be more attractive: How to Be Calm

Most of us can become more calm than we are today. Calm people are happier and help others to be more calm. You probably have been grateful to someone else who was calm when you were in a crisis. Some ideas include nutrition, exercise, meditation, enjoying solitude or even aromatherapy. Try whichever of these ideas sound good to you, and you may find yourself a calmer, happier person. You can do it, so why not give it a go!

Steps

Changing Your Outlook

Be kind to yourself. Being calm begins with being self-loving (which does not mean being self-absorbed). It's all too commonplace for us to take a negative tone with ourselves and to be our own unkindest critic. Calm cannot settle when you feel nothing but self-criticism, self-loathing and a lack of self-trust; if these are your main inner feelings, then you're too busy running internal self-deprecating chatter for calm to descend! Remind yourself frequently that it is okay to love and trust yourself.
- Talk gently to yourself. When the self-deprecating, negative talk wells up, remind yourself that you matter and that you deserve respect and that such negative talk hasn't got a place in your life.
- Remember that everyone makes mistakes. If everything worked out immediately and you just got everything you wanted all at once, what would be the point of living?
- Know how valuable you are. Remind yourself daily of the virtues, strengths and beauty that you bring into the world.

Practice forgiveness with yourself and with others. Being unable to forgive compels you to discontent and internal war. Holding old grudges, being bitter and fueling constant anger create an inner turmoil that chains you to reliving past hurts. Do you really enjoy lugging that ball and chain around? Worst still, your health is impacted by long-lived grievances and your blood pressure, heart rate, physical and spiritual health will be suffering.
- It is hard to live a calm life when you constantly hate, feel a need to avenge and see ghosts in every shadow. Forgiveness allows room for kindness and self liberation. Forgiveness nurtures a sense of calm because you no longer spend a big part of your life resenting other people.
- Remind yourself that when you forgive, you remove the toxic feelings from your life; it is not about condoning what another person did but it is about no longer letting that person's actions run your outlook on life.
- When you feel yourself getting angry at someone that hurt you, try to stop and think. Breathe slowly for a second. Does being angry make your life better? Does the hate you feel make you happy? Would the people that really love you want you to keep suffering like this? The answer to all of these questions is "no"...so release those negative feelings and seek out positive ones instead.

Be patient. Patience is the begetter of calm. Impatience is the source of agitation and turbulence. Impatience says "I want it NOW" and when "it" doesn't appear now, you're liable to lose your temper and let the blood pressure rise. Impatience is often linked to unreasonable expectations about the world and other people (you expect too much of both yourself and of other people) and is often linked to perfectionism, which allows of no space to make errors or slow down. A calm person, on the other hand, is fully aware that errors occur sometimes and that speeding things up is liable to bring on errors, not alleviate them.
- If you catch yourself wanting to rush to do something, stop and evaluate the situation. Will someone die if you don't get what you need right now? If not, consider that stressing about this situation will only make your life worse and might even impair your judgement.
- If you're still having trouble being patient, you might just need to practice more. Start by trying to be patient with small things, like waiting in line at the grocery store. Distract yourself by reading all of the headlines on the trashy magazines in the checkout line. Work your way up to more challenging areas in your life, like road rage or dealing with your kids.
- Read How to be patient for more ideas on bringing more patience into your life.

Think about things before you start worrying. Most of the time, it is okay to not worry. Most of the time the news, the rumors, the negativity, the volatility, the insane highs and lows of human systems are just noise. Listen to too much of it and you sink into the mire of the rat race, ever running somewhere without a clear map forward. That will create intense disquiet and unease in your life. The wise person knows what to read, who to listen to and when to ignore the rumors (most of the time). The wise person is calm because the wise person accesses knowledge and knows how to use it for betterment of life. Responding to sensationalism and fear is "so yesterday" for the wise person.

Slow down your life. Many people try to push, push and make for the exit even before the door is open (both in the metaphorical sense, and not). Consider all the times when a plane lands and everyone rushes to get off but all they do is end up standing in a queue. Know when it's really important to hurry and when it's okay to slow down. You'll find that for most situations, it's okay to slow down.
- Slowing down will also let you doing things more thoroughly so that you can get them right and do them well the first time around. This will save you even more stress later on.

Changing Your Behavior

Hold in your reactions. When you feel like you want to react to a situation, hold in the tears or shouting. Think about how you feel before you let yourself react. Once you start, it's easy to snowball into a bigger reaction than the situation is really worth. Don't bottle your emotions but do think of a better way to express them or save them until you are in a better, safer place.
- Waiting until the next day to talk to someone who upsets you, for example, can be really good. You'll have the chance to calm down and you'll be better able to defend and express yourself.

Keep some perspective. Think about the situation that's happening around you and think about how it affects your life. Is it really as big a deal as it seems or is it really only going to set you off a little. Compare it to other problems that people might have, like getting cancer or having your house flood. Is it really that big a deal? No? Then don't sweat it. Learning to let the small things slide off of you can really make a huge difference in how you experience your life.

Think of how your grandma would react. As we get older, we usually get a lot calmer. This is usually because we have hard problems in our life that we got through just fine and we know that this one will be okay too. Try and apply this kind of thinking to the situation you have now. If your grandma would laugh and just keep moving, then you should do the same.

