How to Apply Sunscreen

You probably know that you need to apply sunscreen while you’re laying out on the beach. However, dermatologists recommend that you use a sunscreen any time you’re going to be outside for more than 20 minutes, even in the wintertime. You should wear sunscreen even when it’s shady or overcast. The sun’s UV (ultraviolet) rays can begin to cause skin damage in just 15 minutes!^[1] This damage can even lead to skin cancer. Preventing a sunburn is always preferable to treating a sunburn. The best way to do that is to apply sunscreen liberally any time you'll be outside during the day.

Steps

Choosing a Sunscreen

1. Look at the SPF number. “SPF” refers to a sunscreen’s “sun protective factor,” or how effectively it blocks UVB rays. The SPF number reflects the amount of time it takes to sunburn wearing the sunscreen vs. not wearing the sunscreen.^[2]
   
   • For example, an SPF of 30 means that you can spend 30 times as long in the sun before burning compared to not wearing any sunscreen at all. So, if you would usually begin to burn after 5 minutes in the sun, an SPF of 30 would theoretically allow you to spend time outside for 150 minutes (30 x 5) before you burn. However, your unique skin, your activities, and the sun’s intensity all cause variation in how effective sunscreen is, so you may need to use more than other people.
   • The SPF number can be tricky, because its protection doesn’t increase proportionally. Thus, SPF 60 is not twice as good as SPF 30. SPF 15 blocks about 94% of UVB rays, SPF 30 blocks about 97%, and SPF 45 blocks about 98%. No sunscreen blocks 100% of UVB rays.^[3]
   • The American Academy of Dermatology recommends an SPF of 30 or higher.^[4] The difference between extremely high SPFs is often negligible and not worth the extra money.
   • If you're going swimming or sweating, go with a sunscreen that's SPF 50.^[5]
2. Choose a “broad-spectrum” sunscreen. SPF refers only to the ability to block UVB rays, which cause sunburn. However, the sun also emits UVA rays. UVA rays cause skin damage, such as signs of aging, wrinkles and dark or light spots.^[6] Both increase your risk of skin cancer.^[7] A broad-spectrum sunscreen provides protection from both UVA and UVB rays.^[8]
   
   • Some sunscreens may not say “broad-spectrum” on the packaging. However, they should always state whether they protect against UVB and UVA rays.
   • Most broad-spectrum sunscreens contain “inorganic” components such as titanium dioxide or zinc oxide, as well as “organic” sunscreen components such as avobenzone, Cinoxate, oxybenzone, or octyl methoxycinnamate.^[9]
3. Look for a water-resistant sunscreen. Because your body expels water through sweat, you should look for a water-resistant sunscreen. This is especially important if you are going to be very active, such as running or hiking, or if you’ll be in the water.
   
   • No sunscreen is “waterproof” or “sweat proof.” In the US, sunscreens cannot market themselves as “waterproof.”^[10]
   • Even with water-resistant sunscreen, reapply every 40-80 minutes or as directed on the label.
4. Decide what you like. Some people prefer spray sunscreens, while others prefer thick creams or gels. Whatever you decide, make sure you apply a thick, even coating. The application is as important as the SPF and other factors: if you don’t apply it properly, the sunscreen won’t do its job.^[11]
   
   • Sprays may be best for hairy areas, while creams are usually best for dry skin.^[12] Alcohol or gel sunscreens are good for oily skin.^[13]
   • You can also purchase wax sunscreen sticks, which are good for applying near the eyes. This is often a good choice for children, as it avoids getting the sunscreen in the eyes. They also have the benefit of not spilling (such as in a purse) and can be applied without getting lotion on your hands.
   • Water resistant "sports type" sunscreens are often sticky, so they are not good choices for applying under makeup.^[14]
   • For acne-prone individual, take care in selecting your sunscreen. Look for those that are designed specifically for your face and will not clog pores. These often have higher SPF (15 or higher), and are less likely to clog pores or increase acne breakouts.
     • Many acne-prone individuals find that zinc oxide-based sunscreens tend to work best.
     • Look for "non-comedogenic", "will not clog pores", "for sensitive skin", or "for acne-prone skin" on the labels.
5. Go home and try a small portion around your wrist. If you see any allergic reaction or skin problem, buy a different sunscreen. Repeat the process until you find the right sunscreen, or talk to your doctor about recommended brands if you have sensitive skin or allergies.
   
   • Itching, redness, burning, or blisters are all signs of an allergic reaction. Titanium dioxide and zinc oxide are less likely to cause allergic skin reactions.

