How to How Soon Is Too Soon to Move in

You already spend a ton of time with your partner, so the next logical step is to find a place together. But what if you two only started dating a little while ago? While there’s no specific timeline or any hard and fast rules you need to follow, there are some general guidelines that happy couples tend to follow before moving in together. In this article, we’ll share our best tips on how long you should wait before moving in, as well as topics to discuss before making the big move.

[Edit]Things You Should Know

• Timelines vary from couple to couple, but most experts agree that you should be dating for at least 1 year before moving in together.
• Talk about important issues before you move in together, like the division of chores, finances, and alone time.
• You may be ready to move in together if you trust your partner 100% and you feel like you know them inside and out.
• You might want to wait before moving in together if you have communication or jealousy issues.

[Edit]Steps

[Edit]How long should you wait before moving in together?

1. Try to wait at least 1 year before moving in with your partner. While this timeline varies for every couple, experts note that dating someone for 1 year is a good timetable to stick to. When you’ve dated for a year, you’ve probably exited the honeymoon phase, and you’ve learned a lot about each other that you wouldn’t know early-on.^[1]
   
   • On average, most heterosexual couples move in together after dating for 2 years. For homosexual couples, that average is closer to 6 months.

[Edit]Signs You’re Ready to Move in Together

1. You’ve spent a lot of time alone together. Do you and your partner spend weekends together? Have you gone on a romantic vacation, just the two of you? If you enjoy each other’s company and you’ve spent a significant amount of time one-on-one together, that’s a good sign.^[2]
   
   • On the flip side, if you and your partner don’t get alone time very often, this is a good time to try it out before moving in together. Plan a weekend away where you two can bond and spend time together as a “practice” for moving in.
2. You can argue in a healthy way. When you and your partner get into fights, can you talk through things calmly and reach a conclusion together? If so, that’s a sign that your communication is on point, and you may be ready to move in with each other.^[3]
   
   • If you and your partner aren’t great at fighting respectfully, try working on that together before moving in. Make it a habit to talk about issues as you and your partner vs. the problem, not you vs. your partner.^[4]
   • Maybe you and your partner haven’t gotten into any arguments yet. That’s likely a sign that your relationship is still fresh, and you may want to hold off on moving in just yet.
3. You’ve met each other’s friends and family. You know things are getting serious when you and your partner are ingrained in each other’s lives. If you’ve met the people closest to your partner and vice versa, it’s a good sign that you two are ready to take the next step in your relationship.^[5]
   
   • If you haven’t met your partner’s family yet, talk to them about why that is and ask if you can do that soon. This is a good step to take before moving in together, since it shows that the relationship is serious and on the right track.
4. You can be your honest, authentic self around your partner. Before moving in together, you should feel totally comfortable around your partner no matter what. When you live together, it’s much harder to hide silly habits or funny quirks, so be prepared to share most of your private moments with someone else.^[6]
   
   • If the idea of sharing your full, authentic self with your partner sounds daunting, that’s okay! It might be a sign that you two need to get to know each other more before taking the next step in your relationship.
5. You’ve maintained your independence throughout the relationship. You and your partner should still have your own friends, hobbies, and activities outside of each other. Make sure you’re staying independent, especially if you two do end up moving in together.^[7]
   
   • It’s easy to fall into the trap of only spending time with your partner, especially in a new relationship. Talk to your partner about how much time you’ve been spending together, and stress the importance of living your own lives, too.
6. You’re excited about moving in together. Taking the leap to move in with someone you love is exhilarating! When you think about the move, are you excited (and maybe a little nervous)? If so, that’s a good sign that you’re going in the right direction.^[8]
   
   • If your anxiety or dread outweighs the excitement, it might be a sign that you need more time before moving in.

[Edit]Signs You Should Wait before Moving in Together

1. You don’t know your partner well yet. Have you seen your partner at their best and their worst? Do you know who their best friend is, what their dream job is, and what they were like as a child? It’s okay if you don’t know absolutely everything about your partner, but before moving in together, you should have a pretty solid understanding of who they are and what they want in life.^[9]
   
   • The opposite is true, too: your partner should have a good idea of who you are as a person.
2. You don’t feel like you can be yourself around your partner. When you move in with someone, they’re going to see the real, authentic you. Are you okay with your partner waking up next to you before you’ve brushed your teeth? What about your partner seeing you when you’re sick? If you feel like you have to hide parts of yourself from your partner, it may be too soon to move in together.^[10]
   
3. You can’t have tough conversations with your partner. When you move in with someone, you’re going to have to talk about some uncomfortable things. Dividing chores and deciding on finances are big parts of living together, and you should be able to discuss these things freely. If the idea of talking openly with your partner makes you feel weird, then take some time before moving in with them.^[11]
   
   • You may also have to talk to them about things they do around the house, like making messes or leaving dirty dishes in the sink. If you feel like that might blow up into a huge argument, take some time to think before moving in together.
4. You don’t trust your partner 100%. Moving in together is a big commitment, and you need to be able to put your full trust in your partner. If you have doubts about their honesty or authenticity, put the brakes on moving in together for now.^[12]
   
