How to Be Single and Happy

Discover the benefits of living the single life

From the constant depictions of love in movies to the plethora of posts from happy couples on social media, it’s easy to fall into the misconception that the only way to be happy is to be in a relationship. Luckily for all the singles out there, this couldn't be further from the truth. It's completely possible to be happy, fulfilled, and thriving while being single, and there are even tons of benefits to it. If you’re wondering how to be single and happy, you’ve come to the right place. We’ve interviewed licensed psychotherapist Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW, on how to live your best single life and compiled a list of helpful advice, so keep reading!

[Edit]Things You Should Know

• In order to thrive while being single, take the time to get to know yourself better and pursue your unique hobbies and interests.
• Relying on your support system, focusing on self-care, and avoiding couple-themed media can also help you feel happy and fulfilled as a single person.
• Being single has several benefits, including better sleep, lower risk of certain health issues, and freedom to spend your time however you want.

[Edit]Steps

[Edit]How to Thrive as a Single Person

1. Take this time to get to know yourself better. Developing a stronger sense of who you are will help you feel happy and fulfilled in life, regardless of your relationship status. It will also make you better able to identify people you'd truly be compatible with if you choose to enter into a relationship again later.^[1] As liscensed psychotherapist Kelli Miller explains, “you really have to love yourself first and foremost” in order to prepare yourself for a healthy relationship in the future.^[2]
   
   • Try starting a journal to explore your thoughts, emotions, and desires. This cathartic experience can help you understand yourself better and realize what it is you want out of life!
2. Focus on becoming the best version of you. Being single is the perfect time to work on your mental and physical health, so that you can feel your best. Work out, grow a garden, go to therapy—whatever your heart desires! This time could end up being incredibly restful, restorative, and nourishing for your body and mind.
   
   • Practicing mindfulness is a great way to promote a stress-free, peaceful lifestyle while being single. It’s also associated with lower stress and anxiety levels.^[3]
   • Exercising regularly can also help you live your healthiest single life. It reduces health risks, promotes better sleep, and boosts your mood.^[4]
   • Going to therapy is a great way to get to know yourself better and take care of your mental health, especially if you’ve been dealing with feelings of anxiety or shame around being single.^[5]
3. Encourage yourself. Reciting positive daily affirmations can help you boost your self-esteem and feel happier day by day. Take a few moments every day to look at yourself in the mirror and say something kind and encouraging.^[6] You can either say something that you believe about yourself, or something that you would like to believe about yourself.^[7] Some examples of positive affirmations include:
   
   • “I am intelligent.”
   • “I am a caring friend.”
   • “People enjoy spending time with me.”
4. Try to think positively. According to psychotherapist Kelli Miller, “looking at all the positives” of single life can help you feel much happier.^[8] Practicing optimism will help you to stay focused on the good in your situation and stop dwelling on things you aren’t as happy with.^[9]
   
   • Try reframing. This involves shifting your perspective to focus on the positive in a situation, rather than the negative, which can help you manage difficult emotions.^[10]
     • For example, instead of focusing on the negative aspects of being single, try to remind yourself of the benefits, such as having the freedom to choose how you spend your free time.
   • Consider keeping a gratitude diary. Every night, think of three things you are grateful for and write them down.
     • Doing this every day will help you to develop a more positive outlook over time and it can even help you to sleep better and enjoy better health.^[11]
5. Spend extra time on your hobbies, or try out some new ones. Maybe you’ve always loved writing songs but you haven’t picked up your guitar and your pen for a while. Or, maybe you’ve always wanted to train for a marathon, but you’ve never had the time. Now is your chance!^[12] Embrace this chance to do something fun and follow your interests. You have the freedom to spend your time doing anything you’d like!^[13]
   
   • Learn an instrument, join a tap class, grow a garden, write a novel, cook some gourmet meals—whatever you've wanted to do, do it now.
   • Trying something new can also lead to new skills, new friendships, and increased self-esteem, which will further improve your quality of life as a single person.
6. Practice self-care and treat yourself. It is important to maintain a positive self-image while you’re single. Buy yourself a new outfit, get your nails done, treat yourself to a spa day, or get a massage. You are a strong, independent person who deserves the best. So give it to yourself!^[14]
   
