How to Never Give Up

If you’re struggling to not give up, then it’s likely that you’ve had your fair share of challenges, adversity, and rejection. You may be tired of people telling you that “whatever kills you makes you stronger” and want to know how to stay positive and continue your drive to succeed. First, you should be proud of yourself for still trying. After that, you can work on developing a mindset and work ethic that will guarantee success if you continue to chase after your dreams.

[Edit]Steps

[Edit]Developing a Resilient Mindset

1. Develop a more positive attitude. Though you may find it nearly impossible to be positive if you feel like you’ve tried everything and nothing is working for you, it’s important to stay as optimistic as you can if you want to never give up. Being positive makes you see all of the good things in your life that you may be missing out on because you’re focusing on the negative things.^[1] It will also make you more open to more opportunities and possibilities because you’ll be looking at life with a “can do” attitude.^[2]
   
   • It’s true. Being more positive will not only make it easier for you to deal with challenges, but it will help you embrace new ones. If you’re bitter or focused on all of your failures, then you won’t be able to move forward.
   • If you catch yourself complaining or whining, try countering your negative comment with two positive ones.
   • Though you shouldn’t feel like you’re faking it when you’re acting positive while feeling sad on the inside, you should know that the more you fake it, the more you’ll slowly begin to see the brighter side of life.
   • One way to be more optimistic is to surround yourself with happier people who make you appreciate life more. If all of your friends are negative and discouraging, then yeah, it’ll be hard to have a positive mindset and to feel like you shouldn’t give up.
2. Learn to embrace change. If you want to work on developing the right mindset for not giving up, then you have to be able to roll with the punches and to not only accept change, but to thrive in it. Sure, you might have been thrown for a loop when your boyfriend broke up with you out of nowhere or when your family announced you were moving to a new city, but you have to learn to adapt to a new situation, to focus on whatever aspects of it exist, and to make a game plan for thriving in a new situation.^[3]
   
   • As Sheryl Crow once said, sometimes “A change will do you good.” Even if you’re shocked or thrown off guard, tell yourself that this could be the very best thing for you.
   • Look at change as an opportunity to learn something new, to meet new people, and to become a more well-rounded person. Though you may not see any positive aspects of the situation just yet, you should be proud of yourself for handling it with grace and for moving forward.
3. Learn from your mistakes. If you want to be able to not give up, then you have to get into a mindset that allows you to come to terms with the mistakes you’ve made and to learn from them so you don’t keep having the same old problems. Though you may feel only discouraged or embarrassed when you first make a mistake, you should take a step back to understand what you did wrong and make a plan for not making the same mistake the next time.
   
   • Though nobody wants to make a mistake, mistakes help you learn how to avoid future problems. For example, you may feel like you really messed up by dating a possessive boyfriend who ended up breaking your heart, but this mistake earlier in life may save you from picking the wrong husband in the future.
   • Don’t be in denial about the fact that you could have acted differently. If you’re so focused on looking perfect all the time, then you won’t ever learn.
4. Know that there will always be more opportunities for success. If you want to work on never giving up, then you have to have the mentality that there will always be more ways to succeed in the future. Though it’s important to live in the present, you should work on getting excited about the future instead of thinking that it has nothing to offer you; if you have the attitude that you’ve missed the boat somehow, then good opportunities will never come because you won’t be able to see them.
   
   • You may feel that, because you didn’t get the dream job you’ve been on three rounds of interviews for, that you’ll never find a career that suits you, but in the long run, you’ll see that you’ll be able to find plenty of jobs that also feel like that perfect fit, even if it takes a while to get there.
   • You can also work on opening up your definition of success. Sure, you might have thought that true success would be selling your novel when you were 25, but at 30, you may see that success can also be found in teaching literature to eager high school students.
5. Seek knowledge. If you want to have a resilient mindset that helps you really succeed and not give up, then you have to continue gaining knowledge and learning more about life as well as the situation you’re in. If you have a thirst for knowledge and are excited about the world, then you’ll see that there’s always more for you to learn and more opportunities to seek. You can also gain knowledge in whatever it is you’re trying to do, whether it’s to apply to college, find a new job, or sell your novel; the more you know, the more capable you’ll be to handle any challenge that comes your way.
   
