How to Cope with Social Anxiety at the Gym

Engaging in regular exercise is not only beneficial for your physical well-being, but it is important for your mental and emotional state, too. Exercise can help alleviate the symptoms of anxiety disorders, as well as depression, panic disorders, and post-traumatic stress disorder.^[1] However, going to the gym to exercise can be difficult for those who have social anxiety since it involves participating in various social situations. If you learn to identify your triggers, refocus negative thoughts, and take small steps to working through your anxiety, you can overcome social anxiety while at the gym.

EditSteps

EditChanging Your Mindset at the Gym

1. Identify your triggers. Many people experience social anxiety in some form or another. Social anxiety is often associated with particular situations, places, people, or events. To rein in your anxiety, write down what it is about the gym, the people, or the classes that make you feel nervous or worried. Once you have identified what triggers you, you will be better able to identify them and face them in the future.
   
   • Make a list of the situations that cause anxiety. Perhaps you are worried that other people are judging your fitness level, or perhaps you are worried that you won’t be able to complete an exercise. Are you anxious about the social aspect of the gym, such as running into someone you know?
   • Use your smartphone or bring a little notebook with you when you go to the gym, as you may be able to more easily identify your triggers in that environment. You should also write down how you deal with the triggers — Do you cut your workout short? Are you more reckless with your safety? Does your form suffer because you're too distracted? These behaviors will need to be addressed as well.
2. Shift the focus away from yourself and to your surroundings. When you feel anxious, you may notice your body’s physical responses, which may include blushing, sweating, or shaking. You may fear that everyone knows that you are nervous. This excessive focus can create an endless loop of anxiety. While at the gym, try to focus on what is happening in the moment.^[2]
   
   • Try listening to some upbeat and motivating music to help distract you.
   • If you are taking an aerobics class, focus your attention on what the instructor is saying to remain engaged in the workout.
   • Or head straight to the treadmill when you get to the gym and do a five-minute warm up while listening to your favorite music. This may help you immediately focus on your workout and stay out of your head.
   • Remember that your reactions and anxiety aren’t as noticeable as you may think.^[3]
3. Challenge negative thoughts. People who have social anxiety disorder are often held back by negative thoughts, like “They won’t like me,” or “I’m not as fit as that person.” Challenge these thoughts by evaluating them logically. Remind yourself that these are assumptions and not facts.^[4] Over time, you will reduce or redirect these negative thoughts and have a more realistic, positive outlook about going to the gym.^[5]
   
   • For example, you may think to yourself “Everyone will judge me and think I’m stupid if I try to use that new piece of gym equipment.” Analyze this thought and acknowledge if you are nervous to try something new. Ask yourself, “Will someone truly think I’m incompetent just because I’m nervous?” Evaluate these thoughts so you can lessen their impact.^[6]
   • Remember that your anxiety will likely increase as you begin to challenge your thoughts and behaviors, as you are stepping outside your comfort zone. This is totally normal, and it will get better as you begin to adjust.
4. Remember that no one is judging you. It can be stressful to go to a gym and feel as though the entire room is watching you. You may worry that others will judge your body type, your fitness level, or even your gym clothes. Remind yourself that everyone at the gym is there to improve their overall health and appearance as well.^[7]
   

EditMaking Healthy Lifestyle Choices to Alleviate Anxiety

1. Practice deep breathing daily. Take a slow, deep breath in through your nose and hold for ten counts. Exhale slowly through your mouth, and wait a few seconds before taking another deep breath. Practicing this breathing technique for about six to eight breathing cycles each can help reduce anxiety.^[8] Incorporate breathing exercises into your daily routine to help you relax and cope with your gym anxieties.
   
2. Try yoga. Practicing yoga may help you control your anxiety and slow your negative thoughts. Yoga has been shown to reduce the body’s stress responses, which may help alleviate anxiety.^[9] Try doing yoga at home regularly or take a class at your gym if they are available.
   
