How to Tell if Someone Is Your Friend

Questions to ask yourself to figure out if they’re a real friend

So, when it comes down to it, what is a friend, and how can you know that someone is your friend or not? A friend is someone you feel completely comfortable around. It’s someone who is loyal, supportive, honest, and caring towards you. In other words, it’s someone you can count on. We spoke with mental health experts and put together a list of questions you can ask yourself to find out if someone is truly a friend. If you answer “yes” to most or all of these questions, you’ve got a true friend for life.

How can you tell if someone is your friend?

You can tell someone is your friend if they make you feel loved and safe, value your time, and support you. A true friend is loyal, encouraging, and dependable. You can rely on them, and you know they’ll never judge you. You feel comfortable and happy around them—you can be yourself without any worry.

Steps

Are they loyal to you?

1. A true friend will have your back no matter what. Friends are typically loyal to one another, meaning they shouldn’t betray you and you shouldn’t betray them. It’s hard for two people to be friends and not ever let one another down, but betrayals shouldn’t be standard in the relationship.^[1]
   
   • If this person talks about you behind your back, spreads rumors about you, or disappoints you repeatedly in other ways, they probably aren’t your friend.^[2]
   • A good friend should value you as a person, not view your friendship as a series of transactions, explains psychologist Christy Irvine.^[3]

Do they keep your secrets?

1. A true-blue pal will take your secrets to the grave. If you know you can tell them private information and it won’t get back to anyone but you, they’re a good friend.^[4] If they can’t keep their lips sealed, they may not be a super great friend.

Do they have your back during hard times?

1. A real friend sticks by your side, even when life gets rough. When you go through a breakup, lose a loved one, or have a setback, you can count on your friends to be there. If someone is truly your friend, they won’t be around for only the good times—they’ll be by your side to face it all.^[5]
   
   • Think about a time when you were having a really hard time. Was this person there for you? Did they offer you support when you needed it most?
   • A fake friend typically only sticks around when things are going well. They might even think or say that your problems are a burden to them.

Are they happy when you achieve your goals?

1. A true friend doesn’t get jealous when you share your achievements. Friendship shouldn’t be full of jealousy or competition. A friend should want to celebrate you no matter what! Rather than tearing you down, they’ll lift you up, even if it means sacrificing something themselves.^[6]
   • For example, if you make the basketball team and they don’t, they won’t spite you because of it. Instead, they’ll cheer you on at games and work around your practice schedule.

Do they make time for you?

1. A true friend is someone you can count on. If you know you can call on this person and they’ll come running, they’re likely a friend. Good friends prioritize their pals, even if it means going out of their way.^[7]
   
   • For example, even if a friend is away on vacation, they’ll still make time to text or check in on you if they know you’re sick.
   • This goes both ways. If you call someone your “friend” but never seem to have time for them, you may need to reassess how important the friendship is to you.

Do you enjoy spending time together?

1. This probably goes without saying, but friends have fun together! No matter if you are bored at home watching TV or painting the town red, if you enjoy the activity more because they’re with you, chances are they’re an awesome friend.^[8]

Do you feel happy around them?

1. A true friend makes you feel more alive when you’re around them. Feeling joyful is one of the many benefits of friendship! When you’re with them, you don’t feel drained or stressed out. You feel content, comfortable, and happy.^[9]
   
   • Irvine suggests thinking about what you’re hoping to get from your relationship. Does this friendship look and feel the way you’d like to?^[10]

Do you have deep conversations?

1. A real friend is someone you’re comfortable sharing the truth with. If a true friend asks, “How’s it going?” you’re not pressured to respond with “Fine” when you’re not. You feel comfortable around them—you can tell them anything, no matter how troubling. They’re someone you can go to for advice or simply a listening ear.^[11] Therapist Ebony Eubanks says that a true friend “accepts that person for who they are, and not who they want them to be.”^[12]
   • This is called self-disclosure. You are more likely to disclose intimate details about yourself with a friend than you are with a total stranger or casual acquaintance.

Do they really know and accept you?

1. Friends allow you to be who you are with no restrictions. If someone is your friend, you have the luxury of showing them your true self. You know that they’ll love and accept you for who you are.^[13]
   
   • A true friend doesn’t want to change who you are. They accept and embrace everything about you, even your awkward and silly parts! Friends don’t have to agree with everything you say or do, but they won’t try to change you.

Do they make you a better person?

1. A true friend motivates you to be the best version of yourself. They don’t influence you to make bad choices or create drama. Instead, they uplift and encourage you while being honest (even when it hurts).^[14]
   • For example, a friend might push you to finish school, suggest you mend fences with estranged relatives, or inspire you to give back to others.

Do they listen to you?

1. When it comes to communication, a friend won’t make it one-sided. You can both equally talk to each other in a true friendship. You can share details about your life knowing they’ll listen wholeheartedly, and vice versa.^[15]
   
   • Good listening skills in a friend are important because you need to feel heard and understood by the people you care about.
   • Pay attention in your next conversation. Does your friend take the time to hear your message before responding?

Do they respect your boundaries?

1. Healthy relationships of any kind require boundaries, and friendships are no exception. A good friend willingly acknowledges and respects your boundaries. While they might push you out of your comfort zone every now and then, they won’t do so without your consent. You don’t have to compromise your comfort or values to hang out with them.^[16]
   • For example, if you tell a friend that you don’t feel comfortable with them reading your diary or journal, they should respect your wishes.

Do they support you?

1. A true friend supports your ambitions, ideas, interests, and goals. They’re willing to clap for you when you succeed and help nurse your wounds when you’re hurt. All in all, they’re there for you no matter what, and they improve your self-worth.^[17]
   
   • Psychologist Adam Dorsay suggests asking yourself these questions to see if the friendship is valuable to you: “Is this a relationship that is helping me? Am I helping my friend? Is this a reciprocal relationship? Is it one way?”^[18]

Are they forgiving?

1. Everyone makes mistakes, and a friend accepts that you’re no different. When you mess up, they understand that you’re only human. They might not always agree with you, but they can forgive you and be empathetic.^[19]
   • For example, if you forget to call a friend back, they won’t avoid you for several days. Instead, they might make a joke and continue on with the friendship. They don’t hold your mistake against you.

