How to Take a Relationship Slow

Experts give advice on slowing things down with your partner

When you’re first starting a new relationship, taking things slowly is a great way to protect your heart and meet the right person for you. Fortunately, there are tons of people out there (like you!) who want to take things slow and get to know their partner more to form a deep, intimate connection before committing. If you’re ready to set your boundaries and control the pace of your relationship, keep reading: we’ve got all the tips you’ll need to go slowly with your partner.

[Edit]Things You Should Know

• Set your boundaries early on, and be honest about what you’re comfortable with, like not labeling the relationship or waiting to have sex.
• Learn more about your partner by asking fun questions, like, “What’s your happiest childhood memory?” or, “What are your career goals?”
• Plan fun, casual dates, like picnics or bike rides, to avoid putting pressure on the relationship.

[Edit]Steps

[Edit]Find a partner with your same priorities.

1. Choose a partner who wants to take things slow to avoid conflict. Your choice of partner is the most important factor in practically any relationship. However, when you're set on taking a relationship slowly, it's even more important than normal. Look for someone who can respect your choice to limit your intimacy.^[1] This should be a person who isn't only focused on the physical aspects of a relationship. You want someone who's more interested in your thoughts than your body.^[2]
   
   • You can find people who meet these criteria anywhere. However, you may have the most success if you try places where people like this are likely to gather.
   • For example, since many religions teach that sex before marriage should be avoided, you may find good potential partners in religious youth groups or places of worship.

[Edit]Set boundaries with the person you're dating early on.

1. Be clear about what you’re comfortable with to avoid confusion. Set physical boundaries early on. Be clear and explicit about what you are (and aren't) comfortable with. It can be alarming if your physical limits come as a surprise to your partner in the "heat of the moment," so take the opportunity to be up-front before you start getting affectionate.^[3] Also discuss what you’re comfortable with emotionally or how serious you’d like to get.
   
   • Say something like, “Just so you know, it’s important that I wait until marriage before having sex.”
   • Or, “I’m not looking for a serious relationship right now, but I’d really love to keep seeing each other casually.”
   • Or, “I really like you, but I’d prefer if we didn’t have sex until we’re in an exclusive relationship.”
   • Don't be afraid to tell your partner "no" if they get too "touchy-feely" for you. If your partner won't listen to repeated warnings, have a serious discussion about respecting your boundaries.

[Edit]Hang out only a few times a week.

1. Keep up with other aspects of your life while dating at the same time. Part of a slow relationship means not seeing each other every single day. Instead of hanging out all the time, plan dates a few times a week (or even less, if you’d prefer). That way, you can both live your lives outside of the relationship without dedicating all your time to it.^[4]
   
   • The same thing goes for texting and calling each other, too. Give each other space by not talking 24/7.

[Edit]Go on casual, fun dates.

1. Plan chill outings to focus on having fun. Take time to go out, explore the world, and treat each other to small luxuries. Whatever you and your partner enjoy doing together is fair game. The good news is that there are many, many things to do that don't involve physical intimacy. Enjoy traditional dates like dinner and a movie, or get creative with dates like rock climbing.^[5]
   
   • Splashing out on big, expensive dates can make the relationship feel more serious than it is. Keep things casual with fun, relaxed dates, like picnicking in the park or going for a bike ride.

[Edit]Flirt with your partner.

1. Keep the spark alive by getting a little saucy with your partner. Just because you're taking things slow doesn't mean your relationship has to be boring. Keep things exciting by learning how to flirt and putting your knowledge into practice. With a little effort, your relationship can be a source of great passion, even if you're waiting to get intimate.^[6]
   
   • For instance, you might compliment your partner or tell them how good they look with a saucy wink.
   • Or, you might give them a back rub or touch them on the arm when you’re sitting next to them.

[Edit]Learn more about your significant other.

1. Form an emotional connection to make you more comfortable. ^[7] Ask them deep questions, like what makes them happy or what their long-term goals are. The more you can focus on your emotional connection, the more you’ll create a solid foundation for a healthy relationship. Try questions like:
   
   • “What’s your best childhood memory?”
   • “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”
   • “What are your career goals?”
   • “What do you like to do to relax on the weekends?”

[Edit]Spend time apart.

1. Slow things down by doing things without each other. Since you trust your partner to respect your pace for the relationship, trust your partner when they aren’t with you. Don't try to restrict your partner's time with friends, family, or other people who are important to them. Give your partner enough space to have some alone time when they want it.^[8] Remember that respect is a two-way street.
   
   • When you’re taking a relationship slowly, you probably won’t see your partner every day. Get comfortable with that, and make peace with the fact that your partner has their own life outside of the relationship.

[Edit]Don’t label the relationship.

1. Focus on having fun instead of asking, “What are we?”{endbold} Defining the relationship is definitely important, but it can speed up your partnership, especially early on. If you really want to take things slow, don’t give each other labels or call each other “boyfriend” or “girlfriend.”^[9]
   
   • You can still be exclusive if you want, but it’s possible to be in an exclusive relationship without labels.
   • For instance, you might say, “I’ve been having a lot of fun getting to know you, but I don’t want to label our relationship just yet. I’d like to wait and feel it out for a couple more weeks before I’m ready to make that commitment.”