   • If you are new to yoga, try learning a few basic poses that you can do safely on your own, like downward dog. Begin on all fours and walk your hands a few inches forward. Keep your fingers spread open on the mat and press your hips toward the ceiling. You will be in an inverted "v" shape. Keep your knees bent slightly, and hold this pose for three deep breaths.^[10]
   • Find a beginner's yoga workout video online, or ask a friend who does yoga for suggestions for guided workouts.
3. Meditate. Meditation, like yoga, may help alleviate anxiety. The breathing techniques associated with meditation and the focus on the present moment can help ease depression, pain, or anxiety.^[11]
   
   • There are many apps that can guide you through a few minutes of meditation each day. Apps like Mindspace and Calm allow you to select a meditation plan and routine that works for you. Guided meditation and soothing sounds and music can help you relax and focus on the present.^[12] If a meditation app that is compatible with your phone, computer, or tablet.
4. Alter your diet. An overall healthy lifestyle can help reduce your anxiety, and that includes eating a wholesome diet.^[13] Increase the amount of fresh fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins in your diet.^[14] Cut back on your intake of processed foods, fried foods, saturated fats, and sugar as much as possible.^[15]
   
   • Try to fill up half of your plate with vegetables and fruits. One quarter of your plate should be filled with lean proteins, like baked chicken or fish, and the remaining quarter can be reserved for whole grains like whole wheat pasta, quinoa, or brown rice.^[16]

EditPutting Yourself Out There

1. Sign up for a small group class at the gym. One way to work through social anxiety is to face your fear little by little to help build your confidence.^[17] If you worry about taking a group class, start out by signing up for a more introspective class like a group yoga session. Once you are more comfortable in these smaller, quieter classes, consider signing up for an aerobics or a dancing class. Eventually, you may join a class that focuses on teamwork and group encouragement, like a boot camp or CrossFit class. This way you slowly build up your confidence so you can take on bigger challenges.
   
   • It might be helpful to make a create a hierarchy of the things that cause you anxiety and work your way through them slowly. Refer to your list of triggers and try to rank them, then start with the activity that causes you the least amount of anxiety.
   • For instance, if you are most anxious about working one-on-one with a trainer because you worry they will judge you, don't jump right into that and sign up for three sessions a week. Instead start with a group yoga or aerobics class where you won't feel singled out, or even watching videos about form and technique at home.
2. Find a gym buddy. Consider going to the gym with a friend or family member to help alleviate your anxiety. Being around someone you're comfortable with can help to keep you motivated. Plus, they can help ease you into a new workout, encourage you to try a new class, or help you meet other members of your gym.^[18]
   
   • Your gym buddy may also be someone you can confide in. This person may be able to listen to your fears and give you an outside perspective. You may find that your friend shares some of your anxieties and they have some coping techniques you can try.
3. Talk to a personal trainer or a fitness coach. Making an effort to engage in small talk can help you overcome your social anxiety.^[19] Next time you have questions about the gym equipment or would like to talk about your exercise routine, seek out a personal trainer or coach. Remind yourself that they are there to help, and that they will not judge you for asking questions.
   
   • If a trainer isn’t around, ask another gym-goer for help.
4. Push yourself in other ways. If you have social anxiety about going to the gym then it is likely present in other areas of your life. Consider that challenging yourself in other areas of your life outside of the gym can help build your confidence and make it easier for you to face your anxieties at the gym. If you are concerned about being "on display" or "performing" in front of other people, consider taking an improv class or a course on public speaking. Challenging yourself in this way may help reduce your social anxiety in all areas of your life and help you feel more comfortable at the gym.
   
   • Remember that this will be very uncomfortable at first. Show yourself some compassion and try to be patient. It will take time to see improvement, but if you stick with it, you should begin to notice a different.
5. Seek professional guidance. If you find that your anxiety is not improving or if it effecting your quality of life, seek the help of a professional. Talk to your doctor or a therapist about working through your social anxiety triggers. Cognitive-behavioral therapy and medication prescribed by your doctor have been shown to help alleviate anxiety symptoms.
   