   • Of course, reading as much as you can is the time-tested way to gain knowledge. This can mean reading novels, reading the news, or reading up on your chosen field on the Internet. However, you can also gain knowledge by talking to experts in your field, trying to network, or getting advice from people who know their stuff.
   • As long as you’re aware that there’s more for you to learn out there, you won’t be able to truly give up.
6. Be more patient—good things will happen if you keep trying. Another reason that you may be thinking of giving up is because you want great things to happen to you right this second. You may think that just because you applied to 10 jobs, sent your novel manuscript to 5 agents, or have gone on dates with 4 different guys, that something should have worked out for you. However, the road to success is paved with plenty of failure, and you shouldn’t give up before you even really start trying.
   
   • Sometimes it can help to talk to other people who are going through the same process. For example, you may be feeling low because you applied to 20 jobs and haven’t heard a peep from any hiring managers; well, your friend who just got a new job may tell you that she applied to 70 jobs before even getting asked for an interview. It takes commitment and work to go after the life you want.
   • Sure, you may think that you’re smart, talented, and hardworking and that any college, employer, or potential soul mate would be lucky to have you. While this may be true, you can’t expect people to simply choose you because you and the people who know you know how awesome you are; it takes work and time to prove yourself.

[Edit]Dealing with Adversity

1. Don’t become a victim of learned helplessness. If you become a victim of learned helplessness, then you’ll believe that you won’t ever be able to succeed because the world is pitted against you. People who are victims of learned helplessness believe that they’ll never get anywhere because they haven’t had good results in the past. If you want to be able to deal with adversity, then you have to learn to embrace new opportunities instead of thinking that you’re destined to fail.^[4]
   
   • A person who has fallen victim to learned helplessness will believe something like, “Well, I haven’t gotten the last five jobs I interviewed for, so this must mean that I’ll just never be able to find a job. There must be something wrong with me, or finding jobs is all about networking anyway, so I might as well not even bother if I keep failing.”
   • A person who wants to take control of her destiny will work on thinking positively and feeling like she has the power to change the situation. She’ll believe something like, “Even though the last five interviews haven’t worked out for me, I should be encouraged by the fact that hiring managers are interested in me at all. If I just keep sending out my resume and going on interviews, I know I’ll find a great job eventually.”
2. Get a mentor you trust. Another way to deal with adversity is to find a mentor you trust who can help you deal with the more difficult challenges in life. Having a person who has been through what you’re going through or who has found a way to succeed in your field can help you feel more confident about continuing to go after what you want. Talking to another person can give you more advice and perspective on your situation, and can also help you feel encouraged.^[5]
   
   • Plus, it’s likely your mentor has dealt with his or her fair share of challenges and setbacks. Hearing about these will help you want to keep going, too.
3. Maintain a strong social network. In addition to having a mentor you trust, having a strong social network can help you stay strong during a time of great need. Having friends to rely on, family members who love and care about you, and being part of a strong community of people who really care for each other can help you feel less alone and like you are capable of dealing with the challenges ahead of you. If you feel like you have to deal with this situation alone, then you are much more likely to feel hopeless and like you have to give up.
   
   • Having someone to talk to about your setbacks, even if that person can’t always give you the best advice, can help you feel less alone. Just having a person to talk to can make you feel like there’s hope for the future.
   • Talking to other people who care for you about your struggles can also help you relieve stress; you’ll be much more likely to feel discouraged if you have to bottle up all of your feelings inside.
4. Don’t forget to take care of yourself. If you’re going through a serious period of hardship, then the case may be that the last thing you want to do is to eat three meals a day, shower regularly, or get enough rest. However, if you want to keep going, then this is exactly what you have to do to stay mentally and physically strong. It will be much easier to want to give up if you feel tired, are eating poorly, or if you haven’t showered in a few days. ^[6]
   
   • Making an effort to eat three healthy, balanced meals that contain lean proteins, fruits or veggies, and healthy carbs can make you feel more energized and ready to tackle any challenges that come your way.
   • Try to sleep for at least 7-8 hours a night and to go to bed and wake up around the same time. This will help you feel capable of dealing with whatever the world throws at you.
5. Be a person of action. If you want to be able to not give up, then you can’t sit around complaining about all of your failures, moping in bed, or just making excuses for all of the reasons you failed. You have to be a person of action and to make a game plan for succeeding; this means putting yourself out there, applying for jobs, networking, going on dates, or doing whatever it is you have to do to reach your goals. If you’re sitting around bemoaning all of the failure you’ve faced and feeling sorry for yourself, then good things won’t happen to you.
   
