How to Handle a Fair Weather Friendship

Fair weather friendships are so tough to navigate. You may be stuck feeling hurt and unsatisfied, constantly looking for ways to make the relationship feel better for you. You deserve to get just as much out of your friendships as you put in—and we're here to help you make sure that happens. We'll teach you how to identify a fair weather friendship and how to end or maintain the relationship, depending on what's best for you. For everything you need to know about how to handle a fair weather friendship, read on.

[Edit]Steps

[Edit]Identifying a Fair Weather Friend

1. Ask yourself whether or not they stick around during tough times. They may be down to join for fun activities, like dancing or drinks, but are never there when you need support. Maybe you went through a breakup, struggled with mental health, or lost your job, and this friend was nowhere in sight. These friends often make the people around them feel abandoned.^[1]
   
   • Does it feel like the support you provide this pal is never really reciprocated? If so, you may be dealing with a fair weather friend.
2. Consider if they put as much energy into the friendship as you do. Maybe they're happy to hang out when you offer to come to them. But when plans are at your place, their interest seems to vanish. They’re excited to hang when it’s their choice of activity, but not when you have your own ideas.^[2]
   
   • Think about the time, energy, and effort this friend is willing to put into your relationship. Do they prioritize you like you prioritize them?
   • If they don't seem to care much about seeing you, this could be a fair weather friend.
3. Decide whether or not they're looking for a genuine connection. This doesn’t mean that they’re always in your friendship for the wrong reasons, because sometimes a fair weather friend may just be a bit flighty and looking for fun. But lots of fair weather friends do have insincere motives: your looks, money, popularity, or your other connections, for example.^[3]
   
   • Does this friend seem more interested in you when you’re with your cool friends? Or, do they only seem to be happy when you pick up the tab?
   • If you’re getting the sense that this friend cares more about what you can offer them than your companionship, this could be a fair weather friend.

[Edit]Managing a Relationship with a Fair Weather Friend

1. Determine whether this friendship is worth the emotional toll it takes. You’re the only person who can decide whether or not this relationship can work for you. There are so many potential avenues a friendship can take, and you can consider each of them: close pals, casual friends, or simple acquaintances. Try to understand what will make you happiest in the long term by asking yourself some thoughtful questions:^[4]
   
   • Am I okay with a casual relationship, knowing that they’re a fair weather friend?
   • If not, do I think there’s any chance they’ll change their behavior if I speak to them about it?
   • If they can’t change, are the good times with this friend worth the occasional hurt feelings?
2. Stay friends if you decide the relationship is worth some extra work. When you want a friend to change, honesty is always the very best option. You never know; this friend may have something going on in their life that’s affecting their behavior, or maybe they’re not aware they’re hurting you.^[5]
   
   • While you’re explaining yourself, try to use statements that begin with, “I feel.” Try to give your friend the benefit of the doubt and avoid name-calling.
   • You may need to be prepared to listen respectfully if your friend has something to say. This is great news; they care enough about you to engage.
   • Finally, explain that you want a genuine relationship. Now you two can talk through mutual expectations going forward.
3. Set boundaries and limits if this person is a relative. Sometimes, with family, it may be easier to manage an unbalanced relationship than it is to end it entirely. That’s okay! It’s important to set boundaries in any relationship, and that can help you protect your needs going forward.^[6]
   
   • Try to enjoy the positive parts of the relationship. Maybe they take board games as seriously as you, and you love that. Enjoying playing a round.
   • Make sure you don't let this fair weather relative drain you. It's great to help people you love, but you've got to take care of yourself first.
   • Remember, you don't need to feel guilty if you decide you can't maintain contact with a relative. You deserve respect in your relationships, even with family.
4. Enjoy a casual friendship by altering your expectations. Maybe you just decide that this won’t be a person you reach out to in difficult moments. That doesn’t mean you can’t have fun with them in the meantime. Say they really make you laugh or are the best dance partner you’ve ever had; feel free to keep them in your life.^[7]
   
   • Just make sure this new arrangement really does add to your life, instead of causing unnecessary stress. It can be hard to shake expectations for others.
   • Ensure you’re not continuing to give more to the friendship than you’re receiving.
   • Protect your own energy and emotional reserves. Avoid dropping everything to support a relationship that has drained you in the past.

[Edit]Ending a Fair Weather Friendship

1. End the friendship if you're not getting what you need. Take some time to reflect on whether or not this relationship has the potential to add something to your life or otherwise, change. You may decide that, no, this person isn't likely to adjust their behavior to make this relationship more fulfilling to me. You may also realize that as much as you may like your fair weather friend, the emotional toll just isn't worth the good times in between. This means it's time to end the friendship.^[8]
   
   • Sometimes, getting validation from people around you can help a decision like this feel more digestible. Talk to a close friend or family member who can help.
   • If you're not sure about how you feel just yet, try spending 5 minutes on a quick journaling session. This can help you untangle any big or conflicting feelings.
2. Understand that ending a friendship is completely normal. You may feel confused or guilty about your choice. But it’s so important to understand that people walk away from all kinds of relationships, all the time. If a relationship is draining one or both people who are involved, then it’s not healthy to continue. You don’t need to feel ashamed for recognizing that a friendship should end.^[9]
   
