Learn how to approach the situation and when to walk away
When a guy ignores your texts, a million thoughts can flood your head. He could be busy, he could be trying to stay off his phone, or he might have a problem with you. Trying to figure out why he’s ignoring you could feel impossible, but there are a few reasons as to why. We spoke to Licensed Clinical Psychologist Dr. Sarah Schewitz and Dating Coach Lisa Shield to get expert advice when it comes to being ghosted. In the article, we break down reasons why he’s ignoring you, how to respond when he ignores you, and knowing when to move on.
Why is he ignoring your texts?
There are many reasons why a guy may be ignoring your texts. He could be busy or he may not have seen your message. He could also be the type of guy that prefers face-to-face communication over texting. Or, he just may not be into you. Reach out and ask him if there’s anything going on. If he doesn’t respond, move on.
Steps
Reasons Why He’s Ignoring Your Texts
- He’s busy. We all have personal lives, and his may be keeping him away from his phone at the moment. If he’s not responding during the day, he could be busy at work and not have time to respond. If you’re nervous or unsure, send a kind text.
- Text him saying “Hey! I hope you’re having a good shift today :)” to let him know that you’re thinking about him.
- If it’s been 24 hours and he hasn’t responded, he may be ignoring you for another reason.
- He’s taking a break from his phone. Everyone spends time on their phones, but he may have put his down for the sake of his mental health. Too much screen time can worsen your mental health by increasing feelings of depression and anxiety, and he may be trying to avoid this. If he suddenly goes ghost over text but continues to talk to you in person, he might just be taking a break from his phone.[1]
- If you’re unsure, ask him about it.
- Check to see if he’s active on social media while you wait for a response. If he’s not, chances are he may be taking a break from his phone.
- He doesn’t like to text. Everyone has different preferences when it comes to communicating with others. If he’s eager to talk in person and you guys have fun, in-depth conversations that just don’t translate well over text, he might not like to text.[2]
- If you’re worried about him not texting you back even though you guys are fine in person, ask him whether he likes to text or not to avoid unnecessary hardship.
- He needs space. If he’s usually good at texting but suddenly slows down, he might just need some space. Reflect on the time you guys have spent together. If you’ve been seeing each other everyday and he’s started to become cranky, then he stops texting as fast, he might just need space. Remember, we all have personal lives.
- Everyone is different. Your partner may only need a day to themselves, or they may need a week. If you suspect that he needs space, talk to him and ask.[3]
- If he always wants to be away from you or always needs space, that may be a sign that he’s not into you.
- He’s unsure of his feelings towards you. If you guys just started talking and he’s not responding as frequently as he used to, he may be trying to figure out how he feels about you. Inconsistency is a big sign that a guy is still figuring out his feelings about you, and if that’s the case, you might want to see what’s making him unsure.[4]
- If you don’t want to be with someone who’s unsure, don’t be afraid to cut things off, especially if you feel like the relationship has run its course.
- He’s afraid of commitment. If you guys go on dates and spend a lot of time together but don’t talk about the future of your relationship, he may be afraid of commitment. Fear of commitment can lead to anxiety, especially when it comes to texting. If he’s afraid to commit to you, he may not be as eager to text back.[5]
- If he doesn’t want to commit to you, don’t wait for him to change his mind. He has to deal with his commitment issues before being able to be a good, healthy partner.
- He’s just not into you. If he always takes a long time to respond to texts, only sends short responses, and doesn’t talk to you in person, he may not be into you. If you’re always texting first and he never reaches out, that’s another sign he may not be into you.[6]
- Don’t try to force him to like you. If he’s not into you, he’s not worth your time. Instead, focus on loving yourself and you’ll find someone that likes you for you.
How to React When He’s Ignoring Your Texts
- Spend time with friends, practicing hobbies, or working to take your mind off of him. He may have personal things going on in his life that make it so he can’t respond to you right away. He could be wrapped up in work, playing the game, or taking a nap. Either way, it’s best to remain calm and to wait for him to respond. If you double or triple text him, he may get overwhelmed and continue to ignore you. Instead, spend time with friends, practice your hobbies, or get some work done so you can keep your mind off of him.[7]
- If you feel the need to double text him, wait 1-2 days after your first text before doubling back.
- If he’s been ignoring you for days, reach out to him and see if everything is alright between you two.
- If he’s been ignoring you and you know that he’s struggling with something personal, remind yourself that it’s not your fault. He’ll come around when he’s ready.
How to Respond When He’s Ignoring Your Texts
- If you feel like you have to text again, reach out to him and see if there’s anything going on. If you guys have been hitting it off and he suddenly slows down on texting, he may be dealing with something personal that’s keeping him from his phone. He could be struggling with his mental health or dealing with a tough period in his life. Either way, don’t be afraid to text him asking if there’s anything going on.