Are they honest with you?

1. A true friend won’t lie to you, even if it hurts. They rarely keep secrets from you, and while they may sugarcoat some things, they won’t ever let you leave the house in a hideous outfit.^[20]
   
   • For example, they may give you constructive feedback, such as, “You need to get up and study for your math test. Your grade is already low…Come on. I’ll help you.”

Can you trust them?

1. Real friendships are those you can rely heavily on. You can trust them to keep your secrets and accept who you are. You don’t have to lie to them in order to feel comfortable. You can go to them when you need help, a shoulder to cry on, or just someone to talk to.^[21]
   • This trust can be as simple as knowing they’ll keep the secret of who your crush is to as serious as being someone you can go to when you’ve experienced a great loss.

Do they let you do you?

1. A true friend isn’t jealous or possessive. They feel confident enough in your friendship that they don't have to resort to any sort of manipulative control.^[22] They understand that you’re not their only friend, and they may even encourage you to hang out with other people from time to time.
   
   • If they get jealous or annoyed that you spend time with others, they’re likely not a true friend.

Video

Tips

• Does your friend not demonstrate these friendship signs? It might be time to end the friendship.
• Learn what level of friendship you have with your friend by checking out our “Levels of Friendship” article.

References

Quick Summary

1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/invisible-bruises/202302/what-makes-a-good-friend
2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/201503/the-13-essential-traits-good-friends
3. ↑ [v161768_b01]. 9 April 2021.
4. ↑ http://www.seventeen.com/life/friends-family/a40140/signs-someone-isnt-really-your-friend/
5. ↑ https://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/08/16/when-friends-disappear-during-a-health-crisis/
6. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/social-connection/making-good-friends
7. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/social-connection/making-good-friends
8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/201503/the-13-essential-traits-good-friends
9. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/social-connection/making-good-friends
10. ↑ [v161768_b01]. 9 April 2021.
11. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/give-and-take/201407/do-you-know-who-your-real-friends-are
12. ↑ [v162161_b01]. 16 Jun 2022.
13. ↑ http://www.seventeen.com/life/friends-family/a40140/signs-someone-isnt-really-your-friend/
14. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/social-connection/making-good-friends
15. ↑ http://www.seventeen.com/life/friends-family/a40140/signs-someone-isnt-really-your-friend/
16. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/social-connection/making-good-friends
17. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/social-connection/making-good-friends
18. ↑ [v161075_b01]. 23 May 2019.
19. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/201503/the-13-essential-traits-good-friends
20. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/give-and-take/201407/do-you-know-who-your-real-friends-are
21. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/social-connection/making-good-friends
22. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/social-connection/making-good-friends

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How to Tie a Tie

Have you graduated beyond the clip-on tie? Beginning with these helpful instructions, a sharp-looking tie, a mirror, and some patience, you can become an expert in tying your own fashionable knot. You have several options available, from the versatile Four-in-Hand Knot and classic Windsor, to the basic yet formal Pratt knot and stylishly neat half Windsor.

If you're helping someone else put on a tie, see this article for instructions from that perspective.

The Easiest Way to Tie a Tie (Four-in-Hand)

1. Start with the wide end on the right of your neck, 12 inches (30 cm) lower than the thin side.
2. Cross the wide end over the narrow end.
3. Loop the wide end under the narrow end so it ends up on your right side again.
4. Loop the wide end back over again.
5. Pull the wide end up through the neck loop.
6. Thread the wide end down through the horizontal front loop you created.
7. Tighten the knot by holding the narrow end and sliding the front knot up.

Steps

Using the Tupac Method (Four-in-Hand Knot)

1. Drape the tie around your neck. With your collar up and your shirt fully buttoned, place the tie around your shoulders. Hang the wider end of the tie on your right side, with the narrow end about 12 inches (30 cm) higher on the left.^[1]
   
   
   
2. Cross the wide end over the narrow end. Bring the wide end to the left side of your body, over the narrow end. Hold the two pieces of cloth together with your left hand, near your neck.
   
   
3. Loop the wide end under the narrow end. Let go with your right hand. Tuck it underneath the narrow end, grab the wide end, and pull it back through to your right side.
   
   
4. Loop the wide end back over again. Cross it over the narrow end one more time, at the same point where your left hand is holding the knot together.
   
   
5. Pull the wide end up through the neck loop. Fold the tip of the wide end under itself and pull up through the neck loop.^[2]
   
   
6. Insert the wide end down through the front knot. You should have a horizontal knot across the front of your tie. Hold this knot open with your finger and carefully insert the wide end.
   
   
7. Tighten the knot. Hold the narrow end and slide the front knot up to tighten the tie. Make sure your tie is straight and the length is appropriate, ideally ending at the top of your belt buckle.
   
   • Squeeze the sides of the knot gently to create a dimple just below it.
8. Tuck the narrow end of the tie into the loop on the back side of the wide end.
   
   
9. Fold your collar down, and make sure that the tie is covered by the collar all the way around your neck.
   
   

Tying the Traditional Windsor Knot (Extra Formal)

1. Put the tie around your neck. Make sure the wider end is on the right, and about 14 inches (36 cm) lower than the thinner side on the left. The Windsor knot uses a lot of cloth, so the lower end should start a bit lower than you would usually position a tie.
   
   
   
2. Cross the wide end over the narrow end. Hold one end in each hand, then pass each of them to the opposite hand. The wide end should now be on your left side.^[3]
   
   
3. Bring the wide end up through the neck loop. Using your right hand, hold the two ends where they cross near your collar. With your left hand, pull the wide end up through the neck loop from below.
   
   
4. Bring your tie back down. Rest the wide end back on your chest, to the left of the narrow end.
   
   
5. Fold the wide end behind the narrow end. Grab the wide end with your right hand and pull it back to the right side of your body, under the narrow end. Hold the knot near your collar in place with your left hand.
   
   
6. Fold the wide end over the narrow end. Fold it back over from right to left, so the front side is visible again.
   
   
7. Pull the wide end through the neck loop from below. Bring the wide end back up through the neck loop one last time.
   
   
8. Insert the wide end through the front knot. Place the wide end through the horizontal knot at the front of the tie. Pull it through.
   