3. Avoid making plans to gradually let the relationship taper off. Lots of people don’t like confrontation. Luckily, a fair weather friend is unlikely to put in lots of effort to keep seeing you, so this should be easy to pull off. If you’re ready to let this friend go, simply stop making plans.^[10]
   
   • If they make plans with you, you can be direct. Or, you can accept the invitation, but not make new ones. Things with a fair weather friend will likely peter out.
4. Explain your thoughts on the friendship to end it directly. If you feel comfortable, you can explain why the friendship isn’t working for you. This way, you get to know that you were truthful with them even when it was hard. They also may surprise you; if you’re gentle, they may want to fix their behavior on their own.^[11]
   
   • Focus on being honest, but fair. Avoid name-calling, blame, and give them the benefit of the doubt when you can.
   • This way, you get to leave things on a kind note. If you genuinely do, you could even wish them well.
   • "I think you're great to hang out with. But I noticed that we have different expectations in this friendship, and that hurts my feelings sometimes. I think I need to move on for my own happiness."
5. Send a letter if you fear confrontation but still want to be truthful. A letter or email is the perfect solution here. In order to give your friend the benefit of the doubt and leave things on a positive note, use kind, empathetic language. You can definitely wish them well if that’s how you feel, too.^[12]
   
   • "At this point, it just feels like I'm always going to put in more effort than you are, and that doesn't feel good."
   • "I love hanging out with you, and that's why it took me so long to take steps to cut off a friendship that wasn't giving me what I needed."
   • "I definitely still wish the best for you. This relationship just isn't working for me. I'd be happy to answer questions if you have them."
6. Remove your fair weather friend on social media. If you want a clean break, you may not want to see their posts anymore. Sometimes, when a person isn’t in your life anymore, you may miss them, feel confused, or still feel angry, even though you don’t want to. Having constant, unsolicited reminders of them may be the last thing you want. In that case, feel free to take them off of your feeds.^[13]
   
   • You may feel like blocking, unfollowing, or deleting this fair weather friend may be too much.
   • Most social media sites give you ways to block someone’s content without them knowing, like Instagram’s “mute” feature.
7. Keep your cool and avoid lashing out. Hurt feelings can make people act in ways that they go on to regret. It’s definitely fine to leave a relationship that wasn’t working for you, just like it’s appropriate to be honest about how you were feeling. You probably won’t feel great about adding in any insults and jabs though, so try your best to hold those in.^[14]
   
   • When someone you care about disappoints you, it can really sting. It would make sense if this friend’s behavior left you feeling majorly upset.
   • But you’ll feel better about yourself if you walk away with your head held high. Instead, turn your focus towards your other awesome relationships.

[Edit]Video

[Edit]Related wikiHows

• Be a Good Friend
• Make Friends
• Decide if Your Friend is a True Friend
• Start a Conversation with New Friends

[Edit]References

[Edit]Quick Summary

1. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/imperfect/2018/10/breaking-up-with-a-friend-how-to-end-a-friendship-thats-no-longer-healthy-or-fulfilling#Signs-of-an-unhealthy-friendship
2. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/imperfect/2018/10/breaking-up-with-a-friend-how-to-end-a-friendship-thats-no-longer-healthy-or-fulfilling#Signs-of-an-unhealthy-friendship
3. ↑ https://youtu.be/sqbBEAvtukI?t=270
4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/prisons-and-pathos/202106/how-handle-friendship-breakup
5. ↑ https://www.dosomething.org/us/articles/the-dos-and-donts-of-friend-drama
6. ↑ https://family.lovetoknow.com/about-family-values/how-deal-difficult-family-members
7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/prisons-and-pathos/202106/how-handle-friendship-breakup
8. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/imperfect/2018/10/breaking-up-with-a-friend-how-to-end-a-friendship-thats-no-longer-healthy-or-fulfilling#Ending-a-friendship-doesnt-make-you-a-bad-person
9. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/imperfect/2018/10/breaking-up-with-a-friend-how-to-end-a-friendship-thats-no-longer-healthy-or-fulfilling#Ending-a-friendship-doesnt-make-you-a-bad-person
10. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/philosophy-stirred-not-shaken/201707/when-end-friendship-and-how-do-it
11. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/prisons-and-pathos/202106/how-handle-friendship-breakup
12. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/prisons-and-pathos/202106/how-handle-friendship-breakup
13. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/imperfect/2018/10/breaking-up-with-a-friend-how-to-end-a-friendship-thats-no-longer-healthy-or-fulfilling#How-to-break-up-with-a-friend
14. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/philosophy-stirred-not-shaken/201707/when-end-friendship-and-how-do-it

source How to of the Day https://ift.tt/esxPGzW

How to Grow a Pumpkin

How long do pumpkins take to grow? And how much do you water them? Your questions, answered

Pumpkins are a Halloween staple, and their knack for creating rich pies and savory veggie dishes is one heck of a bonus. They’re also a fairly simple crop to sow and harvest, and you can do just that in your very own backyard! We’ll show you how to prep your soil, plant your pumpkins, care for them as they grow big and plump, then harvest and store them in time for October—or whenever you’d like to enjoy them!