[Edit]Wait to meet your partner’s family.

1. Meeting the family can put a lot of pressure on your relationship. While it might be convenient to visit your partner’s parents on a road trip or see their family on vacation, that doesn’t mesh with a relationship you’re trying to take slowly. There’s no specific timeline for how long you need to wait, but try to avoid meeting your partner’s family until you’re sure you want to be in a long-term, committed relationship with them.^[10]
   
   • Explain this to your partner by saying something like, “I’m sure your family is wonderful, and I’ll definitely want to meet them eventually. I think I’d be more comfortable if I waited until we’ve been dating for at least a year.”

[Edit]Define your relationship by how happy you are.

1. Measure the strength of your relationship by how you feel, not physicality. The things you've done with your partner, especially when it comes to physical affection and sex, aren't measures of how "good" your relationship is. At this stage, the most important thing is how you and your partner feel. If you both enjoy each others' company, you're affectionate, and you have open, caring attitudes towards each other, you're doing fine.^[11]
   
   • Keep in mind that not everyone will agree with this. Some people have different priorities for their relationships. It's OK to disagree with these people. If you're happy with your relationship, you don't need to let them pressure you into things you're not comfortable with.

[Edit]Talk to your partner before taking things to the next level.

1. Check in often with each other to make sure you’re both happy. Communication is vital to any relationship, but it's even more important when you're taking it slow.^[12] Discuss the boundaries of your relationship often to make sure you’re both still comfortable with them. If there are any concerns from either side, talk things out and listen to each other respectfully.^[13]
   
   • For instance, maybe your partner would like to move in together, but you’re not ready yet. Let your partner know that while you’re committed to this relationship, you need to feel more secure before you take that next step.
   • Have this conversation carefully and gently, especially if you’re telling your partner to pump the brakes. Check in with yourself first to understand what you want, then tell your partner clearly and calmly.^[14]
   • It’s fine to compromise with your partner, but don’t be afraid to stand your ground. If your partner is asking you to do something that you’re not comfortable with, feel free to tell them no.

[Edit]Keep the end goal for your relationship in mind.

1. Think about your relationship’s future so you can plan ahead. It's a good idea to have an idea of where you want your relationship to be eventually, even if you're not there yet. You can gradually work towards this goal, making week-by-week progress as you take small steps toward it. If you don't have an end in mind for your relationship, it can be harder to justify your slow pace to a partner.^[15]
   
   • If you are a teen or pre-teen, having an end goal of "spending lots of time being affectionate with each other" is fine. There's no need to worry about "the L word" or marriage for a long time.
   • If you're older, it's wise to know whether you plan to end up married, cohabiting, having children, and so on. This makes it easier to find a partner who's right for you (and get rid of ones who aren't). Plus, most adults who are willing to wait a long time to become physically intimate are interested in marriage or life-long relationships.

[Edit]Take the relationship as slow as you want.

1. Comparing your relationship to others will only bring you down. Being in a relationship should make you feel good (most of the time). If you find yourself frequently stressing out about whether or not you should take things to the next level, relax. These changes will happen naturally after you've decided that you're ready and you have discussed them with your partner. They aren't "checkboxes" to mark off as quickly as possible on the way to a "real" relationship.^[16]
   
   • If you suspect that your partner is unhappy with how slowly the relationship is progressing, have a serious conversation about it. It's best to address these problems head-on rather than pretending that they do not exist.

[Edit]Video

[Edit]Tips

• Not ready to go on one-on-one dates with someone yet? Try group dates, which take the pressure to be interesting and conversational off of you for the entire outing.
• Don't buy into the idea that taking things slow sabotages your relationship before it even begins. Believe it or not, waiting to have sex or live together can significantly improve the long-term potential of a relationship.^[17]

[Edit]Expert Interview

Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about relationships, check out our in-depth with [v161582_b01].

[Edit]References

[Edit]Quick Summary

1. ↑ [v161582_b02]. 1 October 2020.
2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/close-encounters/201702/5-essential-qualities-romantic-partner
3. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/why-healthy-relationships-always-have-boundaries-how-to-set-boundaries-in-yours/
4. ↑ [v161147_b01]. 29 June 2021.
5. ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a6445/frustrating-things-casual-dating/
6. ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a6445/frustrating-things-casual-dating/
7. ↑ [v161147_b01]. 29 June 2021.
8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/ambigamy/201402/mastering-the-art-giving-and-taking-space
9. ↑ https://www.regain.us/advice/dating/are-you-in-a-dating-relationship-or-is-it-just-casual/
10. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201312/should-you-meet-your-partners-family
11. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/maybe-its-just-me/201408/the-only-thing-you-need-find-in-partner
12. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/201605/10-steps-effective-couples-communication
13. ↑ [v161582_b02]. 1 October 2020.
14. ↑ [v161582_b03]. 1 October 2020.
15. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-inside-looking-out/202107/what-not-binge-relationships
16. ↑ https://research.asu.edu/love-factually-11-tips-reducing-relationship-stress
17. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201208/take-it-slow-if-you-want-your-relationship-last

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How to Remove Scratches from a Phone Screen

Is your iPhone or Android screen scratched? This is a very common issue that can range from surface-level damage to severe failure of your device. While severe scratches typically require a screen replacement, you can remove and fix mild scratches at home. You can try buffing them out with toothpaste (if the screen is plastic), glass polish (if the screen is glass), or erasers. This wikiHow will show you how to get rid of scratches on your mobile device screens.