9. Tighten the knot. Hold the base of the front knot and squeeze gently from the sides. Slowly pull the wide end of the tie to bring the knot closer to the neck.
   
   

Tying the Pratt Knot (Basic Formal Knot)

1. Place the tie upside down around your collar. Unlike most knots, the Pratt knot begins with the tie upside down, so the seam of the tie is facing forward. Hang the wide end of the tie over your right side, and the narrow end over your left side.
   
   • This medium size knot suits most collars and builds.
2. Check the position of the wide end. In a knotted tie, the wide end should just graze the top of your belt buckle.^[4] At the start, however, raise or lower the wide end until it hangs 1–2 inches (2.5–5 cm) below this point. As a rule of thumb, the Pratt knot will lift the wide end by this distance as you tie the knot.^[5]
   
   • The narrow end of the tie should be higher than the wide end. It will usually be around belly button level, but this is less important than the wide end's placement.^[6]
3. Cross the wide end under the narrow end. Move the wide end across your body to the left side, placing it underneath the narrow end.
   
   
   
   • Do not move the narrow end of the tie for any part of this knot.^[7] Just hold it steady while you use the wide end.
4. Bring the wide end up to the loop around the neck. Place the tip on top of the loop, still on your left side.
   
   
5. Pull the wide end through the neck loop. Insert the wide end down into the loop from above. Pull it through in the same direction it lay before, on the left.
   
   
6. Fold the wide end over the narrow end, from left to right. This flips the wide end so the seam is no longer visible. The wide end will extend at an angle off to your right.
   
   
7. Pull the wide end up through the neck loop. Bring the wide end up to your neck loop again, but this time from below. Pull it through.
   
   
8. Tuck the wide end down through the new loop at the front. Your last fold created a horizontal loop at the front of your tie. Tuck the wide end through this loop, and pull straight down to tighten. The wide end should now rest in front of the narrow end.
   
   
9. Slide the knot to adjust. Pull down on the wide end to tighten. Slide the front knot up to the base of your collar to fasten the tie.
   
   
   • To create a dimple just below the front knot, squeeze the sides of the knot gently as you tighten.

Tying a Half Windsor Knot (Formal)

1. Position the wide end on the right side. Place the tie around your neck and let the sides hang in front of you. The wide end should be on the right side of your body, and hang roughly 12 inches (30 cm) lower than the narrow end on the left.
   
   • The Half Windsor is a triangular, symmetrical knot suitable for formal occasions. Larger than the Four-in-hand but less bulky than the Windsor, this can work with most neckties and collar types.^[8] Neckties made from thicker fabric will likely require a spread or wide spread collar with this knot.
2. Cross the wide end over the narrow end. Bring the wide end of the tie over to your left side, crossing over the narrow end.
   
   
3. Fold the wide end back under the narrow end. Complete a loop around the narrow end and pull the wide end back to the right side.
   
   
   • The underside of the wide end should be visible at this point.
4. Take the wide end up to the neck loop. Raise the wide end up to the loop of necktie at your collar. Keep it on the right side.
   
   
5. Pull the wide end through the loop and to the left. Insert the wide tip down through the loop and pull it through from the left side, so it crosses under the narrow end.
   
   
6. Fold the wide end over the front of the narrow end. Bring the wide end back across the front and onto your right side.
   
   
7. Slide the wide end up through the neck loop. Fold the wide end up through the neck loop a second time.
   
   
8. Insert the wide end down through the front knot. Loosen the front knot with your finger and insert the wide end. Pull it through to rest over the narrow end.
   
   
9. Pull on the wide end to tighten. Gently squeeze the front knot as you pull to slide the knot up and create a dimple at the front of your tie.
   
   

Video

Tips

• If your tie has a loop underneath the wide side of the tie, you may slide the narrow side through that loop to prevent it from "peeking" from behind the wide side of the tie.
• To make a dimple, hold the top blade on both edges, then pull it down gently until the top blade starts to tighten. A slightly convex shape should appear close to the knot. Use your thumb and forefinger to press the bottom of the knot into a V-shape and the convex will deepen to form the dimple.
• Left-handed people may find it easier to switch the starting positions of the wide and narrow ends. If you do this, switch all "left" and "right" instructions.
• Ideally, the tip of the tie should graze the top of your belt buckle. It's all right if the tie dips down to the bottom of the belt buckle ("Italian style"). If it's any lower, try a knot that uses plenty of cloth (such as the Windsor), or switch to a shorter tie.^[9] Similarly, if the tie ends above your belt, buy a longer tie or try the Pratt knot, which doesn't use much cloth in the knot.
• The four-in-hand is an effective technique for tying a knit tie.
• Make a mnemonic device to help you remember these steps, such as the word OUAT, which is an acronym for over, under, around and through.
• If you're helping someone tie their tie, tie it on yourself first since it will be easier to make the proportions accurate. Then, before you tighten the knot, transfer the tie to their neck.^[10]

Related wikiHows

• Tie a Bow Tie
• Shine Shoes
• Look Good in a Suit
• Tie a Silk Scarf
• Choose a Dress Shirt
• Wear-a-Tie-Clip

References

Quick Summary

1. ↑ https://www.thetiebar.com/how-to-tie/four-in-hand
2. ↑ https://www.thetiebar.com/how-to-tie/four-in-hand
3. ↑ http://www.ties.com/how-to-tie-a-tie/windsor
4. ↑ https://www.morgan.edu/Documents/ADMINISTRATION/CENTERS/ccd/Handouts/Handout~How%20to%20Tie%20a%20Tie.pdf
5. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fCmCf86pbV8
6. ↑ http://www.ties.com/how-to-tie-a-tie/pratt
7. ↑ http://www.ties.com/how-to-tie-a-tie/pratt
8. ↑ Chic Simple, Shirt and Tie, p. 37, (1993), ISBN 0-500-01593-7
9. ↑ https://www.morgan.edu/Documents/ADMINISTRATION/CENTERS/ccd/Handouts/Handout~How%20to%20Tie%20a%20Tie.pdf
10. ↑ [v161488_b01]. 24 July 2020.