Applying a Sunscreen

1. Check the expiration date. The FDA requires sunscreen to retain its protective power for at least three years from the date of manufacture. However, you should always note expiration dates. If the date has passed, ditch the old bottle and buy some new sunscreen.
   
   • If your product doesn’t have an expiration date when you purchase it, use a permanent marker or a label to write the purchase date on the bottle. This way you’ll know how long you’ve had the product.
   • Obvious changes in the product, such as color changes, separation, or different consistency, are signs that the sunscreen has expired.
2. Apply before going out in the sun. The chemicals in sunscreen take time to bind to your skin and become fully protective. Apply your sunscreen before you go out.^[15]
   
   • Sunscreen on the skin should be applied 30 minutes before you go out into the sun. Lip sunscreen should be applied 45-60 minutes before going into the sun.^[16]
   • Sunscreen needs to :"cure" on the skin to be fully effective. This is especially important in the water-resistance factor. If you put on sunscreen and jump into the pool 5 minutes later, much of your protection will be lost.
   • This is also very important for caring for children. Children are usually wriggly and impatient, and are usually doubly so when excited about an outdoor adventure; after all, who can stand still when the ocean is right there? Instead, try to sunscreen before leaving the house, or in the parking lot, or waiting for the bus.
3. Use enough. One of the biggest mistakes in using sunscreen is to not use enough. Adults usually need about one ounce -- a palm-ful, or about a shot glass full -- of sunscreen to cover exposed skin.^[17]
   
   • To apply cream or gel sunscreen, squeeze a dollop into your palm. Spread it all over the skin that will be exposed to the sun. Rub the sunscreen into your skin until you can't see the white anymore.
   • To apply spray sunscreen, hold the bottle upright and move the bottle back and forth across your skin. Apply an even, generous coating. Make sure the wind doesn’t blow the sunscreen away before it contacts your skin. Don’t inhale spray sunscreen. Be careful when applying spray sunscreens around the face, especially around children.
4. Apply sunscreen to all skin. Remember areas like your ears, neck, the tops of your feet and hands, and even the part in your hair. Any skin that will be exposed to sunlight should be covered with sunscreen.
   
   • It can be hard to fully cover hard-to-reach areas such as your back. Ask someone to help you apply sunscreen to these areas.
   • Thin clothing often doesn’t offer much sun protection. For example, a white t-shirt has an SPF of just 7. Wear clothing designed to block UV rays, or wear sunblock under your clothes.^[18]
5. Don’t forget your face. Your face needs even more sunscreen than the rest of your body, as many skin cancers occur on the face, especially on or around the nose. Some cosmetics or lotions may contain sunscreen. However, if you’re going to be outside for more than 20 minutes (total, not at a time) you’ll want to apply a facial sunscreen too.
   
   • Many facial sunscreens come in cream or lotion form. If you use a spray sunscreen, spray it into your hands first, then apply it to your face. It's best to avoid spray sunscreens on the face if possible.
   • The Skin Cancer Foundation has a searchable list of recommended facial sunscreens.^[19]
   • Use a lip balm or lip sunscreen with an SPF of at least 15 on your lips.
   • If you are bald or have thin hair, remember to apply sunscreen to your head, too. You can also wear a hat to help protect against sun damage.^[20]
6. Reapply after 15-30 minutes. Studies have shown that re-applying your sunscreen after about 15-30 minutes after going into the sun is more protective than waiting 2 hours.^[21]
   
   • Once you’ve done this initial reapplication, re-apply sunscreen every 2 hours or as directed on the label.

Staying Safe in the Sun

1. Stay in the shade. Even when you’re wearing sunscreen, you’ll still be exposed to the sun’s powerful rays. Staying in the shade or using a sun umbrella will help protect you from sun damage.^[22]
   
   • Avoid “peak hours.” The sun is highest between 10AM and 2 PM. If you can, avoid sun exposure during this time. Seek shade if you’re out and about during this time.
2. Wear protective clothing. Not all clothing is created equal. However, long-sleeved shirts and long pants can help protect your skin from sun damage. Wear a hat to offer your face extra shade and protect your scalp.^[23]
   
   • Look for tightly-woven fabric and dark colors, which offer the most protection. For people who are very active outdoors, there is special clothing with built-in sun-protection, available at specialty stores or online.
   • Remember those sunglasses! The sun’s UV rays can cause cataracts, so purchase a pair that block UVB and UVA rays.
3. Keep young children out of the sun. Sun exposure, especially during the “peak” hours of 10 AM to 2 PM, is especially harmful to young children. Look for sunscreens specifically made for children and babies. Consult with your pediatrician to determine what is safe for your child.
   