[Edit]How do you get scratches off your phone?

Get scratches off of your phone by buffing a plastic screen with toothpaste, wiping a glass screen with glass polish, or gently scrubbing a plastic or glass screen with an eraser.

[Edit]Steps

[Edit]Using Toothpaste

1. Have toothpaste at the ready. Toothpaste should already be a standard part of your medicine cabinet and morning routine. Designed to be abrasive, toothpaste can fix a plastic scratch the same way it cleans teeth. Because it is home-based and shouldn't require additional purchases, toothpaste is the recommended remedy for fixing plastic scratches. It's important to make sure the toothpaste is an actual paste, as opposed to a gel-based toothpaste.^[1] In order for the scratch to work, the toothpaste needs to be abrasive. Check your toothpaste box if you're unsure about the kind of toothpaste you are using.
   
   • A baking soda mixture has the same abrasive qualities as toothpaste. If you'd rather use baking soda, you can stir up a paste with two parts baking soda and one part water. Use it in the same manner.
2. Dab the toothpaste with an applicator.^[2] Because this is a home-based remedy, there aren't any set rules of applicator you need to use. A soft cloth, paper towel, cotton swab or toothbrush can all suit your purposes in this instance. When you dab the toothpaste, you should only use a pea-sized amount. Any more will create an unwieldy mess on your phone.
   
   
3. Apply toothpaste to the scratch. Once you've got your dab of toothpaste, rub it around in a gentle, circular motion. Continue doing this until the scratch is barely noticeable. Since the toothpaste is abrasive on its own, you won't need to apply too much pressure. Keep at the scrubbing until you start to see progress. Even if the scratch is too significant to be done away with entirely, the abrasion should reduce the scratch.
   
   
   • If your scratch is significant enough, toothpaste won't be enough to fix it. Even so, it should at least reduce the look of most scratches.
   • If the scratches are severe, you can protect the cracked screen until you're able to get it replaced.
   • You can also protect a curved phone screen.
4. Clean your phone. Once the scratch is reduced to your liking, it's a simple process of cleaning off the toothpaste. Taking a soft, slightly damp cloth and wiping away the excess toothpaste is a good start. From there, you should take a polishing cloth and wipe away any dirt or oils that have otherwise built up on your screen. By doing this, you'll renew the look of your phone, and hopefully make your phone look better than even before the scratch.
   
   
   • Some methods may worsen your scratches or fail to improve them, such as: coconut oil, petroleum jelly, and powdered cleansers. Beware of these methods.
   • If the damage worsens, you will need to fix your phone screen.

[Edit]Using Glass Polish

1. Purchase a cerium oxide polish. If your phone has a glass screen (instead of a plastic one) you'll have to use a more heavy-duty solution than toothpaste or baking soda to get scratches off your phone. In this case, a cerium oxide polish is recommended. This type of polish can be bought as a soluble powder, or in a pre-mixed form. While the pre-mixed polish is obviously the more convenient option, you'll get much better value if you buy it in its powdered form.
   
   • 100g of cerium oxide powder should be more than enough when it comes to polishing your phone screen. You may want to buy a larger amount in the event of future scratching.
2. Mix your powder into a slurry. If you bought powdered cerium oxide, you'll first need to prep the mix yourself. Luckily, this is very easy, and likely worth the money you'll be saving. Pour some powder (approx. 50-100g) into a small container. Slowly add water until the solution has the consistency of dairy cream. Mix regularly as you add the water in order to make sure your measurements are correct.
   
   
   • Measurements don't have to be perfect in the case of this polish, so long as you make sure there's enough water for the polish to soak into an applicator.
   • This step can be disregarded completely if you buy a pre-mixed polish.
3. Block off all vulnerable spots with tape. A cerium oxide polish will do a number on your device if it seeps into any of the phone's holes, including the speaker, headphone jack or charger input. It can also potentially endanger your phone's cam lens. With that in mind, you should first cordon off the area you'd like to have polished with tape. Cover up whatever parts of your phone that might have problems if they're touched by the polish.
   
   
   • Taping up your phone before cleaning may seem overzealous, but it's highly recommended you follow through with this step before proceeding forward. In the case of a foul-up, your phone can be quickly wrecked otherwise.
4. Apply the polish to the scratched area. Dab a smooth polishing cloth in your cerium oxide mix, and rub the scratched area in a vigorous, circular motion. Regularly check to see how the scratch is looking as you tend the area. Every 30 seconds or so, it's a good idea to wipe away the mix with the opposite end of your cloth, dab the cloth in new polish, and repeat the process for maximum effectiveness.
   