   • Of course, we all need to sit back, throw a personal pity party, and feel sorry for ourselves from time to time. However, you can’t let these feelings get you into a funk that keeps you from trying again.
   • First, sit down and make a written plan for success. Having these items listed out will make you feel much more capable of getting what you want.
6. Build your confidence. It’s true, your confidence may be shaken if you’ve spent so many years at the same low-paying job where you don’t feel valued, but you can’t let that keep you from feeling worthy of something better. You should make an effort to embrace all of the things you love about yourself, to address the flaws that you can change, and to feel happy about being the person who you are. Though building true confidence takes a long time, the sooner you start, the sooner you’ll be able to deal with challenges.
   
   • Work on erasing self-doubt and feeling like you can achieve anything you put your mind to. If you’re the first person to doubt yourself, then anyone you meet will follow you.
   • Hang out with people who make you feel good about yourself instead of putting you down.
   • Fake it until you make it with positive body language. Stand tall, don’t slouch, and don’t cross your arms over your chest. Look happy and open to what the world may bring.
7. Grow stronger from failure. You may have heard the optimistic expression, “Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” However, strictly speaking, this expression isn’t always true. In fact, if you experience a lot of failure and let yourself be truly discouraged by it, then you’ll actually be getting yourself beat down, instead of developing a thicker skin. You need to learn to embrace failure and to look at what you can learn from it, instead of letting it make you feel like you’re unworthy of success.
   
   • Every time you fail, don’t just let it make you feel worse, but sit down and think about what you’ve learned from it. Think about what you could have done differently to succeed the next time around.
   • Be proud of yourself for failing. Many people never put themselves out there to begin with. Sure, it’s no fun to fail, but it’s the only way to get what you want.
8. Don’t let your past dictate your future. You may think that, because you’ve failed so many times in the past, and have had no luck with selling your first novel, dating people, or losing weight, that you’ll never be able to amount to anything. However, many successful people come from humble beginnings, were raised in poverty, or had the door slammed in their faces again and again and again. Let your past empower you and drive you to succeed, instead of having it make you think you’re not worthy.
   
   • Sure, you may feel like all of your jobs so far have only lowered your self-worth and made you feel inadequate. However, this doesn’t mean your future jobs have to be like that. In fact, they should inspire you to find something better for yourself.
   • If you think you’re only destined to repeat the past, then you’ll be sabotaging yourself. For example, if you’re in a great relationship but all you can think of is all of your failed relationships, then yeah, you’re going to mess this one up, too, because you don’t think you deserve any better.

[Edit]Staying Strong

1. Set and meet reasonable goals. Another way to stay strong is to make sure that you’re setting reasonable goals that you can achieve. Of course, it’s great to aim for the moon so you fall among the stars if you fail, and so on, but the reality is, you should create small goals that build up to your ultimate goals, so that you feel proud of what you’re accomplishing along the way. Making your life feel more manageable will drive you to not give up.
   
   • For example, if your goal is to publish a novel, then yeah, you’re bound to be disappointed for all of the years that you can’t do it, because you’re going to make yourself feel like a failure.
   • However, if you set smaller goals, like publishing a short story in a small journal, and then publishing a short story in a more established journal, and then writing a draft of a novel, and so on, then you’ll be much more capable of achieving these little goals along the way and will feel more confident moving forward.
2. See if you need to find a new way to make your dreams come true. Okay, so nobody wants to hear it, but sometimes, you may want to sit back and think about whether or not you’re just torturing yourself by setting ridiculously hard goals for yourself. Sure, you may want to be a Broadway actress; while this is a dream come true, you may also find a way to do what you love and inspire others in other ways, such as being a Drama teacher, landing smaller acting gigs, or even starting a blog about your attempts to enter the arts.^[7]
   
   • You shouldn’t think of this as a way of lowering your expectations, but as a way to make it easier for you to enjoy your life.
   • You don’t want to spend your whole life feeling like a loser because you never rose to fame, do you? That kind of feeling will leave you feeling unsatisfied with all you have achieved.
3. Manage your stress. Another way to stay strong in the face of failure is to learn how to cope with all of the stress you may be feeling from wanting to give up. Whether you simply can’t find a job that gives you the health benefits you so badly need, or you can’t deal with juggling a family and trying to write a screenplay, you need to find a way to manage your stress to make your path to success more possible. Here are some things you can do to manage your stress:
   
