How to Ask a Guy Out

You might feel scared, intimidated, or shy about asking a guy out, but there's no need to worry—plenty of girls do it! Because guys usually handle the burden of starting dates and pursuing girls, it's flattering and relaxing when girls ask them out. If you want to ask a guy out, then all you have to do is prepare in advance, exude confidence, and react appropriately. However, this can seem easier said than done.

Steps

Preparing to Ask a Guy Out

1. What's the worse thing that can happen? The worse thing that can happen would be that he will respectfully say "No" if he is a decent person. Keep this in mind and then prepare yourself to ask him out. Remember this will help you endure the pain in case this happens.
   
2. Find the right place and time to ask him out. Make sure you have an opportunity to walk into him in a casual, low-pressure setting. It might be in the hallway, at the water fountain, on a sports field after practice, or wherever else you usually see him. Pick an isolated place, as well as a time when he's likely to be relaxed and not stressed out. Here are some things to keep in mind when you choose the right time and place:
   
   • You don't have to be completely alone, but you'll both probably be more comfortable if you can do the actual asking in a semi-private space. People don't always respond honestly when their friends are hanging around and they feel pressured, so some privacy can help you get a real answer.
   • Don't make a big deal about pouncing on the first available second of alone time. If you're both together in a group, lower your voice to half volume and say, "Hey, could I talk to you alone for a second?" and walk a few paces away.
   • Don't come off like a stalker. Yes, you want to ask him in person, but you shouldn't pull that off by hanging out on his front porch for hours until he gets home. Use your best judgment and pick a time and place that makes sense.
3. Have a date in mind. If it's your first time asking this guy out, you'll be a lot more confident if you invite him to a specific activity. It spares you the stress of coming up with something to do while you're on the actual date, and won't leave you saying "Uhhh... I don't know" when he asks what the plan is. Here are some ideas to get you started:
   
   • Don't think too hard about negative thoughts like 'he will laugh at me', 'he will reject me', 'he will friend-zone me' etc. Remember that guys feel and think the same way when they approach a girl which is the main reason why so many guys exist in the so called 'friend-zone'. The truth is you will find out only after asking, muster up some courage, ask him out. You can do it! You may be surprised to find how they would react as most guys are quite easy to talk to as compared to girls.
   • Ask him to a girls' choice dance (if you're in high school). Most schools have at least two of these each year: Sadie Hawkins in the fall, and another in the spring—usually Morp (like Prom, but casual) or Spring Fling, depending on your school. It's the perfect excuse!
   • Plan a classic date. Or, if you already know this guy pretty well and more alone time is the point, ask him to a traditional night out. Plan on dinner, at a restaurant, or at home with takeout or something you made, and an activity such as seeing a movie, going to a concert or show, visiting a museum, or another interest you two have in common.
   • Pick something that specifically appeals to the guy. If he loves biking, going to jazz concerts, or eating sushi, ask him to do one of these activities. This will make him feel more at ease and more likely to say yes.
4. Have an exit strategy. Though you should focus on the best case scenario (a resounding yes!) instead of the worst, you do need to be aware that there's a teeny-tiny chance that the guy won't say yes. Maybe he likes someone else, or maybe he was startled and only thought of you as a friend -- either way, you'll get through it. But if you want to make the most of the situation and not lose your cool, you should come up with a Plan B in case things don't go as planned.
   
   • Come up with a reason to leave in advance. Whether it's saying that you have to study for a test, get to your next class, or that you're late to meet up with a friend, it'll sound better if you've prepared it.
   • Come up with something else to ask in case you can tell he's not feeling it. If you approach him and he's clearly not in the mood to get asked out, think of something else you can ask him so it doesn't look weird that you came up to him -- ask for the math homework or if he knows when the home baseball team is playing that day.