   
   • When applying an abrasive polish, you'll want to go harder with the application than if you were simply cleaning it. Make sure not to go too hard, however. There would be nothing worse than causing new cracks in the screen while you're trying to fix old ones.
5. Give your phone a follow-up clean. Once you've applied and cleaned off the polish, it won't hurt to give your phone a quick once-over with a polishing cloth. This will wipe away any excess debris caused by the polish process. Remove the tape you added before polishing and wipe your phone. It doesn't need to take more than a minute or two to do thoroughly, but you may be impressed how much nicer your phone looks once you've wiped away the excess muck.
   
   
   • You should wipe your screen regularly. Twice a day may sound like a lot, but it only takes a second, and will ensure your screen stays healthy.

[Edit]Using Magic Eraser or Pencil Eraser

1. Understand the risks. This method may strip the oleophobic coating of your phone, which is the coating that protects all modern smartphone screens and makes them scratch-resistant.^[3]
   
   • Only use this method if you plan to replace the oleophobic coating or install a screen protector afterwards.
2. Prepare your eraser. This method will only be effective against minor scratches.
   
   
   • If you're using a Magic Eraser, be sure to wet the sponge to soften the abrasiveness. Squeeze out excess water.
   • If you're using a pencil eraser, be sure you're using a new eraser without any graphite markings.
3. Using the eraser, gently scrub your screen in small circles. Continue this until the scratches lessen or disappear. Results can take up to a minute of scrubbing.
   
   
   • This method will only work for minor, surface-level scratches.
   • This may lessen the appearance of deeper scratches, but it may not remove them entirely.
4. Wipe your screen clean. Make sure there is no leftover residue or eraser shavings. The scratches on your phone screen should be improved.
   
   • Be sure to apply a new oleophobic coating or install a screen protector.

[Edit]Preventing Scratches

1. Purchase a screen protector.^[4] Cellphones have never been so fragile and prone to scratching as they are today. Screen protectors are commonplace, and you should invest in one if you're the slightest bit worried about damaging your phone. Common phone protectors aren't generally too expensive, and they'll be much more affordable than replacing your screen or phone if the damage is bad enough. Higher-end protectors are virtually unbreakable, while affordable brands will at least take damage so your phone proper won't have to.
   
   • Between a plastic screen protector and tempered glass protector, you are better off investing in the latter.^[5] Tempered glass protectors offer better durability, visibility, and comfortable feel.^[6]
   • Applying a screen protector will give additional protection to your device.
2. Wipe your screen regularly. Small scratches can occur on your screen if you leave excess debris on your screen. Wiping your screen clean with a microfiber or silk cloth a couple times per day will keep your phone screen looking its best. Wiping your screen is especially useful if your phone is a touchscreen, as built-up oils and fingerprints can smudge the screen and blur it up.
   
   • Using clothes fabric like a shirt sleeve or even a dishcloth can also work as screen wipers, although ideally you'll want the smoothness of silk or microfiber when it comes to maintaining your screen.
3. Stow your phone somewhere safe. Most of the time your phone is scratched or damaged, you'll be on the go somewhere. It's important to consider where scratches come from and how they're most likely to be made. Put your phone in a separate pocket than your keys or coins. If possible, place your phone in a zip-up pocket to prevent it falling out accidentally.
   
   • Don't put your phone in your back pocket. On top of risking cracking if you sit down on it, there have been reports of it causing nerve problems due to the pressure it creates on your backside.^[7]

[Edit]Video

[Edit]Tips

• If your phone scratch is significant enough or you don't have the time to fix it yourself, you can consult a professional. However, replacing a phone screen can be expensive.
• While you should be able to tell whether your screen is glass or plastic based on the difference in touch, looking up the model of phone you have (either online or via your user manual) should give indication as to what material you should use.^[8]
• There are new and upcoming types of phones branded as "self-healing" devices. The plastic in these phones will repair moderate scratches on their own. If you're particularly scratch-prone and like to keep your devices in peak condition, you may want to consider a self-healing model for your next phone purchase.^[9]

[Edit]Warnings

• If you choose to use a heavy-duty polish, you may end up scrubbing off part of the screen coating as well. Screen coating (such as an oleophobic coating) is there to reduce friction and increase comfort while using the device. Keep this in mind and weigh the pros and cons of polishing your screen.

[Edit]Related wikiHows

• Remove the Scratches from the Back of an iPod
• Fix a Scratch on an LCD Screen
• Avoid Cell Phone Scratches

[Edit]References

• Videos provided by Techmagnet

[Edit]Quick Summary

1. ↑ https://www.electronicproducts.com/5-ways-to-remove-scratches-from-your-phone-including-eggs-baby-powder-and-toothpaste/
2. ↑ https://www.electronicproducts.com/5-ways-to-remove-scratches-from-your-phone-including-eggs-baby-powder-and-toothpaste/
3. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cE5x9igA4ds
4. ↑ [v162087_b01]. 10 February 2022.
5. ↑ [v162087_b01]. 10 February 2022.
6. ↑ http://gadgetstouse.com/gadget-tech/why-tempered-glass-is-better/25427
7. ↑ http://consumerist.com/2015/04/14/putting-your-phone-in-your-back-pocket-may-also-be-bad-for-your-butt-back/
8. ↑ http://www.androidauthority.com/build-materials-metal-vs-glass-vs-plastic-617553/
9. ↑ http://www.cnn.com/2015/06/25/tech/self-healing-plastic/

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How to Detach from Someone

The process of detaching from someone can seem overwhelming, but you can do it either in part or whole by starting to care less about what they think. You can detach from them temporarily or break up with them (or break off the friendship) entirely. In either case, it is important to understand what steps to take to successfully detach and how you might cope with a detachment in your daily life.