EditSources and Citations

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source How to of the Day http://ift.tt/2qiXO9h

How to Be Culturally Sensitive when Traveling Abroad

Travel is an extraordinary thing. But when you’re visiting a different country for the first time, there’s always a risk of offending the native population by failing to observe customs that are normal for them, or by not being aware of aspects of your own culture that might be considered rude or out of place. Few things are more embarrassing than disrupting someone’s way of life simply because you don’t know any better. Whenever you set off to see the world on a globe-spanning adventure, keep in mind the unique values and social climate of the culture you’re immersing yourself in, and think about how your behavior might be perceived by those around you.

EditSteps

EditExperiencing Different Cultures

1. Educate yourself on the place you’re visiting. Before you even step foot on a plane, conduct some rigorous research to help you prepare for your first encounter with a new country and its people. It will be worth finding out about your destination’s social structure, religious practices and attitude toward foreign travelers.Reading up on where you’re headed is a must, as it will offer valuable insight into daily life there and give you an idea of what to expect as an outsider.^[1]
   
   • For a casual vacation to the South of France, you might only need to look into acceptable dinner attire, whereas a work trip to Japan or the Netherlands should be prefaced with some investigation into how leaders there ordinarily conduct formal business.
   • Peruse travel blogs written by other visitors from around the world to get their take on a particular place.
2. Reflect on your own culture and behaviors. How is the culture you come similar to that of the place you’re traveling to? How is it different? Look at yourself through someone else’s eyes and take note of values and characteristics that may set you apart from those around you. You might, for example, identify as a feminist and be headed for a place where women traditionally occupy a marginalized role in society. Try not to let culture clashes influence your attitude. Make it your mission to present the best of yourself and where you're from to others while you’re away.^[2]
   
   • Remember that you’ll be representing your home country while abroad, even on casual pleasure trips.^[3]
   • Be especially mindful when traveling to places that have been embroiled in conflict with your place of origin.
3. Appreciate differences. The culture that you’ll be stepping into won’t be the same as your own, and that’s a good thing. Diversity is a quality that should be embraced. You might feel uncomfortable in a given cultural setting at first, but with an open mind you’ll start to see just how truly colorful and astounding the world can be.^[4]
   
   • Let go of any stereotypes or generalizations about the place you’re visiting.
   • Using a squatting toilet or being warned against sitting with your legs crossed in Turkey might catch you off guard, but gaining a deeper understanding of these types practices is probably the one of the reasons you’re traveling in the first place.

EditConducting Yourself in Unfamiliar Surroundings

1. Try to blend in with those around you. As a traveler, you’ll be in someone else’s backyard, which means you have an unspoken obligation to abide by their way of life. With this in mind, your behavior should be modest and in keeping with that of your native counterparts. This means being polite, considerate and eager to make a good impression without trying to show off or make light of your new environment. ^[5]
   
   • Keep your voice at a respectable volume in public places. Avoid shouting, cursing or doing anything that might cause a scene.
   • Know what the norms are when it comes to things like alcohol and tobacco use, photography and other forms expression.
2. Learn to speak the language. Though not a must, it can be extremely helpful to learn a few choice words and phrases in the local dialect. Not only is speaking another language a practical skill, as it will help you find your way around, it shows that you’re taking a genuine interest in the culture. This will allow you to forge more meaningful connections with the people you interact with.^[6]
   
   • Memorize the names of important objects and places first, like the hotel, bathroom or cafe, to better orient yourself with the area.
   • Bring along a phrasebook, or use an app like DuoLingo or Rosetta Stone to polish your handling of a foreign tongue.^[7]
   • If nothing else, learn to say “please,” “thank you” and other basic courtesies. In many cultures, this is a sign of good faith that you’re making an effort.^[8]
3. Respect local laws and customs. Knowing how to act on foreign soil, and how not to act, can keep you from landing in hot water with the local people and authorities. For instance, it is customary in some parts of the world to greet someone with a bow or a kiss on the cheek rather than a handshake, or for couples to refrain from excessive displays of affection in public places. It’s important to abide by these regulations, even if you don’t understand or agree with them.^[9]
   