   • Spend time with people who help you feel calm
   • Ditch as many stressful factors in your life as you can
   • Scale back on your work where you can
   • Do yoga or meditate
   • Drink less caffeine
   • Avoid alcohol as a coping mechanism
   • Talk to a friend, loved one, or therapist about your problems
   • Write in a journal
4. Stop doing the same thing and expect different results. If you want to stay strong and to not give up, then another thing you can do is to find a new way to look at your situation. Okay, if you submitted 70 job applications and haven’t heard a peep, then your best bet may not be to submit another 70, but to have someone look at your cover letter or resume to make sure they are up to speed, to seek out more volunteer experience, or to spend more time on networking. If you keep doing the same old thing over and over again, then you’ll start to feel like you’re butting your head against the wall.
   
   • For example, if you’ve gone on 25 first dates and 0 second ones, then you should ask yourself what you can do differently to connect with more people. This does not mean that there’s something wrong with you, but that you need to shift your perspective.
   • Sometimes, you may find that all you need is a change. For example, if you’ve been begging your bosses to give you a raise or more responsibilities at work but you’re getting nothing back, then you may only be able to get what you want if you search for a new job.
5. Don’t let anyone else lower your self-worth. It’s easy to feel like giving up if all of the people around you are making you feel like this is the best option. However, you can’t let other people tell you who you are, whether they are literary agents, hiring managers, or boyfriends. You have to work on letting your self-worth come from within and not letting people make you feel like less of a person.^[8]
   
   • Of course, if people are giving you constructive feedback, then you should listen to it instead of calling them haters. If people really want you to improve, then you should listen to them and see how you can do better the next time.
   • Know that it’s a cold world out there, and that most people spend the majority of their lives dealing with rejection. Don’t think you’re unique for being rejected so much and focus on changing your attitude toward this unfortunate aspect of life.
6. Keep your life in perspective. If you want to have the drive and motivation to keep going, then you have to learn to step back and take a look at the big picture. Is your life really as completely terrible as you think it is? Sure, you may not have your dream job right now, but you’re lucky to find work in this economy. Okay, so it sucks to be single sometimes, but at least you have your health and so many friends who want the best for you. Remind yourself of all of the good in your life and use it to motivate you to achieve great things.^[9]
   
   • Make a gratitude list. Write down all of the things that make your life worth living and look at it frequently. This will make you see that things aren’t as bad as they seem.
   • Take the time to thank your friends and loved ones for all they have done for you. This will help you see that your life isn’t all doom and gloom.
7. Be a part of a community of people who want the same thing. Another way to not give up is to join a group of people who are going through a similar quest. If you’re dealing with alcoholism, then join AA. If you’re trying to get your novel published, join a writer’s group. If you’re trying to meet a significant other, go to singles mixers. You may feel like you’re the only person in the world dealing with your particular struggle, but if you make an effort, you’ll see that you are far from alone.
   
   • A community of like-minded people can help you get great advice, encouragement, and a feeling of belonging.

[Edit]How Can I Become More Resilient?

[Edit]Tips

• If you experience intense moments of despair, where you are on the brink of letting go, scream if you have to, "No! I will overcome this, nothing is impossible!"

[Edit]References

[Edit]Quick Summary

1. ↑ [v161925_b01]. 31 August 2021.
2. ↑ http://www.forbes.com/sites/alanhall/2012/11/10/how-business-champions-overcome-adversity-5-powerful-steps/
3. ↑ https://experiencelife.com/article/the-5-best-ways-to-build-resiliency/
4. ↑ http://www.artofmanliness.com/2010/02/03/boosting-your-resiliency-part-2-avoiding-learned-helplessness-and-changing-your-explanatory-style/
5. ↑ [v161925_b01]. 31 August 2021.
6. ↑ http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/road-resilience.aspx#
7. ↑ [v161925_b01]. 31 August 2021.
8. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/camryn-garrett/dont-let-the-haters-bring_b_4570698.html
9. ↑ http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/road-resilience.aspx#

source How to of the Day https://ift.tt/4h0esRT

How to Overcome a Fear of Online Dating

Scared of online dating? This guide is for you

Online dating is more widespread and socially accepted than ever before, but if the idea of using a dating app scares or intimidates you, you're not alone. With so many choices, it can be overwhelming and stressful. That's why we talked to psychologists and dating experts to learn the best ways to overcome your fear of online dating so you can get out there and start meeting new people. Who knows? Maybe your next match will be "the one."