Stop procrastinating. Procrastination is one of the biggest sources of stress in our lives. If you can learn to just get things done early or at least on time, you'll find yourself a lot more calm. This, of course, means focusing when things are supposed to be getting done and save distractions for later!
- One way a lot of people lose a lot of time during the day is to checking their email. Have specific email times, just two or three times a day, and do not check your email in between.

Stay away from drama. Drama with the people in our lives is another sources of serious stress. Make sure to keep drama-causers out of your life. You should also work hard to not cause drama. Work on communicating clearly and be patient with people. Give people the benefit of the doubt. And when people cause one too many dramatic situations with you, just make sure their in your life as little as possible.

Calming Techniques

Calm down when it matters. If you're having a conflict with someone or you struggle to stay calm in the moment, you'll need to work on being a little more chill or at least find healthy ways to immediately release the feelings that you have. Being more communicative and good about telling people how you feel when you feel that way is a great start. If you can't do that or it's not appropriate, try singing yourself a song in your head.
- This is a good song option for when you're really mad and you need to calm down.

Try aromatherapy solutions. Aromatherapy has proven benefits in the realm of calming and the use of particular essential oils can help to bring about a state of calmness after a period of stress and agitation. This field is quite complex and it's a good idea to read through a good aromatherapy reference if you're keen to find ways to induce calmness through aromatherapy.
- You can have a massage, a foot rub that uses these oils.
- You can also try dabbing on a perfume or a spraying a lovely room scent.
- Another good place to get started is to try aromatherapy baths – see How to take an aromatherapy bath for more options.

Meditate. Meditation is a great way to relax. This is where you find yourself a peaceful spot to sit down and turn your thoughts inward, to the quietest corner of your mind. Try to focus on the natural sounds around you and let all your worries flow out of your mind.
- You don't need to say "ommm", you don't need to light incense....all you have to do is think in a way that slows you down and calms you down!

Listen to music. Music has a very relaxing effect on how we think. If you're having a hard time calming down, try some calming music. Avoid music with harsh sounds or fast tempos, even if it's music you really like, because this music can actually add to your stress! Just listen to calm music when you're trying to calm down.
- Classical music is good for calming down. Debussy wrote many calming pieces that are great for relaxing.
- You can also listen to modern music that's calming. Enya is a popular option.
- If you want to skip music in favor of calming sounds, try http://mynoise.net/, which generates a seamless stream of natural sounds or music.

Exercise. Exercise lets us work out energy and tension, allowing us to calm down significantly. It also makes us healthier and feel better generally. You don't have to go lift a bunch of weights or anything either! Just do some squats or take a quick jog around the block!

Play a game. Video games, board games, and card games are great for letting us give our brains a break. Do whichever of these you have access to in order to calm yourself down. It works even better if you play with friends and family, because then you get to make each other laugh!
- If you're by yourself, video games and games like solitaire are probably best.
- If you're looking to play games with other people, a round of Apples to Apples always brings a smile to everyone's face!

Play with kids or pets. Kids and pets are the best at knowing how to loosen up and have fun. If you're having trouble relaxing, find some kids or animals to hang out with. They'll appreciate a play mate and you'll get to join in on their joyful experience of life!

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Tips

Keep an open mind. Closed, calculating minds are the root of ignorance. Nothing changes if all minds are certain – remember that people once believed the world to be flat.

If you are in a stressful situation and feel the need to be clam just simply walk away from the problem or take ten seconds to breath deeply and let all the thoughts sink in, before you can regret anything.

Keep perspective: There are always worse situations so count your blessings.

Take a break and ask yourself what the older and wiser version of yourself would do.

Leaving the mind to settle on its own is the best way – effortless effort.

Never impose on other people. Though you may feel uplifted and enlightened by your new realizations, most people remain stuck in the cycle of the mainstream working/family/business life. They have not yet or will never have the chance to see above it and many will work actively to convince themselves that being calm is not for them.

If you feel yourself on the brink of crying with anger or slapping someone, imagine yourself on a beach in the sun or swimming in a calm lake on a warm sunny day, or some other favorite thought. The gentle thoughts should bring back dignity.

Pertaining to religion: Do not dismiss your beliefs, but always consider you are not correct. With thousands of religions in the world, at least a few are guaranteed to be untrue. Sometimes letting go of dogma welcomes a spectrum of new and exciting ideas and brings more calm into your life when you don't feel compelled to react defensively all the time.

Drink some chamomile tea. It is always good to calm your muscles down.

If you're feeling angry or upset, just count to ten and take deep breaths. Then make yourself some cooling herbal tea or chilled water and take yourself to another place to sit still and allow your imagination take over.

If your in a stressful situation and feel the need to be calm, simply just walk away take time to sink in all the thoughts before you can retreat anything.

Talk to your friend or anyone you are close to, it really helps.

A good way that I always find soothing, is to do what you love. For example: Running, singing, baking, listening to music, reading, etc.Just be yourself and everything will turn out just fine.

Warnings

Remember to keep a balance. Just as it is poisonous to become a slave to material life you can lose grounding in the realities of survival in modern times. Rent isn't the philosophy of sages but it does provide your shelter. Don't become so lost in fantasy that you cease to engage with the real world.

Don't pressure yourself. Doing tiring exercise is not a good way to calm your nerves. Do slow, and gentle activities like yoga. It'll help to soften your muscles, relieve you from exasperation, and free your mind.