[Edit]Things You Should Know

• Plant your pumpkins inside of dirt mounds in widely spaced rows about 120 days before you plan to harvest them.
• Water your pumpkins once a week, or when the soil is dry to the touch. Give them enough to make the soil damp, but not so much that it floods.
• When the pumpkins are bright orange and hard, cut them off at their stems and let them sit in the sun for 1 week. Then store them in a cool, dark place.

[Edit]Steps

[Edit]Soil Prep and Seed Germination

1. Plan to plant your pumpkins 120 days before harvest. Pumpkins take at least 100 days to reach full maturity, so think about when you’d like to harvest them, and plant your seeds about 120 days before then. In addition, pumpkin seeds don’t germinate in cold soil, so plan to plant them after the chance of frost has passed, usually around mid to late May.^[1]
   
   • Plant a first crop in late May, then a second crop in early July to ensure you have mature, healthy pumpkins ready to harvest around and through Halloween.
2. Choose a spacious planting spot that receives 6 hours of sun each day. Pumpkin vines need a good amount of space to grow and creep, so choose a site with at least of room. In addition, select a site that receives at least 6 hours of sun, and which has well-draining soil that doesn’t have standing water after it rains.^[2]
   
   • Select somewhere a bit apart from other plants in your garden, since pumpkins tend to stifle most other nearby plants.
   • Alternatively, plant pumpkins in large, containers to save space or grow them indoors.
3. Weed the planting site and prepare well-draining soil. Manually weed the site thoroughly, using a trowel and your hands to pull them out by the roots. Till a balanced fertilizer, such as a 19-19-19 formula, into the soil (according to package instructions). Then, amend your soil to increase drainage by mixing in compost or garden gypsum according to the instructions on the compost or gypsum packaging.^[3]
   
   • In addition, test your soil’s pH with a test kit, then raise it or lower it to around 6-6.8. Use garden lime (according to package instructions) to raise soil pH, and mix in extra compost to lower pH
4. Choose a pumpkin variety that suits your needs. Pumpkins come in a surprising number of varieties, and different varieties serve different purposes. Some are great for carving, others make fabulous pies, and certain varieties are grown purely for decoration. Their growing methods are largely the same, so pick your variety according to your wants.^[4]
   
   • Edible pumpkins, or pumpkins for pies: Sugar Treat, Peanut Pumpkins, New England Pie, Winter Luxury.
   • Large decorative pumpkins great for carving: Autumn Gold, Magic Lantern, Jack-o-Lantern, Howden Field.
   • Small decorative pumpkins, often called “mini pumpkins”: Baby Bear, Spooktacular, Jack Be Little.
5. Germinate your seeds 3 weeks before planting to give them a head start. While pumpkins grow just fine from store-bought seeds, or seeds harvested from other pumpkins, germinating these seeds into sprouts can help them root and thrive when they eventually are transplanted. Bury your seeds deep in containers that are wide, using standard, damp potting soil.^[5]
   
   • Keep the soil damp (wet to the touch, but not flooded) for 3 weeks as the sprouts grow).
   • Keep the containers in a warm, sunny spot to encourage germination.
   • Transplant the sprouts into your garden when they’ve grown 3-4 leaves.

[Edit]Planting Pumpkins

1. Space pumpkins in rows about apart. If your pumpkin variety grows along creeping vines, space the hills in the same row apart, and space the rows apart for large pumpkin varieties. Space smaller varieties or “bush-type” pumpkins in rows apart.^[6]
   
2. Create several tall mounds apart. Gather nearby dirt into a small “hill” into which you’ll plant your seeds. Make each hill about across. This elevates the seed above the rest of the soil, helping the sun warm and germinate it more easily.^[7]
   
3. Plant 2-3 seeds deep in each mound. With your thumb, create 2-3 small holes about apart in the center of the mounds. Then place a single seed into each small hole, and cover them with soil.^[8] It doesn't matter which end of the seeds points up. If the seeds are viable, they will grow either way.
   
   • If you're planting germinated seedlings, dig a hole in the mound large enough for the root ball, then place the seedling so that the top roots are level with the soil, and cover them with dirt. Only plant 1 seedling per mound.
4. Water and cover the planted seeds with compost or landscape fabric. Saturate each mound with water, until it’s wet to the touch but not pooling or flooding. Then, to keep the soil warm and promote germination, cover each hill with a square of black landscape fabric. Pin the fabric to the soil on each side of the hill, and cut a hole about wide where the seeds will sprout.^[9] Alternatively, cover each hill with of compost to warm the soil and add nutrients.
   
   • If you composted the soil before planting, or are planting from germinated seedlings, you can skip this step. It won’t hurt to do it anyway, though!
   • With proper care, the pumpkin seeds will sprout in about 1-2 weeks.