   • Try taking yourself out on a date. If there’s an amazing new restaurant in town that you’ve been dying to try, make yourself a reservation. If there’s a new movie coming out that you can’t wait to see, get yourself a ticket.
   • You don’t need to wait for a partner to do the fun things you’ve been hoping to do. Treat yourself to a fun date night—you deserve it!^[15]
7. Surround yourself with supportive people. Whether you’ve found yourself in the middle of a dating cold streak or recently got out of a serious relationship, spending too much time alone can have a negative effect on your mood and emotions. Try to make plans with friends and family members to remind yourself of all the love in your life. Remember, being single doesn’t mean being alone. You have a whole network of support, and it’s okay to lean on them!^[16]
   
   • Remind yourself that it’s not a weakness to lean on others. Strong social relationships are actually essential to emotional well-being and physical health.^[17]
   • This social connection can come from any number of people in your life, not just a significant other. It could be a friend, teammate, parent, coworker, or sibling.
8. Ignore media depictions of happy couples. Part of the reason some single people may feel unhappy is the constant media depictions reinforcing the idea that we need to be in a relationship to be happy. Try your best to remind yourself that this isn't true. It’s absolutely possible to feel fulfilled as a single person. The decision of whether or not to be in a relationship is a deeply personal one, and some people actually feel happier when they’re single.^[18]
   
   • Avoid any social media posts, romantic comedies, or magazines that reinforce the idea that being single is bleak and being in a relationship is bliss.
     • Instead, focus on how you’re actually feeling. Do you enjoy the freedom of the single life? Are you happy to have extra time to follow your own interests?
   • Remind yourself that media depictions of singleness are not always relatable or accurate either.
     • For example, depictions of single women may be troubling because they are often idealized (a superwoman who has it all) or villainous (a sad lonely woman who has nothing).
     • Neither of these depictions are realistic, so do your best to recognize them as false representations of what it’s like to be single.^[19]

[Edit]The Benefits of Single Life

1. Single life may actually be good for your health. Being single is associated with a decreased risk of adverse health effects from dysfunctional marriages and toxic relationships. According to some studies, bad relationships can increase your risk of anxiety, depression, stress, or even heart disease.^[20] Singles, on the other hand, tend to go to the gym more, eat better, and have lower stress levels.^[21]
   
   • Single people tend to weigh less than people who are in a relationship. Studies have linked weight gain with marriage and weight loss with break-ups and divorce.^[22]
   • Single people also tend to get more sleep and better quality sleep than people who share a bed with a partner.^[23]
   • Single women may also have better mental health than married women, especially married women who have children.^[24]
2. Being single allows you the freedom to spend your time how you want. When you’re in a relationship, you need to factor in the needs and desires of your partner. Sometimes you have to do things that you don’t enjoy that much in order to keep your partner happy. When you’re single, on the other hand, you can spend your time however you want. You don’t need to worry about pleasing anyone but yourself. This means you have more time for your hobbies, personal interests, career, friends, family members, and overall well-being. This freedom is a precious thing, so feel free to enjoy it!^[25]
   
   • Say, for example, that you’re in a relationship with someone who absolutely loves hiking and wants to spend every Sunday on super long hikes.
   • You may agree to do this to make your partner happy, when you actually would actually prefer to spend your Sunday bike riding, reading, or practicing self-care.
   • When you’re single, your days are completely free to fill in whichever way you choose. Try to see this as a blessing and a luxury!
3. Being single can have financial benefits. When you’re in a relationship, you may have to deal with a spouse who is irresponsible with money, which causes financial problems for you too. Common relationship expenses like going on dates and buying anniversary gifts can also be tough on your wallet. When you’re single, however, you don’t have to worry about anyone else’s spending and saving habits. You also don’t have to spend so much on date nights or gifts. Instead, you can use the money you earn however you want to!^[26]
   
   • Treat yourself to something special to remind yourself of the benefits of being in charge of your own finances.
   • Do you want to redecorate your apartment? Splurge on a new clothing item? Or maybe a cool new technological device? The choice is yours!
4. Being single allows ample time to nurture your friendships. When you’re in a relationship, it can be much harder to be social because your partner consumes a lot of your time and affection. But when you’re single, you have more time to devote to your friends, and to go out and meet new people. If you’re feeling down for being single, try to remind yourself of this freedom!^[27]
   
