD7

How to Be Playful

It's not easy to be playful when we're all so caught up in the stresses of everyday life as well as all of the serious problems in the world. Still, anyone can make more time for laughter, games, and a more positive perspective in life. Being more playful will reduce your level of stress and will make you look at the world in a more optimistic light. So how do you do it? Quit playing around and follow these steps.

Steps

Being Playful with Others

1. Spend more time learning from kids. Spending more time with children is the easiest way to become more playful. You should play with them not with the goal of teaching them more about life, but to learn more from them by watching how they approach and look at life. Children look at everything with curiosity, excitement, and joy, and you should learn to approach life in this more playful manner.^[1]
   
   • If you don't have kids of your own, try volunteering with children, or spending more time with children of your friends or relatives. Obviously, you shouldn't just go out and approach a stranger's kid.
2. Play with a pet. If you have a dog or a cat or know a friend who does, then spend more time playing with animals. Whether you're walking a dog or tossing a ball to it, or playing around with your cat and a feather toy, playing with animals alters your perspective and makes you approach life in a more playful and less structured way. You can even work as a dog walker or spend time cat-sitting for a friend to be around animals more. If you really like the animals idea, volunteer at an animal shelter.^[2]
   
   • Being around non-humans can help you take some of the structure out of your life and to approach things in a less regimented way.
3. Dance. Go take salsa or Zumba lessons, or just hit up the clubs with your friends. Toss your hair around and dance to some completely silly or ridiculous music. It's not about looking good -- it's about feeling good, and the more you dance, the more you're able to let loose, feel relaxed, and generally let go of your inhibitions, the more playful you'll become.^[3]
   
   • Doing a dance with specific moves, such as "The Dougie," "The Cupid Shuffle," or even "The Harlem Shake," can make you let go even more as you get caught up in the moment of the dance moves.
   • You absolutely do not have to be a good dancer to be playful in this way!
4. Laugh at yourself. Being able able to laugh at yourself around others is an important way to be playful. If you're always so serious about yourself and can't step back and admit when you've made a fool of yourself, made a silly comment, or just did something unintentionally hilarious, then you'll never be able to be playful. Being able to laugh at yourself will make people see that you're fun to hang around with, and that you're not a stick-in-the-mud who is determined to act in a serious way 100% of the time.^[4]
   
   • Being able to laugh at yourself will also help you relax, which will make you more playful.^[5]
   • Look for humor or irony even in uncomfortable situations.^[6]
5. Softly hit people. If you're hanging out with good friends and are in the middle of a mock-argument, try softly hitting or pushing each other. This works best if you're walking around, on a beach, or sitting in a park somewhere -- probably not at a restaurant or a formal event. Just softly hitting your friends if the mood is right can help you relax and be more playful in your approach to life and friendships.
   
   • Make sure you know the other person well enough and that the hitting is reciprocated, though.
6. Tease your friends lightly. Being able to tease people is an important part of being playful. This means knowing people well enough to be able to make fun of their little foibles, from their obsession with chocolate to their clumsy nature. As long as the teasing isn't mean-spirited or over the top, being able to tease people and to be teased in return will make you a more playful person.^[7]
   
   • The more you tease people, the more you'll know where their boundaries are.
   • Teasing people will remind you that you should be more playful and not take life too seriously.
7. Get in a tickle fight. Tickle fights are another great way to be more playful in your everyday life. If you have a child, then this is a prime target for a tickle fight. Your significant other is a great target, too. A good friend can be a great target as long as you find the right time and the other person is into it. Sitting back, having fun, and trying to tickle the person you're with is another great way to be playful.
   
   • Again, make sure you're comfortable with the person you're tickling before you begin.
8. Play games. Making a goal of playing more games in your life is a great way to be more playful. Getting people together for a game night, or spontaneously introducing a game to your friends when you're hanging out, is a great way to do something different and to make your social life a bit different and more playful. Have you tried big booty? What about musical chairs? Or drown the penny?
   