[Edit]Caring for Pumpkins

1. Give the pumpkins about of water per week. Water the pumpkin plants any time the soil appears dry. Thoroughly saturate the soil when it feels dry to the touch. Water the plants only once or twice a week, and give them plenty when you do (until the soil is damp but not pooling), rather than giving them a light water every day.^[10]
   
   • Watering deeply but infrequently helps the moisture reach deep down to the roots. Water in the morning to encourage soil retention and prevent fungus.
   • Avoid soaking the plants’ leaves. This encourages the growth of a fungus called powdery mildew, which can cause the leaves to wither and the plant to die.
   • When the pumpkins themselves begin to grow and turn orange, decrease the amount of water you use by about half. Stop watering entirely about a week before you plan to harvest the pumpkins.
2. Add a nitrogen-heavy fertilizer once the pumpkins send out vines. Till a 34-0-0 mixture nitrogen fertilizer into the soil around the base of the plant. Refer to the instructions on the fertilizer packaging to determine how much to use, but in general add about of fertilizer per of soil.^[11]
   
   • Take care not to let the leaves touch the fertilizer, as the heavy nitrogen content may burn or damage them.
   • Only fertilize the soil twice: once when preparing the soil, and again when you spot vines.
3. Prune away extra pumpkin flowers and pull up any weeds. In order to grow big, healthy pumpkins, pull up any weeds as you encounter them. Weeds divert nutrients away from the pumpkins.^[12] In addition, once the fruits are at least , cut away all but the largest one, and cut any additional buds to divert nutrients to the single fruit.^[13]
   
   • To grow for numbers rather than size, select 2-3 fruits to keep, and cut away the others. Note that male flowers—those that contain pollen—often fall off on their own.
   • Place a bit of cardboard under the fruit to keep it raised above the soil, preventing a condition called “soil rot” that deteriorates the fruit.
4. Control pests and diseases manually, if possible. In order to make sure your plants produce healthy pumpkins, monitor them throughout the growing process. If you notice powdery molds on the leaves or fruits, apply plant-safe fungicide according to the instructions on the packaging.^[14] Spray insecticidal soaps on the plant to combat most insects, like aphids. Also watch for these other problems:
   
   • Check the pumpkin leaves and blossoms for beetles, which eat plant tissue and ultimately kill the pumpkin plant. Scrape them off the plant a few times a week.
   • Add a layer of mulch around your pumpkins to keep weed pressure down and conserve soil moisture.
   • If your pumpkins begin to wilt prematurely, or even rot, remove the plant from the soil and dispose of it in a plastic garbage bag. These plants are most likely diseased, and cannot be treated.

[Edit]Harvesting and Storing the Pumpkins

1. Cut the pumpkins off the vines when the stem hardens. Harvest your pumpkins in October, when their stems have hardened and the fruit’s exterior is firm, with a rich orange color, and the vine has withered some. Use a pair of garden shears or a lopper to snip the pumpkin off the vine about from the base of the pumpkin, where the stem attaches to the fruit.^[15]
   
   • If the pumpkins are yellow or soft and spongy to the touch, give them another week before checking them again. If you harvest them too soon, they won't keep for more than a few days before spoiling.
   • Avoid breaking or snapping off the stems entirely, which causes the pumpkins to rot.
2. Let the pumpkins sit in the patch for 1-2 weeks after harvesting. Before you bring those pumpkins indoors, keep them outside, right where you snipped them, for 7-14 days, or until their rinds develop a firm texture. This helps preserve the pumpkins, allowing you to store them for even longer.^[16]
   
   • Place the pumpkins on a raised pallet to keep them above the soil and out of reach of pests.
3. Store the pumpkins in a cool, dry place to preserve them. Keep your harvested pumpkins away from humidity, damp, and direct sunlight to keep them ripe and presentable for up to several weeks. A basement or cellar is ideal. They do not need refrigeration.^[17]
   
   • Apply a mild chlorine rinse before storage to discourage mold and fungi. Mix of 1 cup (240 mL) of household chlorine bleach and 5 gallons (18.9 L) of cold water, and use a spray bottle to spritz the pumpkins with it.^[18]

[Edit]Video

[Edit]Tips

• Hand-pollinate your pumpkins by using a paintbrush to gently collect pollen from male flowers and brushing them onto the center of female flowers (those without pollen).^[19]
• Make your pumpkins easier to store bymaking pumpkin puree. Then use the puree to make pie, soup or freeze it for up to several months to use later.

[Edit]Warnings

• Avoid potent insecticides as much as possible. Pumpkins rely on bees for pollination, and harsh insecticides may kill or deter bees from your pumpkins.^[20]

[Edit]Things You'll Need

• Compost
• Germination containers
• Pumpkin seeds
• Shovel, trowel, spade
• Landscape fabric
• Nitrogen fertilizer
• Fungicide
• Insecticidal sap

[Edit]Related wikiHows

• Carve a Pumpkin
• Make Pumpkin Pie Straight from the Pumpkin
• Roast Pumpkin Seeds

[Edit]References

• Videos provided by GrowVeg
• http://www.vegetablegardener.com/item/5523/how-to-grow-pumpkins
• http://urbanext.illinois.edu/pumpkins/growing.cfm