   • Work on the relationships you care most about, and build yourself a strong support network.
   • Spend time with your loved ones and try to appreciate the fact that you have this time to connect with them.
5. Though sex may be less frequent, it can also be more enjoyable. When you’re in a relationship, you may have sex every day or a few times a week. Though your sex life may be less active than that as a single person, some studies have suggested that singles enjoy the sex they are having more than people in committed relationships do.^[28]
   

[Edit]Tips

• Value the things that you have, such as your creativity, your intelligence, your friends or your pet(s) as well as your newly-found independence.
• Remind yourself of the support you do have from friends and family, and don't think it is just you against the world. Your friends may be the ones that understand how you feel the most!
• Appreciate all the good things you have going for you, such as friends, family, and good health.
• If you're really feeling down, try distracting yourself by being social and participating in hobbies.
• Avoid romantic movies. Instead, try out some action, comedy, or horror movies! Netflix and Redbox are great places to rent these!
• Create order, serenity and a space that is all you and that is filled with only things you love with no exceptions. Keep only the clothes, books, papers, nice backs and housewares that absolutely sparkle with joy for you. Let EVERYTHING else go. Don't forget to thank the things going for serving you as they did in the past.
• After a breakup, write a list about what you dislike about them. This will keep their flaws hot in your mind and might even make you relieved the relationship was terminated.
• Try doing new things: hiking, skiing, boating, swimming, ride a camel, and do it with your friends and family! Try taking on the world with friends!

[Edit]Warnings

• Be cautious about getting into a new relationship. If you do find yourself in a new relationship, make sure you're over your last relationship. It's not fair to the new person, and it’s certainly not fair to you.
• When flirting with others, be sure not to overdo it. Leading others on is so not attractive.
• If you are severely depressed because you are single, consider talking to a mental health professional. You may have depression or another medical condition that requires treatment.

[Edit]Related wikiHows

• Enjoy Being Single
• Lead a Happy Life Without Romantic Relationships
• Be Single
• Deal With Loneliness
• Cope With Being Alone at Night

[Edit]Expert Interview

Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about relationships, check out our in-depth with [v161440_b01].

[Edit]References

[Edit]Quick Summary

1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/not-born-yesterday/201308/whats-so-good-about-being-single
2. ↑ [v161440_b01]. 27 October 2021.
3. ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/consumer-health/in-depth/mindfulness-exercises/art-20046356
4. ↑ https://www.cdc.gov/physicalactivity/basics/pa-health/index.htm
5. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/what-are-the-benefits-of-therapy
6. ↑ [v161656_b01]. 11 December 2020.
7. ↑ http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/tc/building-self-esteem-topic-overview
8. ↑ [v161440_b01]. 27 October 2021.
9. ↑ http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/self-esteem/art-20045374
10. ↑ https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/the-power-of-positive-thinking
11. ↑ http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/tips_for_keeping_a_gratitude_journal
12. ↑ [v161440_b01]. 27 October 2021.
13. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/when-everyone-else-is-married-with-children
14. ↑ [v161656_b01]. 11 December 2020.
15. ↑ https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2022/12/seeing-movies-alone-solo-date-in-public/672363/
16. ↑ [v161656_b01]. 11 December 2020.
17. ↑ Jetten, J, Haslam, C, & Haslam, AS, (2012), The Social Cure: Identity, Health and Well-Being, ISBN 978-1848720213
18. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/single-at-heart/2019/06/is-it-true-that-single-women-with-no-kids-are-the-happiest#1
19. ↑ https://womensenews.org/2011/10/media-view-single-women-laced-contradictions/
20. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/high-octane-women/201108/the-hidden-health-hazards-toxic-relationships
21. ↑ http://www.medicaldaily.com/single-life-6-scientifically-proven-perks-being-single-and-ready-mingle-306384
22. ↑ https://health.usnews.com/wellness/mind/articles/2018-02-12/5-health-benefits-of-being-single
23. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/not-born-yesterday/201308/whats-so-good-about-being-single
24. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/not-born-yesterday/201308/whats-so-good-about-being-single
25. ↑ [v161656_b01]. 11 December 2020.
26. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/not-born-yesterday/201308/whats-so-good-about-being-single
27. ↑ [v161656_b01]. 11 December 2020.
28. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/not-born-yesterday/201308/whats-so-good-about-being-single

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