   • Some more peculiar types of laws have come to be termed "tourist traps" because of their tendency to get unsuspecting travelers in trouble. Some examples of these include a chewing gum ban in Singapore and a law prohibiting motorists from stopping for pedestrians in Beijing.^[10]
   • Take off your shoes before entering any private residence in Japan, Russia, Finland, Turkey or Switzerland.^[11]
4. Avoid offending the people around you. While you're carrying out your preliminary research, be sure to look up a list of "don'ts" for the area you'll be staying in. In the Middle East, India and some parts of Africa, for example, it's impolite to offer your left hand for a handshake due to that hand's association with unclean sanitary activities. Being informed will keep you from making an unfortunate faux pas.^[12]
   
   • Be mindful not to touch anyone's head in countries where Buddhism is practiced or point the soles of your feet at anyone in Arabian cultures, as these are clear signs of disrespect.
   • Innocent hand gestures like the thumbs up, peace sign or "A-OK" motion may have vulgar alternative meanings depending on where you go.^[13]
   • If you happen to offend someone inadvertently, apologize sincerely and gently remind them that you didn't know any better.
5. Be prepared to tip. Familiarize yourself with the particular country's tipping customs when eating out or hitching a ride. In some parts of the world, including Australia, Costa Rica and most of Europe, tipping is neither required nor expected. Everywhere else it is often extended as a gesture of gratitude. Remember that members of other professions, like rickshaw drivers and hotel porters, survive on tips as well, not just waiters.^[14]
   
   • When in doubt, leave a modest but customary tip of 15% of the bill's total at dining establishments. Always tip using the local currency, if you can.^[15]
   • Tipping in Japan and Korea may be construed as an insult.
6. Watch how you dress. Most people are used to wearing whatever they please, but other parts of the world that are more conservative may have different standards for their inhabitants. Observe the style of dress of those around you and aim to approximate their appearance and avoid upsetting others with impolite displays. As a general rule, you should clad yourself modestly and avoid clothing with slogans or imagery that may be considered offensive.^[16]
   
   • When visiting a temple, mosque or other place of worship, it's a good idea to dress simply and unostentatiously and be careful about wearing clothing that shows too much skin. Women should be prepared to cover their heads at Islamic religious sites.^[17]
   • Many cultures, from the United Arab Emirates to Spain, have laws against public nudity and indecency. Save swimwear and other revealing outfits for the beaches.

EditGetting the Most Out of Your Travels

1. Interact with the locals. If you want to discover what makes a place special, make it a point to engage with those who call it home. Get out and live among the people rather than just passively observing them. Your taxi driver or tour guide can tell you things that no map can.^[18]
   
   • Do your best to appear in control at all times. Making it obvious that you're a tourist in over your head can make you an easy target.
   • Stop and ask someone when you need help or directions instead of relying on your mobile device.
   • Make new friends and have them show you around during your stay for a more intimate and authentic experience of the culture.
2. Absorb everything you can. In many ways, traveling is the ultimate teacher. You have a rare chance to dive in headfirst and see so many new and astonishing things firsthand, and to learn about what makes life interesting in the process. Capture new sights on camera, or keep a travel journal to record the details of your adventures. Take advantage of this chance to enrich yourself.^[19]
   
   • Take part in local cultural events like the Mardi Gras in French New Orleans, Germany's Oktoberfest or the Songkran Water Festival in Thailand.^[20]
   • A stacked itinerary will not only keep you busy but allow you to get better acquainted with unique character of a given culture.
3. Get out of your comfort zone. Traveling is every bit as much about doing and feeling as it is witnessing. Go hang-gliding in the Alps or sign up for salsa lessons in Brazil. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there and experience everything a culture has to offer, from its history and politics to its charming and unusual quirks.^[21]
   
   • Write down a list of specific things you want to see and do, or challenge yourself to try one new thing every day.
   • It’s normal to feel like you’re in over your head at first. This can be a very good thing, as it means you’re able to recognize and appreciate cultural disparities. If you wanted to be completely comfortable at all times, you could just as easily stay home.
4. Stay positive. There are many times when traveling can become a source of frustration, especially when you’re lost somewhere halfway around the world where no one speaks the same language. But nothing can cure a sour outlook like a smile. No matter what happens, keep a cool head and a positive attitude and be grateful for the opportunity to see more of the world.^[22]
   
   • A happy, confident demeanor will make you more approachable, and make it less likely for scheming opportunists to try to take advantage of you.
   • Inconveniences happen: you’ll get lost, run low on money or encounter a frustrating language barrier. What’s important is that you don’t let unforeseen mishaps keep you from falling in love with new places.