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How to Deal With a Know It All

Smarty pants, wise guy, smart aleck – we all know one. Whether at family get-togethers, at the office, or in a social setting, know-it-alls are everywhere and they know everything. Sometimes it is utterly unbearable to spend time with these annoying individuals even if you have tried to engage, endure, or even empathize with them. In the end, it might be best just to avoid them, but if they are friends, family, or coworkers of people you know, it is still possible to come into contact with them. Therefore, you better be prepared to deal with them.

Steps

Empathizing With a Know-It-All

1. Try to be understanding. Most know-it-alls have a reason for acting this way. Whether it is a personality disorder, the need for excessive admiration, or arrogance, know-it-alls have issues that have to be addressed. Trying to understand where they are coming from could go a long way in empathizing with their condition.^[1]
   
   • Try to tolerate a know-it-alls behavior and avoid the impulsive fight-or-flight response by understanding that differences between people will always exist.
   • The root to all understanding is respect. It is unreasonable to think that anybody would suddenly conform to your ideas, which took you a lifetime to develop no matter how strong your perspective. If you want a know-it-all to respect your opinions, you will have to respect theirs as well.
   • Only when you can appreciate a know-it-all for who they are can you finally realize and understand where they are coming from.
2. Think first before responding. Since know-it-alls are annoying it is easy to respond in anger or worse. Therefore, take time to calm down and diffuse your anger before thinking of an appropriate response.^[2] Typically, taking time to think about the situation might even increase your confidence in dealing with somebody who “knows it all.”^[3]
   
   • By thinking first, you can formulate a better response. Most people think of responding while the person in conversation is still speaking and you do not listen to everything being said. When responding to a know-it-all, it is best to have a clear, thoughtful, and pertinent reply that is more likely to be accepted by them.
   • Stopping to think prevents saying stupid things that destroy friendships, start fights, or create awkward situations. It also does nothing to solve your issues with the know-it-all.
   • A thoughtful response also receives more respect. It is tough enough for a know-it-all to accept a response that is not their own, but a thoughtful and considerate response will more likely be accepted.
3. Lead by example. Do not be afraid to say “I don’t know” around a know-it-all because this demonstrates that it is okay not to always know the answer. Being a model of appropriate behavior might open the door for others to feel confident in not knowing, including know-it-alls. Follow up statements by asking questions and getting diverse ideas to illustrate flexibility and inclusion.^[4]
   
   • Saying “I don’t know,” can also build trust by demonstrating openness, vulnerability and honesty.
   • Other ways to say “I don’t know”: “I don’t know the answer to that, but I’m anxious to find out”; “Let me tell you what I know, and what I’m still learning”; and “I can’t tell you that with certainty. I do have an informed opinion on it which is…”
4. Offer constructive feedback. Believe it or not, know-it-alls might be ignorant to the fact that their behavior is negatively impacting others. If you detect this, take them out for a coffee or set up an appointment in private to discuss it gently and respectfully.^[5]
   
   • Although know-it-alls often exude confidence, they are oftentimes suffering from insecurity. You will have to stroke their ego or compliment their range of knowledge before informing them of their negative impact.
   • Soften the blow by telling them that it is important that everybody gets a chance to add their input because it provides a sense of community.
5. Agree on a resolution. Any solution dealing with a know-it-all should evolve from a trusting relationship for it to work. Try to speak assertively and respectfully while working out a solution until the behavior changes. If the respect is mutual, the know-it-all will try to work out a resolution with you.^[6]
   
   • Consider the know-it-all’s perspective by not relating everything they do to evilness, stubbornness, or unkindness. Remember that you do not always have to accept their opinions, simply just acknowledge them.
   • Keep an open mind and good attitude to help solve any issues.
   • Be patient and listen to what is being communicated. If you are not sure, ask for clarity or explanation.

Interacting with a Know-It-All

1. Flatter their wide range of knowledge. If you want a know-it-all to listen to you, you must appeal to their sense of self-importance. Since they are not naturally good listeners, you will have to create some problem that you want their advice on. This gets their attention since you appealed to the value of their opinion.^[7]
   
   • Ask something like, “I have a problem waking up in the morning, what do you think is the best way to get started in the morning?”
2. Arm yourself with facts. Prepare verified facts when entering into a conversation with a know-it-all will limit their negative impact and opportunities to interject.^[8]
   
   • If you are giving a presentation, hand out an agenda ahead of the meeting with a time limit for each phase of the talk. Add statistics and cited facts that are indisputable.
   • Preparation is always the key. The more prepared you are to defend your perspective the better off you will be in dealing with a know-it-all.
3. Counter their know-it-all responses with truisms. If you prefer to be a little more direct you can preempt statements with truisms that give little room for a know-it-all to get involved in the conversation. Since truisms are obviously true, know-it-alls can only offer moderate, less overbearing responses.^[9]
   
   • Before making a statement, say “If we are open to all possibilities, then we could look at it this way.” These types of truisms throw off know-it-alls because it is directed towards them making them have to rethink what they were going to say.
   • Or, after a know-it-all provides their response, say, “I am shocked to hear this because I thought your perspective would be different.” This surprises them because you are questioning their response without being too confrontational.
4. Tell the person how you feel and what you need from them. Be honest about how their communication style makes you feel. You might say something like "It's sometimes hard for me to express my opinion because I'm kind of shy and can easily shut down. Would you mind waiting until I'm done to share my opinion if you have a different one?"^[10]
   
   • You can also phrase your thoughts like a request. You could say "I value your opinion, and I'm open to hearing your thoughts at some other point. Right now, though, I'm only looking for support for this idea. Would you be open to telling me what parts of this you like?" or "Would you be open to telling me what you understood from this so I can hear how it sounds to someone else?"^[11]
5. Become a broken record. Sometimes the only way you can get a know-it-all to accept your position is to repeat it over and over. You must be resilient and avoid getting caught up in their perspective. The strategy is to make them figure it out on their own through dogged repetition and to exhaust them to the point of surrender. ^[12]
   
   • For example: “I understand how important it is to you, but I don’t want to do it…seriously, I don’t want to do it…Yes, of course I am very clear how important it is, but I don’t want to do it.”
   • Or, “I think it is too expensive…Sure, it’s a good deal, but it’s too expensive…I understand there is financing available, but it’s too expensive.”
6. Ask probing questions. Know-it-alls enjoy being contrarians and voicing their perspectives. If this becomes too annoying challenge their responses by asking detailed questions to break down their position. This forces the know-it-all to be better prepared before blurting out answers they cannot support with evidence.^[13]
   
   • Be respectful, but ask specific questions about their sources, facts, or experiences. Do not be afraid to confront a know-it-all about their expertise or authority.