- When reaching out, Schewitz says, “I would probably say something via text or whatever, along the lines of ‘hey, I don’t know what happened or why you're not talking to me anymore, I would really appreciate a conversation for some closure.’”[8]
- If you suspect that he’s dealing with something personal, text him and say “Hey, I’m not sure if there’s something going on, but I’m here for you if you need anything. Just reach out :)”
- If he doesn’t respond when you initially reach out, wait for him to come around. If days go by and he still hasn’t responded, it may be best to move on.
- Tell him how you feel about being ignored. If you guys are close enough to have deep conversations, talk to him about what’s going on. In a calm, neutral environment, sit down with him and tell him how you feel. Use “I” statements and non-confrontational language so he doesn’t feel like you’re blaming him, then let him tell you how he feels.[9]
- Stand your ground during this conversation. If he shifts the blame or attacks you for how you feel, that’s a personal problem that he has to deal with, not a sign that you need to change. Your feelings are valid.
- Actively listen when he’s explaining his feelings so that you fully understand where he’s coming from. Maintain eye contact, keep your arms uncrossed, and nod to let him know that you’re listening to understand.
- Keep an open mind during this conversation. If you’re defensive when he expresses himself, he may be less inclined to open up about how he feels.
- If you guys are dealing with communication issues, cognitive behavioral therapy may help you understand where the other is coming from and lay the groundwork for improved communication.[10]
How to Know When to Move On
- If he never responds or doesn’t make an effort to talk to you, move on. It’s easy to get wrapped up in a crush and make excuses for why he doesn’t talk to you, but if he constantly ignores you or doesn’t make an effort, don’t wait around. There are plenty of fish in the sea, so it’s best to find someone who is interested in you and expresses that.
- If you guys are serious and you decide to move on, Shield says you should delete their texts, emails, and messages, and get rid of anything of theirs that you have.[11]
- If his personal problems are affecting your relationship, that may be a sign to move on. Don’t break up with him if he takes longer than 20 minutes to respond. But, if the only time he texts you is to berate or argue, he has personal issues that could be draining your energy in the relationship, and you may want to move on.[12]
- If he’s ignoring your texts and arguing with you about communication when he sees you, you may want to move on, as he’s shifting the blame without taking accountability.
Ways to Tell if He’ll Ghost You
- Read past conversations to see if there’s a lack of interest. If you guys haven’t broken much ground and only have simple, surface-level conversations, he may not be interested in you. This lack of interest is a huge reason why someone may ghost, so don’t take it personally. Sometimes people aren’t compatible, and that’s okay!
- Schewitz says that if you guys went on one date, and he ghosts you, it's not a big deal. He just didn’t have the courage to break things off. If you were dating for a month or longer, and then they ghost you; that's a whole different story.[13]
- Compare how he acts with you in private and how he acts with you in public. If he’s more open when you guys are in group settings, or if he’s reluctant to get to know you deeper during those one-on-one moments, he may prefer being around other people over you. If that’s the case, that may be pushing him to ghost.
- Consider whether he puts effort into the relationship or not. If his texts are only a few words and he never makes plans to see you or go on dates, that may be a sign that he's not really interested.[14]
- If you're the one putting in all the effort, that’s a good sign that things are one-sided and that he's not fully interested.
- Look for signs of inconsistency, like slow responses and cancelled dates. If things started off really strong, like constant dates and quick, consistent texting, then suddenly slowed down to the point where he’s cancelling on you or ignoring you, that’s a good indicator he’s going to ghost you. Moving forward, if the person you’re talking to becomes inconsistent, reach out to them to see what’s going on. If they decide to ignore you, move on.[15]
References
- ↑ https://summer.harvard.edu/blog/need-a-break-from-social-media-heres-why-you-should-and-how-to-do-it/
- ↑ https://www.simplypsychology.org/bad-texter-or-just-not-interested.html
- ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/how-to-give-space-in-relationship/#Spacing_out_the_right_way
- ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/how-to-tell-if-a-guy-is-confused-about-his-feelings-for-you/#20_ways_to_tell_if_a_guy_is_confused_about_his_feelings_for_you
- ↑ https://www.thecouplescenter.org/commitment-issues-in-a-relationship-signs-and-how-to-overcome/
- ↑ https://www.eharmony.co.uk/dating-advice/attraction/he-is-not-into-you/
- ↑ https://lifehacker.com/when-it-is-and-isn-t-ok-to-double-text-someone-you-1850012867
- ↑ [v160997_b02]. 15 April 2019.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/a-therapists-education/202203/how-to-have-healthy-fights-with-your-partner
- ↑ https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5704672/
- ↑ [v161037_b01]. 13 December 2018.
- ↑ https://www.harnessmagazine.com/should-i-give-up-on-him/
- ↑ [v160997_b02]. 15 April 2019.
- ↑ https://www.simplypsychology.org/bad-texter-or-just-not-interested.html
- ↑ https://thejustgirlproject.com/blogs/news/6-signs-youre-about-to-get-ghosted
source How to of the Day https://ift.tt/w2BXQsP
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