[Edit]Quick Summary

1. ↑ https://web.extension.illinois.edu/pumpkins/growing.cfm
2. ↑ http://extension.msstate.edu/publications/publications/growing-pumpkins-for-the-home-garden
3. ↑ https://extension.umd.edu/resource/soil-health-drainage-and-improving-soil
4. ↑ http://extension.msstate.edu/publications/publications/growing-pumpkins-for-the-home-garden
5. ↑ https://extension.umd.edu/resource/pumpkins-and-giant-pumpkins-home-garden
6. ↑ https://extension.wvu.edu/lawn-gardening-pests/gardening/wv-garden-guide/growing-pumpkins-in-west-virginia
7. ↑ https://extension.wvu.edu/lawn-gardening-pests/gardening/wv-garden-guide/growing-pumpkins-in-west-virginia
8. ↑ https://extension.wvu.edu/lawn-gardening-pests/gardening/wv-garden-guide/growing-pumpkins-in-west-virginia
9. ↑ https://extension.usu.edu/yardandgarden/research/pumpkins-in-the-garden
10. ↑ http://extension.msstate.edu/publications/publications/growing-pumpkins-for-the-home-garden
11. ↑ https://extension.wvu.edu/lawn-gardening-pests/gardening/wv-garden-guide/growing-pumpkins-in-west-virginia
12. ↑ https://extension.umn.edu/vegetables/pumpkins-and-winter-squash#controlling-weeds-236361
13. ↑ https://extension.umd.edu/resource/pumpkins-and-giant-pumpkins-home-garden
14. ↑ https://extension.wvu.edu/lawn-gardening-pests/gardening/wv-garden-guide/growing-pumpkins-in-west-virginia
15. ↑ https://extension.wvu.edu/lawn-gardening-pests/gardening/wv-garden-guide/growing-pumpkins-in-west-virginia
16. ↑ https://extension.umn.edu/vegetables/pumpkins-and-winter-squash#harvest-and-storage-236363
17. ↑ https://extension.wvu.edu/lawn-gardening-pests/gardening/wv-garden-guide/growing-pumpkins-in-west-virginia
18. ↑ http://extension.msstate.edu/publications/publications/growing-pumpkins-for-the-home-garden
19. ↑ http://extension.msstate.edu/publications/publications/growing-pumpkins-for-the-home-garden
20. ↑ https://extension.wvu.edu/lawn-gardening-pests/gardening/wv-garden-guide/growing-pumpkins-in-west-virginia

source How to of the Day https://ift.tt/IGR8rf6

How to Read a Measuring Tape

Take accurate measurements during your next DIY project

You need to take a quick measurement, but how can you decipher all the markings on your measuring tape? The lines on your tape measure make it easier to get a precise reading, and it's pretty easy to figure out how to read your measurement once you understand them. We'll walk you through what each line represents on your tape measure so you can accurately find the size of any object.

[Edit]Things You Should Know

• For imperial units, use the longest marks to measure inches. Use the next longest lines for ½ inches, the third longest for ¼ inches, and so on.
• For metric units, measure centimeters with the longest markings. Use each of the smaller marks to find the length in millimeters.
• ​​Stretch your measuring tape across the object. Find the nearest full measurement and add the length from the smaller markings.

[Edit]Steps

[Edit]Inches and Feet (Imperial)

1. Find the longest, numbered lines to measure full inches. Pull out your measuring tape, and look for the long, thin lines with large numbers next to them. The length from one of the lines to the next one of the same size is always 1 inch.^[1]
   
   • Since 12 inches is the same as 1 foot, the number on the tape may be a different color or be labeled with an “F” to mark the length. After each foot marking, the numbers next to each inch mark will either repeat from 1 - 11 again or keep counting to 13, 14, 15, and so on. Each tape measure varies so be sure to check yours.
2. Use the second longest marks to measure ½-inch increments. Find the ½-inch mark centered between the long lines marking out full inches. The line might be labeled “½” directly above it, but you can easily tell it’s the ½-inch mark if the only lines that are taller are the inch marks.^[2]
   
   • Unless it’s the first ½-inch mark on your tape measure, always add the full inch that came right before it to the measurement. For example, the half-inch mark between the 3- and 4-inch lines represents 3 ½ inches even if it isn’t labeled.
3. Recognize the third longest line as ¼-inch increments. Find the ¼-inch marks centered between the ½-inch and full inch lines. These markings are shorter (and sometimes skinnier) than ½-inch lines so you can easily reference the measurement at a glance.^[3]
   
   • Each inch is split into 4 ¼-inch increments. The 2/4-inch mark is the same as the ½-inch line.
4. Check the fourth longest lines to find ⅛-inch increments. Look for the shorter ⅛-inch markings centered between each of the ¼-inch lines. Each inch contains 8 of the ⅛-inch increments, but the lines are usually not labeled with numbers. ^[4]
   
   • The ¼-inch, ½-inch, and ¾-inch marks can alternatively be read as 2/8-inch, 4/8-inch, and 6/8-inch.
5. Measure sixteenths of an inch with the smallest, densely-packed lines. If there are lines that are even shorter than the ⅛-inch markings, then each of them represents 1/16-inch. Find the 1/16-in marks perfectly centered between the ⅛-inch lines.^[5]
   
   • Some precise measuring tapes may have marks representing 1/32-inch or even 1/64-inch. When in doubt, count the total number of lines between the inch markings to know how far it’s subdivided. For example, if there are 16 total marks, then the smallest mark is 1/16-inch.
6. Reference double arrows and diamonds for stud and truss spacing. Extend your tape measure and check every 16 inches for a set of 2 arrows. Since this is the standard distance between wall studs, you can easily extend the full tape and mark their locations. If you see a black diamond every 19.2 inches, you can easily reference them for standard locations to install roof trusses.^[6]
   
   • If you’re not measuring for wall studs or roofing, don’t worry about any of these markings since you won’t need to use them.