EditTips

• For a more thorough primer on unfamiliar places and cultures, consult a reputable travel guide or take a look at the tourism info page on the website of the country you’re planning on visiting.
• You can often find clothing vendors in large cities selling the kinds of garments worn by the locals. This is a good place to start if you have doubts about how your usual look will be received.
• Be delicate when discussing matters like politics, religion and social issues with strangers. These things usually aren’t worth being pulled into an argument over.
• If you’re advised not to perform a certain action, apologize and make an effort not to do it again.
• Enjoy yourself, travel as often as you can and cherish the sense of peace and interconnectedness that comes with roaming the world.

EditWarnings

• There may be aspects of foreign culture that you find distasteful; they might even be at odds with your strongly-held moral or religious sensibilities. Though it’s not always easy, remind yourself that things are simply done differently elsewhere, and do your best to follow these customs regardless of how your personal opinions about them.
• It’s usually considered rude to be loud and boisterous, or to act in any other reproachable way, no matter your location.

EditSources and Citations

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source How to of the Day http://ift.tt/2qp4D8w

How to Create a Miniature Resin Pond

Creating miniature versions of things with simple materials is a blast. If you have a garden that's missing a pond and can't get the real thing, creating a small resin pond is a fun and creative way to add some flavor to your landscaping. Epoxy resin is a versatile craft material that you can use to simulate real water. If you follow the correct steps and take the time to design your creation, you can create a mini resin pond that you can be proud of.

EditSteps

EditDesigning the Resin Pond

1. Determine the style or theme for your resin pond. There are different styles of miniature resin ponds that you can create. Think of what kind of pond you'd like to create and consider the aesthetic of your lawn or garden. Examples of ponds that you can build include a miniature koi pond, a frozen winter themed pond, or even a science-fiction toxic sludge pond. Once you settle on an idea, you can create a pond that reflects what you want to create.^[1]
   
   • Consider different pond themes depending on the season or holiday.
     • For example, during the autumn you can create a Halloween inspired miniature pond with mini pumpkins, ghouls, and ghosts.
     • During the winter you can create a festive holiday pond with snow.
2. Sketch out the design of the pond. Once you have a theme in mind, it's time that you start designing the look of your pond. Use a pencil and paper to sketch out a rough design of your pond. Remember to add the features for the ground around the actual pond, as well as the pond itself. Once you settle on a design that you like, you can begin to build your project.
   
   • Draw the overall shape of the pond before you start moving into finer details like rocks, plants, and other features that will surround the pond.
   • Your pond can have ragged or smooth edges.
   • If you want to keep it simple, draw an oval pond with no fine details.
3. Draw your pond design on a 1 inch (2.5 cm) thick piece of styrofoam. The size of styrofoam you should get depends on how large you want your miniature pond to be. After you've designed the pond on a separate piece of paper, it's time that you transfer the image to your styrofoam. Use a marker to copy the design that you've created directly onto the face of the styrofoam. Draw the outer edges of your project before moving towards the center and drawing finer details.
   
   • A great miniature pond size is a 1x1 feet (30.48x30.48 cm).
   • Special details that you may want to add include bridges, foliage, fish, trees, pipes, waterfalls, and branches.^[2]

EditCreating the Base

1. Cut around the outline you drew. Use an X-Acto knife to follow the lines you drew and cut around the edges of your pond base. Keep in mind that the base isn't only the pond itself, but the land that will be around the pond. Once you finish with the outer edges, this will serve as the base for your miniature pond.
   
2. Gorge out a hole in your styrofoam for the pond. Use your X-Acto knife to dig around the outlines that you created for your pond. The depth of your pond will depend on how deep you cut when creating it. Make sure to leave at least a half of an inch of styrofoam when gorging your hole. Do not cut through the styrofoam when making your pond or else the resin won't have anywhere to harden.
   