Enduring a Know-It-All

1. Do not take it personally. Since know-it-alls are essentially correcting all misinformation by providing the “right” answer, they are, by implication, putting you in your place. This is a serious challenge to your authority and self-esteem. Know-it-alls, however, cannot help themselves because they think they are doing you a favor by informing or correcting you.^[14]
   
   • In these circumstances, try not taking it personally by taking a few deep breaths or taking time to think about your response before blurting out some offensive statement that will only embarrass yourself.
   • Remember, know-it-alls do not perceive most people as stupid or uneducated; rather, they have just not learned the difference between presenting a fact compared to an opinion. So, keep calm and collected and just let their replies roll of your back.
2. Choose your battles. Not every response by a know-it-all needs to be addressed. Doing so will only exhaust and stress you out.^[15]
   
   • Try to keep moving forward by either ignoring them or simply say, “thanks for the suggestion,” instead of getting involved in a fruitless conversation that you did not care about to begin with.
   • Ask yourself, “is the situation so distressing that it needs to be addressed?" This is an important question if you become emotional. By asking this question, you can bring yourself back to reality and decide whether a response is healthy or harmful.
3. Keep your sense of humor. To avoid a confrontational encounter with a know-it-all, keep your conversations non-aggressive. Smile, take a deep breath, and avoid using sarcasm no matter how tempting. Keeping the conversation light and humorous allows you to shake it off without further worry.^[16]
   
   • If you feel yourself unable to smile or laugh it off, take a step back. By taking a moment to disengage, it will be easier to recognize how silly it was to get mad in the first place. Try to reframe the situation in a way that you are viewing your response as a spectator.
   • In a frustrating situation, try to recognize the potential humor in just how ridiculously annoying it is. In this case, take the situation to an extreme that is impossibly ridiculous to the point that it makes you laugh.
   • Even a fake smile helps release endorphins, making you feel better and happier. By placing yourself in a happier place makes it easier to keep your sense of humor in trying times.
4. Try avoiding them. If all else fails, do not invite them out, do not frequent their favorite places, and do not return their phone calls or emails. Although this is cruel on many levels, maintaining your sanity and health is more important.^[17]
   
   • If you work with a know-it-all it might be hard to avoid them. You might have to pretend not to hear them, smile politely and not respond to them, or leave the area when you know they are approaching.
   • Change the topic of conversation to something they are not interested in or cut them short when they try to reply. This lets them know that you are not interested.

Video

Related wikiHows

• Argue With Someone Who Thinks They Are Always Right
• Deal If You Think Your Friends Are Being Mean to You
• Deal With Bullies
• Deal With Impossible People
• Deal With a Sarcastic Person
• Be a Know It All

References

Quick Summary

1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-flux/201408/how-to-stop-taking-things-personally
2. ↑ [v162209_b01]. 20 September 2022.
3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-flux/201408/how-to-stop-taking-things-personally
4. ↑ https://artisantalent.com/the-importance-of-saying-i-don-t-know/
5. ↑ https://online.champlain.edu/blog/giving-constructive-feedback
6. ↑ https://www.amanet.org/articles/how-to-deal-with-a-know-it-all/
7. ↑ https://www.amanet.org/articles/how-to-deal-with-a-know-it-all/
8. ↑ https://online.champlain.edu/blog/giving-constructive-feedback
9. ↑ https://ideas.ted.com/know-it-all-at-work-how-to-handle/
10. ↑ [v162209_b01]. 20 September 2022.
11. ↑ [v162209_b01]. 20 September 2022.
12. ↑ https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/~/media/CCI/Consumer%20Modules/Assert%20Yourself/Assert%20Yourself%20-%2004%20-%20How%20to%20Behave%20More%20Assertively.pdf
13. ↑ https://hbr.org/2017/10/how-to-deal-with-the-know-it-all-in-your-office
14. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-flux/201408/how-stop-taking-things-personally
15. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-flux/201408/how-stop-taking-things-personally
16. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/mental-health/wellbeing/laughter-is-the-best-medicine
17. ↑ https://hbr.org/2022/09/how-to-navigate-conflict-with-a-coworker

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How to Choose Your Best Clothing Colors

Finding your skin's undertones and neutrals to craft the perfect wardrobe

If you struggle to make your favorite colors look good on you, you might be missing out on a key bit of styling information. We’re talking about color analysis! Color analysis matches clothing colors to your skin tone to make sure your wardrobe and your body work together to show off your best hues. We’ll show you how to find your dominant undertones, determine your go-to neutrals, and then mix and match your outfits to your personal color profile so you can strut your technicolor stuff.

This article is based on an interview with our board certified professional organizer, Kathi Burns, founder of Organized and Energized!.

How To Know What Colors Look Good On You

Color analysis expert Anoushka Dannin says to start by figuring out your undertone. Ask yourself if pure white makes you look best (cool undertone) or off-white is more flattering (warm undertone). Consider features like your eye color, lip color, complexion, and natural hair color to find the best colors for you.