[Edit]Steps

[Edit]Getting Space

1. Take a physical break from that person. It is advisable to take a physical break from the person you are detaching from, even if a short one. Take a weekend trip by yourself or with friends so that you have a change of scenery and perspective. You may still be interacting with them in your daily life, but a weekend getaway can refresh your perspective and help you come to a decision.
   
   • Taking a step back from a situation can help you see it from a wider angle, perhaps noticing things you didn’t see before.^[1]
   • A physical break also means a break from physical intimacy. You cannot truly emotionally detach from someone you are having sex with.^[2]
   • If you decide to stop having sex with someone, they may ask why, so be prepared with your answer about thinking about the relationship.
2. Decide if you should detach. Detaching temporarily from someone can be useful in helping you determine whether or not you want to continue being in a relationship with that person. Rather than breaking up with a romantic partner or cutting off a friend, pull yourself away emotionally so that you can think about what to do without causing the drama of an all-out breakup.^[3]
   
   • Breaking up on impulse can make you regret your decision later, causing you to want the relationship back. Detaching slowly and carefully considering your actions can help you make a final decision that you don’t go back on later in life.^[4]
   • You might want to detach from a romantic relationship because you realize that over time, you and your partner have changed, or because they have a negative character flaw they are unwilling to work on.
   • You might want to detach from a friendship because your friend has developed damaging behaviors, or because you realize they are never going to change a negative behavior.
   • You might want to detach from a parent if they are overbearing or consistently rude.
   • Take time to write out a list of pros and cons of detaching. Figure out if there are consequences you will need to plan for, such as loss of financial support or a change in lifestyle.
3. Talk to someone you trust. If you are considering detaching from someone temporarily to think about things, find friends or relatives who will support your decision rather than nag you about it. ^[5] You should also ask people you trust for advice about how to respond to the person you are detaching from.
   
   • When seeking advice or support, say something like, "Do you think I could tell you about my situation, and you could tell me what you would do?"
   • You also need others to provide a distraction so that you fill the void the other person was filling.
   • Go to others when you need help with things like fixing the computer or advice about a decision.
4. Set emotional boundaries. Detaching emotionally means that you are pulling away inwardly, not banishing the other person from your life. If you live with them, for example, you can still share all practical activities, such as eating meals together and discussing events and other superficial topics.^[6]
   
   • If you have children together, it is important to continue the daily routines, even if you have activities with the children that you usually do together. This includes things like attending sports games or putting them to bed.
   • To give yourself an emotional boundary during a conversation, keep the topics superficial and avoid discussing how you feel about things (i.e., sharing your opinion) and asking for advice. If you are asked a personal question, you can say that you do not want to discuss it at the moment.
5. Be honest. Even though your partner or friend may be confused by your behavior, you don't have to confide in them that you are trying to detach. Doing so may open the door for them to get angry, try to convince you to stop, or other such behavior. However, you should be prepared to answer their questions honestly. ^[7]
   
   • If they directly ask you what you’re doing, say, “I am taking the time to think about our relationship.” Be prepared to explain what you mean and answer any questions truthfully. “We’ve had a rough year, I feel emotionally exhausted, and I am taking the time to process how I feel about it all. I hope that you will give me the time to do that.”^[8]
   • Do not treat this as a game. You are serious about thinking about the relationship. You are not withholding emotional intimacy to get attention.

[Edit]Maintaining Boundaries

1. Consider the effects of detaching from this person. If you are thinking seriously about cutting off all communication with someone, then it is also important to think seriously about what the result of doing that might be. In addition to the emotional effects, detaching from someone may also affect your financial, social, or professional life.
   
   • Try to make arrangements for any negative effects of detaching from someone. For example, if you have children with someone, then you will need to make arrangements so that you can still see your children on a regular basis. If you rely heavily on someone for financial support, then you will need to find a way to support yourself.
2. Evaluate your decision. If you have made the decision to detach permanently from a relationship, knowing why will help you stick to your decision and save you from getting involved in the relationship again. Reflect on what your life would be like without them present and how they might react.
   
   • Write down or record yourself talking about why you are deciding to detach from someone. These will serve as reminders when you feel yourself wanting to go back.
   • Make a list of reasons why you should detach. On this list might be because they create too much chaos, they take advantage of you, that you were losing yourself in them, and so on.
3. Get away from the person. To permanently detach from someone, you have to cut off contact and get out of that person’s daily life, at least for a while. If you keep a person in your life who you truly want to detach from, you are setting both of you up for emotional pain.^[9]
   
   • Even if you still want to be friends, you need time away from the person to heal from the emotional attachment before you can attempt being friends. Otherwise, your past is too fresh, and you will be tempted to settle into old habits of intimacy.
4. Take a social media break. Another step toward detaching from someone is getting off of social media for a few days or weeks. Your relationship with this person, whether romantic or platonic, was most likely public on social media, and people may ask you questions. You may also see their posts, which makes it difficult to detach entirely.
   