   • To add texture to the bottom of the pond, leave jagged edges and cuts when digging out your styrofoam.
3. Cut out the smaller details. Continue to cut out other details in your pond, such as rocky cliffs or places where the land will dip in. Make sure to vary up the depth of your land so that your pond doesn't look flat. Adding texture to the landscape around your pond will give it a more realistic look.
   
4. Cover your styrofoam in plaster. A base coat of plaster will prevent the resin from eating through the styrofoam when you pour it. Purchase Plaster of Paris from the hardware store and apply a coat of it to the entirety of your styrofoam base. If there are cracks or places that you missed, let the first coat of plaster dry and go over your base again with another coat.^[3]
   
   • Once you lay down your plaster, allow the base to dry for a couple of hours or overnight.
   • You can use a rough sandpaper to sand down rough areas before applying another coat of plaster.

EditDecorating your Pond

1. Paint the plaster base. Once the plaster has dried on your pond's base, you can start to paint it with acrylic craft paint that you can find at most arts and crafts stores. Use a brush to lay down basecoats for large details like the bottom of the pond and the area around the pond. You can also draw smaller details like fish or animals directly onto the plaster base. Remember to try to stay within your theme and choose colors that fit the aesthetic of your pond.
   
   • The color of the bottom of your pond area will dictate the color of pond after you pour the resin in.
   • Bright greens and browns work well with a koi pond.
   • Browns, grays, and light greens work well with a toxic sludge pond.
   • Add the impression of depth by painting the middle of your pond a darker shade than the outer edges of your pond.^[4]
2. Create other details around your pond. Adding details to your pond and the area around your pond will add complexity to your model. Consider adding things like miniature fish, lily pads, ducks, rabbits, or other wildlife created out of clay. To create these small additions, use a polymer clay to form them before heating them in an oven to harden them.
   
   • Other details you can add include large rock formations, waterfalls, people, lamp posts, or anything else that you can imagine.^[5]
3. Paint and attach your details to the model's base. Once these tiny clay details have hardened, you can paint them to add depth to them. Once your paint has dried, glue them to your miniature pond with gorilla glue or superglue. Gluing things into the hole that you gorged for the pond will make them appear as if they are swimming in the pond once your pour your resin.^[6]
   
   • If you want your details to appear like they are floating on water, you'll have to glue them to the surface of your resin once it has dried.
4. Use things you find in nature to decorate your pond. Instead of creating clay models for all the details in your miniature pond, you can use things that you find in your garden. Gather up pebbles, small stones, leaves, or tufts of grass from your yard and glue them around the exterior of your pond.
   
   • You can also use small seashells if you are creating a coastal miniature pond.

EditPouring the Resin

1. Mix your epoxy resin. Craft resin will usually come in two containers containing the resin and a hardener. You'll have to mix these together to create a usable resin for your pond. Make sure to read the directions on the resin's packaging carefully before mixing the solutions together. Combine the solutions in the recommended amount according to the instructions and stir it for five minutes, or until both chemicals are mixed thoroughly.^[7]
   
   • Only mix a small amount of resin at a time.
2. Pour the resin into your pond basin. Once the resin has been mixed, you can slowly and carefully pour it into the spot that you made for your pond. If you don't have enough resin to fill your pond's basin, mix more in another glass and continue to fill it until your satisfied.^[8]
   
   • Applying heat to the resin with a blow-dryer after your pour it can remove the bubbles from your resin pond.
3. Allow the resin to dry. Allow your project to dry out for 24 hours before trying to move it or adding any additional details. Once it has dried, you can spot paint and fill in your final details until the pond looks the way that you want and you are satisfied.
   

EditThings You'll Need

• 1 inch (2.5 cm) thick piece of styrofoam (can be any size)
• X-Acto knife
• Plaster of Paris
• Acrylic paint
• Brushes
• Clay (optional)
• Epoxy resin

EditSources and Citations

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source How to of the Day http://ift.tt/2oH2sAB

How to Cope if You Have Rejection Sensitivity

Human beings have a natural urge to belong. So, when someone rejects you, it’s common to feel hurt, embarrassed or angry. Some people, however, are especially sensitive to rejection from others. Rejection sensitive people may perceive rejection in innocent situations, and even react with hostility. If you’re extremely sensitive to rejection, you can learn to cope by finding appropriate ways to react to rejection, handling your emotions, and maintaining regular social interaction.