[Edit]Things You Should Know

• Choose a less gamified dating platform that's designed specifically for people like you so you'll feel safer and more comfortable.
• Set time limits for using the app and turn off notifications so you won't be tempted to check the app constantly.
• Chat up your matches over text first so you can get to know them a little, but give yourself a deadline to meet in person.

[Edit]Steps

[Edit]Choose the right platform to minimize anxiety.

1. Platforms that are less "gamified" tend to be more mindful. When developers "gamify" a dating app, that simply means that they're using game design elements without a game—thus turning dating itself into a game.^[1] While gamification is designed to encourage users to spend more time on the app, the reality is it can also make your experience more stressful and pressured.
   
   • Using game design elements can add a sense of urgency where you normally wouldn't feel one. In the romantic or sexual context, this can lead to feelings of loneliness and desperation.
   • Research also shows that people who use swipe-based dating applications report higher levels of anxiety than those who don't.^[2]
   • Think about what you hope to get out of the experience of using the app. Then, look for an app that caters to that goal. That'll make it more likely that you'll meet the type of people you want to meet.^[3]

[Edit]Look at niche apps for special interests.

1. You'll have less anxiety if you know everyone is there for the same thing. There's a lot of variety out there in the dating app world, so finding an app that caters to what you're looking for can make all the difference. Apps that target a specific niche can be more comfortable than those that are hitting a broad spectrum—and you'll also be more likely to find matches.^[4]
   
   • For example, dating coach Laura Sanders recommends that if you're LGBTQ+, you'll have an easier time meeting members of the LGBTQ+ community on LGBTQ+-centered dating apps.^[5]

[Edit]Build a profile that reflects the real you.

1. If you have a profile you're proud of you might be less anxious. Include details that set you apart from other people—those things you would tell people about when you first meet them. You typically have limited space in a profile, so don't waste it talking about what type of person you want—instead, introduce yourself and describe how you like to spend your time and what you're passionate about.^[6]
   
   • For example, you might write, “I’m a geologist who is passionate about my work and loves to spend my weekend learning how to play guitar. I’m looking for someone to explore the city with me.”
   • Set goals for your app usage and make those goals known in your profile. If you're only looking for something casual, for example, you don't want to match with someone whose goal is to find their life partner.
   • Studies have shown that dating apps can have a negative effect on your body image. Choose photos for your profile that you love and that make you feel good about yourself.^[7]

[Edit]Set time limits for app usage.

1. Keep your search from being the center of your life. It's easy to just sit on your couch and scroll the night away swiping profiles on a dating app, but that likely won't get you anything but bored and frustrated. Try to go out and do something at least 2 or 3 nights a week, whether it's a painting class or a community sports league—something that gets you involved in your local area meeting people who share similar interests. While a dating app can be a tool to help you meet new people, don't let it be your only tool.^[8]
   
   • Take your time and don't worry about trying to find every possible match as soon as possible.^[9] For example, you might try only matching with one person at a time.

[Edit]Turn off app notifications on your phone.

1. Notifications pressure you to respond immediately. Take control by setting aside a specific time of day when you'll use your dating app—then, don't log onto it or check it at any other time of the day. When you have notifications on, the app will seem to be constantly demanding your attention, which can cause a lot of stress and anxiety.^[10]
   
   • For example, Tinder has a notification that nudges you when there's an abnormally high app usage in your area. The idea is that if you log on then and start swiping, you're likely to have a greater number of matches than you normally would.^[11]

[Edit]Use filters to narrow your searches.

1. Limit your options to make searching less stressful. When you're searching for possible matches on any dating app, filters are your best friend! Some apps require you to purchase a subscription to use all of the filters, but most apps allow you to use basic filters, such as age and gender, for free. The more you can filter your search, the fewer options you'll have to go through.^[12]
   
   • If you're not getting enough options with your filters, which can be a problem if you live in a smaller town, try broadening your geographic range before you start dropping filters.
   • When you're new to dating apps, scrolling through profiles can help you identify your preferences.^[13] For example, if a profile lists "fishing" as an interest and you hate fishing, you might filter out profiles that have that listed as an interest.

[Edit]Swipe right on people with qualities you like.

1. Focus on personality and interests more than looks and preferences. If you both like the same TV show that might give you something to talk about for a few minutes, but what happens after that? Shared personality traits and values have the potential to build more long-lasting bonds.^[14]
   
   • Studies show that swiping right on more people doesn't necessarily result in more matches.^[15] You're more likely to get a match if you only swipe right on people you think you'd get along with as a person.