[Edit]Centimeters and Meters (Metric)

1. Find centimeters using the longest numbered markings. Look for the most prominent markings with large numbers next to them. The color of the number may be a different color every 10 centimeters so you can easily reference the length you’re measuring.^[7]
   
   • Every 100 centimeters, the number may be a different color or be labeled with an “M” to mark out 1 meter in length. After each meter, the centimeter markings may start over again at 1 or continue counting to 101, 102, and so on. This varies from measuring tape to measuring tape.
2. Use the second longest lines to measure half-centimeter increments. Many metric measuring tapes have slightly shorter marks that are evenly spaced between each centimeter line. These marks are usually not labeled with a number.^[8]
   
   • The metric system is in base ten, which makes it much easier to work with decimals compared to fractions in imperial measurements. For example, write out 0.5 centimeters instead of ½ centimeters.
3. Measure millimeters with the smallest, densely-packed markings. Each millimeter represents 1/10 of a centimeter, or 0.1 centimeters. Each centimeter contains 10 millimeters.^[9]
   
   • Metric tape measures rarely have units smaller than millimeters because it’s difficult to measure them precisely.

[Edit]Taking Measurements

1. Place the tape’s hook at the end of the object you’re measuring. Hook the metal piece at the end of the measuring tape onto the edge of the object so it doesn’t slip. If you’re measuring the inside distance, such as the distance across a door frame or from one wall to another, push the metal hook flat against the surface instead.^[10]
   
   • The hook may also be known as the “tang.”
   • Does the metal hook feel loose? It’s supposed to! When you latch it onto an object, the hook pulls out so its width isn’t included in your measurement. When you push it up against the object on an inside measurement, the hook pushes flush against the tape so its width doesn’t affect your measurement.
2. Stretch the tape across your object. With the hook and 0 mark in place at one end of the object, pull the tape measure back to let more tape out. Use one hand to hold the end of the tape in place as you stretch it to the full length.^[11]
   
   • Try to keep the tape as straight as you can since letting it sag can skew your measurement.
   • If the end of your tape measure has a hole, hook it onto a screw or nail to keep the end from moving.
3. Read the nearest mark to find the measurement. Look where the end of the object you're measuring lines up with a marking on the tape. Find the last full inch or centimeter mark on the tape. Then, count the marks between the full unit on the tape and the end of the object to find the full measurement.^[12]
   
   • Example: If you are measuring across the front of a dresser and the edge lines up right after the 24-inch marking, this means that your dresser is between 24 and 25 inches wide. If you count three ⅛-inch marks past 24 inches, then your dresser is 24 ⅜ inches wide.
   • Example: If you’re measuring a piece of wood. The edge of the wood extends past 17 centimeters but not past 18 centimeters. If you count 7 millimeter marks past the centimeter line, then the piece of wood is 18.7 centimeters long.
4. Use the lock switch to keep the tape at the same length. If you need to compare or transfer your measurement, slide the lock switch forward to keep the tape from retracting. When you don’t need the measurement anymore, then pull the lock switch back to feed the tape back into the case. The lock feature is helpful for:^[13]
   
   • Quickly seeing which of two objects is bigger
   • Seeing whether something will fit through a certain space
   • Keeping the tape available for multiple quick measurements
   • Keeping a certain distance "handy" to avoid having to re-measure

[Edit]Tips

• If you want to take body measurements for clothing, use a flexible measuring tape instead. Wrap the tape around the body part you’re measuring, and pinch the tape where it overlaps to find your measurement.^[14]
• Check to see if the size of the case is listed somewhere on your tape measure. That way, you can easily add the size to the tape’s length if you’re measuring a tight space where you can’t fully extend the tape.^[15]

[Edit]Warnings

• Avoid letting the tape snap back quickly into the case since it could hurt you. Slowly feed the tape back into the case instead.

[Edit]Related wikiHows

• Read a Ruler
• Take Clothing Measurements Without Measuring Tape

[Edit]References

[Edit]Quick Summary

1. ↑ [v161678_b01]. 14 January 2021.
2. ↑ https://5.imimg.com/data5/GW/LJ/AM/SELLER-2044578/freemans-measuring-tapes.pdf
3. ↑ https://www.bobvila.com/articles/how-to-use-a-tape-measure/
4. ↑ https://youtu.be/TWH8HVqkHP4?t=158
5. ↑ https://www.bobvila.com/articles/how-to-use-a-tape-measure/
6. ↑ https://youtu.be/p26QdnP27tg?t=60
7. ↑ https://www.accessibilityguides.org/sites/default/files/pictures/How-to-take-accurate-measurements-for-your-accessibility-guide3.pdf
8. ↑ https://www.bobvila.com/articles/how-to-use-a-tape-measure/
9. ↑ https://youtu.be/kJzil8ASw-k?t=63
10. ↑ [v161678_b01]. 14 January 2021.
11. ↑ https://5.imimg.com/data5/GW/LJ/AM/SELLER-2044578/freemans-measuring-tapes.pdf
12. ↑ https://www.unl.edu/synergycurriculum/Documents/Prevocational-Instructors/Teacher%20Module%202,%20Unit%201.pdf
13. ↑ https://www.bobvila.com/articles/how-to-use-a-tape-measure/
14. ↑ https://undeniablebajinya.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/12/taking-measurements.pdf
15. ↑ https://youtu.be/dMN2Ll4-x40?t=202

source How to of the Day https://ift.tt/Of95EuC

How to Be Assertive

Strike the right balance between passiveness and aggression so you can get what you want