   • Infants under the age of 6 months should not wear sunscreen or be exposed to direct sunlight. Young babies’ skin is not mature yet, so they may absorb more of the chemicals in sunscreen. If you must take young infants outside, keep them in the shade.^[24]
   • If your baby is older than 6 months, use a broad-spectrum sunscreen with an SPF of at least 30. Be careful when applying sunscreen near the eyes.^[25]
   • Dress young children in sun-protective clothing, such as hats, long-sleeved sun shirts or lightweight long pants.^[26]
   • Get your child sunglasses with UV protection.^[27]

Video

Tips

• Even if you apply sunscreen, do not overexpose yourself in the sun.
• Buy a special sunscreen for your face. If you have oily skin or tend to get clogged pores, look for “oil-free” or “noncomedogenic” sunscreens. Special formulas are available for sensitive skin.
• Reapply sunscreen after getting wet, every 2 hours, or as directed on the label. Sunscreen isn’t a “one and done” product.

Warnings

• There is no such thing as a “safe” suntan. UV light from tanning beds and natural sunlight causes skin cancer. A golden tan may look great, but it isn’t worth your life. Consider alternatives such as a spray tan.

Related wikiHows

• Choose a Sunblock
• Pack a Beach Bag
• Make Sunscreen
• Prevent a Sunburn
• Get Rid of Sunburn Fast
• Choose Sunscreen

References

Quick Summary

1. ↑ https://www.cdc.gov/skin-cancer/sun-safety/index.html
2. ↑ https://www.webmd.com/beauty/features/high-spf-sunscreens-are-they-better
3. ↑ https://www.webmd.com/beauty/features/high-spf-sunscreens-are-they-better
4. ↑ [v161149_b01]. 9 May 2019.
5. ↑ [v161149_b01]. 9 May 2019.
6. ↑ http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/best-sunscreen/art-20045110
7. ↑ https://www.webmd.com/beauty/features/high-spf-sunscreens-are-they-better
8. ↑ [v161149_b01]. 9 May 2019.
9. ↑ https://newsnetwork.mayoclinic.org/discussion/mayo-clinic-q-and-a-apply-sunscreen-generously-and-frequently-for-full-protection/?pg=2
10. ↑ https://newsnetwork.mayoclinic.org/discussion/mayo-clinic-q-and-a-apply-sunscreen-generously-and-frequently-for-full-protection/?pg=2
11. ↑ https://newsnetwork.mayoclinic.org/discussion/mayo-clinic-q-and-a-apply-sunscreen-generously-and-frequently-for-full-protection/?pg=2
12. ↑ https://newsnetwork.mayoclinic.org/discussion/mayo-clinic-q-and-a-apply-sunscreen-generously-and-frequently-for-full-protection/?pg=2
13. ↑ http://www.mayoclinic.org/drugs-supplements/sunscreen-agent-topical-application-route/proper-use/drg-20070255
14. ↑ http://www.skincancer.org/prevention/sun-protection/sunscreen/sunscreens-explained
15. ↑ http://www.skincancer.org/prevention/sun-protection/sunscreen/sunscreens-explained
16. ↑ http://www.mayoclinic.org/drugs-supplements/sunscreen-agent-topical-application-route/proper-use/drg-20070255
17. ↑ http://www.skincancer.org/prevention/sun-protection/sunscreen/sunscreens-explained
18. ↑ http://www.cnn.com/2012/07/10/living/guide-to-sun-safety/
19. ↑ http://www.skincancer.org/products?SubCategoryId=3
20. ↑ https://newsnetwork.mayoclinic.org/discussion/mayo-clinic-q-and-a-apply-sunscreen-generously-and-frequently-for-full-protection/?pg=2
21. ↑ http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11712033
22. ↑ https://www.cdc.gov/skin-cancer/sun-safety/index.html
23. ↑ https://www.cdc.gov/skin-cancer/sun-safety/index.html
24. ↑ http://www.fda.gov/ForConsumers/ConsumerUpdates/ucm309136.htm
25. ↑ https://www.healthychildren.org/English/safety-prevention/at-play/Pages/Sun-Safety.aspx
26. ↑ http://www.fda.gov/ForConsumers/ConsumerUpdates/ucm309136.htm
27. ↑ https://www.healthychildren.org/English/safety-prevention/at-play/Pages/Sun-Safety.aspx

source How to of the Day https://ift.tt/gi9KQVj

How to Wrap Your Hair in a Scarf for Bed

Using a silk scarf or bandana to protect your hair overnight

Tossing and turning at night is a one-way ticket to frizzed-out or knotted hair. Luckily, a simple silk scarf is all you need to keep your locks neat and tidy come sunrise. And since your hair was protected, you’ll save precious minutes of your morning that you would’ve spent brushing or detangling. We’ll show you how to use a scarf to make a turban, a simple wrap, or to preserve curly hair overnight.