[Edit]Engage in group activities on dating platforms.

1. Group conversations and activities help you meet people without pressure. Many dating apps and platforms, such as Bumble, have group conversation threads or activities, usually centered around a specific interest. These groups are great ways to meet people without being put on the spot in a one-on-one conversation.^[16]
   
   • Group chats give you the opportunity to talk to people and make platonic connections as well as potential romantic ones.
   • Overall, the context is designed to take some of the pressure off. You don't necessarily have to worry about impressing someone like you might if you were messaged directly.

[Edit]Start with messages rather than live conversations.

1. Messages give you time to think about what you're going to say. The best conversations often start with a compliment or comment based on something you saw in the other person's profile. Think about what attracted you to that person or why you swiped right on them, then let them know! People are usually really interested to know what other people like about them and what makes them stand out from the crowd.^[17]
   
   • To start a conversation, dating expert Kristina Mirgorodskaya notes that "if there's something attractive [on their profile]... mention that and boom, you can continue things from there."^[18]
   • Dating coach Lauren Sanders agrees that "the best thing to message a match on a dating app would be regarding something you read on their profile. This will let them know you are truly interested in getting to know them and... you pay attention to details."^[19]

[Edit]Ask matches questions to find common ground.

1. Focus on activities or interests that might lead to a date. Dating expert Kristina Mirgorodskaya recommends asking questions that will help you get to know the other person on a deeper level. For example, you might ask them about their biggest dreams, what they want to achieve in life, or what they're looking for in a partner.^[20]
   
   • Definitely state your intentions up-front to make sure you're both on the same page before taking things further.
   • Psychologist Sarah Schewitz notes that "a lot of people are kind of shy about saying what they really want. They don't want to scare somebody off, but the logic behind that is flawed. You want to scare somebody off who’s not on the same page as you and doesn’t want the same things as you, to clear space for the person who is on the same page and does want the same thing."^[21]

[Edit]Set a deadline for making an in-person date.

1. Step a little out of your comfort zone to get to know people. The only problem with a text-based conversation is that it can potentially go on forever. But if it goes on too long, it's likely it will eventually lose steam. Keep things moving by setting an ultimate goal to get off the app and meet in person as soon as possible.^[22]
   
   • Matchmaker and dating expert Maria Avgitidis notes that "you always want to set up your offline date if you meet someone online within two to three days" of your first online interaction.^[23]
   • Dating expert Kristina Mirgorodskaya recommends that you "keep it to at most 5-6 exchanges before suggesting to meet up because longer, drawn-out conversations lose momentum, especially when you are busy with other parts of life!"^[24]
   • Remember that dating apps are only tools for meeting people. Your ultimate goal is to get off the app and get to know the person face to face.^[25]
   • If you're concerned that the person might not be who they say they are, suggest a video chat before you meet with them in person.^[26] Video chats can also give you a basic idea of what it would be like to talk to them in person.

[Edit]Listen more than you talk.

1. Pay attention to your date to understand them better. Most people do love to talk about themselves, but they love it even more when they can tell that the person they're talking to is really listening and is interested in what they have to say. This also gives you ideas to follow up on or questions to ask so that you don't have to worry about the conversation lagging or getting awkward.^[27]
   
   • For example, if your date is talking about how they recently took a trip to the zoo, you might ask them which animals were their favorites and why. You could also ask them to tell you about the most memorable experience they had on that trip.
   • When your date asks you a question, keep your answer relatively short and try to find a way to relate it back to them.

[Edit]Keep your emotions in check for a couple of dates.

1. Stay at arm's length while you get to know a new person. When you first meet someone and you've really started clicking, it can be easy to forget that you actually still don't know them very well. Protect yourself by holding back a little—try to avoid catching feelings for someone too soon. Instead, take your time to really get to know each other.^[28]
   
   • Take it slow by spreading your dates out. For example, you might see the person once or twice in the first month you know each other.^[29]
   • Once you've gone out on a few dates, dating expert Kristina Mirgorodskaya recommends texting "2-3 times a week...enough to stay on the radar, but also infrequent enough to give the other person space."^[30]
   • If you do get rejected after a couple of dates, tell yourself the early rejection is just sparing you more pain down the road. You haven't even gotten to know this person yet—if they don't want to continue getting to know you, that's their loss!^[31]