Steps

Analyzing Your Skin Tone

1. Determine your skin's undertone with the white shirt test. Some colors may look better on you depending on the undertone of your skin.^[1] Your undertone is the dominant hue of your skin—warm, cool, or neutral. Warm undertones tend to look best in warm colors, cool in cool colors, and neutral in any color. Use the white shirt test to determine your skin’s undertone:
   
   • White shirt test: Pull out a white shirt (or any white fabric) and hold it up to your face in a mirror lit by natural light. If your face appears vibrant and healthy, you have cool undertones. If it appears more yellow, you’re warm. Can’t decide if it complements you or not? Neutral.^[2]
   • For context, warm colors are reds, oranges, and yellows. Cool colors would be your blues, greens, and purples.
2. Use your skin brightness to find more complementary shades. In addition to your undertones, your primary skin shade can help you identify your best colors.^[3] Generally, colors that harmoniously blend with your skin are more flattering. Here's how to identify those hues:
   
   • Observe your skin's reaction: When you hold up various colors near your face, notice which ones make your skin look healthy, even-toned, and vibrant. Harmonious colors will minimize imperfections like shadows, redness, or sallowness.
   • Look for a seamless blend: Do the colors appear to "sit well" with your skin, or do they look separate and overwhelming? Harmonious colors create a sense of natural connection.
   • Consider your features: Notice which colors enhance your eye color and make your hair appear richer. Harmonious colors work with all your natural features, creating a cohesive and flattering overall appearance.
   • Experiment with different values & chromas: Try lighter and darker versions of colors, as well as more vibrant and softer shades. You'll likely find that certain values and levels of saturation harmonize better than others with your natural coloring. For example, a soft blush pink might harmonize beautifully with a Light Summer, while a bright fuchsia might be perfect for a Winter.
3. Use your hair color to help you discover more flattering colors. Your hair color, like your skin undertones, can also inform your wardrobe colors. People with light blonde hair typically have cool skin undertones, and so look great in cool-toned clothing. Yellow blondes, on the other hand, mesh better with warmer hues.^[4]
   
   • Black, dark brown, or true red hair often indicates cool undertones.
   • Brassy reds or lighter browns often indicate warm undertones.
   • If you dye your hair, pick dye colors that match your undertones to better complement your skin.
4. Sort your closet into a “color season” that matches your undertone. Many stylists narrow the color profiles down into “seasons” to help their clients stick to a preselected palette.^[5] Typically, “fall” and “spring” colors go well with warm undertones, while “winter” and “summer” colors go well with cool undertones. Now that you know your undertones, pick out clothing that coincides with a matching season of your choice. Some colors in each season are:
   
   • Spring: Warm, bright, pastel colors like yellows, greens, or oranges.
   • Summer: Soft, cool colors like French blue, smokey purples, and berry reds and pinks.
   • Fall: Warm earthy tones like burnt oranges, browns, and forest greens.
   • Winter: Bright colors with cool undertones, like royal blue, emerald green, or hot pink.

Picking Your Neutrals

1. Grab 6 objects, each a different neutral color. Neutral colors are those with low or no color saturation, like whites, blacks, grays, and browns.^[6] In this example, the 6 neutrals are light and dark gray, light and dark brown, navy, and black. Grays and browns come in warm and cool variations, so pick ones that match your color profile.
   
   • Make sure the object is almost entirely monochromatic to more easily analyze its color.
2. Hold the object up to your face in a mirror and examine the undertones. Find an area with plenty of natural light to do this, and decide which color makes you look your best.^[7] Even neutral colors have undertones that can match your skin. Examine the objects’ undertones. For example, is it a warm gray, or a cooler, bluer gray? Does the object’s undertones match your skin's undertones?
   
   • This is largely subjective and open to your taste, so don’t stress too much about it!
   • Your best neutral is often close to your natural hair color.
3. Choose 1 or 2 neutrals to build your wardrobe around. Pick a couple objects that match your undertones the most closely, and get other neutral clothes that closely match those colors. These colors will make up the workhorses of your wardrobe, and will constitute the majority of your pants, dresses, jackets and shoes.^[8]
   
   • Of course, you’ll incorporate plenty of other colors, but your neutrals make for a reliable, flexible base to build on.
   • Avoid mixing neutrals in an outfit to keep your look cohesive.

Coordinating Your Wardrobe

1. Assemble some go-to pieces that complement your undertone. Pick either a color season or a few of your favorite shades of a single color that matches your undertones, and make this your go-to palette.^[9] It’s best to stick to 2-3 colors to stay cohesive; a good outfit is usually made up of 1 neutral and 1 main color with an optional small amount of accent color. More colors tend to make an outfit look busy.
   
   • Of course, don’t toss your favorite clothes just because they don’t match your color—if it looks good on you, it looks good on you!
2. Wear tops and scarves that bring out the color in your eyes. If you want to make your eyes "pop," make sure the clothes on your torso complement them. Pick either a color that matches your eyes closely or one that’s on the opposite side of the color wheel. For our brown-eyed fashionistas, go for blues, lavenders, or reds.^[10]
   
   • Similarly, match your lipstick to your undertones to help unify the upper portion of your body.
3. Pick a few accessories in a complementary accent color. Wearing complementary colors—or colors that sit on polar ends of the color wheel—is a quick way to make any outfit stand out.^[11] Have a look at a color wheel, and choose 2 colors that sit on opposite sides to build a complementary color scheme. Then, choose 1 color to make up the dominant color of your outfit, and accessorize with the other color.
   
   • For example, an orange tie or pocket square can make you stand out in an otherwise conservative navy suit. Likewise, an aqua belt on a salmon dress can be an unusual but stylish choice.
   • Use this technique sparingly, as too many competing colors can begin to clash.
4. Stick to one type of metal for accents and jewelry. Even though they make up a small part of your outfit, shiny metals tend to attract the eye and stand out against your outfit. Using 2 different colors of metal can clash or look busy, so stick to 1 if you’re unsure. Silver and platinum are cool-toned metals, while gold and bronze are warm-toned.^[12]
   
5. Wear colors that express your personality. People tend to associate certain colors with certain vibes or attitudes.^[13] For example, earth tones and light, unsaturated warm colors can make you look friendly and approachable. Bright reds are attention grabbers. Dark, monochromatic colors can make you look stern or powerful. Wear muted or pale colors if you want to be noticed less. Bright, bold colors, especially purple, may make you seem more creative.
   