Steps

Tying a Simple Wrap

1. Tie your hair back into a loose bun. Gather your hair or dreads and make a loose bun near the back of your head. Position the bun near the nape of your neck or the center of your head depending on which is more comfortable for you.^[1]
   
   • Skip this step if you have short hair, or want to preserve a particular style.
   • This method is great for preserving parted hairstyles, or styles that lay flat on top of your head.
2. Fold the scarf into a triangle and lay the long side across your forehead. Take a large silk scarf and lay it flat. Then fold 1 corner over to meet the opposite corner to make a triangle. Grab the 2 folded corners and drape the long folded edge over your forehead so that the scarf rests over your hair.^[2]
   
3. Tie the ends of the scarf near the base of your neck. Wrap the folded ends along your hairline and back to the nape of your neck. Hold them firmly so the tension keeps the scarf from slipping. Then tie the ends into a knot at the base of your neck to secure them.^[3]
   
   • You'll still have a corner of the scarf pointing down below the ends beneath the knot at this point.
4. Fold the loose ends under the scarf or tie them up near your forehead. Use your fingers to tuck the long ends, as well as the loose corner, beneath the edges of the scarf. If the ends are especially long, bring them back around to the front of your head and tie them in a knot near your forehead.^[4]
   
   • To secure the scarf even more, wear an elastic headband over the scarf. This will prevent it from slipping as you sleep.

Tying the Scarf into a Turban

1. Fold a square scarf into a triangle. Get out a large silk or satin scarf and lay it flat. Take 1 corner of the square and fold it so it meets the opposite corner. The long folded side of the scarf forms the base of a triangle.^[5]
   
   • Lay the softer side of the scarf face down before you fold it. This will reduce friction which can cause frizzy hair.
2. Place the folded edge of the triangle against the nape of your neck. Hold both ends of the folded scarf and bring the center of the folded side to the base of your neck. Make sure no hair is between the scarf and your neck.^[6]
   
3. Bring the ends of the scarf up to the top of your head and tie them. Pull both folded corners of the scarf up along your hairline towards the top of your head, covering your ears. Keep the scarf taut so the folded side stays firmly along the nape of your neck. Then, tie the ends into a knot and tighten it until the knot rests securely on your forehead.^[7]
   
   • If the knotted ends hang in front of your face, tie them with a bow or knot them at the nap of your neck. Alternatively, tuck the long ends under the scarf to keep them in place.^[8]
   • If the scarf feels too tight, rewrap it so you don't give yourself a headache.
4. Tuck the pointed corner of the scarf under the knot. Now that the scarf is secure around your hairline, pull the pointed corner of the scarf forward over your hair. Ensure that your hair is contained under the scarf, and then push the pointed corner under the knot that you made near your forehead. Wrap the corner over and under the knot so it's secure.^[9]
   
   • Skip this step if you’re wrapping short hair, or just like to leave your hair looser instead of containing all of it under the scarf.

Covering a Hair Pineapple with a Scarf

1. Tie your hair into a loose ponytail on top of your head. Pull your hair together and up onto the top of your head. Then tie it into a loose ponytail with a scrunchie and let your hair fall in front of your face. This is known as a “pineapple.” Avoid tying the hairband too tight or it might be uncomfortable to sleep in.^[10]
   
   • Using a scrunchie prevents kinks from forming in your hair overnight.
   • Wrapping a scarf over pineappled hair keeps your curls neat and intact.
2. Fold the scarf into a triangle and tie the ends near your forehead. Take a large rectangular scarf and fold one corner over to the opposite corner to create a triangle. Then place the long, folded edge at the nape of your neck, and bring the folded corners forward along your hairline. Cross the ends to form a loose knot, as you would when you begin to tie your shoes.^[11]
   
3. Wrap the folded corners to the back of your neck and tie them off. Bring the ends of the scarf back down towards your neck, and tie the scarf into a firm knot. Then, tuck the loose corner of the scarf under the front of the wrap, near your forehead. This covers your hair and keeps it safe during the night.^[12]
   
   • For extra hair protection, cover your wrapped hair in a silk pillowcase or cap. This can be especially effective if you're protecting braids.

Video

Tips

• If your hair is extra dry, consider spritzing your hair with water or your favorite hair oil before wrapping your hair in the scarf.