   • Other games you could try include Risk, charades, Simon Says, Twister, board games, and magic tricks.
   • You can also try making games out of everyday activities. For example, if you and your partner regularly cook dinner at home, challenge them to a cook-off to see who can make the best version of your favorite food.
9. Get involved in more sports. Playing sports without taking them seriously is a great way to be more playful and to spend more time with your friends. If you have a good relationship with your colleagues or just want to have one, try to organize a weekly or monthly bowling night, or get your co-workers to join a softball league with you. Join a sports team outside of school or just get a good friend to play tennis or basketball with you.
   
   • Playing more sports makes you less concerned about work and will make you a more playful person overall.
10. Be a good sport. Don't be a sore loser! There's no reason to take anything personally. When you get too concerned about being proper and polite, you lose a great deal of playfulness and humor. If you accidentally say something inappropriate, be ready to genuinely apologize.^[8] But in playing there's a certain amount of competitiveness and teasing that creates an exciting tension.^[9]
    
11. Tell goofy jokes. Everyone loves a joke, no matter how corny it is. If you want to be more playful, then learn some corny jokes and test them out on people. As long as you're not too serious when you tell them and make it clear that you know you're being silly, the jokes will be taken the right way; if people don't laugh, they'll at least groan at your attempt to make a joke, whether it involves a pun or a silly reference. You can try knock knock jokes, ice-breakers, short anecdotes, or really whatever floats your boat.^[10]
    
    • Try this one. Loudly say, "Polar bear!" When your friends stare at you, just shrug and say, "What? I'm just trying to break the ice!"
    • How about the reverse-knock knock joke? Tell your friend that you have a great knock-knock joke, and then say, "Okay, you start." Your friend will say, "Knock-knock," and you can say, "Who's there?" Then, you can laugh as you see how confused your friend gets when he realizes he doesn't have an answer.
12. Throw a costume party. Dressing up doesn't have to be just for Halloween. Wearing a costume helps people let go of their identities and be more playful in their approach to life. You can throw a costume party any time and it will definitely make you look and feel more playful. Here are some great costume parties to throw:
    
    • The classic Great Gatsby party
    • Have everyone dress up as their favorite animal
    • Have an "ugly Christmas sweater" holiday party
    • Have people dress up as their favorite childhood idols
    • Have people dress up as literary characters
    • Have a space alien party
    • Have a cross-dressing party

Being Playful by Yourself

1. Add some music to your everyday routine. Music can be a great way to let loose and decrease stress. Find a few minutes each day where you can add some music into your routine. Maybe you have a favorite song you can whistle at work, or maybe you love to sing in the shower. You can even have a dance party with yourself whenever you need a pick-me-up.^[11]
   
2. Take a walk without a destination. Step outside your house and make a goal of walking for half an hour in a direction that you've never gone before. See what you notice on your way out, and make a game of seeing how many dogs, fire hydrants, two-story houses, or certain kinds of flowers you spot. Don't talk on the phone or think about work while you're walking; try to take in the scenery as much as you can.^[12]
   
   • You can bring your phone with you, but only if it keeps you from getting lost!
3. Create art for yourself. Don't create art with the goal of selling it or impressing others. Tell yourself that you're making something for yourself and yourself only. You can make a sculpture of your cat, write a short story about your childhood, write your own limerick, or sing a song about your least favorite vegetable. Oil or water painting is another great way to create fun or meaningful art. Turn off your phone, computer, or any other distractions that will keep you focused on creating the art.^[13]
   
   • Set aside at least two hours to do it. Really focus on your creation and nothing else.
4. Make magnetic poetry. Put a magnetic poetry set on your refrigerator. Every morning, create a new poem with the borrowed words. Doing this as you're just waking up will make you more alert, get your creativity juices flowing, and will make you feel more playful throughout the day. If you don't have the time to write a new poem every morning, try to write one every Sunday morning to keep you going throughout the week.
   