   • In many cases, the best way to build trust is just to spend more time together.^[13] If you feel like you don’t trust your partner quite yet, maybe it’s because you haven’t known them long enough.
   • However, you should always trust your gut. If you feel like your partner is hiding something from you, bring it up so you two can talk about it.^[14]
5. You have communication or jealousy issues. Big issues like these aren’t likely to go away after moving in together—in fact, the stress of moving can actually make them worse. If you and your partner don’t communicate well or have problems with jealousy, address these issues first.^[15]
   
   • Problems like these can be tough to tackle on your own. Consider talking to a couple’s counselor to get an outside perspective on your relationship.
6. You’re moving in together just to save money. Sometimes, moving in together is seen as more of a financial move than a relationship one. However, if you’re only moving in with your partner because it “makes sense,” there’s a chance that you’re doing it for the wrong reasons.^[16]
   
   • Saving money is great, but you should save moving in together for when you’re ready to take the next step in your relationship.
   • Always have a back up plan in case you and your partner break up. If you suddenly need to move out, do you have the finances or the resources to do so?

[Edit]Topics to Discuss before Moving in Together

1. Motivations for moving in{endbold} Why, exactly, is now the right time for you to move in together? Is it a matter of timing, or are you and your partner truly ready to take the next step? Try to get on the same page and discuss why you want to move in and what you’re looking forward to.^[17]
   
   • Many couples see moving in together as one step closer toward marriage. It’s important to be on the same page about what this means for your relationship and what’s going to happen next.
2. Future plans{endbold} Now is a great time to talk about where the relationship is going. Is moving in together a permanent thing, or is it temporary? Talk to your partner about how serious you two are, and how you both fit into each other’s plans.^[18]
   
   • During this conversation, you should also talk about where you want to live in the future. If you’re content with staying in your current city but your partner wants to move across the country eventually, that could cause conflict.
3. Chores{endbold} Chores aren’t the most exciting thing about moving in together, but they’re a huge part of your day to day life. Have a conversation about who’s going to do what, and if you’ll split things down the middle or not. If there are some chores you absolutely hate doing, see if your partner will take those on (and vice versa).^[19]
   
   • In terms of chores, moving in with a partner is a lot like moving in with roommates. Everyone should do their fair share to keep the home neat and tidy.
4. Finances{endbold} Who’s going to pay for what? If one of you makes more money, will you still split rent evenly? Set these terms now so there’s no confusion or resentment down the line.^[20]
   
   • While it might feel awkward to talk about money with your partner, it’s a very important discussion to have. If you don’t feel like you and your partner can talk about your finances openly, it might be a good idea to wait before moving in together.
5. Alone time{endbold} When you move in with your partner, you’re going to be seeing a lot more of them than you normally would. If you or your partner need alone time, talk about when that’s going to happen and how you two will manage it. You might spend time in different parts of the home, or one of you could even leave for a little while.^[21]
   

[Edit]Can moving in together too soon harm a relationship?

1. Yes, moving in together too quickly can put stress on a new relationship. Moving itself is stressful, and adjusting to being around each other 24/7 can take a toll if you two don’t know each other as well as you thought. It’s best to be totally sure that you’re committed to your partner before taking the leap and moving in together.^[22]
   

[Edit]Tips

• Every relationship is different, and there are no hard and fast rules on how long you should wait before moving in together. Whatever is right for you and your partner is what you should do.

[Edit]Expert Interview

Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about relationship dynamics, check out our in-depth with [v161266_b01].

[Edit]References

1. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/when-to-move-in-together#when-to-move-in
2. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/when-to-move-in-together#signs-youre-ready
3. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/when-to-move-in-together#signs-youre-ready
4. ↑ [v161253_b02]. 24 January 2020.
5. ↑ https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/is-your-relationship-moving-at-a-healthy-pace-according-to-experts/
6. ↑ https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/is-your-relationship-moving-at-a-healthy-pace-according-to-experts/
7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/romance-redux/201108/8-steps-you-should-take-living-your-partner
8. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/when-to-move-in-together#signs-youre-ready
9. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/when-to-move-in-together#signs-youre-ready
10. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/when-to-move-in-together#signs-youre-ready
11. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/romance-redux/201108/8-steps-you-should-take-living-your-partner
12. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/romance-redux/201108/8-steps-you-should-take-living-your-partner
13. ↑ [v161266_b02]. 11 February 2020.
14. ↑ [v161213_b02]. 20 December 2019.
15. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/romance-redux/201108/8-steps-you-should-take-living-your-partner
16. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/when-to-move-in-together#signs-youre-ready
17. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/when-to-move-in-together#when-to-move-in
18. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/when-to-move-in-together#when-to-move-in
19. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/romance-redux/201108/8-steps-you-should-take-living-your-partner
20. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/romance-redux/201108/8-steps-you-should-take-living-your-partner
21. ↑ https://www.npr.org/2022/08/03/1115416791/moving-in-together-expert-tips
22. ↑ https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/is-your-relationship-moving-at-a-healthy-pace-according-to-experts/

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