   • Social media also records all of your text interactions, so it is easy to read old posts and recall old feelings, none of which help you detach.
   • You may want to consider making a general post to your friends to explain the situation so that they don’t talk to you about it.
   • You may also want to delete the person you are detaching from off of all social media so that you can no longer see their profile or communicate in this way.

[Edit]Taking Care of Your Emotional Needs

1. Pay attention to your own needs. When you are detaching from someone who was important in your own life, it is imperative that you rediscover yourself. No matter who the person the is, they made an impact on your daily life and how you saw the world. Now that they are gone, you must face life in a new way. The best place to start is discovering things you enjoy doing by yourself.
   
   • You need to learn how to cope with life without this person, which may mean finding answers to things they used to help you with, making decisions on your own, and so on.
   • Consider learning a new skill or visiting places you haven’t able to yet to discover what you are good at and where your weaknesses lie.
2. Take steps to move on. Start to move on from this person by looking forward to something new. Seek a new beginning, whether that means going back to school, joining a club or organization, even chasing a dream, you have been afraid to pursue.^[10]
   
   • Use visualization to imagine how happy you will be in these new settings and doing these new activities.
   • Consider dating again or striking up new friendships once you have had time to recover and stop being angry at the person you were detaching from.
3. Learn about detachment. To truly detach from someone, it is helpful to understand what detachment is. For one thing, detachment is becoming calm and not allowing others to get under your skin. It means maintaining your internal balance. But it does not mean that you stop caring about what is going on around you. It is essentially a state of being able to accept whatever happens.
   
   • This detachment allows you to stop caring what they think and make decisions based on your best judgement, rather than feeling pressure to conform to the other person’s desires.
   • Because detachment is a state of mind, it is a handy skill to have to endure the negatives in life.
   • For example, you may find that you cling to pleasure and fear pain, but practicing detachment will give you the ability to go through difficulty with humor and a sense of “this too shall pass.”^[11]
4. Find a support system. Detaching from someone you care about is painful, and realizing that you are not alone can help you make the plunge. Gather friends and relatives around you by inviting them out to events with you. You can also attempt to make new friends to fill the void. Find someone you can confide in, and find a peer group you can trust.^[12]
   
   • Set goals about building a support system. For example, you can write down lists of people in your life now and people you want to be there in the future by creating a visual diagram.^[13]
   • Approach people, you would like to be in your support system by asking them if they would like to be friends with you. Be honest about your needs.

[Edit]Video

[Edit]Tips

• Do not dwell on the things you experienced with this person, be they physical or emotional.
• There is usually no need to go to extremes, like vacating the place you live or changing your phone number.
• If you don't have friends, make some either in person or online.

[Edit]Warnings

• When trying new things that are physically demanding (like an exercise routine or a new sports hobby), make sure you are healthy and fit.

[Edit]Related wikiHows

• Live With a Controlling Person
• End a Controlling or Manipulative Relationship

[Edit]References

[Edit]Quick Summary

1. ↑ https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTED_00.htm
2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-is-2020/201407/how-leave-relationship-emotionally-stay
3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-is-2020/201407/how-leave-relationship-emotionally-stay
4. ↑ [v161808_b01]. 21 May 2021.
5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-is-2020/201407/how-leave-relationship-emotionally-stay
6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-is-2020/201407/how-leave-relationship-emotionally-stay
7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-is-2020/201407/how-leave-relationship-emotionally-stay
8. ↑ [v161808_b01]. 21 May 2021.
9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-forward/201508/5-ways-move-when-you-still-love-your-ex
10. ↑ http://thoughtcatalog.com/nadine-hocson/2015/05/10-gradual-steps-to-successfully-detach-yourself-from-what-youre-holding-onto/
11. ↑ http://fragmentsofevolution.org/how-detachment-can-improve-your-life-and-relationships/
12. ↑ https://www.mentalhealth.gov/talk/people-mental-health-problems
13. ↑ http://www.willbaum.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/My-Support-System-_Today-and-In-the-Future_.pdf

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How to Accomplish a Goal

Everyone has dreams. Whether they are big or small, they have vast importance in our lives. Achieving these goals is related to our happiness and well-being.^[1] It is a way to increase self-esteem. The process of striving for our goals can also help us develop into better people. So, whether your dream is to earn a million dollars, become an artist, or be a world-class athlete, don't wait. Start working toward your goal today.

[Edit]Steps

[Edit]Setting Goals

1. Decide what you want. Your first step is to determine what it is you want to achieve. This can be a big change or small one, but taking some time to think about what you hope to achieve is an important first step to success.
   