   • If a friend comes over, encourage him or her to mix your words around.
5. Make funny faces at yourself in the mirror. This is a great way to keep yourself from taking the world too seriously. It's also a great stress-reliever if you're in the middle of an intense situation and need to take a breather for a few minutes. Just stare at yourself in the mirror, and make at least four funny faces at yourself, whether you're sticking out your tongues, snarling, bugging out your eyes, or gritting your teeth, until you make yourself crack up.
   
   • If you have a friend who also has a few minutes to spare, take photos of each other's silly faces and send them to each other.
6. Watch silly YouTube videos. Who says you don't have time to go on YouTube to watch a cat playing around with a banana or to watch Jenna Marbles' latest insight on life? Everyone has five minutes to spare, so browse YouTube until you find something that truly makes you crack up. You may even find a go-to video that has the ability to make you laugh every time, even if it's a ten-second video of a goalie getting knocked over by a soccer ball. Put this video in your favorites and play it back for yourself in times of stress, and you'll be feeling more relaxed and more playful.
   
   • If you're really feeling playful, then you can make a YouTube video of your own.
7. Laugh by yourself. Laughter can be enjoyed alone as well as in good company. Do whatever you need to make yourself laugh -- watch YouTube, read the comics, watch Saturday Night Live when you're staying in, read Tina Fey's memoir, or watch The New Girl or even a stand-up comedy act until you're belly-laughing. Being able to crack up on your own will make you a more playful, fun-loving person, and it will make it easier for you to laugh with others.
   
   • Finding something that really makes you laugh on your own can also help you share it with others. Maybe you've found a dynamite YouTube clip that will be a big hit at parties.
8. Do yoga. Yoga is an extremely playful practice, and it's all about exploring what your body can and can not do. There's no one way to complete a yoga practice, and most classes leave room for flexibility and playfulness, whether you're trying to master a tripod headstand, try a one-legged chaturanga, or just exploring happy baby pose in a deeper way.
   
   • Yoga allows room for exploration, which is exactly what you need to be more playful. Don't be scared to try something out of your comfort zone -- that's exactly what yoga is about.

Going the Extra Mile

1. Be more energetic. Having more energy will make you a much more playful person. One of the reasons people stop being playful is because they're just too tired to be up for playing games or taking the world less seriously. So, try to eat three balanced meals,^[14] get enough rest, spend time socializing, and avoid anything that will lead you to be generally too exhausted to even smile.
   
   • There are a million ways to be more energetic, from changing your socks in the middle of the day to wearing brighter colors to project more energy.^[15]
2. Say yes more. This is another key way to be more playful. When you were a kid, you must have said yes to most of the new things in front of you; as you grew older, you got more used to your habits and routine and became less interested in new activities. So, if you want to be more playful, say yes to more invitations, and say yes the next time someone wants to go to the zoo with you, teach you how to juggle, or take a ceramics class. Only good will come of it.^[16]
   
   • Make a goal of saying yes at least 30% more in your every day life.
   • Stop with the excuses. The next time you say no to something, ask yourself what's really stopping you. Is it tiredness? Laziness? The fear of trying something new?
3. Get out of your comfort zone. Getting out of your comfort zone will allow you to become a truly playful person. Do something that completely scares you, whether it's taking swimming lessons, trying Ethiopian food, or hanging out with a group of people who seem to have nothing in common with you. Getting out of your comfort zone will teach you that you have more to learn and do than you thought, and that the very things that make you uncomfortable can be the most rewarding of all.^[17][18]
   
   • You'll never be truly playful if you do the same five old things every week. Try to do something that makes you uncomfortable at least once a week.
   • Hang out with people who challenge you to try new things.
4. Make the time for playfulness. A lot of people aren't playful enough simply because they don't have the time to be. Make sure you set at least three hours a week aside in your schedule for "play time" -- you can even call it that on your planner so you know that this time should not be taken too seriously. You may think that scheduling time to be fun and carefree defeats the purpose of it, but in reality, making the time to be playful is half the battle.
   