Asking a Guy Out

1. Exude confidence. This might be the most intimidating step for some people, but it's important. Having confidence when you ask him out will frame both you and the date in an attractive, appealing way, and will make the guy more inclined to trust you and to say yes. Don't worry, though — there are easy ways to fake it too. Here's what to do:
   
   • Make an extra effort. On the day when you'll be asking him out, spend more time than usual on looking nice. Maybe that means wearing your most flattering outfit, styling your hair differently, or wearing slightly more makeup. Remember that the point isn't to look like a completely different person, but for the mental boost of knowing you look your best.
   • Keep your body language under control. Resolve that, despite the butterflies in your stomach, you will stand up straight, keep eye contact, and smile for the whole time that you're doing this. It will help you feel better, and it'll show him that you're fearless and self-assured — both are attractive traits.
   • When you talk to him, speak clearly and don't mumble. Make your words sound measured and confident, even if you're only asking how his day went.
2. Flirt with him. Send small signals that you're interested so that he's not completely surprised when you ask him out. It could be as simple as making eye contact and smiling, or a prolonged flirt session over text. Be careful with making eye contact. If he avoids your eyes, try again after a few minutes. Do not try to hold eye contact longer than 30 seconds at a time, or else it will seem awkward.
   
   • You can also play with your hair a little bit to be playful.
   • Try licking your lips once or twice when you speak to him.
   • If you already have a good rapport with the guy, you can tease him a bit first.
3. Don't overdo it. However you flirt, try to make it a natural expression of how you feel about him, not a show of planned moves. Even involuntary actions like blushing or giggling nervously can be interpreted as flirtatious, so don't worry if that's what you find yourself doing instead of the smooth routine you had planned. If you come on too strong, then the guy will immediately feel overwhelmed and like he needs to take a step back.
   
   • Flirt and chat with him for a little while, but if you linger too long, he'll lose interest.
   • It's okay to lean closer to him, but don't lean so closely toward him that he has to jump back or feels like he can't breathe.
4. Just ask. After a minute or two, you'll need to build the courage to pop the question, if not sooner. Think of it like ripping off a band-aid: it's better if you just get it over with. Stay as calm and casual as you can, and ask him out in a simple sentence. Here are a few ways you could phrase it, while filling in your own details:
   
   • "Are you busy on Saturday night?"
   • "If you're free, I'd really like to go out with you on Friday."
   • "Hey, so, I was wondering if you'd want to see a movie with me this weekend?"
   • "I have two tickets to the new Kooks concert, and there's no one else I'd rather go with. Are you busy on Saturday?"
5. Accept the answer with grace. Try to be mentally prepared for his answer to go either way. If he's interested, great! If not, resolve that it won't ruin your day and you'll move on. Here's what you should do in either situation:
   
   • If he says no: Take it with a smile. Say something like, "No worries, let me know if you change your mind. See you around," and walk away calmly. Rejection hurts, but try not to harbor resentment or anger toward him. He may be cursing himself a few hours later but it's how you respond that will determine whether or not he plucks up the courage to make it up to you.
   • If he says yes: Mission accomplished! Take a few minutes to go over details, like what time, where, who will pick up whom, and so on. Before you part ways, let him know you're really excited about the date and looking forward to it.

Other Strategies for Asking a Guy Out

1. Use the "extra ticket" trick. Buy two tickets to see a movie, a concert, a stand-up comedian, or anything that you think will interest the guy. Then, when you start talking to the guy, casually mention the event and add, "Ugh, my friend completely bailed on me..." if the guy doesn't take the bait and ask to come, just say, "Is there any chance you'd like to go? I've been dying to see this show, and I think it'll be fun." Make it sound very casual, like you thought of it on the spot.
   
   • This is a perfect low-pressure way to ask a guy out.
2. Ask him out on a group date. Going on a group date is another low-pressure way to see some sparks fly. If you and your guy are hanging out with a group of couples, or even just a group of friends, then it'll feel less like a date and more like hanging out. Just tell the guy that you and a bunch of friends are going bowling, to the movies, to dinner, or whatever, and ask if he'd like to come along.
   
   • He'll know that you'll be asking him out but neither of you will feel the same pressure you'd feel if you were going at it alone.
   • If the group date goes well, then you'll be seeing some solo action soon.
3. Ask him out to a guy-friendly activity. Pick something that the guy you have in mind and his friends like to do, as long as it sounds fun to you, and ask the guy to join you. This could be hitting the batting cages, going to a baseball game or watching one at your local bar or restaurant, or even going for a hike. Asking him out to do something more man-centric will be more appealing and will sound more fun and casual than asking him to go out to a candle-lit dinner.
   