It might feel sometimes as if you have to be a bully to get what you want, but in fact, you can be calm and respectful while still having your voice heard and getting your needs met. If you struggle to be assertive, you're in the right place! We've developed a guide for becoming more assertive and confident so you can ask for what you want with authority. Check it out below!

This article is based on an interview with our executive life coach, Guy Reichard, founder of HeartRich Coaching & Trainin.

[Edit]Steps

[Edit]Embrace assertive thought patterns.

1. To become a more assertive person, practice thinking like one. If you tend to be more aggressive or more passive, thinking somewhere in the middle might not come easy, but with practice, it’ll become second nature. An assertive person might adopt the following mantras:
   
   • I won’t be taken advantage of, or attack another person.
   • I will stand up for myself in a respectful manner.
   • I will express myself directly and openly.

[Edit]Speak calmly and clearly.

1. Proper enunciation and a calm tone will help you get your point across. Maintain a considerate, non-threatening tone, but speak confidently and enunciate your words. Speak loudly enough to be heard, but avoid yelling or talking over anyone else. In a respectful dialogue, there’s no need to raise your voice.
   
   • Even if you disagree with the person you’re addressing, try to maintain an even tone anyway. This doesn’t mean hiding your displeasure: you may frown or state that you disagree, but keeping your emotions in check will help both of you remain calm so you can come to a compromise more readily.

[Edit]Use cooperative, constructive language.

1. Assertive language is confident but considerate. When you speak assertively, you’ll convey respect, sincerity, and firmness.^[1] Be patient and specific when communicating your needs, offering constructive (rather than destructive) comments and compromising as needed.^[2]
   
   • Try to use “I” statements when asking for what you want or confronting someone. “I” statements convey that you are willing to take responsibility for your own thoughts and behaviors: “I feel upset when you talk over me,” or “I would appreciate it if you CC’d me on future emails.”^[3]
   • State your feelings, wants, opinions, and needs in simple sentences. This will help the other person clearly understand what you’re asking.^[4]
   • For example, instead of speaking to a family member in long sentences full of hints and indirect statements, be brief and direct: "I love when you call me just to talk! It's hard for me to have a long conversation during work hours, though. I'd appreciate it if you called during the evening instead."

[Edit]Display assertive body language.

1. Assertive body language is respectful, but confident. Non-verbal assertive communication conveys consideration, sincerity, and self-esteem. Use your body language to show you’re paying careful attention to what someone else is saying and to express confidence in your own stance.
   
   • Practice active listening to show you respect the other person. Even if you disagree with them, face them as they speak and nod occasionally to show you’re paying careful attention.
   • Maintain eye contact with them to indicate interest. Experts recommend holding eye contact for about 4-5 seconds at a time before glancing away.^[5]
   • Have confident body language. Keep your shoulders squared and your chin up. Avoid fidgeting or covering your mouth when you speak.

[Edit]Express emotions without losing control of them.

1. Assertive communication doesn’t mean being a robot. While aggressive people may get their way by being a bully, assertive people may have to compromise from time to time, because assertive communication is about finding the balance between aggression and passiveness. You’re bound to disagree with someone now and again, and authentic communication means expressing your feelings without letting them take control of an interaction.
   
   • Smile when you’re happy or when negotiations are going your way, but don’t fake being OK if you’re not. Remember that a sincere smile engages the whole face, not just the mouth.
   • If you’re unhappy, say so or show it, but keep your emotions in check. Remember that being angry is not the same thing as being aggressive, and hiding your true feelings about something that displeases you is passive (or passive-aggressive).^[6]
   • You might express displeasure by frowning, or you might say so directly but calmly while still making it clear you’d like to find a solution that works for everyone: “I’m not happy with that idea. Could we keep hashing this out a bit?”

[Edit]Journal about your emotions.

1. Journaling can help you understand your feelings and keep them in check. In order to learn how to communicate assertively, it is important that you learn how to effectively manage your emotions. Keeping a daily journal can be a helpful way to get your feelings out so you can understand what caused them and therefore manage them a bit better.
   
   • Write down situations that trigger your emotions. Stick to facts and try not to make any interpretations yet. For example, you may simply write, “I asked my friend to go out to eat, and she said ‘no.’”
   • Identify the emotions and thoughts you experienced in the situation. Be honest about how you felt. Specify what emotions you were aware of at the time and what thoughts, assumptions, and beliefs you had.

[Edit]Learn to manage stress.