   • Set up a schedule that others can join in on, too. Host a weekly game night, for example, or schedule a weekly night out with your friends. Then, try something fun and new like an escape room or a cooking class.
5. Don't let other people get you down. If you crack a joke or flirt with someone and they growl or roll their eyes or look at you like you have ten heads, stay positive! Think about what a child would do--shrug and bounce away, off to find another playmate.
   
6. Live in the moment. Living in the moment is all about living like there's no tomorrow. It takes practice but in the end, you'll lead a fuller life. To do this you must realize the beauty in every moment, and in everyday activities. The most playful people are the ones who are most "tuned in" to the present. They're so fascinated by the world at the moment that they're always finding ways to engage it!^[19]
   
7. Smile more. Simply making the effort to smile more, whether you're by yourself, walking past strangers, sitting in class, or hanging out with old friends, will make you a much more playful person who is receptive to all of the positive energy in the world. You won't be able to be very playful if you have a big frown on your face, and smiling more will make you more open to all of the games that the world has to offer.^[20]
   
   • You can even smile when nobody's around. Smiling by yourself will also put you in a more positive and more playful mindset.

Tips

• If someone tells you to stop, i.e. if they're in a bad mood or simply don't like playful attitudes, stop. This does not mean they don't like you, it simply means they're not in the mood to play.
• While being playful has a lot to do with getting in touch with your inner child, remember that there's a difference between being "childlike" and "childish. Playfulness doesn't have to include temper tantrums, ignorance, or bratty behavior.

Related wikiHows

• Be Laid Back
• Live a Simple and Peaceful Life
• Live in the Moment
• Be Cute
• Be Exciting
• Be Playful with Your Boyfriend

References

Quick Summary

1. ↑ https://www.huffpost.com/entry/10-life-lessons-you-can-learn-from-children_b_5014547
2. ↑ http://tinybuddha.com/blog/10-ways-to-make-your-life-more-playful/
3. ↑ https://www.gottman.com/blog/choose-partner-can-playful/
4. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rev-ed-bacon/8-ways-to-be-more-playful_b_2130666.html
5. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-health/laughter-is-the-best-medicine.htm
6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/ulterior-motives/201706/humor-sometimes-makes-stressful-situations-better
7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/young-people-close/201704/learning-how-tease-and-be-teased
8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-dance-connection/201409/the-9-rules-true-apologies
9. ↑ https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/be-a-good-sport-a-guide-to-sportmanship/
10. ↑ https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/how-to-tell-a-funny-joke.html
11. ↑ https://www.unr.edu/counseling/virtual-relaxation-room/releasing-stress-through-the-power-of-music
12. ↑ http://tinybuddha.com/blog/10-ways-to-make-your-life-more-playful/
13. ↑ http://tinybuddha.com/blog/10-ways-to-make-your-life-more-playful/
14. ↑ https://www.healthyeating.org/Healthy-Eating/Meals-Recipes/Family-Meal-Planning/Article-Viewer/article/298/how-to-plan-balanced-meals
15. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-happiness-project/200911/eight-tips-feeling-more-energetic
16. ↑ https://www.huffpost.com/entry/9-reasons-saying-yes-will_b_8084452
17. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-flux/201512/5-benefits-stepping-outside-your-comfort-zone
18. ↑ [v161480_b01]. 15 July 2020.
19. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200811/the-art-now-six-steps-living-in-the-moment
20. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/changepower/201605/the-9-superpowers-your-smile

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How to Why Does Life Suck

How to cope when things aren't going well

Sometimes, life can feel like a washed-out, stressful blur rather than the exciting, prismatic adventure it’s meant to be. You can take things day by day, sure, but it can be tough (and isolating) when no one quite understands the burdens you shoulder. We won’t pretend to understand exactly what you’re thinking and feeling—but we are here to help you take a closer look at why life might not feel so great right now. We’ve consulted life coaches and clinical psychologists to help you identify the source of your negative feelings and learn coping mechanisms so you can start feeling better.

Why does my life suck?