   • Your favorite or go-to colors might not match your undertones, and that’s okay! Comfort and confidence is often more important than precise color-matching.
   • In addition, you may find that your favorite color has hues that do match your undertone. For example, reds come in both cool and warm tones, and both make a bold outfit.
6. Try on an outfit before wearing it out of the house. Getting your wardrobe just right is a trial-and-error process. Crafting the perfect closet takes time and a willingness to experiment.^[14] Practice putting outfits together at home and analyzing your work in the mirror. Or, send a pic of the outfit to a friend for some handy input.
   
   • Always remember that if you like how you feel in an outfit, then it’s a good outfit! Taste is subjective, but good vibes are priceless.

How Does Color Matching Work For Clothes?

Reader Videos

Video

Tips

• Take note of what colors you're wearing when people compliment you. This can give you a good clue to which colors look best on you.
• Figuring out the right color profile for you can be difficult. If you're not sure if a color is quite right for you, the best way to figure it out is to try it on.
• If your outfit is monochromatic, try not to get the exact same color of hijab. Instead, choose a complementary color to make it pop.
• Avoid clothing that is too close to your skin color to avoid looking washed-out.

Related wikiHows

• Choose Colors That Flatter Skin Tone

References

Quick Summary

1. ↑ [v161237_b01]. 31 December 2019.
2. ↑ https://asianamericancenter.northeastern.edu/blog/finding-my-skin-undertone/
3. ↑ [v161237_b01]. 31 December 2019.
4. ↑ https://www.thelist.com/21212/choose-perfect-hair-color-skin-tone/
5. ↑ [v161237_b01]. 31 December 2019.
6. ↑ https://www.color-meanings.com/neutral-colors/
7. ↑ https://asianamericancenter.northeastern.edu/blog/finding-my-skin-undertone/
8. ↑ [v161237_b01]. 31 December 2019.
9. ↑ [v161237_b01]. 31 December 2019.
10. ↑ https://www.glamour.com/story/do-you-ever-wear-clothes-in-ce
11. ↑ https://www.collegefashion.net/fashion-tips/a-foolproof-guide-to-matching-colors-in-your-outfits/
12. ↑ https://fashionweekonline.com/the-golden-rules-to-matching-jewelry-to-your-skin-tone
13. ↑ https://www.color-meanings.com/clothing-colors-what-your-clothes-say-about-your-personality/
14. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCcgkWD0kVI

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How to Make Your Fingernails Look Good

Maintain healthy, beautiful nails with our easy-to-follow tips and tricks

Hangnails, torn nails, and nail ridges—oh my! With so many things that can make our nails look a little, well… unkempt, it’s a wonder that nail care isn’t a full time job. Fortunately, keeping your nails in tip top shape is easy, and all it requires is the right products and a little know-how. Keep reading to learn the best ways to care for your nails, as well as which foods to go for to strengthen your nails from the inside out.

Things You Should Know

• Trim your nails once a week, and use a nail file to keep them flat and smooth.
• Apply cuticle oil and a nail hardener to strengthen your nails and the skin around them.
• Use natural products that don’t include acetone to avoid damaging your nails.
• Eat foods that are rich in biotin and zinc to promote healthy nail growth.

Steps

Caring for Your Nails

1. Clip your nails once every other week. Try not to bite your fingernails when they get long. Instead, maintain a set of beautiful nails by trimming them on a regular basis. While it might be tempting to grow them out, aim to keep your nails a manageable length. Use a pair of sanitized nail clippers to create an even, consistent trim.^[1]
   
   • You don’t need to clip your nails constantly. If you cut your nails too short, you could risk hurting your nail bed.
   • Ideally, your nails should be cut straight, with a slight curve around the corners. This will help prevent ingrown nails.
2. Keep the edges of your nails smooth with a nail file. Don’t panic if you break or scrape a nail against a rough surface. Instead of biting or chewing off the nail, use a smooth file to buff out the sharp edge. Use smooth, quick motions as you file, working the tool in a single direction. Try keeping a nail file on your person at all times in case of emergencies.^[2]
   
   • If your nails require a lot of daily maintenance, consider keeping a nail file in your purse, as well as at home.
3. Use nail clippers to trim your hangnails at the root. Don’t rip off your hangnails by hand—this can cause you to tear away the skin around your fingers (ouch!). To prevent infection, use a pair of clippers to cut your hangnails at the root. Additionally, try to avoid biting or nibbling at your hangnails, as this will do more harm than good.^[3]
   
   • Take care of hangnails as soon as you notice them to stop them from getting worse.
4. Apply cuticle oil once a day. Keep your nails looking refreshed and hydrated by saturating them with cuticle oil each day. Use the brush applicator to apply a generous layer of oil around the cuticle. Unless the oil is dripping off your fingers, don’t worry about blotting it away.^[4]
   
   • If you don’t have any cuticle oil on hand, you can always make your own by mixing essential oils or a combination of vitamin E, coconut, almond, and olive oil.
   • Nourished cuticles will make your nails grow healthier and stronger.^[5]
5. Apply a nail strengthener to harden your nails. Do your nails feel brittle or weak? If so, a nail hardener might be just the product for you. Swipe the product on once a day just like you would normal nail polish, then let it soak in. Over time, your nails will toughen up and grow in stronger.^[6]
   
6. Leave your cuticles alone to prevent infection. Avoid the temptation to pick at or bite around your nails. While they can seem pesky at times, you need healthy, intact cuticles to keep bad bacteria out of your nails. If they’re really bothering you, use a cuticle pusher to nudge them further down your nail.^[7]
   
   • If your cuticles become infected, your nails will look inflamed.
7. Use nail products that don’t include acetone. Avoid products with ingredients that can cause damage to your nails, like acetone. Instead, remove polish without using a remover with products like hydrogen peroxide or toothpaste. Test out different methods until you find one that works well for your nails!^[8]
   
   • Harsh chemicals can wear down your nails after long-term use, making them visually unappealing.
8. Scrub beneath your nails with soap and water as needed. Avoid picking out dirt and other gunk from your nails with anything pointy, like a metal tool. If you do this on a regular basis, you could cause your nail plate to separate from the nail bed. Instead, wash your hands as needed, using gentle motions to scrub beneath your nails.^[9]
   
   • Don’t wash your hands too vigorously. If you scrub a lot beneath your nails, you can still do damage to your nail beds.