EditSteps

EditResponding to Rejection in the Moment

1. Acknowledge your sensitivity, but remember that feelings aren’t facts. A big part of being able to cope with rejection sensitivity is recognizing when it’s happening. If you suspect that you have rejection sensitivity, you will need to acknowledge your tendency to overreact to certain social situations. Then, it’s necessary to remember that just because you feel a certain way doesn’t make it real.^[1]
   
   • Think of it like you are adding an extra step to your usual response. As soon as you start to feel the emotions associated with rejection, turn up your self-awareness. Start analyzing the situation to determine whether it’s really a rejection or not.
2. Pause to prevent hostility or aggression. Your sensors are trying to get a handle on the situation, and that’s good. It’s not healthy to act first and think later. People who are sensitive to rejection may respond in a more antagonistic way than others. Take some time to yourself in order to prevent your emotions from ruining your relationship or reputation.^[2]
   
   • Take a deep breath. Count to 10. Leave the environment for a few minutes if needed. Do whatever you need to calm down and get a handle on your emotions before responding. Becoming hostile or ugly in response to perceived rejection will only make you feel more excluded in the long run.
3. Focus on something neutral in your environment. Research shows that when rejection-sensitive people focus on their emotions, they feel worse. Try not to dwell on what you’re feeling. Instead, turn your attention to some non-emotional feature of the situation or your environment.^[3]
   
   • Call to mind what the other person is wearing. Examine the décor and design elements of the room. Recount what you ate for breakfast earlier that day. Do whatever you need to detach from the situation and calm down.
4. Step into the other person’s shoes. The central thing to know about rejection sensitivity is you often sense contextual details that place you at the center. But, remember it may not be about you. Attempt to find alternative explanations for why the person may be behaving this way.^[4]
   
   • For example, if you don’t have children and you’re trying to make plans with a busy mom, she may not have a babysitter to meet up with such flexibility like you can. Any rebuff may just be about her not having the freedom to make plans.
5. Find a sounding board. It is common to ruminate on a perceived rejection. Talk with someone you trust about what is going on to get an objective view on the situation. People with rejection sensitivity are so tuned into their own emotions that it may be hard to consider another perspective. A trusted friend or family member can help you see other possible points-of-view.^[5]
   
   • Ask someone, “Hey, can I get your take on this situation? I asked Jan to meet up for coffee, but she keeps making excuses. How should I feel about that?”
6. Ask them to explain their behavior. If, after calming yourself, you would like to gain more insight about the situation, pull the person aside to talk. Do so politely. This is not a confrontation, but a discussion to get a better understanding.
   
   • You might say, “Hey, Jan. I’ve really been working hard to make plans with you, but it feels like you don’t actually want to get together. What’s going on here? Can you help me understand?”^[6]
   • Keep in mind that some people use rejection as a form of constructive criticism. The person might be using “tough love” to help you learn and grow. Try asking the person for clarification and you might find that their motives were positive.

EditDealing with Your Feelings

1. Practice mindfulness meditation. Becoming more aware of your feelings and the control they have over you can help you cope with rejection sensitivity. Mindfulness is a great starting place. Mindfulness is the practice of bringing your attention to the present moment. It decreases stress and can help with anxiety that may accompany rejection sensitivity.^[7]
   
   • Start with just 10 minutes of quiet, distraction-free time per day. You can set a timer to sound when your 10 minutes are up. You can also practice mindful meditation while driving, eating, or brushing your teeth.
   • Find a comfortable place to sit. Take several deep, cleansing breaths. Try to clear out your mind of any thoughts or judgments about what you’re doing. Focus completely on your breathing—in through your nose and out through your mouth. Let your attention follow the air as it travels from the environment into your lungs and back out again.
   • If your attention wanders, simply return to your breath. When the timer goes off, take a moment to notice how peaceful and relaxed you feel.^[8]
2. Be good to yourself. Rejections—whether real or imagined—hurt. Cope with rejection sensitivity by spending some time taking care of yourself. Nurse your emotional wounds by practicing self-care. Do things that help you feel nourished.
   