• Negativity bias: You may feel negatively about your life because our brains often focus on the negative more than the positive.
• Comparisons: It can be really easy to compare your life to someone else’s, which can leave you feeling negative and dissatisfied.
• Burnout: Coping with the daily grind of school or work and responsibilities can wear you down and leave you feeling pessimistic about life.

Steps

Why does life suck so much?

1. Negativity bias{endbold} A “negativity bias” is essentially the belief that all living things (humans and animals, anyway) tend to focus on negative circumstances rather than positive ones.^[1] Even if plenty of uplifting things are happening in your life, you might not even be aware of them thanks to the unconscious bias in your mind.
   
   • Let’s say a coworker criticizes you at work, while another acknowledges what a good job you’re doing. Because of a negativity bias, you’d probably leave work feeling negative (since you’d be more focused on the negative coworker’s comment).
   • Negative thoughts in general can take a toll on your mental well-being, and make it harder to maintain a positive outlook in life.^[2]
   • Clinical psychologist William Gardner suggests “taking a closer look at the aspects of your life that aren’t working for you. In what ways are you failing? What parts of your life aren’t great? Figuring that out can help you specify what’s wrong so you can work on that problem.”^[3]
2. Unrealistic comparisons{endbold} Everyone compares themselves to their peers from time to time—it’s just a normal part of being human. Unfortunately, making frequent comparisons can make you overly focused on what you don’t have rather than what you do have.
   
   • Breaking the cycle of self-comparison can be tough, but acknowledging it is an important first step! It can also help to ask yourself questions like “Why do I feel like I’m less successful than this individual?” or “Would I really be happier if I had the things they have?”^[4]
3. Daily responsibilities and burnout{endbold} The daily grind of school, work, and other responsibilities can be a heavy weight to bear, especially if you have a lot on your plate. Burnout is a very real and valid issue that can leave you worn-down and pessimistic with a negative outlook on life.^[5]
   
4. Relationship or family issues{endbold} Your relationships with your loved ones and significant other can be an incredibly significant part of your life and can play a big part in your emotional well-being (or lack thereof). If you and a family member or partner are going through a rough patch, it can be challenging to view your life in a positive and uplifting light.
   
5. Financial stressors{endbold} The regular stresses of renting/owning a home, managing your bills, or just making ends meet can be a huge source of stress and negativity. When you feel overwhelmed by financial stressors and deadlines, it can be tough to view life positively.^[6]
   
6. Major life stressors{endbold} Plenty of big life events can take a serious toll on your health and mental well-being and can make life a lot less enjoyable, like divorcing from your partner.^[7] Even circumstances with long-term benefits can be stressful in the short term and paint your day-to-day experiences in a pretty negative light.
   
   • For instance, getting a new job or buying a new house ultimately improves your life for the better, but they can be incredibly stressful events to live through.
7. Unfortunate circumstances{endbold} Big events like a death or major illness in your family can really cast a shadow over your day-to-day life and zap away the usual happiness and excitement from your routine.
   
   • Speaking with a counselor, loved one, or trusted friend can be a valuable source of comfort during a difficult life circumstance.
8. Mental illness{endbold} An undiagnosed mental illness like depression or anxiety may not be visible like a physical illness, but that doesn’t make it any less real or valid. If you’re experiencing frequent stress, having low moods, and having difficulty functioning each day, it could be worth meeting with a licensed mental health professional (like a psychiatrist or therapist).^[8]
   
   • Check out wikiHow’s Anxiety Test and Depression Test to take a closer look at your symptoms. Just keep in mind, though, that these quizzes aren’t a diagnostic tool—only a professional can do that!