1. Stress can negatively affect the way you communicate with others. It can be challenging to keep your emotions under control when you’re stressed, especially if you feel like the person you're talking to doesn’t understand you or won’t help you meet our needs.^[7] Take steps to acknowledge and manage the stress in your life so that you’re better equipped to communicate with others directly and respectfully.^[8]
   
   • Try to meditate every day for at least 5-10 minutes. Meditation has a calming effect on the brain that lasts well after your meditation session.^[9]
   • Progressive muscle relaxation may also help relieve stress: clench different parts of your body for 10 seconds at a time, then release. Start with your upper arms, shoulders, neck, head, and face. Then continue with your chest, stomach, back, buttocks, thighs, calves and feet.^[10]

[Edit]Make decisions effectively.

1. Think through a problem carefully before making a decision. Being assertive means taking control of your life and making decisions that best suit you, rather than letting someone else make decisions for you or allow yourself to become swayed by someone else against your better judgment. By identifying the problem and considering all the possible solutions and outcomes, you’ll become better equipped to make decisions under pressure and to feel confident about your choices.
   
   • Consider the IDEAL method for decision-making:^[11]
     • I – Identify the problem. What is the basic situation that needs to be addressed?
     • D – Describe all possible solutions. These might include handling it yourself, asking for intervention from someone else, or doing nothing.
     • E – Evaluate the consequences of each solution. Evaluate your feelings and needs to determine the best outcome for yourself.
     • A – Act. Choose a solution and try it. Use “I” statements to express your feelings and needs.
     • L – Learn. Did the solution work? Evaluate why or why not. If it didn’t work, look at the other solutions on your list and work through them.

[Edit]Set healthy boundaries.

1. Protect your physical and emotional space. Boundaries are the physical, emotional, and intellectual barriers that you create to protect yourself from harm. Setting healthy boundaries will help you protect your personal space and self-esteem as well as make it easier to separate your own feelings from those of others. Unhealthy boundaries increase your likelihood of exposure to being adversely affected by others’ feelings, beliefs, and behaviors.^[12]
   
   • Identify what your needs are and how you want to be treated. This will help you understand your expectations in interactions with other people.
   • Learn to say no. If you do not feel right doing something, then don't do it. It's okay to reject someone.
   • State your own opinions in a respectful manner. Don't be silent if you have something to say. Share your feelings freely: it's your right.^[13]

[Edit]Project confidence.

1. Seeing yourself in a positive light makes it easier to be assertive. If you don’t hold a high enough opinion of yourself, you might experience great difficulty asserting your own thoughts, beliefs, needs, and feelings. Furthermore, you may feel intimidated or reluctant to ask questions when you need clarification, focus too heavily on your own negative traits, and lack trust in yourself. Thankfully, if you’re not naturally confident, you can fake it till you make it: act and look confident, and practice speaking assertively in the mirror before talking to people.^[14]
   
   • Maintain good hygiene and wear clean, matching, unwrinkled clothes. It may garner other people’s respect—and it’ll also make you feel good about yourself.
   • Rehearse what you're going to say. Practice in front of the mirror, into a recording, or even with a trusted friend, pretending he or she is your boss, significant other, or whomever you plan to speak with.

[Edit]Seek professional help.

1. Visit a counselor or psychologist if necessary. If you feel you still need help becoming assertive, it can help to see a professional.^[15] Counselors, coaches, and psychologists have education and training specifically in helping people communicate in healthy and meaningful ways.
   
   • If you don’t or can’t see a counselor, and you’re a college student, keep in mind that many universities offer assertiveness training to students. This will help you practice assertiveness techniques and control your stress as you navigate different situations.

[Edit]Help Sounding Assertive

Sounding Assertive at Work

Sounding Assertive at Work

Sounding Assertive with Friends and Family

Sounding Assertive with Friends and Family

Quick Tips for Sounding Assertive

Quick Tips for Sounding Assertive

[Edit]Related wikiHows

• Have Good Manners
• Be Proud, Not Cocky and Conceited
• Be Likable
• Be a Leader
• Be Assertive Without Being Rude

[Edit]References

[Edit]Quick Summary

1. ↑ [v161308_b01]. 30 March 2021.
2. ↑ [v161314_b01]. 27 March 2020.
3. ↑ [v162138_b01]. 18 October 2021.
4. ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships/effective-communication.htm
5. ↑ https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/eye_contact_dont_make_these_mistakes
6. ↑ [v161308_b01]. 30 March 2021.
7. ↑ [v161308_b02]. 26 April 2021.
8. ↑ http://dujs.dartmouth.edu/fall-2010/the-physiology-of-stress-cortisol-and-the-hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal-axis#.VM_XLy4epPI
9. ↑ http://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2012/11/meditations-positive-residual-effects/
10. ↑ http://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/relaxation-techniques-breath-control-helps-quell-errant-stress-response
11. ↑ https://www.peelregion.ca/health/talk-to-me/download/lesson-plans/lesson4-pdf/lesson4b.pdf
12. ↑ http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Boundaries_the_importance.html
13. ↑ [v162138_b01]. 18 October 2021.
14. ↑ Murphy, J. (2011). Chapter 1: How do you see yourself? In Assertiveness: How to stand up for yourself and still win the respect of others. Kindle Books.
15. ↑ [v161308_b01]. 30 March 2021.

source How to of the Day https://ift.tt/oG5Ltqf