References

1. ↑ hhttps://https://ift.tt/LfWUuY3
2. ↑ https://www.tiktok.com/@travelingwithjessica/video/7302853339945913643?lang=en
3. ↑ https://www.tiktok.com/@travelingwithjessica/video/7302853339945913643?lang=en
4. ↑ https://www.tiktok.com/@travelingwithjessica/video/7302853339945913643?lang=en
5. ↑ https://www.functionofbeauty.com/blog/new/the-benefits-of-wrapping-your-curls-in-satin/
6. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_VGiTC0Lum0&t=3s
7. ↑ [v161778_b01]. 13 April 2021.
8. ↑ [v161778_b01]. 13 April 2021.
9. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_VGiTC0Lum0&t=23s
10. ↑ https://youtu.be/cyAMazWCt-g?t=27
11. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LXvD3XQyuDo&t=198s
12. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LXvD3XQyuDo&t=204s

source How to of the Day https://ift.tt/w2tH5Wj

How to Be Diplomatic

Learn how to remain polite and respectful when things get tense

If you want to be successful and influence others, the ability to be diplomatic might be one of the most powerful skills you can develop. When you're diplomatic, you signal to others that you care about their feelings and want to find a solution that works for everyone involved. Using diplomatic skills also helps you create a more collaborative environment, as opposed to an adversarial one. Read on to learn how to hone your diplomatic skills and put them to work to achieve your goals.

How to Practice Diplomacy

Be diplomatic by listening more than you talk. Choose a place and time that are appropriate to have the discussion and empathize with the other person so you understand how to say what you have to say in a way they'll understand and appreciate.

Steps

Using Diplomatic Skills

1. Adapt your communication method to the situation. The communication method you choose sets the stage for how your message will be received. Generally, use face-to-face conversations to convey something serious or important—not an impersonal medium, such as email or text. This helps the person receiving the message understand that you're taking their feelings into consideration.
   
   • If you believe you communicate better in writing than face-to-face, you can always start the conversation in person and then finish it through a letter with the other person's permission.
   • For example, you might say, "I hope you don't mind, but I've written a letter that I think explains my feelings on this. I find it's easier to organize my thoughts when I write them down."
   • Writing a letter or email can be a great way to ensure that you get your message across without letting your feelings take over. But even in writing, be sure you're using tactful and diplomatic language.^[1]
2. Choose the appropriate time and place to talk. Setting the right environment for a conversation can dramatically increase your chances of a favorable outcome. Think about the emotions you want to convey and the tone you want to set.^[2]
   
   • For example, you might choose a private conference room to make a business proposal rather than a crowded café.
   • If someone tries to start a weighty conversation with you and you feel that it's not the right time or place, let them know. For example, you might say, "I'm very interested in hearing everything you have to say about this. Can we talk about it later when I won't be so distracted?"
3. Mind your manners and treat others with respect. When you're polite and courteous, you're less likely to offend. Think of basic manners as a baseline that communicates to others that you're respectful and considerate of their feelings. Make it a habit to introduce good manners into all of your conversations and people will naturally hold you in higher regard.^[3]
   
   • For example, if you ask a colleague to meet you for lunch, you might thank them for joining you as soon as they arrive. After lunch, you might send them a text to thank them again for meeting you, mentioning something you really enjoyed about your time together.
4. Build rapport with small talk and mirroring. Small talk helps you find common interests with the person you're talking to—and the more you can relate to each other, the more they'll trust you.^[4] Mirroring their body language also helps them feel comfortable and at ease with you so you can build a stronger connection with them.^[5]
   
   • Mirroring is something people do naturally when they feel a connection with someone. It can take some practice to do it intentionally.
   • For example, while talking about sports, you might angle yourself to face the person you're talking to and cross your legs the same way they do.
   • When chatting with the person, use their name periodically. This also helps establish an environment of respect and consideration.^[6]
5. Focus on the facts of the situation. To prepare for a discussion, think about what the actual facts are that support your position. Then, talk about those specific facts rather than your gloss on or interpretation of them.^[7]
   
   • For example, if someone asks you what the weather's like, you would focus on the facts by telling them specific measurements, such as temperature, wind velocity, or humidity. If you instead respond, "It's beautiful outside today," that's your opinion of the facts.
   • In a work-related context, the statement that a proposal was "effective" would be an opinion. The facts would be the evidence that has led you to the conclusion that the proposal was effective.
   • Being focused on the facts includes admitting when you don't know something. People will appreciate your honesty and respect your answer when you come back to them after you've looked into it.
6. Use "I" statements to take ownership of your feelings. When you use "I" statements, you sound less pushy or dictatorial because you don't sound as though you're presenting your feelings as facts. This creates a more collaborative environment and signals to the other person that you want to better understand the situation from their point of view.^[8]
   