Ways to Feel Better

1. Face your problems and try to fix them. Maybe you’re in a big fight with your partner, or you’re stressed about managing the next month’s bills. Overwhelming tasks can definitely bring unwanted stress and negativity to your life, so it helps to split them up into smaller tasks.^[9]
   
   • If you’re fighting with a partner, you might plan to have multiple conversations to address different issues in your relationship. During these chats, you could use “I” statements to share your feelings without shifting the blame onto your significant other.^[10]
   • If you’re stressed about a big bill coming up, you could plan to set aside small amounts of your weekly paycheck rather than paying a large sum upfront.
   • As you focus on your goals, life coach Guy Reichard suggests “to plan for what could go wrong or stand in the way, and how you will overcome such obstacles. This will build grit and resilience into your approach.” ^[11]
2. Recognize negative thought patterns. Negative thoughts come in a lot of different shapes and sizes—so much so that it’s not always easy to identify them right off the bat. Here are a few common types of negative thinking you might run into:^[12]
   
   • Overgeneralizing: “My boss turned down my idea. I’m never going to contribute anything to the workplace.”
   • Minimizing the positive: “I got an A- on my test, but I still should’ve done better.”
   • Jumping to conclusions: “I know my interview tomorrow is going to go terribly.”
   • Viewing situations as “all” or “nothing”: “I forgot to exercise yesterday. My new fitness plan is a total waste now!”
   • Filtering: Most of your co-workers complimented your presentation, but you’re only focused on Jodie, who was critical of it.
   • Magnifying mistakes: “I sent out an email with a typo in it. I’m the worst, most unprofessional person ever!”
   • Thinking in “shoulds”: “I should’ve taken the train instead of driving; then, I wouldn’t be late.”
   • Labelling: “I can’t believe spelled the word changeable wrong. I’m the dumbest person out there!”
   • Reasoning things emotionally: “My last boyfriend treated me poorly, so all men must be mean and uncaring.”
   • Personalizing problems: “It’s my fault that my child had a terrible day at school today.”
3. Accept negative thoughts without judging them. Better known as “thought-stopping,” this strategy involves hitting the brakes on your negative, unwanted thoughts by uttering “stop” to yourself (while picturing something that really invokes that energy, like a red traffic signal). Once you’ve paused that thought, repeat the word “calm” while visualizing something really soothing (e.g., a beach, a mountain lake, etc.). With practice, this exercise can be a useful way to get your negative thoughts under control.^[13]
   
   • Make your moment of peaceful visualization extra soothing by incorporating your 5 senses. What would you see at this relaxing place? What would you smell? What would you be touching?
4. Practice positive thinking strategies. Like any other good habit, positive thinking is something that becomes easier the more you practice it. Here are a few simple ways to dial up the positivity in your daily routine:^[14]
   
   • Replace your negative thoughts. If you find yourself thinking negatively about a certain aspect of your life, look for small ways to put a positive spin on things. Instead of thinking “I can’t believe I embarrassed myself like that,” try thinking “Everyone does embarrassing things sometimes—there’s no need to be so hard on myself!”
   • Learn to laugh. Teaching yourself to laugh during stressful or otherwise inconvenient times can help sprinkle some positivity into the moment.
   • Practice the golden rule with your thoughts. If you wouldn’t say your negative, critical thought to a close friend, you shouldn’t say it to yourself, either. You deserve love and kindness, too!
   • Build a positive support network. When your life is filled with positive individuals, your day-to-day interactions will naturally start to feel more positive.
5. Treat yourself with compassion. When you’re struggling with a negative thought or circumstance, approach yourself with the grace, kindness, and love you would show to a friend.^[15]
   
   • Boost your spirits by telling yourself something encouraging.
   • Draft a letter to yourself where you discuss a negative circumstance without blaming anyone.
   • Take a load off by doing a relaxing activity, whether that’s self-massage or taking a short walk around your neighborhood.
6. Incorporate positive affirmations into your routine. An affirmation is an uplifting statement that helps nudge your thoughts in a more positive direction. Repeating them throughout the day can help you feel a little better as you work your way through your daily routine. Your affirmation can be just about anything, like:^[16]
   