[Edit]References

1. ↑ https://ualresearchonline.arts.ac.uk/id/eprint/18960/3/TCS%20accepted.pdf
2. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7055053/
3. ↑ https://www.truity.com/blog/introverts-and-online-dating-match-made-heaven-or-hell
4. ↑ https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/02654075221143790?icid=int.sj-abstract.citing-articles.7
5. ↑ [v162131_b01]. Wednesday, April 26, 2023.
6. ↑ https://www.npr.org/2021/08/11/1026705556/looking-for-love-at-first-swipe-heres-how-to-make-dating-apps-work-for-you
7. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7557852/
8. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/tips-for-finding-lasting-love.htm
9. ↑ https://www.truity.com/blog/introverts-and-online-dating-match-made-heaven-or-hell
10. ↑ https://lovefulmind.com/posts/if-dating-apps-make-you-anxious-do-these-6-things/
11. ↑ https://www.law.utoronto.ca/sites/default/files/documents/futureoflaw/uoft_regulating_gamification_report_2022.pdf
12. ↑ https://lovefulmind.com/posts/if-dating-apps-make-you-anxious-do-these-6-things/
13. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7557852/
14. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/the-freedom-change/201912/online-dating-impacts-attachment-avoidance-and-anxiety
15. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7557852/
16. ↑ https://techcrunch.com/2022/08/15/bumble-experiments-with-group-chats-polls-and-video-calls-for-its-new-social-networking-feature-hive/
17. ↑ https://www.truity.com/blog/introverts-and-online-dating-match-made-heaven-or-hell
18. ↑ [v162144_b01]. 31 May 2022.
19. ↑ [v162131_b01]. Wednesday, April 26, 2023.
20. ↑ [v162144_b01]. 31 May 2022.
21. ↑ [v160997_b02]. 15 April 2019.
22. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/the-freedom-change/201912/online-dating-impacts-attachment-avoidance-and-anxiety
23. ↑ [v161213_b01]. 20 December 2019
24. ↑ [v162144_b01]. 31 May 2022.
25. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/the-freedom-change/201912/online-dating-impacts-attachment-avoidance-and-anxiety
26. ↑ https://www.rainn.org/articles/tips-safer-online-dating-and-dating-app-use
27. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/tips-for-finding-lasting-love.htm
28. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-freedom-to-change/202303/anxiously-attached-and-online-dating
29. ↑ https://wespsych.com/relationship-search-tips-for-singles/
30. ↑ [v162144_b01]. 31 May 2022.
31. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/tips-for-finding-lasting-love.htm

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How to What Is My Aesthetic Quiz

By now you’ve probably heard someone say “My aesthetic is definitely cottagecore!” or “You look like an e-girl!”, but what does it mean? And how do you determine your aesthetic? It can be hard to figure out, but we’ve made this quiz to help you better understand!

See if, at your core, your aesthetic is e-girl, Y2k, cottagecore, or dark academia.

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What Is My Aesthetic?

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1. How would people describe you?

1. Kind.
2. An old soul.
3. Edgy.
4. Bubbly.

2. What song has to be on your playlist?

1. Cardigan by Taylor Swift.
2. Baby One More Time by Britney Spears.
3. Take Me to Church by Hozier.
4. Brutal by Olivia Rodrigo.

3. If you were to make a TV show, what would it be about?

1. A time travel piece about friendship.
2. A rom-com about finding love in the city.
3. A mystery-thriller set in an English boarding school.
4. A fast paced, action show with a revenge plot.

4. It’s midnight and your friends want you to come out. Do you?

1. I wouldn’t even see the text until the morning – I passed out at 9pm!
2. I’ve been waiting all night for this text. Of course!
3. I’m lost in a great book, maybe another night.
4. Give me 5 seconds to wing my eyeliner and I’m there.

5. What would you do if you knew nobody would judge you?

1. Run away to a rural cabin and spend my days harvesting vegetables.
2. Wear my lowest low-rise jeans and my shortest crop top together.
3. Buy every beautiful journal I see.
4. Dye my hair a different color every other week.

6. What’s most important to you?

1. My family is my top priority.
2. Standing out and being unique.
3. Getting the most out of my education.
4. Being my authentic self no matter what.

7. Who is your favorite superhero?

1. Captain America.
2. Iron Man.
3. Batman.
4. Black Widow.

8. If you could live anywhere, where would it be?

1. The coast of Italy.
2. New York City, baby!
3. London, of course.
4. Tokyo is the dream!

9. What is your most vivid childhood memory?

1. Playing house in the backyard with my siblings.
2. Dressing up in my mom’s clothes and heels.
3. Going to piano lessons.
4. Having my first crush.