   • Find out what he likes to do first. Maybe the thing that appeals to most guys doesn't really appeal to him.
4. Ask him out to a movie or concert. This is a slight variation on the "extra ticket" strategy. With this strategy, you should first strike up a casual conversation with the guy. Then, mention a new movie that's playing or a concert that's coming to town, trying to make sure that it appeals to him. Wait for him to say how much he likes this concert or band, and if he really doesn't get the message, then say, "I've really wanted to see that movie too. Want to go check it out over the weekend?"
   
   • If you really want to act casual about it, you can add, "I can't think of anyone else who wants to go with me" or "none of my friends like that band..."
5. Ask him out through a note. Put a note in the guy's locker, textbook, bag, or even sneak a note into his guitar case or another item that is important to him. Simply say, "Want to go out some time?" and leave him your phone number. This works great with guys that you don't know very well, and it takes the pressure off. Not only is this an effective method, but it'll make the guy think that you're cute and a little bit creative.
   
   • If you really want to be romantic about it, you can even ask him out through a letter, as long as it doesn't freak him out.
6. Ask him out over the phone. If you really want to ask the guy out but are afraid to do it in person, just call him up and ask if he wants to go out that weekend. You can even call him with a close girlfriend or two standing by for moral support -- as long as they don't shriek or ruin the call, having them there will help you relax and gain confidence. And if he says no, all you have to do is say goodbye and hang up.
   
7. Let him know face to face how you really feel.
   • Don't be nervous -- just make a bit of small talk first and then transition into your question.
   • When you go up to talk to him make sure your friends are in sight so that they can help you.
   • Tell him all the reasons why you like him and then tell him you like him because it gives him a confidence boost and your chances of getting rejected are a little slimmer. Then tell him you like him.
   • Its best if you ask him if he's free on a specific day and tell him your plans and if he likes them there's a chance he'll say yes.
   • Let him know that if the date doesn't work out you'll still be willing to be his friend and if it does then you can go on a second date. He wants to know you won't be so mad. Say something like "hey you know your smart, kind, funny, etc. and you know I like you. Maybe if your free on Friday night we could go out to dinner and watch a movie. We could go alone or with some friends and if it doesn't work out I won't be mad we could stay friends." Something like that so that he is willing to say yes or just say everything and change the friends part. Like if he says yes say " okay well is it alright if some friends come or just you and me" that way he knows you care about his opinion.
   • Another way to do it is say " hey look me and my friend were supposed to go out to dinner and she invited her boyfriend. Maybe you could come with me and be my date because I like you and your smart, funny , super nice. What do you say? You know if your free on Friday night?" And then wait for his answer.