   • I make an impact on the world around me.
   • I’m thankful for the opportunities I have.
   • I can accomplish my goals.
   • I will treat myself with compassion.
   • I deserve to be happy and content.
7. Identify what is and isn’t out of your control. Using your phone, computer, or a blank sheet of paper, list and categorize the different stressors in your life. Which ones are within your control and which ones aren’t? When we focus on things that are totally out of our control (e.g., others’ perceptions of us, a submitted job application, etc.), it’s easy to feel less than our best. ^[17]
   
   • Refocusing on problems that are within your control can be a really empowering way to take back your life.
8. Acknowledge what you’re thankful for. On your phone, in your notebook, or just in your head, think about one specific thing you’re thankful for—like your cat greeting you when you get home, or the beautiful weather that fills your room with sunshine. Focusing on the positives, however small, is a great way to nurture positivity in your life.^[18]
   
   • Some people choose to keep a gratitude journal so they can regularly track the positives they encounter.
9. Set aside time for your hobbies. Maybe you love playing a pick-up game of soccer with your friends, or you really enjoy knitting while catching up on your favorite TV show. Whatever hobby (or hobbies) rocks your world, make intentional time for it in your routine so you can relax and enjoy a positive activity with yourself.^[19]
   
   • Give new hobbies a try, too! If there’s an activity you’ve always wanted to do, give yourself permission to explore it.
   • Life coach Rachel Clissold agrees that it’s important to set aside time for play. She encourages you to “keep playing, keep being curious, and keep that investment you have for life. Don’t let the outside world infiltrate your passion, enthusiasm, and excitement for play.”^[20]
10. Plan fun activities in the future. Ask a friend to hang out on the weekend, or plan a fun weekend away with your loved ones in the summer. Whatever activity would make you most excited and happy, put it on the calendar! Having something to look forward to can really help brighten your outlook on life.^[21]
    
11. Volunteer for a cause that means a lot to you. Are you passionate about homeless pets in your community, or do you care a lot about the environment? Finding an organization or cause that aligns with your interests and volunteering for it is an easy way to make your life feel more fulfilling and rewarding.^[22]
    
    • This isn’t to say you have to dedicate your whole life to a specific cause (though you totally can, if you’d find that fulfilling!). An hour of donating blood or volunteering at an animal shelter can still give your psyche a positive boost.
12. Practice mindfulness regularly. Practicing mindfulness is all about focusing on the present moment and learning to accept your thoughts rather than fighting them. It can be as simple as focusing on your physical senses for a moment (what you’re thinking/hearing/touching/smelling/tasting), or taking some time to meditate.^[23]
    
    • Want to give meditation a try? Check out wikiHow’s Meditation for Beginners course, featuring advice from certified meditation coach Soken Graf.
13. Spend time with your friends and loved ones. It can be tough to reach out to your support system when you’re feeling low—but doing so can make a really big difference! Let your friends and trusted loved ones know when you aren’t feeling great, and vent to them about what’s on your mind. They can offer a listening ear (or even some advice), which can be incredibly validating.^[24]
    
14. Make time for a healthy diet and regular exercise. Try to switch up your regular meal plans in small but meaningful ways. The healthier and more nourished you are, the more prepared you’ll be to face life’s challenges and adventures. Exercise is another important way to stay healthy; when you work out, your body releases feel-good chemicals that can help boost your mood and even reduce pain.^[25]
    
    • You might make dinner at home on Friday night if you’re used to ordering out, or you might switch out a more unhealthy snack (like refined carbs) with something that’s on the healthier side (like fresh fruit or veggies).
    • A healthy sleep schedule can also make a big difference in your physical and emotional well-being. Adults should aim for 7- 8 hours of sleep per night, while teens should aim for 8-10 hours.^[26]
15. Chat with a life coach. Life coach Leah Morris explains how meeting with a life coach is “the same thing as an aspiring athlete meeting with someone who can evaluate their athletic skill. They’re going to hire someone to come in and say ‘What are you eating?’ or ‘How much are you practicing a day?’” She agrees that “having somebody taking a second look at your blind spots can be super helpful.”^[27]
    
    • Websites like Bark and Noomii make it easy to find a life coach near you.
    • Not sure if you have the time or resources for a life coach? wikiHow has you covered with life coach co-authored courses like Becoming More Optimistic and Find True Confidence.