10. What type of routine do you follow on a daily basis?

1. No routine! I let the day come, and I go with the flow.
2. I like to start my day with a nice morning workout and end it hanging out with friends.
3. A strict routine makes sure I’m able to finish the day’s to-do list.
4. I like to play some video games during the day before heading to my date in the evening.

11. What’s your go-to party attire?

1. Give me anything with frills and I’m ready to go!
2. A good square-toed heel can make the night.
3. You can’t go wrong with an oversized blazer!
4. My graphic tee never lets me down.

12. What drink would you order at a cafe?

1. An Arnold Palmer always hits the spot.
2. A matcha latte with vanilla syrup please!
3. Anything to keep me awake.
4. I always get a cappuccino for the latte art.

13. It’s movie night! What film are you watching with your pals?

1. Tuck Everlasting.
2. Spirited Away.
3. Bring It On.
4. Anything from the Harry Potter saga.

14. What poster are you hanging up in your room?

1. A poster featuring an array of herbs.
2. A poster of Hatsune Miku.
3. A poster of the Powerpuff Girls.
4. A poster of an old book page with a skull drawn overtop.

15. Pick a film character:

1. Totoro from “My Neighbor Totoro.”
2. Ramona Flowers from “Scott Pilgrim vs. the World.”
3. Elle Woods from “Legally Blonde.”
4. Will from “Good Will Hunting.”

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[Edit]Get to Know the Aesthetics

What is an aesthetic? The word aesthetic refers to the nature of physical beauty and the expressions of judgment through taste. The term was popularized by platforms such as Tumblr, Instagram, and Pinterest, and described anything that was “pleasing to look at”.

Think beach sunsets, pale pantone colors, and cityscapes. Now aesthetic has come to mean a collection of images, colors, objects, or music that evoke a certain emotion or create community. You’ve probably heard the expression “aesthetic core”. This refers to personal aesthetic categories like angelcore, softcore, light academia, grunge, fairycore, grandmacore, VSCO girl, and twee. While there are many aesthetic categories, the most popular are cottagecore, dark academia, Y2K, and e-girl. Let’s dig into them!

Cottagecore - Cottagecore is inspired by a romanticization of western agricultural life. It’s a nature-based aesthetic, and it is rooted in visuals of domestic life. Popular activities are hanging up laundry, foraging, baking, and sewing. Colors representative of cottagecore are brown, olive, baby pink, light yellow, and sky blue. The clothing one wears is loose, long and flowy. The style is dominated by linen, denim overalls, puffy sleeves, gingham, and stripes.

Dark Academia - Dark academia revolves around academics, classical literature, and self-discovery. It represents a high class and vintage style full of sweater vests, blazers, trousers, pleated skirts, and loafers. Letter writing, reading, making tea, dreary weather, and indulging in classical or instrumental music is popular within this aesthetic. Dark academia images are rich with gold, burgundy, forest green, dark orange, cream, and black.

Y2K - This aesthetic category is nostalgic of the early 2000s. Complete with low rise jeans, bright colors, and matching coordinating sets, Y2K encapsulates the futuristic and innovative feeling of its callback year. Images of Y2K contain chrome, icy blue, glossy white, and black linework. The fashion has chunky, colorful rings, skinny sunglasses, mini-skirts, and platform heels. Fun activities within this aesthetic are playing with Tamagotchis, creating graphic flyers, and going to the mall.

E-Girl - E-girl, or “electronic girl”, is an aesthetic category used to describe young women who participate heavily in online culture such as anime, gaming, Kpop, or Discord. The fashion style is alternative, and heavily influenced by the grunge, goth, or emo look. For example, it includes heavy eyeliner and dyed streaks of hair. Visuals within this category are checkered patterns, neon lights, and desaturated images. Activities within this category include streaming on Twitch or Youtube, making TikToks, and experimenting with makeup.

[Edit]Want to learn more?

To learn more about the different types of aesthetics, check out these resources:

• https://thevou.com/fashion/aesthetic-outfits/
• https://www.grazia.co.in/fashion/10-type-of-fashion-aesthetics-to-showcase-your-individual-style-in-2022_-8802.html
• https://www.vogue.com/article/do-i-have-an-aesthetic

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