Maintaining a Healthy Diet

1. Eat foods that are high in biotin to make your nails thicker. Add fresh, biotin-rich foods to your diet like cauliflower, eggs, beans, bananas, lentils, salmon, and peanuts. Monitor your nails over several weeks to see if they feel stronger and thicker.^[10]
   
   • You can also take a biotin supplement.^[11] Always talk to your doctor when adding a new supplement to your diet, and read the label to make sure you’re taking the proper dosage.
   • As a bonus, biotin also helps strengthen your hair.
2. Snack on foods that contain a lot of protein to strengthen your nails.^[12] If you eat meat and other animal products, try adding chicken, lean red meat, dairy, and eggs to your diet. Additionally, you can opt for whole grains, soybeans, and nuts, regardless of your dietary preferences. As you make these small changes to your diet, keep an eye on your nails to see if you notice them getting stronger and fuller.^[13]
   
   • Protein is essential in any diet, even if your nails are already in great condition!
   • If you have the option, choose foods and drinks that have the lowest level of fat. For instance, skim or 2% milk has a lot less fat than whole milk.
3. Avoid foods with a lot of processed ingredients to keep your nails healthy. Try to eat fresh, natural foods, or prepared foods that have few ingredients. When given the choice, opt for produce and other fresh foods over packaged snacks and meals. If you keep a more organic diet, your nails are more likely to grow and improve.^[14]
   
   • Processed foods don’t specifically hurt your nails; however, your nails (and the rest of your body) are a lot better off when you make healthier choices in your diet.
4. Prevent brittle nails by eating a lot of zinc. Opt for cashews, oysters, lobster, lean beef, soybeans, and green beans as a remedy for weak nails. If you’d like a more concentrated dose of zinc, try taking zinc supplements.^[15]
   
   • If you eat a lot of zinc-rich foods on a regular basis, you don’t need to worry about taking supplements. Always talk to your doctor before adding supplements to your diet.

Getting a Fun Manicure

1. Paint your nails with a few strokes of colored polish. Pick your favorite polish color and apply it smoothly to the surface of the nail. Don’t use a lot of brushing motions to apply the product; instead, coax the polish to the center, right, and left of the nail for a smooth appearance. Let the first coat of polish dry completely before adding a second.^[16]
   
   • Check the instructions on the bottle to see how long the polish takes to dry.
   • For a more long-lasting manicure, apply a base coat on your nails before adding any colored polish. Additionally, consider applying a top coat over the colorful lacquer to add an extra layer of protection.
   • Keep your style in mind when deciding how to paint your nails!
2. Do a French manicure if you want defined nail tips. Paint your nails in a rosy pink shade, or a nude tone that matches the natural color of your nails. Finish off the look by adding a rounded outline of white polish around the tip of the nail. If you’d like your nails to look especially sleek, go to a salon to get them done.^[17]
   
   • The reverse French manicure is also a great option for making your nails look beautiful. Instead of painting an outline on the nail tip, the outline goes along the base of your nail.
3. Opt for a gel, shellac, or acrylic manicure if you want artificial nails. Treat yourself to a fun manicure where you can get longer, fake nails. Choose an acrylic manicure if you’d prefer a powder-base for your nail. If you’d prefer a harder, more long-lasting manicure, opt for a gel procedure instead. If you’d prefer a mixture of gel and regular nail polish, choose a shellac manicure at the salon.^[18]
   
   • Looking for a new salon? Always go to a licensed professional to keep your nails healthy.
   • Keep in mind that applying fake nails can damage your natural nails over time. Experts typically recommend saving fake nails for a special occasion, like a wedding or a school dance.
4. Try a dip manicure to add some shimmer to your nails. Opt for a beautiful, low-maintenance manicure by requesting a dip powder manicure at your next salon visit. Unlike gel and acrylic manicures, you don’t need to rest dipped nails beneath a UV light.^[19]
   
   • Dip powder nails are a lot easier to remove than regular nails.

Reader Videos

Tips

• Rather than nail hardeners which can make nails rigid, try massaging in jojoba, vitamin E, or coconut oil daily to keep nails flexible yet strong. The vitamins and oils nourish nails and cuticles without harsh chemicals. Mix together several oil types for an even more powerful home remedy.

Video

References

Quick Summary

1. ↑ https://www.aad.org/public/everyday-care/nail-care-secrets/basics/how-to-trim-nails
2. ↑ https://www.cmhcm.org/provider/centrain/Training_Units/Personal_Care_Hygiene_Grooming.pdf
3. ↑ https://www.peacehealth.org/medical-topics/id/abq1805
4. ↑ https://www.cosmeticsinfo.org/product/cuticle-oils-creams-and-lotions/
5. ↑ [v161321_b03]. 26 March 2020.
6. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/brittle-nails-causes-treatment
7. ↑ https://www.cdc.gov/hygiene/about/nail-hygiene.html
8. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1bhqUZooG_8
9. ↑ https://www.lancastergeneralhealth.org/healthwise-library/healthwise-article?lang=en-us&DocumentId=abq1805
10. ↑ https://ods.od.nih.gov/factsheets/Biotin-HealthProfessional/
11. ↑ [v161321_b03]. 26 March 2020.
12. ↑ [v161321_b03]. 26 March 2020.
13. ↑ https://www.piedmont.org/living-real-change/why-is-protein-important-in-your-diet
14. ↑ https://www.uclahealth.org/news/article/what-you-need-to-know-about-processed-foods-and-why-it-is-so-hard-to-quit-them
15. ↑ https://www.tricitymed.org/2018/08/b-vitamins-secret-good-skin-health/
16. ↑ https://florida-academy.edu/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/10-Most-Popular-Nail-Paint-Ideas-for-Fall-2021.pdf
17. ↑ https://florida-academy.edu/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/10-Most-Popular-Nail-Paint-Ideas-for-Fall-2021.pdf
18. ↑ https://ncert.nic.in/vocational/pdf/kvbk103.pdf
19. ↑ https://florida-academy.edu/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/10-Most-Popular-Nail-Paint-Ideas-for-Fall-2021.pdf

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