   • For example, you might say, "I'm feeling uncomfortable with the decision you made in today's meeting." The discomfort is yours—bringing it up this way gives you room to explain to the person why their decision made you uncomfortable without blaming them for anything.
   • When you start a sentence with "you," on the other hand, you come across as blaming someone. This can automatically put them on the defensive, setting the stage for a more antagonistic exchange.
7. Sandwich criticism with praise. People tend to be more receptive to criticism when you also tell them what they're doing right. This can be a great way to encourage someone to make improvements when they're otherwise doing a good job.^[9]
   
   • For example, if you're reviewing a colleague's report, you might say, "You did a great job of highlighting the problems with this method. The section on alternatives could use some more sources and details. Otherwise, the format and structure are great!"
   • You can use this in personal situations as well. For example, if you needed to decline a wedding invitation, you might write, "Congrats on your upcoming wedding! I know it will be a beautiful day. Unfortunately, I have a work event, but I wish you nothing but the best and will mail my gift to you."
   • The "sandwich method" has faced criticism from people who believe it can undermine the criticism you're trying to make. Think about that beforehand and use your best judgment in determining whether it's appropriate in your situation.
8. Cushion harsher statements when you disagree. This is all about allowing the other person to back down from their point (or their resistance to your point) a little bit while still saving face. They'll intuitively recognize this as you conceding something, even though you're not.^[10]
   
   • For example, you might say, "I might be wrong, but I thought the research for your project was rather weak. What sources did you use?" This gives the other person room to admit that perhaps they didn't research enough without feeling ashamed, and also allows them to come up with solutions to the problem.
9. Convey openness through your body language. When you sit facing someone with your arms open or at your side and your posture relaxed, it signals to them that you're interested in hearing what they have to say. Through your body language, you let the person know that you're open to their ideas or input.^[11]
   
   • For example, if you're having a discussion with someone across a table at a café, you might rest your forearms on the edge of the table with your hands open and lean slightly toward the person to indicate your interest and openness.
10. Practice active listening when others are talking. When you listen actively, you show the other person that you're interested in and receptive to what they have to say. Do this by maintaining eye contact with the person and repeating back what you've heard once they've finished speaking. Make sure they're done talking before you jump in, rather than interrupting.^[12]
    
    • For example, if your partner tells you that they didn't do the dishes because they had to take a phone call, you might say, "I understand that you had a phone call and couldn't do the dishes earlier. That makes total sense. Would you be willing to help me do them now?"
    • Truly being diplomatic means listening more than you talk. Think of a conversation as trying to understand the other person rather than trying to get your point across.
11. Look at things from the other person's perspective. When you have a better understanding of how things look from someone else's eyes, you'll also have a better idea of what to say and what not to say to avoid offense. Stay curious and open so you can empathize with the people you talk to.^[13]
    
    • For example, a farmer might love that there's rain in the forecast because it's good for their crops. Understanding this, you might not mention that you hope it doesn't rain because you want to go to a baseball game.
    • Considering the other person's perspective also allows you to avoid unnecessary conflict by simply not bringing up something that might be triggering for them.
12. Ask open-ended questions to better understand what someone's saying. When you ask open-ended questions, you encourage the person to provide you with more details. This gives you an opportunity to learn more about the person and where they're coming from so you can tailor your response to them. Asking open-ended questions also shows that you're curious and interested in what the person has to say.^[14]
    
    • For example, you might say, "I've always wanted to go to Greece. What did you enjoy the most while you were there?"
    • In a school or work setting, you might say, "We got feedback that our report was thin on sources. What additional research do you think we should do?"
13. Search for common ground that you can build on. Keep probing deeper into what the person is saying to you until you find something that you agree with. When you find that point, emphasize it and ask them to expand on it. This can serve as a foundation for your future agreement.^[15]
    
    • For example, suppose you're a big country music fan but your roommate doesn't like country music or want you to play it. By asking them open-ended questions, you discover that they do actually like Johnny Cash. With further questions, you might learn what they like about his music so you can suggest other artists they might like—and you can both be happy with the music choices.