   • For example, is your goal to be a happier person? To learn to play an instrument? To get good at a sport? To be healthier? All of these are valid goals. It's up to you to decide what you want.
2. Define your terms. Once you have a general sense of what you want, you need to start thinking about what these goals mean to you. One person's definition of a goal can be very different from another's.^[2]
   
   • For example, if your goal is to be happier, you need to think about what happiness means to you. What does a happy life look like? What types of things will make you happy?
   • This applies to less overreaching goals as well. If your goal is to learn to play guitar, what does that mean exactly to you? Will you be satisfied with knowing a few chords so people can sing along with you at parties? Or are you striving to be a classical concert guitarist? These are very different definitions of knowing how to play the guitar.
3. Ask why. It's important to take a little time to think about why you are setting the goals you've chosen. If you think about your motivations, you may find that you end up wanting to revise your goals.^[3]
   
   • For example, imagine your goal is to learn to play the guitar. You stop and think about why, and you realize that it's because you think people who play the guitar are popular at school. This doesn't really suggest dedication to the guitar. It might be a good reason to stop and ask yourself if there's another, easier way to get what you really want, which is more social than musical.
4. Determine if it's possible. Last but not least, you need to decide if your goal is realistic. Sad as it may seem, not every dream can come true. If your goal seems beyond the realm of possibility, it might be time to make a different goal.^[4]
   
   • Imagine you decide it is your dream to be the world's greatest basketball player. That's a challenging goal for anyone to achieve, but it might be possible for some people. But, if you're only tall, this goal is probably beyond your reach. This sets you up for failure and discouragement.^[5] You can still have fun playing basketball with your friends. But, if you're looking to be the best at a sport, you should probably focus on one where height isn't so important.

[Edit]Making a Plan

1. Brainstorm in writing. Once you've set a general goal, you need to start getting more specific and making a plan to reach it. A great first step is to do some free-writing. Get some paper and write down some thoughts about the following topics:^[6]
   
   • Your ideal future
   • Qualities you admire in others
   • Things that could be done better
   • Things you want to learn more about
   • Habits you want to improve.
   • This step is meant to help you fantasize and imagine many possibilities. After a few of these possibilities are out on paper, you can determine which ones are most important to you.
2. Get specific. Once you've thought about some goals and brainstormed a bit, its time to start getting more specific. Use your notes from the brainstorming session and your definitions from the previous section. Write down some specific things you would like to achieve or do.^[7]
   
   • A vague goal like, “I want to play better, so I will do my best,” is not as effective as a goal like “I want to be able to play my favorite song in six months." Poorly defined end goals or vague “do-your-best” goals are not as effective as specific goals.
   • Move beyond general goals like "I want to become rich" and focus on specific achievements that will get results. Instead of "I want to become rich," your goal could be "I want to master investing in the stock market." Instead of "I want to play the guitar," your goal could be something like "I want to play lead guitar in a rock band."
   • It's a good idea to do some more writing here, trying to describe your goals in as much detail as possible.
3. Consider using the SMART method. One way to specify and evaluate your goals is to use the SMART method. This is an approach to goal setting in which you refine your goals by assessing whether they are:^[8]
   
   • Specific
   • Measurable
   • Achievable
   • Relevant and
   • Time-bounded
4. Rank your goals. Many people have several goals. In fact, in your free-writing, you may have discovered that you yourself are already hoping to achieve more than one goal. If this is the case, it's a good idea to try to rank them in order of importance.
   
   • Ranking your goals will help you focus on those that are the most meaningful to you.
   • For example, you might want to earn a PhD in astrophysics, learn to play classical guitar, read the complete works of Tolstoy, and run a marathon. Trying to do all of these things at once is probably not realistic. Deciding which goals are most important can help you plan for the long and short term.
   • Part of this process is assessing your level of commitment to each goal. A difficult or long-term goal that you aren't highly committed to is one you are unlikely to achieve.^[9] If you only sort of want a PhD in astrophysics, you probably shouldn't make that a priority in life.
5. Envision the impacts. Spend some time thinking about how each of these goals will affect your life. This will help you determine the benefits of striving for each of your goals.^[10]
   
   • Thinking in these terms will also help you visualize the process of striving for these goals. This can help boost your motivation.
6. Create subgoals. Most goals are more achievable if broken down into smaller tasks. These smaller tasks are subgoals—little goals that add up to the main goal you hope to achieve.^[11]
   
   • For example, if you want to learn to play guitar, your first sub-goal might be to get a guitar. Your next might be to sign up for lessons. Next, you will want to learn the most basic chords and scales, and so on.
   • Creating a schedule for these subgoals can help you stay focused and keep you on track.^[12] In the example above, you might aim to have enough money to buy a guitar in three months. You might plan to sign up for lessons a week after that, learn the basic chords in another two months, and so forth.
7. Identify obstacles. Last but not least, think about what obstacles could stand in the way of achieving your goals. Thinking about this in advance gives you a chance to come up with some ideas about how you will overcome those obstacles.^[13]
   
   • For example, you might find that guitar lessons are more costly than you can afford right now. This could lead you to think about ways to get more money for lessons. Or, you might consider the possibility of teaching yourself using instructional books or videos.

[Edit]Following Through

1. Dedicate your time. There are many things you can do to help make the process easier and keep yourself focused. At the end of the day though, most goals are achieved by putting a lot of time and hard work into making them a reality.
   