Additional Ideas

Sample Ways to Ask Someone Out

Sample First Date Ideas

Sample Ways to Handle Rejection

Video

Tips

• Act normal around him and be your self.
• Wait patiently for his response. If he says he needs time to think about it, let him. It is always good to let him think it over before having to make the decision because he might feel scared if he likes you back.
• Get to know him first.
• Look confident!
• Be friends first, and then when its the right time, tell him how you feel about him and that you care about him.
• Always listen to him and respond appropriately.
• Before you ask a guy out, make sure he doesn’t have a girlfriend.
• Even if you are having second thoughts, ask him! Boys can think it's cute when girls are a bit nervous! This is especially true if you know they like you, because it takes off a lot of pressure.
• Think of how he feels. It might be awkward, but be yourself.
• If he says no, don't worry! There are many other guys. Don't be to sad because he may feel bad just take it in and smile.
• Don't ask your friend to do it. He may think of it as a joke or a "dare". It's almost as bad as not even asking!
• Hey, it's okay if he says no. There are the fish in the sea! Nothing will ever be permanent! I'm sure he was just nervous of being embarrassed. Friends end up forcing a certain decision out of your guy! So he might change his mind. You never know!
• Don't overdo and be yourself.
• Be strong if he has asked you out before because he might be a tad mad and say no.
• When asking, make a short burst of eye contact and smile gently.
• Don't have friends ask him out! He will think it's some kind of joke.
• If you don't have something in common, don't change your mind just to be like him, he might be your future boyfriend, but that doesn't mean you have to change you for him - you're you!
• Don't assume that he's not interested or that he's less of a man just because he didn't make the first move. A guy who doesn't ask you out may still like you but be taken, too shy, on the rebound or any number of things.
• Don't be scared just go with it so it's out of your mind.
• Ask him calmly, otherwise he may get stressed or agitated.
• Be confident!
• Never show that you are to interested in just that guy. If you get rejected; hey boys go and leave but your girlfriends always got your back.
• Start with a calm tone of voice and just go for it real quick. Boys think its cool to have a girlfriend!
• Try to ask him alone. If he is with his friends, he'll try to act cool and most likely say no.
• Make sure you are good friends. If you are mean to them they won't like you. The whole "If he's mean to you that means he likes you" is bull and it is bull for girls too. If you like a guy, be kind to him.
• Don't ask him out in a text. He may think it's a friend being an idiot on your phone. Ask him in person.
• Some guys may just be getting over a breakup, so be understanding that he may not be ready to go on a date or, conversely, he may just be looking for a rebound.
• Don't pressure him. Let him think about it, it's his decision.
• Never ask him through one of his friends.
• Don't always assume a guy will show his emotions toward you. He might be nervous and unsure of your feelings towards him.
• Be confident if he says no just think of it as another chance to prove how great you are.
• Don't put pressure towards him.
• You'll want to look completely interested, not too nervous (though a little nervous can be cute) and not too confident. The appearance of desperation is least desirable. Casual and friendly, that's you.
• Just go for it ask him out if he says no then don't be sad... just remember whatever happens you will get a good guy in your life when its the right time...till then enjoy your life with your friends.
• Don't try to hard just say " okay, well you might not feel the same as me but I like you. do you wanna go out? It's okay to say no I understand". And he will understand too. Just take a deep breath and say it slowly but not too slow or he will be impatient and just leave or get bored with you and say no. If you do go on a date then at the end laugh and smile then say "I had an unbelievable time." and if you think your ready do a little kiss.
• Be yourself. Don't change for someone who may not even like you!
• Do not ask him out in a text message. Even though it's easier, you don't get an answer right away, or sometimes, at all. He might be too scared to hurt your feelings, and think that not replying will be easier for him. And when you ask him out in person, you can see his emotions better, and he will feel the need to answer right away. Sometimes, in texts, he doesn't feel like he needs to reply. Like, he thinks that if he doesn't reply, then that means No.
• Pay for the date, unless he really insists. If he wants to pay for the date, then hey — no arguments there, right? It makes him look like a gentleman and may also indicate that he is serious about pursuing you, which is what you were hoping for in the first place! However, since you've asked him out, why not treat him for a change?
• If you asked him out already and he said no, ask him again in a week or so. This will show you aren't giving up. Also, he may just not have been free that first time, so this will give him a second chance.
• Don't ask through text message, as this may be seen as classless.
• When you are asking out a boy be yourself and try to tell him what's on your mind.
• Please don't ask him over the phone, or through a note! It may be cute, but the guy will definitely think that you care more if you ask him in person!
• Don't be nervous to ask your crush out.
• Send a letter in his mailbox before he goes on a long trip or is away for a long period of time and say that you have feelings for him and you want to go out so he does not talk to you about it in an embarrassing moment.
• Don't over think it too much or it can cause stress and you could mess up well talking to him.
• Don't do it by phone. You either do it in person or you don't.
• When you talk to him, act like to you would talk to him as your grandmother, or a loved relative.
• Make sure that you don't misread his signals. Misreading signals can lead to a really awkward situation!
• Smiling will be interpreted as confidence. Looking down and muttering will just make you seem uninterested or not very date-worthy.
• Be good friends with the guy before you ask him, or at least make sure he knows your on this planet...

Warnings

• Even if you have asked a guy out, it does not mean you are obligated to do anything you don't want to on the date. If you ever feel uncomfortable, get out of the situation right away and don't worry about politeness, just worry about your safety.

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