Developing Diplomatic Skills

1. Stay in the moment and be aware of how you're feeling. One of the most important parts of being diplomatic is controlling your emotions. Being mindful and staying in the present allows you to recognize emotions when they bubble to the surface so you can acknowledge them and let them go in a healthy way.^[16]
   
   • Meditation is really helpful if you're trying to improve your mindfulness. You'll find it much easier to be diplomatic if you commit to a regular meditation practice.
2. Practice deep breathing to help control your emotions. If you find yourself overwhelmed with anger, frustration, or any other negative emotion, try a deep breathing exercise to help calm you down. Take a break from the conversation to pull yourself together so you can continue the discussion once you're calm.^[17]
   
   • You might also try a grounding exercise to bring you back into the present moment. For a simple grounding exercise, name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.^[18]
   • When you allow your emotions to take over, you're much more likely to say something that hurts or offends the other person because you're in a reactive mindset. Getting in the habit of calming yourself will prevent this from happening so you can be more diplomatic.
3. Build your emotional intelligence. Someone who has good emotional intelligence always thinks about how their words will affect others before they speak. If this is something that's hard for you, don't worry—it's a skill that you can improve with practice.^[19]
   
   • One way to build emotional intelligence is to people-watch at a park. Imagine how each person might feel based on their body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, and other clues. Then continue to watch to see if their mood changes and note what told you that was so.
4. Work on your confidence. Being diplomatic also requires you to be assertive, which you can't be unless you have confidence in yourself. When you're assertive, you signal to the other person not only that you respect them but also that you respect yourself as well. This makes them, in turn, more likely to respect you.^[20]
   
   • Improve your confidence by celebrating your past successes and setting realistic goals for the future.
   • Repeating positive affirmations also helps give you a confidence boost.
   • If this is something you have difficulty with and feel like you need a little extra help, talk to a trusted friend or family member, or to a therapist. They can give you the support and the tools you need to start feeling more confident in yourself.
5. Get feedback from friends and colleagues. People who've seen you in action can tell you what you're doing right and what you need to do more work on. They can also empower you to improve your diplomatic skills and support your efforts.^[21]
   
   • For example, your partner might tell you that while you do get your point across, the way you say things sometimes hurts their feelings. Talking to them about what specifically bothers them can help you find a more diplomatic way to say what you need to say.
6. Learn all you can about the person you're talking to. The more you know about the person you're talking to, the better you can tailor your language to them. Understanding at least a little about who they are and what they value will help you be more diplomatic with them.^[22]
   
   • This includes learning about someone's cultural or social practices generally. Some things that would be perfectly acceptable in your culture might be considered rude in theirs. When in doubt, just ask! They'll be happy to tell you and explain what it means to them.^[23]
   • If you do unintentionally hurt or offend someone because of something about them that you didn't know before, simply apologize. Keep it in mind in the future so you don't make the same mistake again.
7. Slow down and think before you speak. People who are diplomatic consider the other person's potential reactions before they say anything—they don't simply blurt out the first thing that pops into their head. Get in the habit of silently counting to 3 in your head before you say something. During that time, ask yourself how your words would make the other person feel.^[24]
   
   • It can be difficult to anticipate people's reactions if you don't have any practice doing it. As you build empathy, you'll find that you get better at this. Just take your time and try to imagine things from their perspective.
8. Aim for a win-win solution to any dispute. People often mistakenly believe that in any dispute there must be a winner and a loser. But if you're being diplomatic, you know that there's a third way—a solution that's beneficial for everyone involved and puts all of you in a better place.^[25]
   
   • Instead of thinking of you and the other person as adversaries, look at it as though you're on the same team. For example, if you're a manager and need to coach an employee, you might remind yourself that it's in both of your best interests for the employee to perform well.
   • Think of what you and the other person have in common and build on those commonalities to reach a healthy compromise that works for both of you.

Benefits of Diplomacy

1. Strengthens your reputation{endbold} When you're able to be diplomatic, particularly in tough situations, people see you as a leader they can respect. You'll gain a reputation for being trustworthy and compassionate about others.^[26]
   
   • You'll also likely get a reputation as someone who finds a way to get along with everybody, which can be an asset if you have to deal with diverse groups of people.
2. Builds new relationships and strengthens existing ones{endbold} When you hurt or offend someone, you could damage the relationship you have with them—or risk losing it altogether. Using diplomacy allows you to form new connections and make the ones you have even stronger.^[27]
   
   • Learning more about people, which helps you be more diplomatic, helps you bond with them as well. When people feel as though you understand them, they'll feel more comfortable around you and be more likely to put in a good word about you to others.
3. Enhances your communication with others{endbold} The whole point of being diplomatic is to ensure that you've delivered the message you intended to deliver in a clear way so that it is perfectly understood. If you use language that hurts or offends someone, you run the risk of driving the discussion into a reactive, emotional place where your message can get lost.^[28]
   
   • When you're able to communicate clearly, people will have greater respect for you. They'll also likely ask for your input more often, which gives you more opportunities to influence things.
4. Helps you avoid conflict{endbold} Conflict often arises because someone said something hurtful or offensive to someone else. Once a conversation moves to a reactive, emotional place, it can be hard to get it back to calm, rational ground. If you're diplomatic from the beginning, things won't go there as often.^[29]
   