   • Think about how long you expect it to take to achieve your goal, and when you want it to be completed. For example, imagine you expect you'll need 40 hours of work to master the basics of playing guitar and you want learn it in a month. You'll need to spend a little over an hour on this every day.
   • There's no way to get around putting in the time. If you are truly committed to your goal, it is what you must do.
2. Make it a routine. One way to make putting in the time easier is to build your efforts into a daily routine. Schedule time to work on your goals into every day.^[14]
   
   • For example, you might spend a half an hour from 6:30 practicing musical scales. You could spend another half an hour from 6:30 to 7 practicing chords. You could spend 15 minutes from 7:15 learning to play a specific song. If you stuck to this every day (or even every other day), you could learn the basics of playing any instrument very quickly!
3. Track your progress. Once you start working toward your goal, keep track of your progress. Keep a journal, use an app, or get a desk calendar and make a note of time that you put in, subgoals you've achieved, etc.
   
   • Tracking your progress can help you stay motivated by highlighting your successes. It can also help keep you accountable for sticking to your routine.^[15]
   • Keeping a journal in which you write about the process daily is also a good way to reduce stress you might feel about achieving your goals.^[16]
4. Stay motivated. One of the hardest parts of following through on a goal, especially in the long term, is staying motivated. Making achievable subgoals and tracking your progress can both help. But, you may need to add some additional reinforcement.^[17]
   
   • Reinforcement means that you create consequences for your actions. There are two types of reinforcement.
   • Positive reinforcement means adding something to your life. For example, you might treat yourself to a celebratory dessert for achieving a subgoal.
   • Negative reinforcement is when something is taken away. If that something is unwanted, that can be a reward. For example, you might allow yourself to skip a chore one week as a reward for reaching a subgoal. This chore is "removed" from your life that week.
   • Reinforcement is more effective in keeping up your motivation than punishment. Depriving yourself of things or otherwise punishing yourself for failure can work in small doses. But, stick to rewards instead when possible.^[18]

[Edit]Goal Accountability Journal Entry

Goal Accountability Journal Entry

Goal Accountability Journal Entry

[Edit]Tips

• Be true to yourself. Your goal won't be nearly as sweet if you achieve it by doing things you're not proud of.
• Don't forget the words of Lao-Tze: "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."
• Put it in writing. Writing reinforces thoughts. Even if you are the only one to see what you've written, writing down your goals can give more power to your intentions.
• Other people with goals, whether or not they are similar to yours, can act as a great support system. Talk to them daily. If you can't see people in the flesh, then try an online community where people set goals and hold each other accountable.
• You'll never know your true potential unless you try. It's okay to figure things out as you go!
• Set a life goal as your password so you are constantly reminded of it. Make sure it's cryptic!

[Edit]Warnings

• Things don't always work out as you had planned. Stick to your goals, but be flexible. Often, something will work itself out in a different way than you expected, but that doesn't necessarily make it bad. Keep an open mind.
• Try to pace yourself. It's common for people working on new goals to dedicate lots of time and effort to the goal at the outset, but then lose steam. The early enthusiasm that comes with a new goal is great. But, don't set standards for yourself at the outset that you can't live up to in the long haul.
• Do not try to squeeze a square peg into a round hole. If something doesn't fit or it doesn't feel right, try a different approach.

[Edit]Related wikiHows

• Write a Personal Financial Plan
• Write Personal Goals
• Go for Your Dreams
• Recreate Your Life
• Hypnotize Yourself Using the Best Me Technique
• Realize Your True Potential
• Be Bold
• Strengthen Character
• Make "Impossible" the First Step on the Ladder to Success
• Set Goals and Achieve Them
• Write a Goal
• Set Goals and Achieve Them
• Stick to Your Goals

[Edit]References

[Edit]Quick Summary

1. ↑ https://positivepsychology.com/perma-model/
2. ↑ https://positivepsychology.com/life-worth-living-setting-life-goals/#process
3. ↑ https://www.sdsmt.edu/uploadedFiles/Content/Campus_Life/Student_Activities/Organizations/Goal%20Setting.pdf
4. ↑ https://www.wearewithyou.org.uk/help-and-advice/advice-you/how-set-smart-goals/
5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/coaching-and-parenting-young-athletes/201311/keys-effective-goal-setting
6. ↑ https://www.goucher.edu/experience/getting-involved/leadership/documents/Goal-Setting.pdf
7. ↑ https://www.samhsa.gov/sites/default/files/nc-smart-goals-fact-sheet.pdf
8. ↑ https://www.ucop.edu/local-human-resources/_files/performance-appraisal/How%20to%20write%20SMART%20Goals%20v2.pdf
9. ↑ https://ecampusontario.pressbooks.pub/studyprocaff/chapter/chapter-1/
10. ↑ https://core.ac.uk/download/pdf/154420667.pdf
11. ↑ https://scholarworks.gsu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1018&context=ltd_facpub
12. ↑ https://www.researchgate.net/publication/316611531_Step_by_Step_Sub-Goals_as_a_Source_of_Motivation
13. ↑ https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1002/per.2234
14. ↑ https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/physical-activity-setting-yourself-goals
15. ↑ https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2015/10/progress-goals
16. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-health-benefits-of-journaling
17. ↑ https://www.researchgate.net/publication/301747892_Motivation_through_setting_goals_Lessons_learned_from_a_technology_organization
18. ↑ https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1975-28580-001

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