When to Seek Help

1. Call a hotline or emergency services if you’re feeling suicidal. If you’re struggling with suicidal thoughts, call 988 if you live in the USA or the suicide hotline in your country to be connected with a trained listener. However heavy your burdens are, you don’t have to carry them alone.^[28]
   
   • If your life is in active danger, call 911 or the emergency services number in your country for help.
   • Consider joining a support group where you can explore your feelings in a safe environment with like-minded individuals.
2. Meet with a mental health professional if you just can’t shake the negativity. Over 20% of American adults live with some type of mental illness in their day-to-day lives.^[29] That is to say, you’re not alone if you think you could potentially be struggling with some type of mental health issue (like anxiety or depression)—and a licensed mental health professional can be a big help. Click here to find a psychologist in your area.
   
   • Therapy isn’t always accessible, especially if you’re unsure about your insurance coverage. Free resources like 7Cups, BuddyHelp, or MyBlackDog can put you in touch with someone if you just need a listening ear.

How Can You Change Your Outlook on Life and Become More Optimistic?

Tips

• Remember: you deserve to feel loved, appreciated, and happy in your daily life! Life coach Guy Reichard says it best: “To be truly comfortable in our own skin, we need to realize the truth of who we really are—a being worthy of love and acceptance—and that we are safe and free to be who we are.”^[30]
• Don’t be afraid to shake up your routine! When you shake things up, life coach Sandra Possing explains that you start experiencing a sense of “aliveness, which is a sense of exhilaration.”^[31]

Expert Interview

Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about managing negative feelings, check out our in-depth with [v161308_b01].

References

1. ↑ https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2001-09004-002
2. ↑ https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/negative-emotions
3. ↑ [v161092_b01]. 11 October 2023.
4. ↑ https://ideas.ted.com/comparing-yourself-to-others-is-a-sure-route-to-misery-5-ways-to-turn-it-into-action-instead/
5. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/burnout-prevention-and-recovery.htm
6. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/coping-with-financial-stress.htm
7. ↑ https://www.dartmouth.edu/eap/library/lifechangestresstest.pdf
8. ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/mental-illness/symptoms-causes/syc-20374968
9. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/surviving-tough-times.htm
10. ↑ https://www.bumc.bu.edu/facdev-medicine/files/2011/08/I-messages-handout.pdf
11. ↑ [v161308_b02]. 26 April 2021.
12. ↑ https://www.familycentre.org/news/post/10-common-negative-thinking-patterns-and-5-steps-for-change
13. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/when-you-cant-stop-seeing-the-negative-in-everything-even-though-youre-grateful#thought-stopping
14. ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/positive-thinking/art-20043950
15. ↑ https://www.health.harvard.edu/mental-health/4-ways-to-boost-your-self-compassion
16. ↑ https://healthy.kaiserpermanente.org/health-wellness/healtharticle.40-positive-affirmations
17. ↑ https://www.bu.edu/sph/announcement/how-to-manage-when-everything-feels-hard/
18. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/surviving-tough-times.htm
19. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/surviving-tough-times.htm
20. ↑ [v161566_b01]. 26 August 2020.
21. ↑ https://www.bu.edu/sph/announcement/how-to-manage-when-everything-feels-hard/
22. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/surviving-tough-times.htm
23. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/when-you-cant-stop-seeing-the-negative-in-everything-even-though-youre-grateful#mindfulness
24. ↑ https://www.bu.edu/sph/announcement/how-to-manage-when-everything-feels-hard/
25. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/surviving-tough-times.htm
26. ↑ https://www.cdc.gov/sleep/about/
27. ↑ [v161447_b01]. 19 June 2020.
28. ↑ https://988lifeline.org/help-yourself/
29. ↑ https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/mental-illness
30. ↑ [v161308_b02]. 26 April 2021.
31. ↑ [v161480_b01]. 15 July 2020.

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