   • Having diplomatic skills also gives you the ability to rein in a conversation when you can sense that people are getting too emotional.
5. Allows others to save face{endbold} When you have to give someone else bad news or criticism, handling the conversation diplomatically gives them an out. Because you treated them with respect and compassion, they won't feel ashamed or belittled as a result.^[30]
   
   • People tend to remember when someone was kind to them while delivering bad news or criticism, which makes this one of the easiest ways to improve your reputation through your diplomatic skills.
6. Empowers you to exert more influence{endbold} When you're able to communicate your message in a diplomatic way, it's much more likely that people will agree with you. The art of diplomacy is, in many ways, about determining how to make the other person think they want the same thing you do.^[31]
   
   • Because you're open to other viewpoints and ideas, you gain the benefit of a collaborative process that might result in something even greater than what you initially envisioned.
7. Enables you to find common ground{endbold} When you're diplomatic, you listen more than you talk. Listening and asking appropriate follow-up questions allows you to learn more about the other person. The more you learn about them, the more likely you are to find things the two of you have in common.^[32]
   
   • People tend to connect more to people they think they have a lot in common with. Emphasizing these commonalities when you find them helps you build stronger relationships with the people in your life.

Related wikiHows

• Deal with a Jerk at Work
• Know When to Give an Employee a Written Warning
• Avoid a Confrontation
• Deal With a Confrontation
• Practice Nonviolent Communication
• Be Charming

References

Quick Summary

1. ↑ https://hbr.org/tip/2018/04/be-tactful-when-you-provide-feedback-in-writing
2. ↑ https://www.entrepreneur.com/en-au/entrepreneurs/workplace-diplomacy-10-tactics-to-be-more-influential/323153
3. ↑ https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/the_power_of_good_manners
4. ↑ https://hbr.org/2021/09/5-techniques-to-build-rapport-with-your-colleagues
5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/body-language
6. ↑ https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/using_a_persons_name_in_conversation
7. ↑ https://hbr.org/podcast/2023/09/how-do-i-communicate-with-more-tact
8. ↑ https://hbr.org/podcast/2023/09/how-do-i-communicate-with-more-tact
9. ↑ https://online.findlay.edu/2579-2/
10. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-to-do-life/201405/my-attempt-to-learn-how-to-be-tactful
11. ↑ https://emergingrnleader.com/becoming-more-tactful/
12. ↑ https://afsa.org/two-ears-one-mouth-two-hands-diplomacy-101
13. ↑ https://hbr.org/podcast/2023/09/how-do-i-communicate-with-more-tact
14. ↑ https://hbr.org/2023/04/how-to-give-negative-feedback-to-your-peers-boss-or-direct-reports
15. ↑ https://www.fastcompany.com/90451221/how-to-find-common-ground-when-it-seems-impossible
16. ↑ https://hbr.org/podcast/2023/09/how-do-i-communicate-with-more-tact
17. ↑ https://hbr.org/podcast/2023/09/how-do-i-communicate-with-more-tact
18. ↑ https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/behavioral-health-partners/bhp-blog/april-2018/5-4-3-2-1-coping-technique-for-anxiety.aspx
19. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-to-do-life/201405/my-attempt-to-learn-how-to-be-tactful
20. ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/assertive/art-20044644
21. ↑ https://www.amanet.org/articles/5-actions-for-communicating-with-diplomacy-tact-and-credibility/
22. ↑ https://www.amanet.org/articles/5-actions-for-communicating-with-diplomacy-tact-and-credibility/
23. ↑ https://afsa.org/two-ears-one-mouth-two-hands-diplomacy-101
24. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-to-do-life/201405/my-attempt-to-learn-how-to-be-tactful
25. ↑ https://hbr.org/2023/04/how-to-give-negative-feedback-to-your-peers-boss-or-direct-reports
26. ↑ https://www.amanet.org/articles/5-actions-for-communicating-with-diplomacy-tact-and-credibility/
27. ↑ https://www.amanet.org/articles/5-actions-for-communicating-with-diplomacy-tact-and-credibility/
28. ↑ https://diplomacy.state.gov/discover-diplomacy/the-skills-of-diplomacy/
29. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-to-do-life/201405/my-attempt-to-learn-how-to-be-tactful
30. ↑ https://emergingrnleader.com/becoming-more-tactful/
31. ↑ https://hbr.org/podcast/2023/09/how-do-i-communicate-with-more-tact
32. ↑ https://emergingrnleader.com/becoming-more-tactful/

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