   • Eat healthy, balanced meals. Engage in physical exercise. Call a friend. Go out to the cinema and see a new movie. Plant a garden with a family member. Check out a good book from the library.
3. Develop your self-esteem with compassionate self-talk. Experiencing rejection can put a damper on your self-esteem. You may start to engage in self-talk that diminishes your social abilities, saying things like “You’re a loser” or “No one wants to hang out with you.” Counteract the effects of rejection on your self-esteem by practicing compassionate self-talk.^[9]
   
   • Choose qualities about yourself that you consider to be positive. Make a list. Then, think about ways in which others would benefit from these attributes you have. For example, if you are funny, you might uplift someone who is feeling down.
   • Now, create some compassionate statements regarding these traits. You might say, “I am an honest, caring person deserving of good friends.” Or, “I make people laugh. They are happy to spend time with me.”
   • Repeat these statements aloud whenever you feel low on confidence.
4. Avoid self-destructive coping behaviors. Coping with rejection sensitivity can be difficult, particularly when you feel all alone in your suffering. You might be tempted to turn to activities that allow you to escape or numb your emotions. Know that using drugs and alcohol, engaging in risky sex, gambling, or compulsive shopping habits won’t make you feel better.
   
   • If you feel the urge to turn to self-destructive activities, increase your self-care practice. Treat yourself as gently and kindly as you would a friend in pain. Get a massage. Take a walk in nature. Run yourself a scented bubble bath.
5. Look at the big picture. Try to put the criticism into context to determine if it is really worth worrying about. For example, you are just one out of seven billion people. Will anyone even remember you in a 100 years from now? How important is this criticism if you put it into the big picture of your life?
   • It might also help you to use a picture or video to remind yourself of how big the world is and to decrease the importance of the perceived criticism. Try looking at a picture or video of the earth from space.^[10]

EditEngaging Socially in the Future

1. Find a positive support system. With rejection sensitivity, you can easily get caught up dwelling on people who reject you and forget about those who embrace you. Make a point to spend time with people who value who you are as a person.^[11]
   
   • Whether it’s friends, coworkers, peers at school, or family members make an effort to connect with people who love and care for you. They can help balance the scales against any rejection you feel from others.
   • If you have trouble identifying a strong support system, attempt to meet new people. Volunteer and help out in your local community. Join an organization or club. Strike up a conversation with the wallflower at a party. Become an advocate for those who are oppressed or bullied.
2. Expect acceptance, and you’ll get it. Studies suggest that a major characteristic of people with rejection sensitivity is that they go into social situations anticipating a rebuff. In many ways, it seems this may be a self-fulfilling prophecy. You can possibly influence a positive outcome by expecting to be accepted instead.^[12]
   
   • When you’re entering a new social setting, tell yourself, “They’ll like me” or “I’m going to make so many friends.” You just might be surprised at the outcome.
3. Reassess your strategy. If you tend to receive many rejections in a particular area of life, such as in your career or dating life, you may need to examine your actions to see how you can improve. Think about it: you will never catch a fish if you’re using the wrong bait.
   
   • For instance, if you are applying for jobs that demand gregariousness and you’re shy, you may not impress the interviewer. Switch tactics and search for a similar job in which it doesn’t matter so much how outgoing you are. You may just get the position.^[13]
   • Keep in mind that rejection only feels like rejection if you believe it. Someone who does not view a criticism as a rejection will find it easier to dismiss or laugh it off.
   • It might also be useful for you to consider why this rejection affected you so strongly and what beliefs may be holding you back. This can help you to prevent them from holding you back in the future.
4. Consult with a mental health provider. People with rejection sensitivity often have childhoods defined by abuse or neglect. In addition, there are certain mental health conditions like depression and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder that are associated with higher levels of rejection sensitivity.^[14]
   
   • See an experienced psychologist or psychotherapist who can carefully evaluate your history and any other symptoms you might be experiencing.

EditSources and Citations

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source How to of the Day http://ift.tt/2qfcead